When to Go Back to Court...

[enchantedowl]

I have been separated for several years and a few months ago finally reached a settlement a few days before our trial was scheduled to start. The separation agreement grants me sole decision-making in most areas (education, extra-curricular activities, health care decisions other than emergency situations, etc.). It has become apparent though that my ex is not abiding by the terms of our agreement - signing up the kids for extra-curricular activities during their parenting time and not informing me (I had made it clear I did not consent to extracurriculars until community transmission goes down in our region, we are still in "red" and one of my household member is immunocompromised and at high risk); removing the kids from school during my parenting time without letting me know (the panic when the kids didn't get off the school bus cannot be described); cancelling medical appointments I scheduled (during my parenting time); telling the kids I am "stealing" because they are unhappy with the amount of spousal we settled on; the list goes on. At which point is enough enough? Or do I have to tolerate this?

 

[rockscan]

Nothing in the issues would be solved by court. You have to figure out how to work with him.

Tell the school they are not to release the kids to him without your permission as you have decision making authority and can’t do that.

That’s about all you can do. By the time it got in front of a judge if you did take it to court, anything would be moot.

I have a feeling your ex is doing stuff to piss you off. Tell the kids that dad shouldnt be discussing these things with them and leave it at that.

As for the extra curricular activities...if they are being offered in your zone then they have safety protocols in place. If you are sending them to school then you acknowledge they are safe to be out.


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[Brampton33]

signing up the kids for extra-curricular activities during their parenting time and not informing me (I had made it clear I did not consent to extracurriculars until community transmission goes down in our region

Then don't pay your share of the s.7 expenditure as you were not consulted first and given opportunity to consent or not.

removing the kids from school during my parenting time without letting me know

Tell school about parenting times and who will be picking them up and dropping off or what parenting times look like. On X days, they take bus and come to my place, on Y days they are with their other parent

cancelling medical appointments I scheduled (during my parenting time)

This is pretty low and petty as it does not affect other parent at all. But all medical and dental clinics keep 'notes' of special instructions. Tell clinic that you are to be informed of all appointments made and all appointment cancellations relating to the kids

telling the kids I am "stealing" because they are unhappy with the amount of spousal we settled on

You cannot control what your ex says or does not say. Even in court your ex would deny saying anything. Besides, courts hate hearsay and hearing petty battles.

. At which point is enough enough? Or do I have to tolerate this?

Welcome to Family Law where anything goes! Parents can act in ways to piss off the other parent, with absolutely ZERO repurcussions. Zilch. Even if you were in court, the judge would gloss over your examples as 'meh'. And filing in court today would not get you case conference until late 2021, and trial until 2022 or 2023 whereby the things you mentioned would be old news and irrelevant. What exactly would you file in court for? For your ex to stop being a butthead? The things you mentioned are not grounds for any changes in custody or access.

You have 2 options: Retaliate to your ex by doing crap too, or take the high road by rectifying matters with school and medical clinics and moving on like it doesn't bother you a bit.

Bitter ex's will continue to be bitter until they meet someone new, and then (and only then) will the petty crap stop.

 

[Janus]

signing up the kids for extra-curricular activities during their parenting time and not informing me

In theory, since you have sole custody, you should be able to veto it. In reality, if you go to court saying "my kid should not be in this awesome activity" the likely result is that you will lose your sole custody.

removing the kids from school during my parenting time without letting me know (the panic when the kids didn't get off the school bus cannot be described)

A parent is either custodial or is not. If your ex is ever allowed to pick up the child, then the ex is allowed to pick up the child.

You cannot expect the school to track your schedule.

Warn the ex in writing, and then if he does it enough (eg. 5 times) then go to court.

Cancelling medical appointments I scheduled (during my parenting time);

If you have sole custody, just let the doctor's office know that your ex does not have the authority to cancel appointments.

telling the kids I am "stealing" because they are unhappy with the amount of spousal we settled on;

Nothing will stop that. As Brampton said, he would just outright deny saying it.

At which point is enough enough? Or do I have to tolerate this?

Things that directly contravene the agreement that you can prove (eg. picking the kids up from school during your parenting time) you don't have to tolerate for long. The more the merrier though, you want to show a pattern.