Stalking/harrasment question

R

raghache

New member
I'm in the following situation:
I found out that my wife has been cheeting on me for half of year, with her ex-boyfriend from Montreal. She gave up that relationship, and we are trying to reconcile, but being a vindictive fellow, I would like to contact his wife, and let her know everything about it.
I had all the contact information initially, and I did call his house to let her know. He suspected it's me, so he kept picking up the phone to prevent me from talking to her. I called for three days in a row, probabily around 10 times a day, but I kept either getting him, or his fax machine. In the end, on the third day, I finally got their answering machine, so I left a message stating who I am, what it's about and my contact information. I got a message from him accusing me of harrasment, and telling me he logged a complaint with the Montreal police. I don't really believe he did that, because he als wrote a message to my wife, asking her to make me stop. Also, this whole thing happend in March, and I did not get any call from any police about anything yet. Anyway, since I was trying to work things out with my wife, I stopped. But in the meantime, I got my wife to agreeing I should do whatever I feel like about this guy if I feel it helps me psychologicly, so I'm back to where I started. Sort of. He changed his phone, of course, so I don't have his number anymore.
My question: can there be anything legaly wrong for me to get over to his residence and ring his bell when he's not home ? He's at work in the morning, and his wife does not work, so I can easily do that, but can this be considered harrasment in any way ?
Thank you,
R.
 
This is a criminal law question, not a family law question. You need to consult a criminal attorney.
 
leave the guy alone. It takes two to tango and your wife was doing the dance with him. If he has asked you to stop and you continue to call or come over to his house it is harrassment. Focus on working on your marriage and the reasons your wife cheated in the first place. Stop wasting the time and energy to get back at the guy. If he changed his phone number it was to stop your harrassment. The police will log each complaint he makes and eventually they will have enough evidence to show you are harrassing him and his wife.
 
^I agree. Honestly, it sounds kinda creepy what you are doing, despite the fact you have good reason to be angry.

Showing up at his house could start something nasty. What if a confrontation between you two took place? You don't know him, he might even attack you. You are putting yourself at risk, you are "looking for trouble". How will that help you?

That being said, if you do insist on pursuing this, why don't you try to write a letter and mail it to her? Or is there any way that you can get her email? Facebook?
 
It is a criminal law question, yes. I most likely will end up asking a criminal lawyer. But I see people on this board seem to have knowledge in this area too, so I posted it here as well. I hope it's no bother.

I certanly do not inted to leave him alone. Yes, it does take two to tango, and now I'm working their tango with my wife, let him work on his tango with his wife.
The way I read the harrasment part of the law, it should only be harrasment if it gives him a reason to fear for his safety. I did not make any threats, and do not intend to. Also, generally speaking, I'm trying to avoid him, so how can I be harrasing someone if I'm avoiding them ?
 
It is creepy, isn't it ? But I find myself doing things these days I never imagined I would. But then again, I never imagined myself in the cheated husband situation either.
I did try all these things. She does not seem to have a digital footprint. And I do not have her email.
I would only show up at his house if I'm sure he is not there.
 
raghache said:
It is creepy, isn't it ? But I find myself doing things these days I never imagined I would. But then again, I never imagined myself in the cheated husband situation either.
I did try all these things. She does not seem to have a digital footprint. And I do not have her email.
I would only show up at his house if I'm sure he is not there.
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Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy too.

Paying a lawyer kinda sounds like a waste, you could probably find the information online if you search long enough.

I wouldn't be in such a rush to tell his wife. Lay low for a few months, a year, so he thinks he is safe and you have given up.

That's when you catch him off guard.

You have to be certain that he isn't home. If you get caught, you could be setting yourself up for a restraining order - or, "Peace Bond" rather, since he has clearly indicated for you to leave him alone. Just my opinion though, I am not sure exactly what the law states but I have been doing similar research.
 
Wow...I can't believe anyone is encouraging this and offering tips even.

My advice, seek some counselling to help deal with the issues you're experiencing and with your wife. If your relationship with you rwife is so important to you then focus on that and direct your energy there.

This kind of stalking and intimidation behaviour is beyond creepy, it's disturbing and if it continues will no doubt lead to more serious consequences than a restraining order.

It's normal to have strong feelings but you've no right to inflict them on others this way. What do you have against this innocent woman that you need to cause her this kind of distress??
 
Forget it dude. You are harassing him, if not criminally, then emotionally. Don't you realize the trouble you will stir up with his wife, or kids???

His wife doesn't need the cavalry to come riding over the range and disclose this to her. Any Dear Abby, Dan Savage, Ellie or other advice columnist will tell you the same thing. She either already knows that he screws around on her or she doesn't need your ass screwing things up for her and her family.

Let it go and work on your own relationship. If you're doing this to the other guy, and his family, I can only imagine the shit you're laying, rightly or wrongly, on your own wife:

"So, what was it like?"
"Is he better than me?"
"Did you love him?"
"How could you?"
"I don't know if I could ever trust you again"
"So, did you like it?"

etc. etc. etc.
 
