Starting From Scratch

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I can seriously believe you took "f**ker" pills today.

Real money refers to any large delta between spouses incomes. Whether it is 20K vs. 50K, 50K vs. 150k, or 0$ vs. 750K. It is all relative.

Obliviously, to most people anyways, no ex is going to spend thousands chasing a few extra hundred, but thousands will be spend chasing hundreds of thousands.
 
Thanks for the bits of information offered. Funny and a bit humorous how things can get side-tracked but the comments were a bit of a break from reality. I do know that perhaps $20k difference in salary may not be a lot for some folk but for me it's about being fair and hoping to be in a better place for the future. I don't intend to rake anybody (my wife) over the coals. I've long though about being bitter and trying to get even. Unfortunately I've come to realize that this still would not help my situation at this point. It wouldn't change her mind to choose me and choose to fight for our relationship. I know choices are made by an individual and that you can't make somebody choose to do something that they really don't want to do. I'm at a point where I'm hurt but okay with things. Everything will come out in the end anyhow.

I was just concerned as I'm worried that I may not be able to afford the mortgage or re-financed mortgage by myself and an extra $300 per month would probably help my situation. If I find that I really didn't use all the money from this $300 I would surely plan to put it away to RESP or something like that for the childrens' education savings. Also, I would be planning on trying to supplement my income by doing odd jobs, or perhaps a second job (assuming I could find somewhere that would allow me to work only nights or weekends, on the times that the kids are with my wife (STBX)).

I went to FLIC at the courthouse today and got some literature to read-up on. My wife went to another bank and opened her own bank account, so I'm guessing things are on the move. We had a chat tonight about our expectations and put a few items to paper, not a happy evening but it's a start. It sucks that I have no desire to end this marriage so I'm just going along with things as best as I can. My wife did mention in a comment that she wants permanent separation (I commented that if she could go straight to "divorce" that she would), she replied "no" which was weird, then she put a "just in case" comment in there. Weird, although I'm still not getting my hopes up as I've had them up for about 8 months now with no avail.

One thing we're not sure of... We have a car that is leased in both of our names. It is basically my wife's car and she has expressed interest in selling it or keeping it. We have only 8 lease payments left of about $400 each then the buyout is around $9K. When figuring out assets/debts is the car lease considered a debt or an asset. I think that at the time of buyout she could sell the car for $13K (and stand to make $4K)... So is the car a debt or asset?
 
Eyeswideopen,

What you need to do at this point is see a lawyer. You need to know exactly where you stand. It will cost some money, but a family law lawyer will be able to assess your exact situation and give you the legal breakdown of your position.

It may not all be what you want to hear, but at least you can stop guessing and you can make a game plan.

I do truly feel for you over your troubles. The emotional kick from a relationship breakdown that you don't want hurts, but don't let that cloud your financial judgment.

Your heart is your heart and work to mend it, but your wallet is also yours' to manage as much as possible.

Yours' is a case that won't go to court because of the similarities in income, so hopefully you will be able to say no to her about some money issues and have it stick. Court would just burn money and makes no sense.

Separate your emotional and monetary issues as much as possible and deal with them as two issues. It isn't easy, but when this is all over you will want a strong heart and a sound financial outlook.
 
eyeswideopen said:
I was just concerned as I'm worried that I may not be able to afford the mortgage or re-financed mortgage by myself and an extra $300 per month would probably help my situation. If I find that I really didn't use all the money from this $300 I would surely plan to put it away to RESP or something like that for the childrens' education savings. Also, I would be planning on trying to supplement my income by doing odd jobs, or perhaps a second job (assuming I could find somewhere that would allow me to work only nights or weekends, on the times that the kids are with my wife (STBX)).
Click to expand...

I wasn't suggesting earlier that you shouldn't take the offset CS, you definitely should. I put my CS (what I have received anyway :p) into an RESP as well. Good plan.


eyeswideopen said:
One thing we're not sure of... We have a car that is leased in both of our names. It is basically my wife's car and she has expressed interest in selling it or keeping it. We have only 8 lease payments left of about $400 each then the buyout is around $9K. When figuring out assets/debts is the car lease considered a debt or an asset. I think that at the time of buyout she could sell the car for $13K (and stand to make $4K)... So is the car a debt or asset?
Click to expand...

It's neither an asset or a debt until such time as the buyout is execercised. I suppose you could regard it as an option to buy which is an asset worth $4K today. This would be dealt with in equalization of family property.
 
eyeswideopen said:
My wife did mention in a comment that she wants permanent separation (I commented that if she could go straight to "divorce" that she would), she replied "no" which was weird, then she put a "just in case" comment in there. Weird, although I'm still not getting my hopes up as I've had them up for about 8 months now with no avail.
Click to expand...

My ex gave me the same wishy-washiness. He said he just figured we'd separate and not bother to get divorced. It doesn't make any sense to me! If he doesn't want to stay with me, why shouldn't the marriage be legally ended as soon as possible to free me up to live my life without him? He's already moved in with the other woman, but (this is going to sound like me tooting a moral horn here) I am not even going to think about thinking about thinking about dating again until I'm actually legally single.

It just smacks of manipulation to me; "no, I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want it official on paper." Like as long as the technicality of marriage is still there, he's not a failure as a husband or something. It's like he wants that door still open like somehow he's assuming that if his life doesn't go as planned he can come crawling back. I don't get it. I loved my husband dearly, but there's no way I want anything to do with this evil man who looks just like him who hurt me so badly.

I would not get your hopes up. She's not the woman you loved anymore, and this "just in case" stuff is cruel to you and incredibly selfish on her part. She wants a permanent separation? That's called divorce. It's just another means of manipulation to get more of what she wants.

Part of me wants my divorce done so badly because I'm afraid I'll get suckered into giving him another chance. And yet, because he doesn't want to bother with that last, final step, he's dragging his feet and I'm so terrified I'll end up in court for years like some stories I've seen on here.

As they say in my line of work" "Best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour."
 
"Just in case" you lose your sanity, the remedy for divorce would be to remarry. That would actually make a hell of a lot more sense than not divorcing, you'll want to reaffirm your vows and make a public display for family and friends. Not that I'm recommending it. Just print off my avatar picture and hang it on the wall next to the divorce certificate.
 
piggybanktoex said:
My example of the same situation with different money involved wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. It was merely an example of what could happen in a situation where real money is at stake.
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Yes to most, they only see the money part and to them it's the biggest and the most at stake.
What about the children and what about their best interests, how about the children's lives, they are the ones with the highest at stake but when parents dont see that then that's when problems arise.
 
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What does that top line say?

You guys are out of control. Now I have to come up with some witty retort.

Scouring internet tonight after kids in bed.
 
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