University as section 7 (long...sorry)

No, I don't care if it's her when it's regarding finances because I know she calls the shots in that family. I only get pissed when it affects my son. The letter said, "I am delighted you got accepted into university. I suppose this means you graduated high school". Uh....ya think? And I've never known my ex to use the word "delighted" *snort*
 
She probably sends out the condolence cards and your son falls under that category.

Ah well. Just get the money and know it will likely put a screw into her summer vacation spending.
 
I'd spend less time trying to screw the new wife over and just pursue the post secondary contributions. Honestly, if you expend energy where it shouldn't be (towards the new wife) it detracts from other things you will be doing.
Who cares who writes what. As long as they aren't death threats it's just fluff.
We get emails from the ex wife, her husband and now her mother. The delete function works great.
 
Where exactly did I say I was trying to screw over the wife?

As for writing letters, emails, texts....new wives/husbands need to butt the fuck out of it. Not their kids, not their past relationship. You know when you marry someone that they have kids and those kids have a mother or father. If you don't like the arrangement, don't marry the person. I've had two relationships that were blended families, and I managed to stay out of that part of the relationship. My job was to establish a good relationship with the kids and that was my only job. Access, support, activities, etc. was up to the parents of the kids and I let THEM handle it.
 
Actually KMF I never said YOU did. In fact I said "I'd spend less time..." so relax.

And fyi, you can turn your latter argument around: we also know our previous spouses will go on to pursue other relationships. Like it or not your children are part of another family.

If you read my post again I actually make an attempt to promote your self interests.
 
Serene said:
Actually KMF I never said YOU did. In fact I said "I'd spend less time..." so relax.

And fyi, you can turn your latter argument around: we also know our previous spouses will go on to pursue other relationships. Like it or not your children are part of another family.

If you read my post again I actually make an attempt to promote your self interests.
Click to expand...

actually serene I took it the same way that KMF did. You were in a way comparing what you would do to what you think she is doing. To say that you would spend less time, you have to have something to judge that by. Less time vs what, The time you think she is using?


I know you probably didn't mean anything bad.
 
Sometimes i,think we all need advanced grammar classes before posting on this forum. Serene, I read your post and thought the same, you were comparing. But then I read it again, after your explanation and saw how you were more than likely saying something different. Wow I am sure this is a really bad run on sentence or something!
 
Serene, yes, my kids are a part of other people's families. His stepmother should have been there to get to know my son, hang out with him, nurture him, etc., if that's what she wanted. That is where it needed to stop. My ex's financial obligations regarding his son and access schedules are none of her business. That is between the two parents. Her husband is not a child. He is fully capable of writing his own letters and emails. Just because my children are in her life, doesn't give her free reign to interfere in areas that don't involve her. The only reason I can see for a stepparent to communicate with the other parent (other than for cordial reasons), is because he or she is a control freak.

My son's relationship with his father is between the two of them. If I don't get involved with it, his stepmother sure as hell shouldn't. However, that is for my son to tell her now that he's 18. Her interference has done nothing but caused my son to resent her, and he wants nothing more to do with her. She has made the situation much worse than it should have been.
 
I guess the point I was trying to make is we can't control who writes what and who has what kind of relationship with whom in other people's homes... I totally get how frustrating and upsetting things can be - we get emails from the ex wife, her husband and now her mother on most everything that is really none of their business (my wedding, my pregnancy, colour of my new home, my cars, who can do homework with which child, etc.) and yes it is often upsetting. And moreso because the communications are abusive and degrading.

But I can't control it. I can't make it stop. Neither can my husband. So we can continue to worry/have our opinion about it but it is a useless way to try and control a situation.

That is all I meant - your opinion doesn't matter in their world....if they want to be a-holes they will.
 
KMF - if the ex's wife gets in the way and you have to send or communicate something important to the father I've done it via double-registered mail. That way you can be assured your ex actually gets the documents/message.

I'd recommend not communicating anything whatsoever through the ex's wife. Shut her down by shutting her out. Drives em crazy.
 
I too have a question related to post secondary education.... I completely understand my cs payments continue when our daughter starts university, which i have no issue with, but what i'm wondering is if she ends up in residence or renting an apartment could I not pay her the support directly instead of having to give it to my ex?

My ex has started a motion hearing to come after me for s7 related to the kids being in hockey, even though she had them registered for years before even telling me and it's been 14 years since we separated. So considering we have a hearing, it was a thought I had that I didn't even know if it would be considered. I don't believe that this support money will go towards supporting our daughter if she isn't living with her mother, so I would prefer to be able to give it to her directly so it "supports her", as its intended purpose. Do I stand a chance at even suggesting this?
 
I've been reading CANLii BC as there seem to be many cases regarding university/section 7 cases. As I read through them I will post some that I think you might find somewhat relevant to your situation. Something to occupy myself while in the throws of laundry...


K.P.W. v. K.W.W., 2013 BCPC 40 (CanLII), <CanLII - 2013 BCPC 40 (CanLII)
 
I have another question related to this situation where our daughter is off to university, she turns 18 at the end of this summer. The motion my ex scheduled is related to a few things, one being the hockey I mentioned before, but the other being expenses related to university.

