Voicemail
- Thread starter FB_
- Start date
I am in NO way bitter. I could care less, It's her life.
As mentioned speculating is not useful. I will wait and find out what it really is.
Thanks All
It's just totally how she always handles herself. The whole drama about no it can't be in an email.... She likes control and always needs to be involved in everything.
DowntroddenDad
New member
Links, perhaps you missed some of the previous posts where the ex was creating a lot of drama through voice calls and texts. I think this would be a circumstance where being stubborn might be the best response, because of previous patterns of conflict.
Pursuinghappiness
New member
I absolutely disagree with this.
This poster's ex is definitely HC and it took months to set-up a pattern of getting her to use email.
At no point did the poster suggest he wasn't available to communicate he simply specified the method and he should. Email is verifiable and can be used in court. I would never communicate with my ex any other way unless there was a health emergency with my child.
Frankly, I would not call her or deal with nonsense and drama. If she is pregnant, there is no reason that she cannot communicate by email to notify anyone as such. In fact, if there is any interim plan to be made...it should be made via email. If she's pregnant, you'll find about it soon enough. Rioe, DD, etc are correct.
There's never going to be a time when this particular ex won't revert back to previous bad behavior unless you are diligent with how the situation is handled.
Believe me, her life situation is likely to get worse not better with regard to her relationship status....don't get dragged into the upcoming mess. I bet her new partner is already starting to realize what he's gotten himself into.
Who cares if she's annoyed?
Tayken, I would like to see some of that case law as everything I have found points to judges giving orders to reduce a mothers CS obligation when she has more kids.
I agree I've worked way to hard and I have been way to happy to go backwards here.
Her not wanting to use email is not my issue... She's trying to make a big deal out of something that I will most likely not care about. I won't be able to avoid her for long. She will corner me at the kids hockey tomorrow.
The only thing I need from her now is the signed travel consent forms for our Cruise in 3 weeks.
She has 4 more days according to our agreement.HappyMomma
New member
frustratedwithex
New member
I disagree with this. This is not the way to go.
The poster is not refusing to communicate, he has asked that the communication happen in email, he is not going to lose custody because of this. His ex. on the other hand comes across as controlling.
I agree I've worked way to hard and I have been way to happy to go backwards here.
Her not wanting to use email is not my issue... She's trying to make a big deal out of something that I will most likely not care about. I won't be able to avoid her for long. She will corner me at the kids hockey tomorrow.
The only thing I need from her now is the signed travel consent forms for our Cruise in 3 weeks.
This is what emotional manipulators do. Try to make it your issue. After all its not a big deal, just call me!! For a normal person, yes, not a big deal because it doesn't escalate. For an emotional manipulator, it starts the cycle all over again.
FB she will probably corner you tomorrow, you don't have to engage, a good response might be "I see" and then walk away. Leave the drama to her.
My mom will also be at hockey tomorrow so we shall see what happens.
In Quebec I think I've read judgements where the obligation is reduced a bit for one year but thats it which is not bad.
I respectfully disagree with everybody, somethings are not effectively communicable over email (too much back and forth for example).
in this case if the person has a history then that has to be taken into consideration but I think as a general "lifestyle" decision to communicate ONLY by email in shared custody situations you are setting yourself up for perhaps looking like you can't effectively communicate.
but yeah, if she is not able to communicate well with you email is the way to go.
I respectfully disagree with everybody, somethings are not effectively communicable over email (too much back and forth for example).
in this case if the person has a history then that has to be taken into consideration but I think as a general "lifestyle" decision to communicate ONLY by email in shared custody situations you are setting yourself up for perhaps looking like you can't effectively communicate.
but yeah, if she is not able to communicate well with you email is the way to go.
We've had shared custody for over 5 years. Son was 4 when we split, daughter was 11. They are now 9 and 16, so I think we have covered most age groups together.
I cut off my ex from phone contact early on and it has been email only. She is allowed to call the land line and speak to the kids, but not my cell phone. No texting either.
There has yet to be an issue that needed to be settled that couldn't be done by email. Nothing needs excessive back and forth. Generally we communicate 3-4 times a year to confirm how we are going to handle holidays, and occasionally when the youngest is too sick for school.
Pickups and dropoffs are done through school/camp. The 16 year old can handle herself, of course.
I cut off my ex from phone contact early on and it has been email only. She is allowed to call the land line and speak to the kids, but not my cell phone. No texting either.
There has yet to be an issue that needed to be settled that couldn't be done by email. Nothing needs excessive back and forth. Generally we communicate 3-4 times a year to confirm how we are going to handle holidays, and occasionally when the youngest is too sick for school.
