Week on, Week off Child Schedule

[oink]

First....what is everyone's stance of doing week on, week off for a 5yr old? Lawyer says it should be ok for a child that age


So the new lawyer after reviewing all my materials (attached similar case law, arguments for shared 50-50, compiled scrapbook and interview), mentions that "there is no reason why based on all the info in front of him, there shouldn't be a shared custody between stbx and I"

That if stbx doesn't like it, then a better reason will have to be brought forward why, as opposed just saying "I don't want to"

The lawyer did say my original parenting plan "was too detailed", so I edited it down to 7 pages (addressing schedule, medical, decisions, travel et al). Lawyer also suggested that if it's ok with me (based on how well done my for 13.1), that they will push some of my administrative work my way to save on legal cost.

 

[iceberg]

I have week on/off and it sucks. When I don't see my child for 7 days then when I see her she seems kinda different. I will change this agreement. It is been that way since she was 2 on paper, in reality I had over 60%

 

[Gilligan]

I have the following schedule, which seems to work OK with 1 significant caveat.

Parent 1 - Monday, Wednesday, Friday - Sunday
Parent 2 - Tuesday, Thursday - Friday - Sunday

It ensures that 4 days are the max time away from a parent, but it makes dealing with extra curricular a problem if one parent is a jerk about it. Also, it implies 5 exchanges / week for the child. I am not a big fan of this.

I would suggest a schedule of:

Parent 1 - Mon - Tue + Fri-Sun
Parent 2 - Wed - Thur + Fri - Sun

It would be a better exchange schedule, with 3 exchanges / week and hopefully minimize issues, although the extra-curricular could still be an issues depending on your situation.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[dinkyface]

I would suggest a schedule of:

Parent 1 - Mon - Tue + Fri-Sun
Parent 2 - Wed - Thur + Fri - Sun

It would be a better exchange schedule, with 3 exchanges / week and hopefully minimize issues,...

Even better, it's actually only 2 exchanges per week (each Weds, plus either Fri or Mon depending on whose weekend it is). This would be my choice too.

 

[Canadaguy]

A rotational schedule works well too where:

Week 1
Parent A: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.
Parent B: Wed, Thu

Week 2
Parent A: Wed, Thu
Parent B: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.

Works well because there is no exchange between the other parent, all exchanges are done before and after school or daycare. Plus both parents get Sunday evening for family dinners, etc.

Minus is that days per week are not set and if enrolling events in say every Monday parent would only attend every other week.

 

[billm]

...
Minus is that days per week are not set and if enrolling events in say every Monday parent would only attend every other week.

Why? The best for the children is that parents attend their extracurricular events regardless of the access schedule. I go to all my kids events.

Also, 2-2-5-5 is the best schedule I find. Mon/Tues me, Wed/Thurs mom, alternate weekends. It is predictable for the kids and I feel like a full time parent.

 

[oink]

Exactly...That is my proposal as well. Less drama with exchange of the child as it is done via school and daycare, and you don't have to deal with the other party i.e less potential of conflict.

But if a person is a real pain in the you know what, am sure they will find a way to still be in your face

A rotational schedule works well too where:

Week 1
Parent A: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.
Parent B: Wed, Thu

Week 2
Parent A: Wed, Thu
Parent B: Mon, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.

Works well because there is no exchange between the other parent, all exchanges are done before and after school or daycare. Plus both parents get Sunday evening for family dinners, etc.

Minus is that days per week are not set and if enrolling events in say every Monday parent would only attend every other week.

 

[Canadaguy]

Why? The best for the children is that parents attend their extracurricular events regardless of the access schedule. I go to all my kids events.

You are correct both attend, but in most high conflict cases the negative parent says they won't take the kid to the event, so the other parent and kid only go every other week.

Or if the high conflict siutation has tension with the parents or extended family it might be best for the off week parent not to attend the event when it is not their week, and vise versa.

 

[hadenough]

I don't know anyone who does the "week on/week off" thing but I would be inclined to think it's likely to raise transition issues w/a child that age.

My 2c - it seems extreme. I'm sure there's some ppl for whom it works out well, but I feel that would be the exception, not the rule.

Come to think of it; I do know one person who has that schedule in place. She doesn't like it at all. The sched billm mentioned sounds like a good one.

My child's father doesn't see him at all so this is the opinion of someone who is a is never 'off-duty.' Just including that b/c I can't honestly relate personally to any of the proposed schedules I see on here. I enjoyed the time I had before when child was at dad's. Luckily, he's a teen now so I don't have to be around all the time. Granted, for those of you separating with younger kids, it's a lot more difficult esp when the other parent is not fair/cooperative.

