Voicemail

arabian said:
An excellent idea to consider. I wonder though, do they [therapists] in turn tell the patient that her ex contacted them regarding concern for kids well-being?
Before he says anything to therapist he could simply ask this question.
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Yup, they would have an obligation to. That said if she is that fragile they could wait and tell her at a later date.

FB, I'm very pleased to read she reached out and is having the kids go into your care. It's a good sign that she has recognized her limits possibly.
 
Perhaps you could send a message your ex that you will do your best to support her in her kids eyes, and to reassure the kids that mommy and daddy are working together to take care of them and all will be OK ... something like that. It might encourage her to let you help with the kids (for their benefit and hers).
Is that too naive - perhaps it is better just to minimize the communication?
 
Too many posts to really comment on.

I'm don't see any chance for sole custody. Maybe temporarily. I'm considering what might be best for the kids. This is only going to get harder for her I believe, not easier.

I was glad that she asked. Although she did ask last week but I had no context as to why she was asking and I had to work those nights as well.

My son told me the second I got home that "Mommy was moving again". I find this statement interesting. At least I know I am providing as stable an environment as I can for them.

Once again thanks for all the comments and kind words.
 
My ex just reached out and asked me to watch them this weekend.

She also said "please don't hold this against me"

Take that as you will.

At least she is doing the right thing.
 
She also said "please don't hold this against me"
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I think you're doing exactly the right thing in trying to be kind and help with the kids in whatever way you can and not penalizing her with decreased access in any way in the future as a result of this event.

But I also think you should stay very child focused through this. Her needs are secondary to what the children need and it should be made clear that you're helping her only because of the children's best interests.

Keep documentation in case this is repetitive behavior that eventually you do need to take action on. And if you see the children are suffering emotional trauma in any way, work with her on a plan to mitigate that and again, document it. The real issue is that she seems to be medically negligent of her condition and her negligence causes trauma for herself and, more importantly, for the children. Honestly, there's nothing about this whole situation that wasn't predictable (to anyone but her) and I think its probably going to happen again.
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
I think you're doing exactly the right thing in trying to be kind and help with the kids in whatever way you can and not penalizing her with decreased access in any way in the future as a result of this event.

But I also think you should stay very child focused through this. Her needs are secondary to what the children need and it should be made clear that you're helping her only because of the children's best interests.

Keep documentation in case this is repetitive behavior that eventually you do need to take action on. And if you see the children are suffering emotional trauma in any way, work with her on a plan to mitigate that and again, document it. The real issue is that she seems to be medically negligent of her condition and her negligence causes trauma for herself and, more importantly, for the children. Honestly, there's nothing about this whole situation that wasn't predictable (to anyone but her) and I think its probably going to happen again.
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I'm starting my log again and document exactly what is happening.

Although as expected she is now calling more frequently.
 
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Pursuinghappiness said:
I think you're doing exactly the right thing in trying to be kind and help with the kids in whatever way you can and not penalizing her with decreased access in any way in the future as a result of this event.

But I also think you should stay very child focused through this. Her needs are secondary to what the children need and it should be made clear that you're helping her only because of the children's best interests.

Keep documentation in case this is repetitive behavior that eventually you do need to take action on. And if you see the children are suffering emotional trauma in any way, work with her on a plan to mitigate that and again, document it. The real issue is that she seems to be medically negligent of her condition and her negligence causes trauma for herself and, more importantly, for the children. Honestly, there's nothing about this whole situation that wasn't predictable (to anyone but her) and I think its probably going to happen again.
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Very wise advice.....
 
Update

Update

My ex called me last night and told me she has no where to live at the moment.

Asked me to watch the kids until at least next weekend. She started to cry and told me she was going to Sault Ste. Marie to be with her parents.

I said thanks for informing me, the kids are safe and fine with me, and I said goodbye.

When I picked up the kids at the sitters she told me that her bf had locked her out of the house and refused to return any of her things. I'm not getting involved but he does currently have some of the kids things that normally go between houses every week. (Electronics, winter clothes, etc.)

