Voice of the Child Report

I dont think ive seen anone on here talk about their own expereince with voices reports, only the ontario reports which I think are different.
 
denbigh said:
What a nightmare!

I hope the judgement attitude part wasnt aimed at me, I dont think it was judgemental, I truely dont know what the legal ramifications are of the child not calling.
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Sorry, it was not meant for you personally. I didn't mean to imply that at all.


denbigh said:
So your ex would have to go to court again to say that child was not contacting him or that you were preventing child from contacting ex, and then a voices report could be ordered?
If you had one done without a court proceeding being involved, would the ex respect what it says anyways?

What a tough situation for your child.
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No, he doesn't respect what it says, and that is the nightmare for an 11 year old child.
 
Another option would be to get a position letter from CAS. I'm not that far along in the Court system, but that what I have been doing to prepare for my next Motion.

I dont know which more hold more weight a letter from CAS or a report from Voice of the Children or maybe both.
 
arabian said:
I am, in fact, a mother.

You have a final order.

Ask your lawyer about "res judicata" and save yourself some money (if you are paying for this nonsense).

If you can't/won't adhere to the final order then your ex would have a valid reason for seeking custody.

I'm not "taking it out on moms on this forum..." - you are on a public forum and asked for opinions. YOU shouldn't take this personally.

Your son has the unenviable position of having two parents who can't get along, even after separation. Dragging an 11-year-old into your issues with your ex is simply wrong IMO.
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Arabian you are 100% correct. Identified a few posts back when I was attacked by this high conflict person I gave up on them. You are the last of the seasoned posters who actually contribute valuable feedback to be attacked. This poster has officially burned all bridges.

The poster doesn't want to hear real advice... They are seeking negative advocates to prop up their bad ideas. Read the posters historical threads... It is a common pattern of behaviour.

Cheers,
Tayken
 
kate331 said:
Another option would be to get a position letter from CAS. I'm not that far along in the Court system, but that what I have been doing to prepare for my next Motion.

I dont know which more hold more weight a letter from CAS or a report from Voice of the Children or maybe both.
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We do, and an OCL Report to back it up.
 
Tayken said:
Arabian you are 100% correct. Identified a few posts back when I was attacked by this high conflict person I gave up on them. You are the last of the seasoned posters who actually contribute valuable feedback to be attacked. This poster has officially burned all bridges.

The poster doesn't want to hear real advice... They are seeking negative advocates to prop up their bad ideas. Read the posters historical threads... It is a common pattern of behaviour.

Cheers,
Tayken
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Please note that the continued attack and harassment on this thread has been reported. Neither of your responses are for what I asked for originally. I didn't ask for OPTIONS. Learn to read!
 
WorkingMom2007 said:
Essentially, what we're attempting to do is stop Dad from bullying his son to meet his own end goals. Picture this: My ex is 6'3" about 230 pounds. My son is 5'2" and weighs about 120 pds. Dad has a tendency to go red in the face, when he gets angry, which only makes him more intimidating. Any decision that I make Dad doesn't like, he's screaming full throated at his son. If you were this 11 year old, would you want to willingly call him anytime you thought Dad maybe angry?

So my son avoids calling his father, which results in Dad thinking I've harmed my son, and he's trying to protect me by not calling. Not the case, as multiple investigations by CAS can attest to.

We want the VoC to have my son state what his expectations are with regards to calling and communication. I thought the language in the order gave my son the reprieve, but not the case.

So yes, we're hoping this will show how my son feels about Dad's edict of communication, and hope he can transition to managing his expectations without any future confrontations. Because if he keeps this up, there'll be a whole different set of issues we'll have to deal with.
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This is not the purpose of a VOC report and will not accomplish what you are looking for. You have an OCL report, custody and access has been decided and you have a final order.

You do not need a VOC report, it will not touch on any of the topics you mentioned above. There are no questions asked to the child about those things, nor can you request they ask specific questions or address certain items.

WorkingMom2007 said:
Please note that the continued attack and harassment on this thread has been reported. Neither of your responses are for what I asked for originally. I didn't ask for OPTIONS. Learn to read!
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You have been given very good advice in this thread and chosen to find all kinds of reasons why it isn't what you should do, you have chosen to disparage those giving you the appropriate advice for your situation and then complained you are being picked on. You are not. You are simply not getting the agreement you are looking for.