 

[oink]

My proposed plan has the 2-2-3 schedule as part of my argument, with stbx offered the choice to choose either mon and tues or wed and thurs, with alternating weekends

 

[cormad]

I have been doing the week on/off schedule with my children (girl 12,boy 15) for the past three years. I thought it had been working well. My daughter spends the opposite Tuesday evening with the other parent to break up the week.I thought it was working well until my 15 year old son told me last night he no longer wanted to do every other week and was going to stay with his mom. The system empowers them at that age and there is nothing I can do . So much for being a good dad with rules and morales.

 

[oink]

And I think that is the problem with the system and the fact of life really. Some teenagers will play the card of wanting to live with the relaxed parent, so they can get their way.

If there is a united front, this notion can be easily eradicated. Trying to be best friends with your kids by dressing younger, pretending to like JB and driving them everywhere at the drop of a hat at a teenager age is not encouraging them and setting them up for the real world.

 

[MiViLaLoco]

My ex and I have had a week on/off with a mid-week overnight at the parent whos week it isn't (if that makes sense). This way our child never goes more than 3 days without seeing both of us. We do our exchange on Friday so our child has the weekend to settle before school starts. We had been doing Monday exchanges but were finding it difficult on our child due the excitement of being at his other house for a week.

We have been doing this sort of routine since our child was 3 1/2. ...basically from day 1.

I have often posed the 2-2-3 scenario and it is shot down each and every time. As our child gets older it is becoming obvious this would be a better solution for activities (not just for our child).

However, I have a high conflict ex. I figure if I keep planting the seeds it should take about another year before he thinks it is his "wonderful" idea and proposes it to me with the expectation that I will automatically accept. lol

 

[oink]

My ex and I have had a week on/off with a mid-week overnight at the parent whos week it isn't (if that makes sense). This way our child never goes more than 3 days without seeing both of us. We do our exchange on Friday so our child has the weekend to settle before school starts. We had been doing Monday exchanges but were finding it difficult on our child due the excitement of being at his other house for a week.

We have been doing this sort of routine since our child was 3 1/2. ...basically from day 1.

I have often posed the 2-2-3 scenario and it is shot down each and every time. As our child gets older it is becoming obvious this would be a better solution for activities (not just for our child).

However, I have a high conflict ex. I figure if I keep planting the seeds it should take about another year before he thinks it is his "wonderful" idea and proposes it to me with the expectation that I will automatically accept. lol

My lawyer has proposed your exact same schedule to me based on the age of our child, and I asked them to include the 2-2-3 as an alternative option, so stbx gets to ponder both and it shows that am flexible. It was said that the child is old enough to handle week on, week off with a one day overnight like you mentioned with the other parent.

I posted a couple of clinical research links dealing with this with regards to different ages in another thread here somewhere a few weeks back.

 

[Serene]

We personally are not in favour of the other parent attending extra curricular activities of the children as it is uncomfortable for everyone. In our case, the mother ignores everyone but her child. It is disrespectful to everyone else present, causes tension and it is hurtful to the other children. Even their harlf blood sibling is ignored by her. While there is not rule that she has to follow in terms of acknowledging those present I have to wonder what message it sends to her children when she behaves this way. And I have to wonder why she would even show up to "support" her kid at the extra curric activity when she treats everyone her child came with like crap while there.

At the end of the day, the kids love both parents. It is this VERY behaviour that makes them have to pick and choose loyalty and how they feel about their family. When mom is present, the child doesn't want to show affection to anyone else in his family. When mom is not present the child is a very respectful and cuddly kid. Makes you wonder.

And how is it that we can teach a small child of 5 or 6 respect for others when the child's own mother doesn't demonstrate any herself?

Personally, I think that the other parent should get a life/hobby and respect that is the other parent's time. If the issue is that the activity is always on the other persons time then offer to switch nights every now and again. But truth be told, just find something else to do on a night that you have the child.

