takeontheworld
New member
It means when shes a grown successful adult if she choses to smoke a joint, no. Who cares. Would I go light it for her...no. Theres a difference.
Spousal Support
- Thread starter blinkandimgone
- Start date
It means when shes a grown successful adult if she choses to smoke a joint, no. Who cares. Would I go light it for her...no. Theres a difference.
takeontheworld
New member
Stories such as this are exactly the reason that spousal support needs to be looked at on a per case basis. Absolutely no way anyone could reasonably anticipate what you've gone through, and any suggestion otherwise is utter nonsense.
blinkandimgone
Moderator
Arabian's case is the only LEGIT one on here thus far, we've heard the story, and spoke offline about stuff....
Spousal Support in this particular case is valid...Period!
It's the other bandwagon folks that want it because they got dumped i.e. "the just because" crowd
Good to know, thanks!
arabian
New member
Marriage is one of the biggest business decisions one makes. I didn't realize it at the time. If I could do it over I would never have gone into business with my husband.
What you have to realize is that over time laws change. 35 yrs ago I was given legal advice: the best way to protect myself (should the marriage ever fail) was to be a full partner/director with my husband. I took this advice seriously. I didn't merely ride his coat-tails, I invested heavily in the business, backing it financially and working in it for many years. I took huge financial risk and, in the end, I lost.
My ex did many fraudulent things at the end of our marriage. I was quite surprised to find out that I had absolutely no protection under the business act simply because I was married to him. Imagine how horrified I was.
Now the only way I hope to get any money back is through family law/SS.
My credit has been damaged irreparably and I find myself having to start over. Instead of enjoying the fruits of one's labour, I am renting an apartment. I have the ultimate challenge ahead of me to simply survive and try to get to a financial position where I can plan something for my old age. The clock is ticking.
My situation is different only in that I am older and have less income-earning years ahead of me. If I were 10 or 15 yrs younger it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Each and every case of SS is, and should be, judged independently.
I believe that if people want their ex's to not become dependent upon them INDEFINITELY then they should do everything they can to ensure their ex gets back on their feet and becomes self-sufficient. Taking someone to court over and over, running up their legal bills, might feel good but it will certainly do no good in the end.
I have 3 pieces of advice:
1. NEVER go into business with your spouse. The laws DO NOT protect you in any way.
2. Help your ex become self-sufficient. Set out a concise SS plan that gives incentive to the recipient to become self-sufficient by lessening the amount of SS over a reasonable period of time.
3. Quit being an asshole by devaluing the contribution your ex made to the marriage. He/she may not have "worked outside of the home" but the court does in fact acknowledge traditional marriages (which do indeed still exist today) where one stays home to be primary care-giver to children and look after the home).
I do think times are changing. All I have to do is look down the street and see the huge amount of "latch key" children outside at 7:00 PM waiting for parents to come home and feed them. With that in mind, if no one is staying home to feed children and look after the home then perhaps SS shouldn't be on the table at time of divorce.
We all have to suffer the consequences of our actions.
What you have to realize is that over time laws change. 35 yrs ago I was given legal advice: the best way to protect myself (should the marriage ever fail) was to be a full partner/director with my husband. I took this advice seriously. I didn't merely ride his coat-tails, I invested heavily in the business, backing it financially and working in it for many years. I took huge financial risk and, in the end, I lost.
My ex did many fraudulent things at the end of our marriage. I was quite surprised to find out that I had absolutely no protection under the business act simply because I was married to him. Imagine how horrified I was.
Now the only way I hope to get any money back is through family law/SS.
My credit has been damaged irreparably and I find myself having to start over. Instead of enjoying the fruits of one's labour, I am renting an apartment. I have the ultimate challenge ahead of me to simply survive and try to get to a financial position where I can plan something for my old age. The clock is ticking.
My situation is different only in that I am older and have less income-earning years ahead of me. If I were 10 or 15 yrs younger it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Each and every case of SS is, and should be, judged independently.
I believe that if people want their ex's to not become dependent upon them INDEFINITELY then they should do everything they can to ensure their ex gets back on their feet and becomes self-sufficient. Taking someone to court over and over, running up their legal bills, might feel good but it will certainly do no good in the end.
I have 3 pieces of advice:
1. NEVER go into business with your spouse. The laws DO NOT protect you in any way.
2. Help your ex become self-sufficient. Set out a concise SS plan that gives incentive to the recipient to become self-sufficient by lessening the amount of SS over a reasonable period of time.
3. Quit being an asshole by devaluing the contribution your ex made to the marriage. He/she may not have "worked outside of the home" but the court does in fact acknowledge traditional marriages (which do indeed still exist today) where one stays home to be primary care-giver to children and look after the home).
I do think times are changing. All I have to do is look down the street and see the huge amount of "latch key" children outside at 7:00 PM waiting for parents to come home and feed them. With that in mind, if no one is staying home to feed children and look after the home then perhaps SS shouldn't be on the table at time of divorce.
We all have to suffer the consequences of our actions.
