What's next (need help)

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Mouhajir

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In nut shell my marriage is coming to an end after 23 years.
Before I pull the plug, I did spend few months now cruising this forum (Bravo, very informative), but still did not find what I am looking for.
My story
I did marry a woman, with whom I was deeply in love, and for whom a left family friends and country, (I am an immigrant to this country), unfortunately we grew apart for lot of reasons, and now she turned up to be a complete stranger and may end up as a complete nightmare off a woman. I still love her but I am not in love with her anymore.
We have 2 beautiful children 17 (almost 18) and 12, and I feel we are impacting their young lives. I am a believer that it is better for kids to come from a broken home than live in one.
So, my questions are what are the things that are off limits when it comes to dividing our assets.
We have separate accounts (checking and savings) and we have joined account from which household expenses are paid. Lately (February 2011) I insisted that we pay according to our salaries instead of 50-50. She makes more than I do, so we come up with: that she will contribute $1680 monthly and me $ 1280 (roughly 57% 43%) to pay mortgage, food ,utilities, and kids stuff. I pay and she pays for own cars and insurances.
Now I was wondering if I pull the plug on this marriage, what my losses are.
Portrait:
She makes: 108K I make: 73K
House: 400K. We owe 120K
Pension: hers 400k mine 140k
RRSP hers 70k mine 100K.
She has a saving account amount unknown, and I have mine.
RESP kids 40K.
I am not looking or be asking for SS, but I would like my kids to have what they are accustomed too. Consequently how can build a case for child supports in case all goes sour.
BTW there no other woman or man involved, we just do get along anymore.
Any taught!
:(
 
You don' thave to build a case for child support my friend, it's automatic and the amount is based on the payor's income and the custody arrangements. Use the federal guidelines for child support to determine how much either of you would pay the other, keeping in mind you may use the offset method depending on your custody arrangement.

The Federal Child Support Guidelines: Step-by-Step
 
Thank you,what about the assets division, is her saving account and mine for that matter are off limite from each other.
 
You will each do a financial disclosure. You will each look at what your net asset were before marriage, which is total asset minus debt. Then you will look at each of your net asset on the date of separation, total asset minus debt. You will look at any joint accounts as being held 50/50. The equity in your home is held 50/50 regardless of who made the mortgage payments or down payment.

You will end up with three totals, your net increase in asset during marriage, her net increase in asset during marriage, and the net increase in joint asset (including the home.) I am saying to separate the joint asset because you will be subtracting debt from asset, so you will subtract your own debt from your own asset, not from the joint asset. The difference is not always meaningful but it can mean something if there is large debt for one person only.

Usually this will be done by lawyers with software. You will need to go to your bank, insurance company, RRSP holder, etc to get statements showing amounts from just before and just after marriage. You should prepare ahead of time, the longer it drags out the more expensive it gets. For example just sending letters back and forth between lawyers demanding bank statements that are missing will cost hundreds of dollars.

Before you separate it may be wise to discreetly get copies of things like the value of life insurance plans, RRSPs, note how many bank accounts exist in her name, etc. My own ex was not trustworthy or forthcoming on those matters. Make as many lists as you can think of and have sample statements to indicate cash flow for a period of months. You may need to show for example that she was making transfers into an account that she isn't revealing in the financial disclosure.

You may feel that despite your differences that she is honest and trustworthy but people make mistakes, or think that things don't count, or get bitter and hide assets after separation. I would just recommend to collect copies of all you can.
 
Mouhajir said:
House: 400K. We owe 120K
Pension: hers 400k mine 140k
RRSP hers 70k mine 100K.
She has a saving account amount unknown, and I have mine.
RESP kids 40K.
Click to expand...

To expand on what Mess said, each of you has to work up these numbers at your marriage date as well and figure out the growth in your equity from marriage date to today. The exception is the matrimonial home where you assume the marriage date of the house value and mortgage to be zero.

For the joint assets, take 50% and put it on your financial statement and 50% goes on hers.

After you have figured out the growth in each of your respective positions you add them and divide by two. The higher growth spouse pays that amount to the lower growth spouse. This is called equalizing family property.

Essentially you have to come up with the marriage date numbers as well in order to figure out property division.
 
In complete bitterness...
I suggest you go after SS and soak her for every penny you can.

Sorry. Like I said. Bitter.
 
Thank you all, in reference to the last comments, do i have any leg to stand on in regards to SS? I would like to have that option just in case. i know i said earlier that i am not thinking or wanting SS.
 
My dear friend,
First, I'm sorry to hear about the dissolution of your marriage. Strap your seat belt on and prepare for a very bumpy ride the next couple of years (minimum).
1) The division of assets is high school mathematics and any lawyer has the software to spit out an answer in less than hour. Total disclosure is a must for both parties.
2) The battle ground is going to be primary residence. Prepare for your "soon to be" ex wife claim for primary residence of your children ( living with her 60+% of the time). With primary residence the money( and control) flows to her. In my view this IS going to happen so get ready! ( based on your info you will pay $1054.00 plus about half of any section 7 expenses. If your children go on to post secondary prepare to pay CS up to a doctorate!)
3) Don't pay lawyers to push paper around. Learn Family Law processes pronto and complete as much as you can on your own. Knowledge is power. Take control of your file!!
4) Check in on this forum often, many here have made mistakes that you can avoid!
5) Good luck!
 
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