Temporary change of location for pickup.

M

Mom 2 Two

New member
My kids are invited to dinner tonight at their aunts. She has a pool. So I texted ex asking him to please collect the kids from her house at his normal pickup time instead of mine.

As usual I am met with a long email explaining how he (gf) interprets the SA and how it’s not in the kids best interest to disrupt routine. He picked them up from there all summer last year so they could have swimming lessons.

She doesn’t live out of the way either. It’s actually closer for him to get them their in relation to his trip home.

He told me it’s inconsistent routine for the kids. And not in their best interests. And if I can’t have them at my home then I should deliver them to west Lorne.

Our SA does not state a pickup location. Only that he is to drop them to their home upon return.

Do I just go with the plan? Or do I make the kids miss dinner with family to suit him. ?



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You say to him that its in the childrens best interest to see and spend time with family and that “we” should allow them every opportunity for activities they enjoy and that encourage physical activity.

Or that there is nothing the agreement stating where they are to be picked up and if they choose not to gather them from there then they can pick them up from your place at x time.

Or ignore.

Someone else may have a different idea. Your ex is being difficult.
 
Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.
 
Janus said:
Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.
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You are right! But my ex did not allow me to drop off, only she pick up. Plus she always half hour to one hour earlier. How to avoid it?
 
Janus said:
Generally, exchanges should be "drop off" rather than "pick up". I think that would avoid almost 90% of the issues we often hear about on this forum.


In this case, why not offer to drop off? Then you can go to the dinner, and ex could be happy, and kids could be happy. Kumbaya all around.
Click to expand...



That would be feasible except he lives 45 mins out of town. Works where the kids an I reside. So I suppose if I could drop them at 7:45 the sure. But not likely would he agree to this. :-(. So kids will
Miss out again I guess. Waiting on my lawyer to chime in. Such a waste of money.


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Sounds like tensions are running high ahead of your court date. How is it not in the kids best interest to go for a swim and dinner at extended family?

I'd ignore it especially since it makes his trip shorter and on his way home.

Thh1 , I'd start doing drop offs/pick up, sorry to say but it sounds like your being"whipped".
 
Mom 2 Two said:
That would be feasible except he lives 45 mins out of town. Works where the kids an I reside. So I suppose if I could drop them at 7:45 the sure.
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I'm confused. There are three locations:

A: Your house
B: Aunt's house
C: Father's house

Normally he picks up at your house. You want him to pick up at Aunt's house. He is only willing to pick up at your house. You are not willing to drive to father's house. Is that correct?

What time would he pick up from Aunt's house? Why can't the kids leave Aunt's house 45 minutes earlier than the time he would pick them up from your house so you can drop them off at father's house? As an alternative, why can't you drive them back to your house to be picked up?

But not likely would he agree to this.
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Why should he? You are the one changing plans, so it is your responsibility to minimize the impact on his parenting time.

So kids will miss out again I guess.
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Well, they won't miss out on parenting time with the father. Also, Aunt might learn to schedule things during your time if she wants your kids to attend.

Essentially, the parenting time was scheduled first. This dinner came after. You don't get to decide what he does during his parenting time.

It seems that under your plan they would miss out on parenting time with the father. Perhaps you value aunt-with-pool time more than father time, but the father might value father time more than aunt-with-pool time. On your time, you can choose which one you value more. On his time, he gets to make that decision.

Waiting on my lawyer to chime in. Such a waste of money.
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Agreed, why on earth are you discussing a parenting plan issue with your lawyer? Are you that wealthy?
 
Janus said:
I'm confused. There are three locations:



A: Your house

B: Aunt's house

C: Father's house



Normally he picks up at your house. You want him to pick up at Aunt's house. He is only willing to pick up at your house. You are not willing to drive to father's house. Is that correct?



What time would he pick up from Aunt's house? Why can't the kids leave Aunt's house 45 minutes earlier than the time he would pick them up from your house so you can drop them off at father's house? As an alternative, why can't you drive them back to your house to be picked up?



Then will have to be the alternative I guess which will suck for the kids.



Why should he? You are the one changing plans, so it is your responsibility to minimize the impact on his parenting time.







Well, they won't miss out on parenting time with the father. Also, Aunt might learn to schedule things during your time if she wants your kids to attend.



Essentially, the parenting time was scheduled first. This dinner came after. You don't get to decide what he does during his parenting time.



It seems that under your plan they would miss out on parenting time with the father. Perhaps you value aunt-with-pool time more than father time, but the father might value father time more than aunt-with-pool time. On your time, you can choose which one you value more. On his time, he gets to make that decision.







Agreed, why on earth are you discussing a parenting plan issue with your lawyer? Are you that wealthy?
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SA doesn’t specify where pickup is to be. And dad has picked up there before. End of story. He isn’t acting in best interest of the children. He is acting in his own best interests. It’s my time until 7pm. Which he can then have his time once he collects them from where they will be.

No I am not rich but we are in litigation right now and I am sure this will be used against me if they are not brought home. If if they are not at home for 7pm pickup rather will not show up and then say I withheld access.


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rockscan said:
You say to him that its in the childrens best interest to see and spend time with family and that “we” should allow them every opportunity for activities they enjoy and that encourage physical activity.

Or that there is nothing the agreement stating where they are to be picked up and if they choose not to gather them from there then they can pick them up from your place at x time.

Or ignore.

Someone else may have a different idea. Your ex is being difficult.
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I like your input the best. :-). But I suppose I asked so I get all sorts of different opinions.


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My input may not always be right but if the kids have a chance to go swimming on a hot day and dad can pick them up from there it shouldn’t be a problem. Its no different than saying the kids have a chance to see a movie at the mall on the way to your house, can you pick them up there instead?

