Hi,
You're going into a lot of detail, and listing things like his tools etc and all his items like that, I just want to point out that we can't do your separation/divorce for you. We can give you some advice based on our own personal experience only.
For personal experience, I will share that my ex racked up over $50,000 in personal debt on credit cards without telling me, and pretty much wiped out all of our savings. I paid off one of her cards with a bank loan a few years before we split, and she was to pay of the others and get credit counselling. Instead she maxed out the card I had paid, within a year, and hid all of her statements from me. We had no possessions of any value, she had spent it all on lifestyle (restaurants, cell phone bills, etc).
I say all this to point out that as angry and hurt as you feel, who did what to whom will have no effect on the end result of splitting assets. The courts and the Family Law Act already understand that your marriage has failed and they aren't looking for finger pointing. This will all boil down to mathematics.
The income throughout your marriage wasn't shared or joint because you were common law. His belongings (tools etc) are his, yours are yours.
Savings and investments if they were joint, you share them, if they were in your individual names you each keep them. This also goes for debt.
The house, from your story, should be considered joint because it is in both of your names.
I am disturbed that at the very end of your last post you mention "my little girls" but they do not figure into any other part of your story. The children are going to be central to the separation and divorce, they are going to be affected the most by this, not you or your husband. They have a RIGHT to an ongoing relationship with BOTH of you and you mustn't let your personal feelings stand in the way of this, you will only hurt them and hurt your own case. I say this a parent, and every parent here will agree, you have to put their feelings first.
You also need to watch out for language like "my house". It is his home too. They are his kids. This is his life. Everything you own was purchased through his labour. I am not taking sides by saying this, I am pointing out what he and his lawyer will be presenting and it is a fact of life that you have to accept.
Some final personal advice: We don't only marry people's good qualities, we marry the whole person. We have to accept that. Neither of you were perfect and neither of you were blameless. If you walk away from this carrying bitterness and anger, then you are not different from anyone else who divorces, but if you carry that bitterness and anger around with you and never let it go, then you are not hurting him, you are hurting yourself.
It isn't necessary to blame anyone. Just untangle the knot and move on and live the rest of your life.