You are trying to reconcile with your wife and at the same time trying to break his marriage.Its not nice.Why would you even waste your time to go to his house.
 
dadtotheend:
I'm actually looking more for a legal opinion about this, than a moral opinion. But regarding the moral part, I might be emotionally harrasing him, but so did he, did he not ? He knew he's stepping into a family's turf, yet he did it. Quite frankly, his actions (and my wife's, again, she is guiltier than him for sure) put me into depression for about two months, so I kind of feel entitled to put the same emotional pressure on him that he put on me.
His wife and kids ? He should have thought about it, don't you think ? But he did not think about them, or my kids. I do feel sorry for his kid, yes, but actualy I do not feel sorry for his wife. I mean, she would most likely want to know. I know I would, and I believe most people would too. Not that I'm doing it for her, mind you, but i believe she would be better off.

blinkandimgone:
Hold on a second. This is what I'm trying to find out, if it is stalking, or actualy, even if it can be considered as such. If there is a chance for that, I'm not going to do it, for sure. Also, if it is, I would like to find out legal ways to do this and respecting the law. Like trough a third party, a lawyer or something. It might cost, but to me, it's worth it.
 
raghache said:
dadtotheend:
I'm actually looking more for a legal opinion about this, than a moral opinion. But regarding the moral part, I might be emotionally harrasing him, but so did he, did he not ? He knew he's stepping into a family's turf, yet he did it. Quite frankly, his actions (and my wife's, again, she is guiltier than him for sure) put me into depression for about two months, so I kind of feel entitled to put the same emotional pressure on him that he put on me.
His wife and kids ? He should have thought about it, don't you think ? But he did not think about them, or my kids. I do feel sorry for his kid, yes, but actualy I do not feel sorry for his wife. I mean, she would most likely want to know. I know I would, and I believe most people would too. Not that I'm doing it for her, mind you, but i believe she would be better off.
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Quit making your moral case if your just looking for a legal opinion. The morality here has to consider the effect on his wife (and kids?) fella.

In criminal law, the definition of "criminal harassment" includes an element of fearing for one's safety. You don't appear to be doing that from what you describe, but it's not inconceivable that you could be found that way depending on a number of factors.

Be careful. And ethical.
 
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blinkandimgone said:
Stalking and harassing people is illegal. The end.

Now go get yourself some help.
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Yes, stalking and harrasing is illegal, but this is the question, what constitutes stalking and harrasing ?
As for help, thanks for the advice, but this is exactly why I'm asking these questions. Or was it maybe not the kind of help you had in mind ? :)
 
dadtotheend said:
Quit making your moral case if your just looking for a legal opinion. The morality here has to consider the effect on his wife (and kids?) fella.

In criminal law, the definition of "criminal harassment" includes an element of fearing for one's safety. You don't appear to be doing that from what you describe, but it's not inconceivable that you could be found that way depending on a number of factors.

Be careful. And ethical.
Click to expand...


Thanks for the advice. I intend to. Yes, I know about the "fearing for the safety", but it's that part with the number of factors that I'm trying to avoid, and find more info about.
 
http://www.cba.org/bc/public_media/criminal/206.aspx

What is stalking?
Stalking is criminal harassment, contrary to Section 264 of the Criminal Code of Canada. That section makes it illegal for a person to do any of the following things that cause you to reasonably fear for your safety or the safety of anyone you know:
  • repeatedly follow you, or anyone you know, from place to place
  • repeatedly communicate with you, or anyone you know, directly or indirectly
  • repeatedly watch you, or anyone you know, or your home, workplace, or any other place you happen to be
  • engage in any threatening conduct directed at you or a member of your family
A person can be stalking even if they don’t physically hurt anyone or damage any property. The law is designed to protect psychological, emotional, and physical safety.

Stalking may start with conduct that seems more annoying than dangerous. Often, the conduct is legal and even socially acceptable, if it’s just an isolated incident. But when it’s repeated, it may cause fear in the victim. Conduct such as following someone, or sending gifts or letters, may become intimidating if done continually and against someone’s wishes.
Once a person knows that their conduct is not welcome, if they continue, their conduct may be criminal harassment and may result in a criminal conviction.



This is exactly what you're doing. I hope you've discussed with your wife how she feels about being married to a criminal because that's where you're headed.
 
blinkandimgone said:
http://www.cba.org/bc/public_media/criminal/206.aspx

What is stalking?

Stalking is criminal harassment, contrary to Section 264 of the Criminal Code of Canada. That section makes it illegal for a person to do any of the following things that cause you to reasonably fear for your safety or the safety of anyone you know:
  • repeatedly follow you, or anyone you know, from place to place
  • repeatedly communicate with you, or anyone you know, directly or indirectly
  • repeatedly watch you, or anyone you know, or your home, workplace, or any other place you happen to be
  • engage in any threatening conduct directed at you or a member of your family
A person can be stalking even if they don’t physically hurt anyone or damage any property. The law is designed to protect psychological, emotional, and physical safety.

Stalking may start with conduct that seems more annoying than dangerous. Often, the conduct is legal and even socially acceptable, if it’s just an isolated incident. But when it’s repeated, it may cause fear in the victim. Conduct such as following someone, or sending gifts or letters, may become intimidating if done continually and against someone’s wishes.
Once a person knows that their conduct is not welcome, if they continue, their conduct may be criminal harassment and may result in a criminal conviction.



This is exactly what you're doing. I hope you've discussed with your wife how she feels about being married to a criminal because that's where you're headed.
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And it says: "That section makes it illegal for a person to do any of the following things that cause you to reasonably fear for your safety or the safety of anyone you know"

And that's my take on it. If I do not do anything to make him fear for his safety, it should not be considered stalking. Also, please note the use of the term "repeatedly". With other words, if I ring his bell once, I should be golden. Of course, there are the phone calls I made a month ago. I should not have done that, not to that extent, but what the hell, I was angry and depressed. I guess I need a criminal lawyer to make sure how to continue on this...
OK, thank you for your input.
 
I tend to not think of myself as having high morals. However, I do believe I would never sleep with a married woman.
As for the insane part, I don't agree with that. But then again, hve you ever seen a nutcase who admits he is one ?
 
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