This week the pension administrators for myself and spouse were contacted to obtain valuations. Today, I'm working on a financial statement (13.1). And, tonight I'm hoping spouse will agree to see a mediator with me. Not sure if she will, but will give her time to think about it. In the interim, what other steps can or should I be thinking of? Thank you.
What next to do?
- Thread starter Mike62
- Start date
from my limited experience there are good and bad mediators in the Ottawa area. The one my ex chose ended up being so into trying to make a deal that he pushed her too far and any progress we had made was completely lost. I would suggest you sit down with a couple of them and see who you are both most comfortable with.
Aside from you both filling out financial statements, you could start informally discussing separation agreement topics (there is a template on this forum you can read to get a sense of what you are looking at).
Good luck!
Aside from you both filling out financial statements, you could start informally discussing separation agreement topics (there is a template on this forum you can read to get a sense of what you are looking at).
Good luck!
Whyme?: Thank you for sharing your experience. My spouse has misgivings about seeing a mediator and prefers a court solution. It was only last night that she agreed to try the approach for reasons you and others listed. Consequently, today I put a call into a mediator, who I'm told, is low key yet firm. I'm "hoping" to avoid my spouse feeling pushed or trapped and then walking away.
In terms of settlement topics I'm trying to go after some easy wins for us both. Up to now that hasn't worked. Instead, spouse wants agreement first on my buying her share of the matrimonial home and matching that amount with cash. My answer is no. I see an issue like the home as part of a package agreement. So thanks for the good luck.
In terms of settlement topics I'm trying to go after some easy wins for us both. Up to now that hasn't worked. Instead, spouse wants agreement first on my buying her share of the matrimonial home and matching that amount with cash. My answer is no. I see an issue like the home as part of a package agreement. So thanks for the good luck.
Straittohell
New member
Best advice I can give you is to wait until you get that pension information from both sides before even sitting down for mediation.
I went into mediation without that, and it caused delays, and the dreaded spectre of SPECULATION....
It is best to have all of the facts handy to make an informed, rational decision.
I went into mediation without that, and it caused delays, and the dreaded spectre of SPECULATION....
It is best to have all of the facts handy to make an informed, rational decision.
FightingForFamily
Member
At least you have a starting idea of where her priorities are. She would like you to buy her out of the house so she can move out? Well, it's something.
With wind chill this morning of -35 the suggestion to sell the house and travel is an appealing one.
Maybe, it's early days yet and reality has not quite sunken in. But, I like the house. It's not large. The neighbourhood is nice.
The situation may change for me once I have a clearer idea of the economic reality ahead. Hopefully, the budget numbers will start to surface within the month.
Maybe, it's early days yet and reality has not quite sunken in. But, I like the house. It's not large. The neighbourhood is nice.
The situation may change for me once I have a clearer idea of the economic reality ahead. Hopefully, the budget numbers will start to surface within the month.
Rioe
Well-known member
A court solution is a last resort, for two people who have been unable to reach an agreement themselves. It is also expensive! If your ex wants to jump right to court, she either misunderstands the process, or has no intention of ever agreeing to anything you suggest.
First, try talking and sorting it out yourselves.
Second, try mediation, and get a neutral professional to help you collaborate to sort it out yourselves.
Last, take the fight (because it's become one at that point) to court and let the judge sort it out.
Ask your ex if she wants to divide your stuff up between the two of you, or spend a ton of money on lawyers and court to divide up the remnants.
And yes, you might take a preliminary visit to the mediator to get a list of all the financial information required, and have to come back later, or you could gather all the financial information now and then go in prepared.
The main problem with separation negotiations is that they come hot on the heels of a relationship breakdown and emotions are running high.
And angry people want to go to court because they expect to see justice done for perceived wrongs during the relationship breakdown, when all family court gives is equal division of assets. It doesn't find anybody at fault or compensate the person who feels they are the victim.
Think about how the relationship ended, and you may be able to develop some insight into why your ex wants what she wants, why she dreams that court would give it to her but a mediator wouldn't, etc, and that will help you negotiate with her better.