What do you do?

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wretchedotis

wretchedotis

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I notice lately that in my personal situation - the ex seems to have 'ramped-up' the conflict.

I don't care to debate whether or not I encouraged that. But given that it seems to be happening - how does one calm things down?

Suggestions are welcome.
 
Only you know your ex and know how she would react and only you have knowledge of how "difficult" the situation is. Having said that in respect to calming the situation down, you have two choices

1) Do not engage and let there be "silence."

2) Send a carefully worded email stating (for example) "I understand that things have been very stressful of late between us. The intention of this email is not to lay fault with anyone but to accept that the situation is what it is and to try and move on. We have a son together and he needs us to be parents right now. So, can we agree to put our differences aside and work together for his sake."
 
standing on the sidelines said:
really how is that advice helpful? Your female bashing has got to stop. You are just showing once again how much of an ass your are. You should be banned from the board.
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Not trying to start a debate on here, but how many females have you seen charged and or falsly accused with domestic violence?
I think the comment was supposed to be lighthearted, maybe the second half should have been left out but to suggest that someone should be banned because they have an opinion is a bit harsh isn't it?
 
fireweb13 said:
Not trying to start a debate on here, but how many females have you seen charged and or falsly accused with domestic violence?
I think the comment was supposed to be lighthearted, maybe the second half should have been left out but to suggest that someone should be banned because they have an opinion is a bit harsh isn't it?
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an opinion is one thing, constant bashing of a gender is another.
 
It seems that maintaining silence in the face of inflammatory remarks is something many of us have difficulty practicing.
 
Smile pleasantly and simply repeat over and over. Please send be an email outlining your concerns and I will respond as appropriate.

Nothing pisses off a high conflict person more than someone who refuses to engage them. Thesecond you engage, you make them feel justified in their behavior. If you don't engage you deny them that, and most of them do not know how to respond.
 
SOS is right.. Funny - when I remarked that S-head should be banned, (re: yet another ridiculous remark he made) I apparently offended FaithAndMorals "to the core." Whatever.

WO: just curious, do you maybe stoke the fire sometimes? I know I've been passive-aggressive on occasions in my very limited contact w/ex.

I sometimes get the feeling that you may engage in similar, but I could be wrong. Best to do some "radio silence" for awhile, it is likely the best solution.
 
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I make mistakes all the time. I'm not perfect.

So do we all. I don't involve the police over my hurt feelings though.

She has the thinnest skin going. it's practically non-existant.
 
Granted.

I saw your Saturday thread after this one. Involving the police should be a last resort, and only when necessary.

By now, I'm sure you know very well what will set your ex 'off.'
I think we all know which buttons to press when it comes to ex's - the trick is NOT to ;)
 
Really, anything I do is liable to set her off.

If it were up to her, I would simply cease to exist and she could go merrily on her way.

Unfortunately for her, I will never leave my son like that and she's just gonna have to get used to it.
 
wretchedotis said:
I make mistakes all the time. I'm not perfect.

So do we all. I don't involve the police over my hurt feelings though.

She has the thinnest skin going. it's practically non-existant.
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why would you date someone with "thin skin"...thats kinda gross :D What was the attraction?? (lol)
 
Wretchedotis,

It has a lot to do with resiliancy. My ex has absolutely no resiliancy whatsoever. So in situations where things do not go his way, he lashes out the only way he can. Calling the police, calling the school administration, calling the CAS...anyone who might listen...or failing all this, leaves nasty messages on my voice mail.

Sometimes things do not go our way. The grown ups among us, suck it up and move on.

Others resort to childlike behavior but because they happen to be in adult bodies, the consequences can be serious.

Often these immature people do not not think of the long term consequences for themeslves or for any children involved.

They simply can not "cope" and manage the feelings of defeat that they might experience at the time and need to do whatever it takes to feel different or better.
 
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wretchedotis said:
I complimented her ass.

Yes, I shouldn't have done that.
Yes, it was childish.

But was it worth calling the police?
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Geesh! Really??? You are a plonker for commenting on her arse (regardless of what she might have done to piss you off) and she is an idiot for contacting the police.
 
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