Again I'm going to have to let me ex deal with this stuff but it is frustrating.

Thanks
 
Karma is a bitch, she must be dying to crawl back - her parents are probably going to tell her "You made your bed now lay in it"
 
I will still say that your lawyer telling you to call her after all the work you've done to set-up email communication was a bad idea. Your ex is not normal...she lives for strife and confusion around her. And nothing about what has happened recently is surprising. Quite the opposite, it was extremely predictable.

She's one of those women that go from crisis to crisis and will look for a soft place to fall or some temporary white knight to bail her out of whatever problem she thinks she's in at the moment. She was hoping that you'd tell her she could come live with you. I hope you realize that. You've done a good job of being clear that you're available for the kids but not available to solve any of her personal life problems.

You did the right thing by simply telling her you'd keep the kids, thanking her and hanging up but you might want to start easing your way back to 100% email communication and not get drawn in to being the confidante for her crap life by phone...its a bad idea long-term.

I wouldn't get involved in anything else...even to do with the kid's belongings. She will have to sort that out with the ex-bf.
 
Pursuinghappiness said:
I will still say that your lawyer telling you to call her after all the work you've done to set-up email communication was a bad idea. Your ex is not normal...she lives for strife and confusion around her. And nothing about what has happened recently is surprising. Quite the opposite, it was extremely predictable.

She's one of those women that go from crisis to crisis and will look for a soft place to fall or some temporary white knight to bail her out of whatever problem she thinks she's in at the moment. She was hoping that you'd tell her she could come live with you. I hope you realize that. You've done a good job of being clear that you're available for the kids but not available to solve any of her personal life problems.

You did the right thing by simply telling her you'd keep the kids, thanking her and hanging up but you might want to start easing your way back to 100% email communication and not get drawn in to being the confidante for her crap life by phone...its a bad idea long-term.

I wouldn't get involved in anything else...even to do with the kid's belongings. She will have to sort that out with the ex-bf.
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I agree. I knew it was going to happen as soon as I called her as well.

I actually have a room mate at the moment until Christmas which was/is great. She never asked although I'm positive it's what she was looking for.

There is NO WAY IN HELL that's going to happen. She'd claim we were back together and the house was half hers again....That'd be the day.

I'm not getting involved...Although it is frustrating...But I can't worry myself about that crap...Kids are safe an happy that's all that matters.
 
FB The kids are where they should be in a stable home.

Your planned trip with them will do them some good. Lets them be kids and forget the present situation.

Just hope that upon your return that mom has a place and is doing better for their sake.

Did you get the required documents for your trip with the kids?
 
good_mom said:
FB The kids are where they should be in a stable home.

Your planned trip with them will do them some good. Lets them be kids and forget the present situation.

Just hope that upon your return that mom has a place and is doing better for their sake.

Did you get the required documents for your trip with the kids?
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No I sent her an email asking her to drop them off before she leaves... She said she already left and the signed papers are in her van at her aunts house in Kitchener. I can go get them if I want, but she will be back on the weekend.

I might text the aunt and ask her to mail them to me.
 
If I were you I would contact the other guy and ask for the kids stuff back I think it will raise your esteem in the eyes of your children and they will know that daddy is always there even if your mom is nuts.

Obviously, just ask once politely.
 
Links17 said:
If I were you I would contact the other guy and ask for the kids stuff back I think it will raise your esteem in the eyes of your children and they will know that daddy is always there even if your mom is nuts.

Obviously, just ask once politely.
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I disagree...it's nothing really important...but still annoying.

I'm staying 100,000 km away from this crap.
 
Links17 said:
If I were you I would contact the other guy and ask for the kids stuff back I think it will raise your esteem in the eyes of your children and they will know that daddy is always there even if your mom is nuts.

Obviously, just ask once politely.
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I think there is a calculation there. Cost of the items versus risk of getting drawn into the drama.

Personally, I'd replace the stuff, unless it had sentimental value.
 
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