What was the main reason for your relationship breakdown?

What was the main reason for your relationship breakdown?

  • Financial issues

    Votes: 61 22.8%

  • Inactive parent

    Votes: 34 12.7%

  • Different parenting styles

    Votes: 37 13.9%

  • Clashing personalities

    Votes: 79 29.6%

  • Addiction (gambling, alcohol, drugs)

    Votes: 54 20.2%

  • Spousal and/or child abuse

    Votes: 53 19.9%

  • Other

    Votes: 111 41.6%
  • Total voters
    267
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Lindsay

Lindsay

New member
Hi all,

I wanted to hear from our members what they feel was the main reason for their relationship breakdown. It would be interesting to see whether the breakdown was inevitable, or whether the main issue was something that could be worked on, but it simply wasn't the right place or the right time.

Please feel free to elaborate, especially if you think there was an "other" issue that resulted in your breakup.
 
Main Reasons

Main Reasons

Our relationship had lots of problems it wasn't just one specific problem. There was financial difficulties, parenting issues, division of labour issues as well as substance abuse issues . We were in marriage counselling on and off for almost a year. There was substantial trust issues that arose from the finances as well as the substance abuse. There was nothing left for me to do as he was just not willing to be an equal partner. We have now been separated for 6 months. :(
 
That's quite a lot to have to deal with scrapmom :(

I think a lot of new members will get some comfort in knowing that their separation, like yours, is not a result of something they did or didn't do. Sometimes things simply don't work out, especially when there is a lack of team effort. Thanks so much for giving us your input.

Lindsay
 
Mine was sexual incompatibility for the most part, I don't see that as infidelity when one partner looses interest, or does not grow in sync with the other. My guess is thats where most "infidelity" originates from, but I realize that's bold statement (now ducking the darts thrown at me) :D
 
My wife suffers from depression and anger issues. This has translated into verbal and emotional abuse toward my two children from a previous marriage. Additionally, she has been abusive toward me physically as well as verbally and emotionally.

As a side note, when I asked the police what would happen if a woman 5'2" "beat up" a man 6', they stated "when we stop laughing we will make a report.

Subsequently......on another occasion, I asked a male police officer what would happen if a man were accused (note, I did not say was guilty) of domestic violence and he stated that it was a very serious issue and would be thoroughly investigated. Very often he added, people are arrested on very little evidence. While I appreciate that men should not hit women, I think also that people should not hit people and that any violent scenario should be met with equal interest and diligence.
 
Hi Barry Allen,
I just had to comment after reading your posts. My impression of you is a gentleman for two reasons--you didn't retaliate at your wife and after discovering your legal obligations you just accepted it, learned a (very expensive) lession, and thanked everyone for their input.
There really is a double standard in so many aspects of our society. A women 'can' hit a man and the man is the laughing stock of the police station( you should have reported them to their supervisor) yet a man can be accused of hitting a woman and rot in jail until allegations prove otherwise(if this is the case). There is too much abuse in this world and nothing...I mean nothing should be tolerated. I also believe that hitting anyone, man woman or child is wrong. By the way, I'm speaking from a woman's perspective. right is right and wrong is wrong
 
mixed messages

mixed messages

Barry:

I had the same situation, my ex threatened her life, my daughters life, and began hitting her head against a wall. when I called the police, i was told, 'get out of the house before u get arrested'. there needs to be a better balance in the system.
 
I don't know if a marriage ever breaks down for one single reason. In my case there were so many issues: financial, emotional abuse, repeated infidelity, lack of interest in parenting, not agreeing on whether to have more children, complete lack of trust in the end.... I don't think I could pick just one of them as the main reason for the breakdown of the relationship - except that each item built up too long so that in the end I was actually happy to leave. No regrets.
 
My marriage breakdown had to do with money and his family. His mother was always sticking her nose in where it didn't belong. She kept interferring in our relationship. I was in and out of the hospital for 5 months when I was pregnant with our son and couldn't do anything for myself for the most part. I was on bedrest at home and my ex's mother would keep calling my ex and getting him to go over to her house for stupid things. My ex would take off without even getting me a glass of water or making sure my needs and our unborn was looked after first. There was days where he'd take off and I couldn't make anything to eat for a whole day. I would be feeling sick and have to phone the high risk unit only for them to tell me that I should be in the hospital, but since he was never there, I couldn't get there. This caused a lot of stress on myself and our relationship, so I just stayed in the hospital for 3 months until our son was born because I had no support at home. That is where our problems started. My ex told me after our son was born that if he could have chosen to have a kid or not, he would have chosen not to, yet our son was planned. My ex's mother, after we split up, set my ex up with a woman that she chose for my ex. They got together and are still together to this day. My ex's current girlfriend looks after everything. If I call my ex, his girlfriend answers for him in the background, he has no options of his own. I kinda feel sorry for him that he's surrounded by people who don't let him make his own decisions, but that's his problem.
 
my breakdown was from my parents a little bit, my ex hated them and found anything she could to hate them more. Oh yeah, not to forget the affair she started right before she was pregnant with our second child and continued until we split up when the child was only 4 months old. But she claimed that she fell out of love with me.
 
I left for mental health issues. Tried to get him help multiple times. He doesn't believe he has a problem.

mominont
 
My x is a non-abusive cerebral narcissist - obsessed with himself. If you understand anything about narcissists, they simply aren't capable of having genuine relationships.
 
Other: Artistic differences?

Other: Artistic differences?

While my wife and I are on a maybe/maybe not course of (in)action, I chose other as the typical reasons don't seem to apply.

Facing middle-age as an artist she feels in a panic to get out there and make a name for herself before its too late. This was brewing for a while. I didn't like the people in the music/writing crowd I had dealt w/thru her for the years so she took less and less of interest in being a wife and mother. To an outside observer her choice might look absurd, or at least monumentally selfish.

My contribution to the problem was to try and hold too tight; the more I tried to control an unravelling situation the more she rebelled. (She has parent abuse issues that have come home to roost in middle age; this happens.) It was a bad cycle, so I'm not blameless.

Yes there's a guy kinda though she now says its platonic (huh?) but in the meantime I'm a single parent while she's out; mind you the boys are 18 and 10. I've asked for a divorce so I can have clarity, the boys and move on but she's holding out for the summer right now. Very much of two or three minds my wife. She can't just expect me (or any of us) to just wait (faithful 20 years and holding; I didn't find it hard to achieve.

Good luck and thx for the help on this site; it really helps. K
 
Ariana said:
My x is a non-abusive cerebral narcissist - obsessed with himself. If you understand anything about narcissists, they simply aren't capable of having genuine relationships.
Click to expand...

Here you this. K
 
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