I became unemployed in 2012 and when I saw the difficulty in trying to find employment I decided to try working for myself. Last year I had a full year of steady work on my own but in this process the judge inputted an income to me based on an average over the last 3 years. I have no problem with this at all, but my income actually came in $8,000.00 lower that the amount my support is based on (again, I'm fine with that) and I'm basing that on gross profit not factoring in write offs.

I've been able to pay my support on time each month, but my current wife is picking up some of the financial slack on my part, she is trying to be supportive of me working for myself and trying to get a successful business going. But considering I am having a hard time covering all of my necessities of life, like food and stuff, I am concerned that when determining post secondary contributions that they are going to look at financials from a "household" income.

I know how important post secondary education is for our daughter, but what happens in a situation where a parent just doesn't have it to contribute? My ex is on welfare, she has barely worked since we split up in 2000 and now she is trying to come after me for anything she can. She tells the court I'm hiding money, that my wife is helping me hide money and that couldn't be further from the truth, I'm trying to make an honest living and I just don't know what to do in this situation. My ex lied to me about our son being in post secondary when he actually wasn't. She did this so she could continue to collect support for him after he turned 18. I'm concerned she will lie to me too about where our daughter is living while she is in school, and she has the kids lie for her too.

Do I want to help my daughter with university costs, of course I do, but at the same time I have to be able to survive as well. It's not fair that my wife is picking up the pieces that I can't afford to pay for and if she were to have to put out anything more where my past family is concerned she would probably leave me!

Not feeling like much of a man right now! Does anyone have any insight?
 
Lookingforhelp - are you currently paying CS through a maintenance enforcement program (FRO/MEP)?

Sometimes you have to accept the reality that 'working for one's self' is not in the cards. If you are currently making less than the income imputed to you that should tell you that you need to critically examine the benefit of being self-employed. When someone is imputed with income, it means that with your current level of education and employment experiences, the imputed income is a minimum amount of money you should be making. If you have given your self-employment endeavors a good try and it is not working out then perhaps it is time to consider being an employee once again.

Being self-employed is not always glamorous. Do you have a comprehensive medical plan? Do you have a good retirement savings plan? When you 'hang your own shingle' you have to take those things into consideration. Of course if you have children, planning for their post-secondary education is very, very important. You should be looking at your own situation in a mature, realistic manner and be prepared to face up to the reality of the bottom line.

Some people have to get second jobs to pay for their kid's university.

I would recommend getting together with a financial planner and assessing your current financial situation. Sometimes we don't want to face reality but the sooner one does the sooner you can make some important decisions.
 
Hi Arabian, Yes I pay my support through FRO because it's traceable this way. I have been looking for a full time job and there isn't much selection. I have high school as my highest education, and I have no licenses/tickets behind me.

At this time I have no choice but to try and keep getting jobs for myself, until I can find full time employment, because I have no EI benefit either. I know, not the greatest situation, but this is reality for me right now. There has been no glamour at all in being self employed, but I couldn't find full time work as an employee so I did what I had to to keep making money to survive. Being self employed is not working out, and I have my eye on the job boards constantly. In the mean time, I'm trying my hardest to keep my head afloat while trying to minimize as much burden as possible that my wife has been facing in all of this.
 
As your ex is on social assistance you have to be very, very careful. FRO or other maintenance enforcement agencies are obligated by law to collect aggressively from payors when the other person is on welfare.

The best thing is to be honest and candid about your income and expenses. Keep accurate records of money in/money out.

Because there are so many deadbeats out there (like my ex) who try to manipulate the system, it makes it very hard for people who are honestly trying to survive and support their children.

I would recommend that you have your income/expenses documented by a neutral 3rd party. You might consider seeking financial advice from a provincial financial counselling agency. Whatever you do, DO NOT, wash money through your current partner. My ex has done that and it has recently resulted in his loss of drivers' license and passport.

A provincially-sponsored financial counselling agency can work with you and you will have the benefit of having the agency document all of your income and expenses. Then if your ex, or FRO, try to nail you in the future you can simply turn over your documentation and not worry. This documentation will help you should you have to file a claim for undue hardship. If you can prove you are indeed in dire straights then you might also qualify for legal aid. I don't know what the regulations are for that in your Province but I'm sure the information is readily available online.
 
I wouldn't even think to wash money through my wife, nor would i ever do something like that. And if there is anything I'm trying to avoid is having to do undue hardship, because then they will drag my wifes info into it and i need to avoid having that happen. i'll get it all figured out, just don't know how to approach this motion response.
 
I understand you don't want to drag your wife into this. However, if things are as tight as you say they are then you should consider providing full financial disclosure for both you and your partner.

Whatever you do make sure your documentation is impeccable. Judges do appreciate having facts, not fiction, in front of them.

Good luck - perhaps someone else on the forum has some other ideas for you.
 
Intact families have no obligation to pay for children's post secondary costs. But separated parent's do... think about it for a minute...
 
Protection for the children's best interests. Once the family breaks up the child of the marriage, through no fault of his/her own, might have to face insurmountable difficulty in obtaining support that the child would normally receive for post education had the marriage stayed intact. With this in mind, laws exist to protect the child of the marriage.

The way I see it it's kind of an insurance policy that keeps everyone's fingers out of the child's education fund.

Just another cost of divorce. Probably pales in comparison to legal fees the parents spend fighting about it though.
 
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