Your question:

My lawyer has recommended the use Voice the Child report in my case. Curious if anyone has gone this route, and what your experience was. Is it worth it?
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Yes.
Yes.

The situation was very different being an access issue. The report was not used to make any determinations on access or any decisions at all so was not beneficial in the courtroom at all. The benefit? The other parent was forced to read a report from a third party that said the children were happy and well adjusted in our care and not miserable and hating us as she wanted and tried to coerce them to be. It was in front of her face, in black and white and she could no longer send shitty emails about how kids were not wanting to see us.

There's your answer.
 
WorkingMom2007 said:
Well, I guess someone's ego got bruised. The FINAL order states the following:

6) When ****** is in the care of his mother, he shall be permitted and encouraged to communicate with his father, via Skype, as often as he wishes. ******** will not be given a cellular telephone of his own.

The fact that his dad interprets this to mean he, the father, gets a call everyday, and harasses and yells at him, is why an 11 year old ducking calls. Which means, then I can expect to deal with it through no longer existent parenting coordinator/arbitrator, CAS or in court. He's been warned by everyone to avoid bringing my son into the conflict, but beyond that there's nothing else to be done.

I don't listen to you, and yes disregard you, because you're the most negative, harsh, "why even bother" attitude person in this forum. Despite your assessment of me, which has in the past been wrong, I listened to my legal counsel, my ownself, my support system, and have done well for my son. I am guessing that you're here because you're also a parent, and found this forum, much like the rest of us. If you're spending this much time here, then you can't be spending too much time with yours.

The fact that you need to single out, and force your opinion on someone who clearly doesn't want your opinion, speaks to a psychosis I'm under qualified to address.

Again, thanks for your advise. Not what I was looking for.
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WorkingMom2007 said:
Not worth responding to. Please seek professional help for your anger issues, and stop taking it out on moms on this forum for whatever you went through personally.
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WorkingMom2007 said:
Thanks for asking as opposed to attacking or with the judgemental attitude. We do have a FINAL order, and I posted the exact language of it in this thread above. We arrived at it AFTER OCL had completed its review and provided recommendation.

The issue is DAD cant accept that the COURTS decided he can't have custody (sole or joint) for some very good reasons. He will exploit any issue to try to open the matter of custody by making any and all allegations against me. At the moment, it's the communication bit.

The only thing we're headed to trial is financial matters, as after 11 years, he has yet to provide proper financial disclosure, and is in contempt of court on various orders to produce said financials. His plea is about to struck to allow me to move forward to figuring out an appropriate child support. It was previously imputed at a presumed incomen amount till he produced proper details.

In the meantime, my son has to deal with his Dad dragging him into making videos alleging abuse, dragging him to Police station to make complaints, calling CAS to allege abuse.

This is as instructed by my LAWYER. I am simply trying to find out if anyone has gone through it, and what the experience was like.

And if you have nothing productive to add, please save your judgement, attitude and comments.
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WorkingMom2007 said:
Please note that the continued attack and harassment on this thread has been reported. Neither of your responses are for what I asked for originally. I didn't ask for OPTIONS. Learn to read!
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You can stop reporting the posts. As previously stated, nobody is attacking you or your character. People are allowed to form their own opinions based on your posts and your reactions.

Might I remind you, YOU are the one who assumed Arabian must be male because she disagreed with you. You have made a number of disparaging comments to and about those who took the time to respond to your post to let you know that you are not going to accomplish what you're looking for with this method.

I responded earlier to your reported post. You apparently did not like it because i also do not agree with you on the avenue you are seeking or that you are being either harassed or attacked.

So you came back to the thread to find another post to report. Consider it reported and responded to - again.

Now please stop cluttering my inbox with reported post garbage. Go back through the thread and read all of the good advice and information provided to you and accept the fact that people are not always going to agree with you (especially when you're wrong) no matter how much you stomp your feet and insist, and this is a public forum where people get to post their thoughts even if different from yours, and you have zero control over that, even if you don't like it.
 