 

[oink]

Serene.....I have to be honest, it's hard to understand your posts because you are just all over the place. There was no introduction by you and now it seems like you are talking in the 3rd person

Are you the parent of a kid here or are you with someone that has kids? What will make you say that a parent should attend their own kid's activity (soccer, swim, recitals etc)? Like I said above, state your case and perhaps everyone will better understand you from here on

Perhaps you are the one that has the problem and causing the tension? Kids are just kids (we are not talking teenagers here are we?) I doubt there is any kid 2-10 that won't be glad to see both parents at their activities

I am able to make sense of SWAHILI a lot better right now than your post above, and while you are at it.....make your own thread. Since you picked my thread to make your 1st post, if you are the one that has been brainwashing stbx based on your failed marriage and your husband moving out, perhaps the two of you can move in together and make a happy family? (Yes I know who you are)

 

[Serene]

Oink - Here is my intro:
Parent and step parent myself. My partner's ex follows us around wherever we go. Calls multiple times a day even just after we picked up kids. High conflict situation for certain. No cooperation. Interferes with all access. Delays pickups. Creates problems where there are none. For instance, my partner's ex complains we don't keep sick kids. When we keep sick kids we are accused of not taking them home on time/at all. Kids stuck in the middle. Currently in court and getting no where despite judge's strong recommendations to stop being a helicopter parent and let dad be the good dad he is (judges words). All offers to settle with EXACTLY what the judge strongly recommended refused. Going to trial soon.

I think parents SHOULD attend extra curricular activities if they CAN and WILL demonstrate respect for ALL. If they can't, they should not. In our case, they cannot. Nor should they use their attendance as a way to manipulate what the other parent does with their access: i.e. delay departure for 20 minutes by talking to them about non-urgent important issues, advising them what they must do when they get home to the other parents house after activity, etc.

For the record my ex and I have no issues. Our entire separation agreement is on one page and filed at court and we have not had one issue with it since the date of our separation over 6 years ago.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and thoughts. I choose to speak about what I think and believe in and allow others to come to their own decision about what works best for them.

Perhaps I am the one that is causing the tension - I'm sure if you asked the ex spouse they would agree! lol

 

[mom2three]

Oink:

Only YOU can make the decision what kind of schedule is best and bring forth the proposal. It's about weighing all the factors. A friend of mine has done week on/week off and he says there are pros and cons. Would he change it? His reply: no in a million f*&ing years cause it was hard enough getting THAT outta her.

I feel for parents such as yourselves who have to argue petty shit and cannot work together. I do have the majority of the time with the children due to distance issues so Dad is the occasional weekend Dad. Because of that I don't have regular problems respecting co-parenting issues.

Interestingly enough though, I believe the Judge was swayed to give me primary custody (the distance thing was not going to change so he had to make and either/or choice) because I was willing to work with the other parent and he was not - says it right in his judgement that his decision was based on the mother's willingess to promote access and the fathers unwillingness to do so.

So, make your proposal and be willing to have wiggle room to accomodate. It is not about being a push-over, but understanding that sometimes you can give in.

I wish you the best of luck. Sure can't be easy.

 

[oink]

Oink:

Only YOU can make the decision what kind of schedule is best and bring forth the proposal. It's about weighing all the factors. A friend of mine has done week on/week off and he says there are pros and cons. Would he change it? His reply: no in a million f*&ing years cause it was hard enough getting THAT outta her.

I feel for parents such as yourselves who have to argue petty shit and cannot work together. I do have the majority of the time with the children due to distance issues so Dad is the occasional weekend Dad. Because of that I don't have regular problems respecting co-parenting issues.

Interestingly enough though, I believe the Judge was swayed to give me primary custody (the distance thing was not going to change so he had to make and either/or choice) because I was willing to work with the other parent and he was not - says it right in his judgement that his decision was based on the mother's willingess to promote access and the fathers unwillingness to do so.

So, make your proposal and be willing to have wiggle room to accomodate. It is not about being a push-over, but understanding that sometimes you can give in.

I wish you the best of luck. Sure can't be easy.

Mom2three....thanks for that

You are right, and I did put a lot of thought process and research into the 2-2-3 proposal based on activities that we do with the child right now i.e I take kid to skating on Tues, stbx takes kid to skating Thurs, so you can see that mon,tues overnights for me, and wed, thurs overnight for her solves that issue. We then alternate weekends, but her proposal is calling for me to just have mon,tues and sat overnights (pick up kid sat 8am, return sun 8pm only to pick kid up mon afternoon again

Her substationation?....she said just because

My lawyer just suggested the week on, week off with a mid week day with the otehr parent to break it up as an alternative option, and that might just work too

So if am hearing you right, your husabnd could have had shared/joint if he had been willing to you and there wasn't a distance issue...it really did come down to that in your specific case?

 

[mom2three]

So if am hearing you right, your husabnd could have had shared/joint if he had been willing to you and there wasn't a distance issue...it really did come down to that in your specific case?

In the end? Yes. If the father was to move where I reside I would have no issue whatsoever in him having equal access. At the time of separation he was in agreement with me leaving and him having limited access (limited only by distance)

If you want specific details, PM me and I will do my best to explain.