Terrible night

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hubby

hubby

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Well, after having some stress doing homework with the kids and all ...

Wife and I had a chat about how to deal with homework issues, that seemed to go ok, then our conversation escalated into an arguement. Her saying she still want to leave, that she considers me a father figure, no love ...

Then I took off me dang ring, she said I dont' care what you do with your ring, I took her two rings she took off, made it look like I flushed them down the toilet! For Heavens Sake, I feel like such an idiot!

I've been doing my best to take two steps forward then I trip and take 5 back! Arrrrrhhhhhh!!! :mad:

What a FOOLISH thing to do!

Go ahead ladies, just let me have it. I deserve it.


Hubby
 
OH Hubby,

Let me go first. First go apologize and give her back the rings!!!

When your marriage is not "right" it is always something else that will trigger the fight. It had nothing to do with homework. Your marital problems will always be the underlining factor in all conversations and disagreements. It is also grossly unfair to the children to live in a hostile environment.

I think you and your spouse have to sit down and make up your minds. Stay together and equally work on the marriage or go the separation route. You cannot make your marriage work on your own. It is probably time to "shit or get of the pot".

In your defence I will say that it must have been an excruciating blow to have been told by your wife that she no longer loves you and wants to leave. Next time you have an agruement best to cool off by taking a walk around the block. Stay away from the plumbing.
 
Ah, saved by Grace again! :rolleyes:

I wrote her a letter ...

Basically saying ... That the rings represented 18 years of our history together and I was not about to flush that down the toilet!

Rings were in the envelope ... she has them somewhere now and mine is back on.

Yeah, plumbing and wedding rings do not mix well eh! ;)

I was trying to convey the message that 'acting' on feelings and emotions can be destructive ... and that's the message I gave her when I explained I had flushed them down the toilet ... that I just 'felt' like doing it.

Hope my message got across.

Hubby
 
Is your wife willing to try marriage councelling, to save the marriage or does she just want out?
 
Counselling not at the moment, she is in a negative state about our relationship and feels it will not work.

Negativity clouds the mind and the logic or reasoning faculties.

Just as we single handedly have the ability to elicit certain emotions from people with our words and actions ... it is also possible to single handedly elicit a positive state of mind in a person ... it just takes time, effort and much patience!

I guess the most challenging thing is living together and feeling ackward talking with one another at times ... as she said " I'm a father figure " ...

I have the best Marriage Coach working for me on the case ... he be directly above me! ;)

Hubby
 
Negativity will get you nowhere. If she is negative there is not alot you can do until that feeling subsides.
 
Tim,

I agreee whole heartedly. Negativity be like a storm, I must find patience (something I need to work on) be still and let the storm pass along.

Well, she said she took off the rings cuase 'they were tight' and during our conversation she said 'we were still married' ... at least there be some beams of light that are penetrating the valley of the shadow of death.

There really not be much I can do to change her, however, there be much I can do to change myself to elicit a much better response from her.

On a positive note, she is at least reading the books I have purchased on seperation/divorce - they are solution oriented, pro marriage books .. I pray that their message will ingrain themselves into her soul and help pull her out of her negative captivity cell - with a BIG helping hand from Him, above.


Hubby
 
Thats great hubby...

Thats great hubby...

Thats greatv she`s reading the books...I am at a loss for my problems..no contact at all...for almost a month..it does not look good..shes not even having our son call me..I pleaded yesterday via a message and nothing...thats good news hubby..good for you...
 
Aden said:
Thats greatv she`s reading the books...I am at a loss for my problems..no contact at all...for almost a month..it does not look good..shes not even having our son call me..I pleaded yesterday via a message and nothing...thats good news hubby..good for you...
Click to expand...


Aden,

Thanks, but I'm not out of the woods yet. Your challenge is to somehow open lines of communication with the wife while at the same time seeing your children on a daily basis. Legal option may be the only route for access to the kids.

Now to get the wife back, first establish contact with the kids, this way you get access to work on/with your wife, indirectly ... she starts to see the new, non-needing, happy Aden ... let her see the new and improved Aden. She starts to see you being happy and no dependancy on her, relieves her stress and ya know, people are just attracted to people who are positive, happy, outgoing and are just plain enjoying life.

If you want to attract the bee (your wife) , ya gotta become that beautiful flower, full of vibrant color (the new you).

Oh and expect the outcome to work out with your life ... looking back, it was this mindset that brought me many fortunes in the past.

Get that book I told ya about ... 'no pleading', it drives them away instead of bringing them closer. Maybe the reason she many not be talking to you? Whatever it is you've been doing needs to be changed up, then look at what sort of response you get. We'll talk more about it ...

Hubby
 
Thanks Hubby..

Thanks Hubby..

Thanks Hubby..I have a Pm for you on the way... thanks..so much you made me feel better.......
 
Hubby,

A good friend told me recently that "you can't put sour milk in the fridge and expect it to be drinkable in a few days". I thought that made a lot of sense when it comes to relationships.
 
Hey Hubby, just a thought... Valentine's Day is in a week have you considered doing 'a little something' to allure your wife into your romantic grip? now, I don't mean physically grab her ha ha, but maybe do something special. I wouldn't go extreme b/c it may appear fake. How about a singing telegram and a surprise delivery of chinese food? Simple yet memorable. Anyway, just a thought---but you seem like such a romantic, you've probably go a ton of ideas.
 
If your wife is the bee I glad I didn't suggest flowers in my latter post(today @ 9:47); she'd be hanging around them instead of with you. ( refer to the post referenced below to get my joke).
Sometimes I like to be light if I can cheer someone up and the person's post is not too serious; hope you get a chuckle.
I hope once your wife gets through the fog, she'll see the treasure on the other side.
 
If I pour sour milk in the fridge and leave it there ignored.. it will be even more sour, on the verge of rotting, a few days later :p
 
Actually, if one leaves sour milk in the fridge long enough, it turns to yogurt. Seriously ... that's how we do it in the ol' country. ;)

Speaking of Valentines Day ... I'd like to get some opinions. If a spouse is in a negative state of mind (in my case the wife) would one appreciate a gesture of love on Valentines Day?

Come on ladies ... Hubby wants to hear from you!

Hubby
 
hubby said:
Speaking of Valentines Day ... I'd like to get some opinions. If a spouse is in a negative state of mind (in my case the wife) would one appreciate a gesture of love on Valentines Day?
Click to expand...

This is just my 2 cents hubby, but if I were in a negative state of mind and was offered a "gesture of love" I would be EXASPERATED.

My ex went through a period after I left that he insisted on professing unending love to me. It didn't endear me to him it just made me angry.

My advice is to give her a little space.
 
News Release

News Release

OTTAWA - Fashion Police from Ottawa Central Division have issued citations to Hubby. Hubby was cited for "tasteless impersonating a 70 disco icon." His closet was raided, and police seized dozen of items of tasteless clothing, including a sear sucker leisure suit.

The citation, the second for Hubby in Ottawa, are simply warnings. Third offenses, however, could result in fines, and third offenses are punishable by a mandatory two-week stay in a fashion rehab clinic.
 
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