To the OP. Your ex’s behaviour as you described it is more immature than intimidating. My STBX has diagnosed mental health issues, a castrophic brain injury and assaulted our children. My children have a very poor relationship with him due to HIS violent and remorseless behaviour. They want nothing to do with him and they are justified in their feelings . That being said, I can still get them to talk to him on the phone. I am not responsible for the depth or quality of the conversation once he’s on the phone. I hand the phone to my kid, and say, “it’s your father.” They usually just grunt or give one word answers. Not my problem. I got them on the phone. Then they hand the phone to their sibling... and under the right supervised circumstances where they feel safe I can convince them to see him too.

My children’s voices are loud and clear. They are afraid of and furious with their dad . Due to his total lack of insight and severe cognitive impairment he doesn’t remember what he’s done so he has no remorse. My STBX is truely dangerous through no fault of his own. However, he is still a human being and the father of our children. One of us has to be the adult and it can’t be him. If I, under my horrific circumstances can get the kids to at least grunt on the phone with their dad, I don’t see any reason why you can not.

I doubt very much my children will have much of a relationship if any with my STBX as they get older. That is not my problem. What my job as the only adult in the room is to ensure my children do not grow up with abandonment issues and they learn compassion, respect and how to conduct themselves with grace when being forced to interact with somebody who hurt them and whom they don’t like. This is a valuable life lesson as they will always encounter people in life whom they don’t like.

You need to think about what you want to teach your child.
 
Stillbreathing said:
To the OP. Your ex’s behaviour as you described it is more immature than intimidating. My STBX has diagnosed mental health issues, a castrophic brain injury and assaulted our children. My children have a very poor relationship with him due to HIS violent and remorseless behaviour. They want nothing to do with him and they are justified in their feelings . That being said, I can still get them to talk to him on the phone. I am not responsible for the depth or quality of the conversation once he’s on the phone. I hand the phone to my kid, and say, “it’s your father.” They usually just grunt or give one word answers. Not my problem. I got them on the phone. Then they hand the phone to their sibling... and under the right supervised circumstances where they feel safe I can convince them to see him too.

My children’s voices are loud and clear. They are afraid of and furious with their dad . Due to his total lack of insight and severe cognitive impairment he doesn’t remember what he’s done so he has no remorse. My STBX is truely dangerous through no fault of his own. However, he is still a human being and the father of our children. One of us has to be the adult and it can’t be him. If I, under my horrific circumstances can get the kids to at least grunt on the phone with their dad, I don’t see any reason why you can not.

I doubt very much my children will have much of a relationship if any with my STBX as they get older. That is not my problem. What my job as the only adult in the room is to ensure my children do not grow up with abandonment issues and they learn compassion, respect and how to conduct themselves with grace when being forced to interact with somebody who hurt them and whom they don’t like. This is a valuable life lesson as they will always encounter people in life whom they don’t like.

You need to think about what you want to teach your child.
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Wow, I love this. My ex is Bi-Polar and we too go through some pretty rough patches. In my case the kids need to keep in touch as he rarely calls when they are home. Love to hear any advice on how to keep them accountable for keeping in touch, teaching them to forgive and understand has also been hard. Love to hear some of your insights sometime :)
 
MommaMouse said:
Wow, I love this. My ex is Bi-Polar and we too go through some pretty rough patches. In my case the kids need to keep in touch as he rarely calls when they are home. Love to hear any advice on how to keep them accountable for keeping in touch, teaching them to forgive and understand has also been hard. Love to hear some of your insights sometime :)
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My parents were both messed up which impacted the relationships we had with both of them. As a kid you dont understand the issues behind the behaviour and face it, teens have their own worlds they live in.

Best advice I can give as a kid who grew up in a divorce situation with two difficult parents is to just keep encouraging them. You may also want to have them speak to a therapist too who can help them understand mental illness. Its similar to an incurable disease where you watch your parent suffer. Remind them to call dad and have some connection. Even though he is ill, when he is gone it will be difficult for them.
 
My ex was/is a rather loud individual (from a very loud Polish/Ukrainian family). Ex was, in my opinion, rather abusive to our son. One time when son was 10 y.o. he picked son up and threw him on a marble foyer which resulted in a broken wrist. Doctor told him that if this ever happened again he would report him. Fortunately it was a one-off event. My ex was a shouter. If son didn't take the garbage to the curb on garbage days my ex would go nutzoid and scream and yell at him. I now believe my son intentionally ignored his father just to get under his skin.

