Voicemail

Pursuinghappiness said:
I will still say that your lawyer telling you to call her after all the work you've done to set-up email communication was a bad idea. Your ex is not normal...she lives for strife and confusion around her. And nothing about what has happened recently is surprising. Quite the opposite, it was extremely predictable.

She's one of those women that go from crisis to crisis and will look for a soft place to fall or some temporary white knight to bail her out of whatever problem she thinks she's in at the moment. She was hoping that you'd tell her she could come live with you. I hope you realize that. You've done a good job of being clear that you're available for the kids but not available to solve any of her personal life problems.

You did the right thing by simply telling her you'd keep the kids, thanking her and hanging up but you might want to start easing your way back to 100% email communication and not get drawn in to being the confidante for her crap life by phone...its a bad idea long-term.

I wouldn't get involved in anything else...even to do with the kid's belongings. She will have to sort that out with the ex-bf.
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^^^^^^^^^ this post is BANG ON !!!!!
 
I must have missed your post where you indicate your lawyer told you to set up email communication.

I agree wholeheartedly with PH.

I would add that you should stop being her confidante and set your boundaries in stone. If you do this it will be much easier on you when you file for sole custody - I am certain it will come down to that sooner or later.
 
arabian said:
I must have missed your post where you indicate your lawyer told you to set up email communication.

I agree wholeheartedly with PH.

I would add that you should stop being her confidante and set your boundaries in stone. If you do this it will be much easier on you when you file for sole custody - I am certain it will come down to that sooner or later.
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He didn't specifically tell me did but did support putting it in my sep agreement.

It says that all communication regarding the children must be in writing via email and not SMS.
 
Have you considered using the Family Wizard program? It sounds like it is an excellent 'child-focused' tool which limits alot of crap. I think at this point you need something that will possibly help to eliminate the drama and help you get on with the business of raising your children.
 
arabian said:
Have you considered using the Family Wizard program? It sounds like it is an excellent 'child-focused' tool which limits alot of crap. I think at this point you need something that will possibly help to eliminate the drama and help you get on with the business of raising your children.
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It was discussed at one of our 4 way meetings. She refused to pay for any of it. She also refused to use it claiming not to have internet.

I was something we were going to bring up in court....She settled before that and it was not discussed.
 
She just called my cell again... I let it go to voice mail.

She then called the house...and then my work...I ignored all of them (working from home today)

She didn't leave a message at any of them.

I'm going to push her back to email as quickly as I can. Since I have the kids there can obviously be nothing urgent regarding the kids she needs to talk to me about.
 
Well if it's as good as it purported to be I'd offer to pay for it and her internet - anything to get things on track would be good.
 
What an absolute nightmare for you.

I used to have a friend many years ago who had a double-diagnostic mental illness. She would call our place 25 - 27 times a day. I finally had no choice but to change my phone number. It was the only thing I could do. She eventually moved on and found another sucker to talk to when she was having her paranoid delusions.

I realize your situation is different because of the children. No one should have to go through this. She probably needs to be hospitalized.
 
arabian said:
What an absolute nightmare for you.

I used to have a friend many years ago who had a double-diagnostic mental illness. She would call our place 25 - 27 times a day. I finally had no choice but to change my phone number. It was the only thing I could do. She eventually moved on and found another sucker to talk to when she was having her paranoid delusions.

I realize your situation is different because of the children. No one should have to go through this. She probably needs to be hospitalized.
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She has been and no doubt will be again...just maybe not this time.
 
arabian said:
Well if it's as good as it purported to be I'd offer to pay for it and her internet - anything to get things on track would be good.
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If I recall right, the problem wasn't really that the ex couldn't afford internet, it was that she didn't want to use it (there are plenty of ways to get free or inexpensive internet access - like the local library - and she also had a phone with a data plan, so she clearly had the capacity).

I think FB_'s kind of stuck between holding the line and not getting drawn into drama through unnecessary communication on the one hand; and on the other hand, being flexible and responsive when the drama has potential repercussion for the kids, like when the new bf kicks the ex out. It's a really tough balance to maintain, and always involves second-guessing oneself. I've had a very small taste of it with a family member who is not unlike FB_'s ex.
 
I just called the school to ensure that her ex bf was taken off the pick up list with the school and my ex had already done it.

My daughter is in SK so they only release to authorized people. However the grade 3 students are not specifically released to anyone specific.

They asked if they had been told not to leave with him. I'm not sure if my ex told them but I will make sure they are aware they are not to leave with him and to tell a teacher immediately if they see him.

