eyeswideopen
New member
Hello all. I was recommended to this site by a close friend. I haven't been able to spend alot of time reading but have browsed when I could. Quick story on my situation is my wife told me in Feb 2010 she wasn't attracted to me. Then in April 2010 she said she was no longer in love with me. This progressed to long talks, hurt feelings, I've asked her for couples therapy but she declines saying "this is not what I want to do, I want out as I don't love you anymore". We each are in the process of individual counseling but nothing positive has come. We have been married for 15 years with 2 children. Only some family and few close friends know of the situation. Our children don't know anything, unless they have picked up on the coldness in the house.
After some investigation I am fairly certain that my wife is having/had an affair although she denies to this day. I don't have any solid evidence that I could use legally in court. I have only talked to an EAP phone session with Lawyers 2 times, and have talked to friends who have been though this situation. I've been trying to read as much as possible, however it's so overwhelming at times. If you were to ask me what I want to do, I'd tell you couples therapy with my wife as I still love her. I'm sad that the trust is gone but would be most willing to work on the relationship.
My wife is moving forward with searching for a new house as she is prepared to leave me and said I can have our current house if I desire. She has looked at various bank calculators and figures I should be able to afford this one after settling our finances on my current income. My wife makes about 20k more than me. As it's been so long, I don't have much hope on regaining what we had in the past. We're still living in the same house, starting to talk more about what each of us expects. She is anxious to start putting pen to paper to sort things out. She says she thinks I'm still a great dad and she will not file for sole custody. When we've talked we have both expressed that neither of us would settle for less that 50/50 Shared Custody. Despite the current situation when we do work together we get things done efficiently. The kids are our number one priority so I thing that despite her "potential affair" we both feel we could make Shared Custody work for us and the kids. We have an appointment booked with a Children's Services agency to get more information on "how to tell the kids".
So I'm in a position of keeping my lips shut about some of the stuff I do know about her and her potential relationship with another man. Mostly focusing on myself and the kids for the now. I've realized with the help of therapy and some friends wisdom that I can only change myself, not her. I also can't make her decide to choose me. She has mad her own decisions on not telling me her feelings in the past, and potentially deciding to look outside our marriage to find something else, again her choice.
So for now I'm trying to figure out what types of things I should be putting on paper as a list of what I want or expect for our separation. I have asked the EAP lawyers on the phone for guidance and have a list tucked away. I do not have a lawyer of my own yet. My wife and I are talking about working through a mediator to help save costs and stress on our family. I know that I will have to find a lawyer to review documents so that I'm protected. We are both hoping to make this transition as smooth as possible and willing to work together towards that goal.
I do know from many peoples' advice that I WILL NOT MOVE FROM THE HOUSE. I'm being as amicable as I can, finally starting to realize that this separation IS HAPPENING no matter what I try to do. I've been told by my cousin to keep my chin up and try to take the higher ground (for my children). I would be most interested on any information about Shared Custody. I also would like to confirm if it's likely that I'd be receiving Child Support, again my wife makes $20k more than me. I'm in Ontario and from looking at the government website and talking to EAP Lawyers it looks like I should be receiving payment if we go the Shared Custody route.
Sorry for the long intro, I'll probably have to paraphrase this as separate posts down the line. So confused here, but mostly scared of change and being alone, I've never had to live alone before so don't expect times to be good.
After some investigation I am fairly certain that my wife is having/had an affair although she denies to this day. I don't have any solid evidence that I could use legally in court. I have only talked to an EAP phone session with Lawyers 2 times, and have talked to friends who have been though this situation. I've been trying to read as much as possible, however it's so overwhelming at times. If you were to ask me what I want to do, I'd tell you couples therapy with my wife as I still love her. I'm sad that the trust is gone but would be most willing to work on the relationship.
My wife is moving forward with searching for a new house as she is prepared to leave me and said I can have our current house if I desire. She has looked at various bank calculators and figures I should be able to afford this one after settling our finances on my current income. My wife makes about 20k more than me. As it's been so long, I don't have much hope on regaining what we had in the past. We're still living in the same house, starting to talk more about what each of us expects. She is anxious to start putting pen to paper to sort things out. She says she thinks I'm still a great dad and she will not file for sole custody. When we've talked we have both expressed that neither of us would settle for less that 50/50 Shared Custody. Despite the current situation when we do work together we get things done efficiently. The kids are our number one priority so I thing that despite her "potential affair" we both feel we could make Shared Custody work for us and the kids. We have an appointment booked with a Children's Services agency to get more information on "how to tell the kids".
So I'm in a position of keeping my lips shut about some of the stuff I do know about her and her potential relationship with another man. Mostly focusing on myself and the kids for the now. I've realized with the help of therapy and some friends wisdom that I can only change myself, not her. I also can't make her decide to choose me. She has mad her own decisions on not telling me her feelings in the past, and potentially deciding to look outside our marriage to find something else, again her choice.
So for now I'm trying to figure out what types of things I should be putting on paper as a list of what I want or expect for our separation. I have asked the EAP lawyers on the phone for guidance and have a list tucked away. I do not have a lawyer of my own yet. My wife and I are talking about working through a mediator to help save costs and stress on our family. I know that I will have to find a lawyer to review documents so that I'm protected. We are both hoping to make this transition as smooth as possible and willing to work together towards that goal.
I do know from many peoples' advice that I WILL NOT MOVE FROM THE HOUSE. I'm being as amicable as I can, finally starting to realize that this separation IS HAPPENING no matter what I try to do. I've been told by my cousin to keep my chin up and try to take the higher ground (for my children). I would be most interested on any information about Shared Custody. I also would like to confirm if it's likely that I'd be receiving Child Support, again my wife makes $20k more than me. I'm in Ontario and from looking at the government website and talking to EAP Lawyers it looks like I should be receiving payment if we go the Shared Custody route.
Sorry for the long intro, I'll probably have to paraphrase this as separate posts down the line. So confused here, but mostly scared of change and being alone, I've never had to live alone before so don't expect times to be good.
