Using my illness vs me....what to do

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iceberg

iceberg

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few weeks ago I got over a bad flu. Our kid had to spend that week at home due to new chiken pox outbreak in school so she was with her mom. All was good.

But yesterday I went down with a fever of nearly 40 and other weird symptoms. Today its worse, the fever is not even responding to tylenol. Looks like it's coming back. Im going to the doctor tomorrow if it doesn't get better.

Anyway, I text my ex and told her if I don't get better there is no way I can have the child because our child has low neutrophils (type of white blood counts) due to chemothrapy and is very prone to infection, and if she gets an infection then she has no WBC to fight it off. So it is logical that she stays with mom untill I get better because risking her health is not worth over a few days of kinder garten.

I also suggested to my ex that she drives the kid to-from school even though its a bit far. She then unleashed shit storm at me:

"If the child was in school in my area that wouldn't happen as we have 3 houses, now because of your flu she has to miss at least a week, you are very unfit father etc etc."

What do I tell her?
 
Do not respond. GO to a doctor. Get a friend to take you. Get a prescription. You will have a record of your legitimate illness. Go to a doctor today, it sounds like you are very ill
 
Metaxa in tea help mes when I get a really bad cold. You either kick the bug or you feel a tad hung-over the next day.

Definitely get some sort of confirmation from a medi-clinic or doctor. Hope you feel better soon.
 
You are not an unfit father and have to remember that! You also know that you are dealing with a high conflict parent to you need to constuct your emails to reflect that.

You are ill and also in a unique circumstance. Records can be your friend at this time (as sad as that may seem)
 
Thanks all

Didn't reply to her. My doc sent me to ER as fever with no other symptoms has to be investigated, here I am in the waiting room :) hoping for some good results, I hate hospitals
 
As others have pointed out, get a Dr.'s note, confirming your illness, and keep the prescription receipts that you had to get for your illness. Also keep the texts (or try to use email) (documentation) from Mom, where she lambasts you for this.

I would say you are a very "fit" father, in that you don't want to expose your sick child, to your illness. That is a common-sense, and child-centred decision. Given your daughter's health-history, and current condition, to do otherwise would be irresponsible.

Why would your daughter have to "miss" school for a week, because you are sick? If your daughter does miss school, because Mom won't take her, then you should document that as well.

Unfortunately, it sounds like, whatever you say, will never get a "child-first" response from Mom, as she does sound like a high-conflict parent.

Get well soon.
 
Mom now has a reason why she "can't" take the child to school. Pulled her tooth out.

Yesterday however she was 100% and said as long as I am sick the child will stay at her place and wont go to school, she said it verbally.
 
If your sick your daughter should stay away with her compromised immune system.


You should have private messaged me - would have made you some borscht or hungarian chick goulash soup That would fix you right up! Lots of hot paprika to get your blood flowing again.

Hope you are feeling better.
 
iceberg said:
Mom now has a reason why she "can't" take the child to school. Pulled her tooth out.

Yesterday however she was 100% and said as long as I am sick the child will stay at her place and wont go to school, she said it verbally.
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Make sure you put what she said verbally in writting. Always send an email the next day with "as per our verbal conversation, this happened, was said, et." followed by "if this is incorrect in any way, please advise in writting in response to me."

Be careful because your ex might pull a stunt where she won't give you the child back until you provide a doctors note saying you are healthy. Be prepared for that.

By her keeping the kid home from school for the sole reason that she doesn't want to drive her to school beacuse it is far away is good for you to use against her in court. Definitely not in the childs best interest.
 
iceberg said:
Mom now has a reason why she "can't" take the child to school. Pulled her tooth out.

Yesterday however she was 100% and said as long as I am sick the child will stay at her place and wont go to school, she said it verbally.
Click to expand...

Your child lost a tooth, so now can't go to school? Or do you mean Mom lost a tooth? I don't see how either would affect school attendance. Kids losing their baby teeth is a non-issue.
 
arabian said:
If your sick your daughter should stay away with her compromised immune system.


You should have private messaged me - would have made you some borscht or hungarian chick goulash soup That would fix you right up! Lots of hot paprika to get your blood flowing again.

Hope you are feeling better.
Click to expand...

Oh you are so sweet. We should go for a drink. Don't worry about my diet, I eat a lot of balkan foods including "supa's with paprika and vegeta, gulash, burek, chevap etc :)
 
Canadaguy said:
Make sure you put what she said verbally in writting. Always send an email the next day with "as per our verbal conversation, this happened, was said, et." followed by "if this is incorrect in any way, please advise in writting in response to me."

Be careful because your ex might pull a stunt where she won't give you the child back until you provide a doctors note saying you are healthy. Be prepared for that.

By her keeping the kid home from school for the sole reason that she doesn't want to drive her to school beacuse it is far away is good for you to use against her in court. Definitely not in the childs best interest.
Click to expand...

I always convert what she says back to her in text and she cannot deny it because she knows I record too so she tries to get avoid caught in a lie.

She is not holding back the child she urges me to pick her up despite me being sick.
 
dad2bandm said:
Your child lost a tooth, so now can't go to school? Or do you mean Mom lost a tooth? I don't see how either would affect school attendance. Kids losing their baby teeth is a non-issue.
Click to expand...

Mama pulled a tooth out and can't drive the kid to school but before tooth issue she admitted she won't drive her anyway
 
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