Pickups and dropoffs are done through school/camp. The 16 year old can handle herself, of course.
wretchedotis
New member
I used to think that I wanted to be able to remain as 'friends' with the ex.
That we would be able to have dinner together (With the boy 'together'), and be ok and friendly and stuff.
But I've come to realize I actually don't want this. I want what mess describes here.
Our lives are separate now, and really - I have to admit I really do not like who my son's Mom turned out to be through all the break-up / court drama. As a result I am happy to not be in her presence. Ever.
E-mail is a perfectly acceptable means of communication, and really - with smart phones these days, it is as instant as a phone call or text message. if it needs to be, anyways.
Ok, ex did not show up at hockey this weekend.
Then last night I got a text from my neighbour. (Kids Babysitter, and ex's friend)
She basically said she didn't want to get involved but I should really call her.
I basically replied saying that I had already reached out via email. She refuses to respond so it must not be that important.
Anyway she eventually told me what's going on.
Not sure what order these occurred in
Ex has been off her meds for months (not sure how long)
She(neighbour) had taken her to the hospital for some unknown reason and her Psychologist put her on a 3 week mental leave from work
Her and her new man have apparently split.
She and the kids are apparently being kicked out of his house.
That is all I know for now.
So she is not stable, getting kicked out of her new place.
Not sure how to proceed.
I think calling her is even more a bad idea now. I now know why she won't put this in an email.
I don't know where she is going or when but she is still currently there.
She is picking the kids up tonight for her access time.
I'm concerned for the kids they were very close to her new bf and his two girls.
I have a feeling this is going to blow up huge. She will blame me for lots of things. She decided to walk last may with her Van and her pension and a bit of furniture. I know these are no my issues but the kids are obviously my first concern.
Thanks
Then last night I got a text from my neighbour. (Kids Babysitter, and ex's friend)
She basically said she didn't want to get involved but I should really call her.
I basically replied saying that I had already reached out via email. She refuses to respond so it must not be that important.
Anyway she eventually told me what's going on.
Not sure what order these occurred in
Ex has been off her meds for months (not sure how long)
She(neighbour) had taken her to the hospital for some unknown reason and her Psychologist put her on a 3 week mental leave from work
Her and her new man have apparently split.
She and the kids are apparently being kicked out of his house.
That is all I know for now.
So she is not stable, getting kicked out of her new place.
Not sure how to proceed.
I think calling her is even more a bad idea now. I now know why she won't put this in an email.
I don't know where she is going or when but she is still currently there.
She is picking the kids up tonight for her access time.
I'm concerned for the kids they were very close to her new bf and his two girls.
I have a feeling this is going to blow up huge. She will blame me for lots of things. She decided to walk last may with her Van and her pension and a bit of furniture. I know these are no my issues but the kids are obviously my first concern.
Thanks
You're going to walk a fine line.
You were her spouse for years, and probably the primary "go to" person in any kind of crisis, great or small.
It's not appropriate for you to be the "go to" person anymore. I think you get that, and maybe even your ex gets it, but there is still a danger of falling into old patterns.
I think you are making the appropriate choice. She has been to a doctor, she is on meds, she is being cared for, she can go to a therapist.
Your role is to care for your children. You don't have to put up a wall, but you do have to have a boundary.
Similar situations have happened with my ex. My response was a warm but minimalist "I can take the kids for a few extra days if you need. Don't worry about any support or custody shit."
You were her spouse for years, and probably the primary "go to" person in any kind of crisis, great or small.
It's not appropriate for you to be the "go to" person anymore. I think you get that, and maybe even your ex gets it, but there is still a danger of falling into old patterns.
I think you are making the appropriate choice. She has been to a doctor, she is on meds, she is being cared for, she can go to a therapist.
Your role is to care for your children. You don't have to put up a wall, but you do have to have a boundary.
Similar situations have happened with my ex. My response was a warm but minimalist "I can take the kids for a few extra days if you need. Don't worry about any support or custody shit."
what mess said. that's really the best thing you can do.
ugg I feel for you... and for the kids, what a horrible upheaval to go through again so soon after the split.
DowntroddenDad
New member
I don't mean to sound callous or cruel, but the best thing you can do is.....nothing. Don't call. Reply to emails concerning the children.
Anything you do will be misconstrued. You will get blamed whether you get involved or not. Just leave it alone. If she wants to change her life, she has to do it, without anyone's help.
Be kind to the children, give them lots of love and support, but don't ask them about their mom.
Anything you do will be misconstrued. You will get blamed whether you get involved or not. Just leave it alone. If she wants to change her life, she has to do it, without anyone's help.
Be kind to the children, give them lots of love and support, but don't ask them about their mom.