Fast forward to now when son is adult. Ex rarely bothers himself to phone or contact our son. Same for son calling his father. Just today I was............served court papers from ex (this happens every 6 months to a year). My son's first reaction was "I'm not talking to him and I'm blocking him." I just laughed it off and told him the usual stuff... "yeah I think he is an idiot but he's still your father." A few weeks ago I had a very pleasant conversation with my ex, who had called to speak to son (who wasn't answering father's calls on cell). I suspect that his g/f learned of ex's tentative plans to come to visit son (we live in different provinces) and thus the continuing saga of litigation. It's so ridiculous. So I have to once again do the form thing.... no material change of circumstances... rinse, wash, repeat. I think this time I should perhaps file a motion to have him not be allowed to continue this nonsense until he pays his arrears (I doubt he will live long enough to pay arrears). I didn't do it before as it's simply a hassle and we have to do the inter jurisdictional football game from one superior court to the other. Such a waste of my time (and the courts).

Well that's my rant for today.
 
Holy Crap Arabian, if that happened now, CAS would have his head on a platter!

Does your son have any relationship with your ex's girlfriend?
 
kate331 said:
Holy Crap Arabian, if that happened now, CAS would have his head on a platter!

Does your son have any relationship with your ex's girlfriend?
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no (I'm laughing right now). When my son has met up with his father the g/f is always present and while son is polite he finds it lame. Son doesn't stay with father when he visits that city.

Primary reason we moved away was due to the g/f's stalking. It was downright creepy. Son quit 2 jobs because of her. Once she found out where he worked she would follow him home just so she knew where we lived. Son caught her doing this. Nut job? Yes.
 
That is creepy! You would think she knew where you live via the court papers.

Whats up with some of these second partner/wifes? It seem they take on these rescue role to save their man from us Monster Mom's :) And their whole lives revolve around it. I'm not quite sure about my ex's new partner yet. Right now, she is playing Super Step Mom. She doesnt have kids yet, so she is still into how children should behave. Good luck with that, if one of the kids loses their "chew" :)

Interesting I dont find a ton of guys on here defending their girlfiends/wives partners, maybe its a female thing, or I havent read enough on the forum.
 
kate331 said:
That is creepy! You would think she knew where you live via the court papers.

Whats up with some of these second partner/wifes? It seem they take on these rescue role to save their man from us Monster Mom's :) And their whole lives revolve around it. I'm not quite sure about my ex's new partner yet. Right now, she is playing Super Step Mom. She doesnt have kids yet, so she is still into how children should behave. Good luck with that, if one of the kids loses their "chew" :)

Interesting I dont find a ton of guys on here defending their girlfriends/wives partners, maybe its a female thing, or I haven't read enough on the forum.
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Until I moved out of province I did not have my address on court papers. Prior to that everything went to lawyer.

Ex's g/f is the wife of one of our former employees. Employee worked for us for 18 years. I have mellowed over the years but I still get quite angry when I read about blatant interference from someone who is not party to the litigation. I had difficulty not just from ex's g/f but from his sister. Of course, there are exceptions to everything. We are naturally biased by our own individual experiences. I recognize that.

9 years later ex's g/f still thinks she is clever by sending me emails, pretending to be my ex. Ex and I don't email each other and I assume he forgot to tell her this. I can laugh at the whole thing now.

I'm on my own now and likely for the rest of my life. I have me, and only me, to defend myself in and out of court.

I was so disappointment to find that the documents (hefty package served on me today) was merely a photocopy of previous motions he has made.... right down to the exact wording and exact same attachments. I was hoping for something meatier.
 
blinkandimgone said:
The situation was very different being an access issue. The report was not used to make any determinations on access or any decisions at all so was not beneficial in the courtroom at all. The benefit? The other parent was forced to read a report from a third party that said the children were happy and well adjusted in our care and not miserable and hating us as she wanted and tried to coerce them to be. It was in front of her face, in black and white and she could no longer send shitty emails about how kids were not wanting to see us.

There's your answer.
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You just nailed WHY we're doing the VoC report. Thank you.
 
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