The above posters have given you good advice for the short term while your spouse is dealing with the criminal court system which is there to help victims of domestic violence. However, you need to be prepared for a dramatic change once criminal court is finished and you and your spouse enter the realm of family court. You will discover that in family court, even in the face of hard core evidence, any past or present incidents of domestic violence will be painted with the brush of false allegations and alienation of the children. Abusers love family court as it gives them the power to continue to abuse their victims on a whole new level , unchecked by any court orders ( which they can ignore anyway as consequences are extremely rare). In fact their abuse will be condoned by the family court system until trial which they can effectively stall for more than 8 years. Oh they may get a finger wagging here and there but the judges will make sure they are given ample time to emotionally and financially decimate their ex spouses first. The family court judge will also allow them to emotionally abuse the children to the degree the children are permanently damaged with diagnoses of depression, anxiety and PTSD. This comes from 1) a judge continually ordering supervised access with the abuser’s family members who don’t actually supervise very well.
2)The abuser being mentally ill and refusing treatment
3) The abuser being permanently brain damaged
4) the abuser not taking any responsibility for their actions and instead blaming the other parent
5) The abuser involving the children in the litigation
6) the abuser calling the estrangement of their children alienation which relieves them of taking any responsibility
7) deciding that the best way to get unsupervised access is to cut off all access including phone or face to face visits with the kids for a period of 21/2 years then scream and holler to have access reinstated, get another supervised order, don’t take access for another six months, start supervised access with the other parent’s family members present this time. Children refuse to stay in the same room with abuser and abuser doesn’t understand why. Abuser continues coming for unsuccessful visits refusing to acknowledge that the children were actually present when abuser had assaulted them so blaming the other parent doesn’t work. This is allowed to go on for another year by the judge until abuser cuts off all access again for another 21/2 years. Final custody order made that children and father can arrange access as mutually decided between them but no other issues settled. Then one year later while still litigating remaining issues, abuser says they want to reopen the child custody issues. Judge says but we already settled that then allows abuser to reopen this issue.
Beware of family court where abusers are given a free rein to reek havoc and destruction on their former partners and children, all with the judge’s blessing.
