the difficult parent who doesn't cash your cheque!

Y

youngdad91

New member
at first, completely denied receiving the cheques in the mail and wanted to bring a contempt motion against but then confirmed through telephone conversation between counsel that she had them. Still hasn't deposit them 2 weeks later!

I do have a video footage of my mailing out the cheques to her address. What can I do here ? Any others with similar experiences with a difficult resistant to cooperating ex ?
 
I haven't had "cheques" for about 20 years. I'm old. You're a "youungdad91"
What about automatic deposits into her account? Interac e-transfer?

Better yet - set it up with FRO then you never have to talk to her about money.
 
arabian said:
I haven't had "cheques" for about 20 years. I'm old. You're a "youungdad91"
What about automatic deposits into her account? Interac e-transfer?

Better yet - set it up with FRO then you never have to talk to her about money.
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Thanks for your message Arabian. I only ordered cheques because of her - she wouldn't accept e-transfer and would demand cash.

it was a one time payment- there is no ongoing expense.


we have to engage in some mediation and she is stalling her retainer claiming I have to pay her this first. Mind you guys and gals she drives a 30,000 Audi suv
 
ridiculous. Money is money. Money orders are brilliant. Yeah you have to pay a few bucks for them but you get a receipt.


Nice car but who cares in the end. (I think a guy with an older pick up is a whole lot sexier than a dude in a shiny new BMW.) I like people who aren't pretentious....
 
IMO, if she is being that way, cancel the old cheque and simply deliver her a new one. Have it sent registered mail if need be, and keep a copy (take a pic with your phone).

Also, use email transfer. Even if they don't accept it, you have record of it being sent and that they simply haven't accepted it. I find it better because the money is technically out of my account and I don't chance the ex holding onto the cheque for ages, allowing me to lose track of money.
 
Avoid cheques with "difficult" ex'es, at all cost. If you have to rely on a paper-instrument for payment, and if it's not ongoing payment, I agree, money-order (Canada Post money order), is great.

The money is already taken out of your account when you purchase the money order, so an ex can't dink around with you, and wait to cash it when you're low on funds. And you get a receipt.

In this particular case, if you're that worried about the cheque, I suppose you could always put a stop-payment on the cheque (it will cost you), and re-issue the payment using money order with documentation/letter to explain why you did this.

For payments that are ongoing (child support, etc), it's best to move electronically (email money transfers are awesome), or to FRO.
 
I should mention I do have photocopy photos of the cheques, as well as a video of me putting the cheques inside an envelope at the post office, putting the stamp, and dropping it in the mailbox.

I thought about the e-transfer - if she doesn't accept it because she doesn't "trust it" - with the excuse changing to she doesn't have data on her phone, to her bank doesn't allow it..... constant raising of the bar ... I can never meet the bar... when the bar is met then the concern changes...
 
youngdad91 said:
I should mention I do have photocopy photos of the cheques...

...I thought about the e-transfer - if she doesn't accept it because she doesn't "trust it" - with the excuse changing to she doesn't have data on her phone, to her bank doesn't allow it...
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That's good you have photocopy of cheque at least.

Typical "high-conflict" ex. What bank doesn't allow Interac e-transfers these days?

When I would get a "I don't have data or Internet on my phone" response, from my high-conflict ex (sometimes sent in email from her...duh), I would just tell her the library down the street from her, has free Internet. I would just switch to using e-transfers, and she can figure out how to get them. She wants the money bad enough, she'll figure out a way. High-conflict people will always want to make new issues - you just have to remove yourself from it.

She has to walk to a bank or ATM to cash a cheque anyway, so she can walk to pretty much any free Wifi place to "cash" her E-transfer.
 
dad2bandm said:
That's good you have photocopy of cheque at least.

Typical "high-conflict" ex. What bank doesn't allow Interac e-transfers these days?

When I would get a "I don't have data or Internet on my phone" response, from my high-conflict ex (sometimes sent in email from her...duh), I would just tell her the library down the street from her, has free Internet. I would just switch to using e-transfers, and she can figure out how to get them. She wants the money bad enough, she'll figure out a way. High-conflict people will always want to make new issues - you just have to remove yourself from it.

She has to walk to a bank or ATM to cash a cheque anyway, so she can walk to pretty much any free Wifi place to "cash" her E-transfer.
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I know, It's ridiculous. Not to mention that she has public wi-fi at her work, and she does email me - how can you email with no internet connection ?
 
Pretty sure whatever order you have states that you must make a payment, but does not say how. If she is willing to deny herself the payment simply to be difficult she is cutting off her nose to spite her face.

Seems like the issue is on her end to resolve, not you.

If you really wanted to ensure there is no issue with the payment, you could simply send it via registered mail.
 
I am glad to see that experienced members seem to agree that e-transfer is OK. Makes sense. I'm just switching from cheques because the kids go from house to house on the school bus and we don't do as many drop offs.

Young Dad, I might consider opening a sub account out of which you make only your support payments, funded from your regular account automatically. Out of this you make your regular e-transfer and if she lets it expire, let it happen and if she wants the money she can come to you. I'm sure the court would compel you to make a second attempt to pay, and you don't have to let it go that far but let it be her PITA, not yours. You made your attempt and can prove it, and you now have the money set aside for when it happens. She can go without for months and you don't care.
 
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