Fun times.
 
stripes said:
If I recall right, the problem wasn't really that the ex couldn't afford internet, it was that she didn't want to use it (there are plenty of ways to get free or inexpensive internet access - like the local library - and she also had a phone with a data plan, so she clearly had the capacity).

I think FB_'s kind of stuck between holding the line and not getting drawn into drama through unnecessary communication on the one hand; and on the other hand, being flexible and responsive when the drama has potential repercussion for the kids, like when the new bf kicks the ex out. It's a really tough balance to maintain, and always involves second-guessing oneself. I've had a very small taste of it with a family member who is not unlike FB_'s ex.
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This is true...she does have some data on her phone...it's just an excuse.
 
FB_:

My advice, for what it is worth, is to:

(a) Not get involved with the other parent's life.

(b) Watch for signs of instability in their lives that constitutes abuse and/or neglect and/or maltreatment.

Many parents suffer with mental health disorders. Many parents are ejected from their homes. Many children survive and thrive in these environments.

You are not responsible for the well being of the other parent and that parent is responsible for the children when they are residing with them. Don't over calculate the situation, take a step back and really consider this:

Is this a quest for attention from the other parent? Based on the content you have posted to this site, I caution you that you are dealing with someone with known patterns of mental health instability. I suspect that the person in question is very histrionic (or manic).

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
Tayken - according to his posts:

His ex is seeing a crisis intervention worker daily.
His ex has clearly exhibited signs of mental illness and has been hospitalized for same in the past.
His lawyer is telling him to set up email communication with ex.
Ex is acting in a harassing manner with incessant phone calls to his home, work and cell phone.
Ex does not have a residence.

Do you not think that this would be an opportune time for him to get an emergency motion for interim sole custody of the children? It makes sense to me to do this.
 
She just called my cell again... I let it go to voice mail.

She then called the house...and then my work...I ignored all of them (working from home today)

She didn't leave a message at any of them.

I'm going to push her back to email as quickly as I can. Since I have the kids there can obviously be nothing urgent regarding the kids she needs to talk to me about.
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Yea...this is why I think you shouldn't have contacted her by phone. You've re-opened the floodgates of drama-laden b.s. again. You need to immediately cut her off. Her life is her problem.

Do you not think that this would be an opportune time for him to get an emergency motion for interim sole custody of the children? It makes sense to me to do this.
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I disagree that its a good time to do this. First of all, the custody/access agreement is very new. You have to have a compelling reason to re-open it.

Secondly, what has she done wrong? To play devil's advocate...she has a medical condition that flared up (granted, due to her own incompetence in dealing with it) but is now being treated. She also immediately contacted the children's father and let him know what the issue was. She's looked in a temporary living arrangement and in the meantime, has let the children's father assist her in providing a stable environment for the children until she is re-settled. And in the meantime, she's notified the children's father or her temp living situation.

Now if she does this same nonsense a bunch of times in the future and you have a history of showing she's unstable, I would agree that would be potential grounds for changing the order. But frankly, I don't see that there are any now.

Obviously, moving herself and the kids in with the bf was stupid...but its not that unusual. I think that since she's done the right thing and have given temp custody to their father, you should give her the benefit of the doubt (for now...).
 
Just an update.

I've had the kids full-time since all of this started. I've noticed the kids have calmed down so much and discipline has become much easier.

I will have them for the rest of this week and then we leave for our cruise on Friday. I did receive the permission to travel form from her on Saturday so I'm ready to go. My ex told me yesterday at our son's birthday party that she is renting a new place and will be moving in while we are on our trip and things will go back to normal when we return.

Then she started asking if she could have some of the furniture from the house since she doesn't have any. I just told her no she had her chance to take what she needed and that ship had sailed.

She is moving back to Brampton but about 7 km from the school. Which is good the kids will have much less of a commute in the mornings.

I will say that I have noticed a significant increase in costs with having the kids full time. My grocery bill more than doubled making lunches every day and feeding them that much more.

It will be interesting to see if/how their behavior changes going back to 50/50

Anyway, funny story.... I told my ex I was going to be pulling the kids out of school on Friday at lunch to leave for our trip. She said she didn't agree with it and said to me the kids need stability in their life. I'm not joking she said that. I replied, well good thing they have me giving them that. Then she asked me why I was attacking her lol. I walked away thinking to myself...crazy...
 
hope you leave your cell phone at home when you go on vacation as your ex is sure to flip-out during that time
 
arabian said:
hope you leave your cell phone at home when you go on vacation as your ex is sure to flip-out during that time
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I'm glad I will be unreachable for that week away.

She has the ship phone number but it's $7.95 usd / minute to call the ship and she has to pay with a credit card to initiate the call so that's not going to happen.
 
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