what's next?

Status
Not open for further replies.
You need to put this whole mess behind you, in a bad way, and move on with your life and stabilizing yourself, and enjoying life again and being able to focus on being a good mother to your children.

The cost to you for the spousal support you may or may not gain in court has to be weighed against the emotional drain court will put you through. I would suggest sitting down, looking at your numbers, going back to the non-equal equalization we heard about, the full child support you are receiving instead of offset, and calculate if the expense of forensic accounting and legal fees to get better spousal support than his offer are worth the prolonging of this emotional mess for years longer.

From the outside, we can see that you're best off taking his offer and finalizing this whole thing and putting it behind you. From the inside, though it sounds like you are slowly gaining perspective, you still seem to be driven by a need to punish.

Sure, it sucks to take less than you feel you deserve, and make it look like your ex won to the rest of the world because you caved in. But do you deserve years more of pain, being mired in the legal stuff? Is that increased pain and stress and additional legal fees worth the mere possibility that you might be awarded a few hundred dollars extra a month or whatever? You need to mentally reframe the choices you are deciding between.

Right now, you are looking at it as
a) cave in and look like a loser, or
b) fight his assholery all the way to court.

But really, it's
a) accept his offer and be at peace sooner
b) endure years more court and stress to most likely result in a net loss.

And which of those last two choices is better for your life, and for the raising of your children?

The problem is that we're taught all these great values and ideals, and it gets ingrained into us to give it all we've got against injustice no matter what it costs us. But it's okay not to be right sometimes, if the benefit to you is being at peace with yourself.
 
Rioe said:
You need to put this whole mess behind you, in a bad way, and move on with your life and stabilizing yourself, and enjoying life again and being able to focus on being a good mother to your children.

The cost to you for the spousal support you may or may not gain in court has to be weighed against the emotional drain court will put you through. I would suggest sitting down, looking at your numbers, going back to the non-equal equalization we heard about, the full child support you are receiving instead of offset, and calculate if the expense of forensic accounting and legal fees to get better spousal support than his offer are worth the prolonging of this emotional mess for years longer.

From the outside, we can see that you're best off taking his offer and finalizing this whole thing and putting it behind you. From the inside, though it sounds like you are slowly gaining perspective, you still seem to be driven by a need to punish.

Sure, it sucks to take less than you feel you deserve, and make it look like your ex won to the rest of the world because you caved in. But do you deserve years more of pain, being mired in the legal stuff? Is that increased pain and stress and additional legal fees worth the mere possibility that you might be awarded a few hundred dollars extra a month or whatever? You need to mentally reframe the choices you are deciding between.

Right now, you are looking at it as
a) cave in and look like a loser, or
b) fight his assholery all the way to court.

But really, it's
a) accept his offer and be at peace sooner
b) endure years more court and stress to most likely result in a net loss.

And which of those last two choices is better for your life, and for the raising of your children?

The problem is that we're taught all these great values and ideals, and it gets ingrained into us to give it all we've got against injustice no matter what it costs us. But it's okay not to be right sometimes, if the benefit to you is being at peace with yourself.
Click to expand...

Very well spoken. I completely agree with all of this. Moving on is extremely hard to do but life is far too short, especially if what your fighting over is merely intended to punish the other party and say that you "won".

I don't know every detail of your case but listen to Rioe and weigh the options and see where you stand.
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
Nice try...however:

You're the one who brought up your illness in the first place.

Additionally, you're the one who's continuing to take your ex to court for ss after a 7 year separation.

Also additionally, you're the one who has refused reasonable settlement offers, taken almost all the household assets, has the educational means to earn a better income and the time to do so because you only have your kids half the time.

Although I have no reason to be bitter...it is true that people like you make me angry. You're vengeful to the point of stupidity and you're a drain on the legal system. All the time and effort you've spent trying to leech off of your ex could have been better spent earning money instead of wasting taxpayer money.

However, I'll make you a deal. I'll be more open-minded when you get off your lazy ass and get out of the court system.
Click to expand...

I brought up my illness as a way of explaining why I was so stressed and to qualify my original posts as being those of someone who was literally on the brink of a nervous break. I didn't bring it up as an excuse for not working, nor did I ever mention it in my original posts. If I was using my MS at all or in any way, don't you think I would have mentioned it right from day one. I take pride in the fact that I work inspite of my illness. I hope you never have to wake up as sick as I do every day. OPEN YOU MIND!

"Lazy ass" you say?! I work full time, raise three kids and am so exhausted that there are days I cannot stand, but still work in a wheel chair. You are the one with the issues here, not me.

I have a right to be in the court system just as you do. And by the way, we separated 7 years ago and I filed for support almost immediately, but this man came back into my life over and over, pretending to want to reconcile just to keep me from continuing with my ss claim.

Get your facts straight before you make assumptions and certainly before making lousy and ignorant statements like calling me a lazy ass.

Read one of my most recent posts, I pay legal aid due to the increase in my employment...thank you very much. I am fine with this.
 
I
have a right to be in the court system just as you do. And by the way, we separated 7 years ago and I filed for support almost immediately, but this man came back into my life over and over, pretending to want to reconcile just to keep me from continuing with my ss claim.
Click to expand...

You're are completely right...and you have a voice!!!

Its all his fault, he should be punished and continue to pay you forever for leaving you. You should never be held responsible for your part in anything. Keep refusing offers and head straight to trial.
 
Again, your ignorance is chilling. There have been many recent developments and I am told that I have a legitimate claim based on the findings. However, if you wish you keep bashing, go for it.

In the meantime, I'm here seeking answers and support just like everyone else. You can pretend to know my situation and make all the assumptions you want, I know the truth at the end of the day.

I have actually reached the point whereby I feel sorry for you.
 
Well thank you. I know its probably tough for you to redirect from the pity party you've been holding for yourself...so cheers to progress at last.

I can guarantee you however that I'm less inclined to need your support as A) I won't be sleeping with my ex-husband for 7 years post separation while he has a gf B) I won't be needlessly dragging my ex to court after 7 years to punish him for my own foolishness and C) if I get any reasonable offer to settle, I'll be accepting it.

Maybe it would be more appropriate for you to direct those sympathies to your children who should be more important to you than your revenge motive is.

My last post on this thread...not worth bothering with.
 
If you keep going on the internet from work--maybe you gonna need to seek some SS..... cuz u gonna get ur big ass fired---now go to work----I pay lots of taxes to support you kinda folk-----
 
The scary thing is CanaryMom truly believes all the horse shit she is peddling.

I was born at night...Just not last night!
 
Awwww Blink, I forgot to update you.. . Oppps. I have been back at work in a consultant capacity. It really is a great job, quite flexible and well paying. My lawyer has worked out a deal where I can earn be self supporting and still receive SS based on a difference in earnings. That damm bastard still earns way more than me---Oh well--loads of taxes to pay on my part,, but it is worth it, great job, great boyfriend, amazing kids, what can I say--there is life after living with a sicko... Poor dude--heavily on meds---I pray pray pray tho he is well, I need him to continue working...........just would be too horrible for him to do something stupid like ya know---something where I would collect his life insurance......He made the mess---not my fault.
 
Strangely she has been lying low lately. (in a whisper) I think its the calm before the storm...

Hey it is vehilcle tune up time...I am guessing she will try to say its S7 due to safety precautions for the kids mode of transport. :)

If it weren't for CanaryMoms MS I would have guessed it to be her. However my ex being the foul mouthed low life that she is would have been telling you all to F off instead of CanaryMoms repetitive verbal diarrhea post after post!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top