People are so unreasonable. You’re not sending them there to be a jerk. Its hot and they can swim vs its hot and they can sit at your place waiting for dad.
 
rockscan said:
My input may not always be right but if the kids have a chance to go swimming on a hot day and dad can pick them up from there it shouldn’t be a problem. Its no different than saying the kids have a chance to see a movie at the mall on the way to your house, can you pick them up there instead?

People are so unreasonable. You’re not sending them there to be a jerk. Its hot and they can swim vs its hot and they can sit at your place waiting for dad.
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Exactly. Thanks. I sent him this response. I will inbox you.


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Poor kids, its hot out today and instead spending more time in the pool they will sit in a car to back track to Mom's, even though Aunts house is closer to Dad's.

Kids suffer enough in a separation/divorce situation why punish them further. A little cooperation would go a long way. Hopefully tensions are just running high as a court date is approaching, and in time nonsense like this will disappear.

I wonder if it had been any different if the child where at one of their friends house and not a relative of Mom's.

I hope you let us know how it turned out.
 
kate331 said:
Poor kids, its hot out today and instead spending more time in the pool they will sit in a car to back track to Mom's, even though Aunts house is closer to Dad's.



Kids suffer enough in a separation/divorce situation why punish them further. A little cooperation would go a long way. Hopefully tensions are just running high as a court date is approaching, and in time nonsense like this will disappear.



I wonder if it had been any different if the child where at one of their friends house and not a relative of Mom's.



I hope you let us know how it turned out.
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It wouldn’t be any different if it were somewhere else. He is punishing me. He isn’t trying to do what’s best for them.

The kids chose to go home early as I pointed out to them daddy may not come if I ask him to come to aunts house. He ditched them one time before over a similar situation. So I guess we will just concede this time.


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How far is aunts house from your house? Go for dinner and take the kids back to your place for pick up... honestly you are both creating unnecessary drama... him for not wanting to pick up at aunts and you for just not driving back home... you’re in court now, dad could easily request you both be responsible for pick up and then you would be the one traveling 45 min as well as him. That’s the best way to do it. I would also have set locations spelled out since neither of you agree where pick ups should be


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Berner_Faith said:
How far is aunts house from your house? Go for dinner and take the kids back to your place for pick up... honestly you are both creating unnecessary drama... him for not wanting to pick up at aunts and you for just not driving back home... you’re in court now, dad could easily request you both be responsible for pick up and then you would be the one traveling 45 min as well as him. That’s the best way to do it. I would also have set locations spelled out since neither of you agree where pick ups should be


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Dad moved away secretly without telling us in January. He tried to take the kids without giving me the address. So I’m not so sure a judge would make me deliver them when he decided to move away from our kids. But who knows I guess ? So he is the one that chose to move away and IMO for no good reason except because he wanted to. I know. None of my concern. But what is my concern is how it affects our kids. And he should of had that in his thoughts as well. He didn’t think about the affect on the travel for his young children or take into consideration their sports are where they live on the weekends. Pickup fri at 7 pm to drive 45 mins. Then back for 9 am sat and Sundays for hockey. How is that in their best interests. They have been enrolled in same hockey for the last three years.
So yes while I see what you mean that we are both being asses.... my sisters house is on his way home. Hence less of a car ride for our kids. He is just being a dick.

He picked them up here many times last summer and it was totally out of his way last year when he lived in the same town.

Her house is the same distance away that my house is from his work. So to go to my house he backtracking.

We will be heading home as the kids would rather leave early then risk dad not coming.




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Berner_Faith said:
you’re in court now, dad could easily request you both be responsible for pick up and then you would be the one traveling 45 min as well as him. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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At our last CC, my ex asked that we share the transportation for pick up/drop offs. The Judge said NO, its the non custodial parents job to do that. Made it easier for me so I didnt complain. But I found his stance rather harsh. Of course I am sure they make this decision on a case by case basis.
 
Your first post in this thread mentions that the initial communication you had with your ex was basically with his g/f.

When forced to deal with an ex through their current g/f/spouse it's a good idea to pause and reflect if this is indeed a reaction that your ex would make to an innocuous request such as yours. I've had to deal with faux ex (g/f) for many years. When I ended up actually speaking with my ex he often had no idea of current issue.

Keep this in mind.... your ex may have a very skewed impression of what actually transpired.
 
arabian said:
Your first post in this thread mentions that the initial communication you had with your ex was basically with his g/f.

When forced to deal with an ex through their current g/f/spouse it's a good idea to pause and reflect if this is indeed a reaction that your ex would make to an innocuous request such as yours. I've had to deal with faux ex (g/f) for many years. When I ended up actually speaking with my ex he often had no idea of current issue.

Keep this in mind.... your ex may have a very skewed impression of what actually transpired.
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I can guarantee he didn’t even know she responded to my request. And when I sent my response. The reply was instant. And I know he is working at that time and does not have access to his phone or email at the time his last demand came in.

I know deep down my ex husband does not want the fight we are having. We were married and remained friends for 3 years after. We got a long just fine and the kids loved that we still included the other in celebrations and important events. I do try to keep that in mind this is not how he would behave if not heavily influenced. But it is really hurtful that he has let some women take over his life and that he allows her to think and act for him. In his personal life where our kids are not involved fine. But when it comes to our kids he always looked to me and did up until the day he got serious with her. He gave me sole custody with no hesitation. I have done my best for our kids for the both of us.
I get it though. He will forever have his balls in her purse. And for that I will not forgive. And I just pray it doesn’t ruin his relationship with our boys. Boys need their dads. And I just want my boys to have the dad they had before.
Thanks for your input.


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