I had a health professional husband who did not have business sense. Great practitioner, but no money sense or business sense. I worked my full job and worked on starting his practise from day 1. I was involved even after we separated where I helped him sell the practise. He had severe mental health issues as well. My involvement in his mental health and his pratice prevented me from moving forward in my own career. Now my pension is less, and my salary during the years separated was less had I had my energy and time to concentrate on my own career. He is still working in the practise I helped him build. I am asking for spousal support--because yes---I would be better off now had my own career been able to move forward. Yes we were married more than 20 years. So there are reasons why women should get spousal support--because yes-I could have the lifestyle I worked for.
mememe....If am not mistaken, you mentioned above that you worked your full job i.e. you never did quit your job to stay at home?
If you have a "career", surely you are still working and able to carry on earning in this field if it is a professional career?
Facts: you were married more than 20yrs.
Ex has mental health problems
He earns more than you
Am sure his high income did help compensate for the standard of living etc?
It looks like there should be some form of "compensatory SS" here, but the case will have to be more than simply......he earns more than I do
If you have a "career", surely you are still working and able to carry on earning in this field if it is a professional career?
Facts: you were married more than 20yrs.
Ex has mental health problems
He earns more than you
Am sure his high income did help compensate for the standard of living etc?
It looks like there should be some form of "compensatory SS" here, but the case will have to be more than simply......he earns more than I do
momforever1956
New member
AMEN!!!!! I can relate, sounds like a dentist, did we share the same spouce?
momforever1956
New member
Arabian's case is the only LEGIT one on here thus far, we've heard the story, and spoke offline about stuff....
Spousal Support in this particular case is valid...Period!
It's the other bandwagon folks that want it because they got dumped i.e. "the just because" crowd
Just a thank-you note for your brilliant insight to this post and all the particular Family Law cases. I think you have found your calling, it would be such a pleasure having a judge like you for your indepth analysis of each case. A true professional in every sense. We on this forum are truly blessed with your intelligence. Thanks for sharing.
yes to the dentist
the energy i spent on building his practise , management, attending to the practise in many ways i don't have time to outline here prevented my advancement in my own career. SO sacrificing my career to build his career----and a place for him to work after we sold the practise----i do think there should be compensation. So is it ok for women to help their husbands-and once you divorce--he gains the benefits and you should lose out>>>>????? that is not fair in my books. I felt I was "used " for my business sense and support----and he can walk away with all the goods. I don't think so
the energy i spent on building his practise , management, attending to the practise in many ways i don't have time to outline here prevented my advancement in my own career. SO sacrificing my career to build his career----and a place for him to work after we sold the practise----i do think there should be compensation. So is it ok for women to help their husbands-and once you divorce--he gains the benefits and you should lose out>>>>????? that is not fair in my books. I felt I was "used " for my business sense and support----and he can walk away with all the goods. I don't think so
Oink, if you would prefer that I ban everyone who makes a sarcastic comment, you would have been banned several times a day ever since you joined.
You were warned for legitimate reasons. Stop being childish. You are not being treated in a biased manner.
standing on the sidelines
New member
personal attacks are the sign of not having a rational argument. Just saying.
mememe...what is this "career" of yours that you speak of? You do realize a judge is going to ask what you do / did anyway when all this goes to trial?
Everyone's definition of a career is different...for example, is customer service, retail / shop attendant a "career"? Those jobs can be had without troubles
The point you are missing here from my previous post, was that you two were married (a partnership) and helping each other out, and you benefited from the partnership during the marriage i.e. proceeds from his "practice" that went towards fulfilling the lifestyle you lived
Everyone's definition of a career is different...for example, is customer service, retail / shop attendant a "career"? Those jobs can be had without troubles
The point you are missing here from my previous post, was that you two were married (a partnership) and helping each other out, and you benefited from the partnership during the marriage i.e. proceeds from his "practice" that went towards fulfilling the lifestyle you lived
So the poster did everything by the book then, even though my response was not to them? Hmmmmm
I guess they are free to carry on as such
My career /profession is obviously known to those who need to know. I was on an upward career path. He did not help me in my career. THe point was--he was a hindrance to my career path whereas, as he readily admitted over and over, he never would have had a practice without me. My lawyer changed his opiinion on spousal support when , during questioning, he heard how involved I was in the practice.
Well...I guess you are right if it's that sort of a big deal.
You came on here saying you should be entitled to SS for the mere fact that you "helped your husband", which by the way is what normal couples do for each other.
I'll hate for a long term neighbour who helped with kids drop off at sport, or that helped me with DIY over the years, now turn around and say they helped me out all those years, and now want part of the house or the kids.
This comment by you though will be significant "I worked my full job". i.e. you never stayed at home.
standing on the sidelines
New member
Maybe he thought you were a strong woman who didn't need the help. How was he a hindrance to your career? Did he force you to help him or did you do it so there was more $$$ in the household?
Since you seem to completely lack the critical thinking skills to get this on your own, I'll waste the time and spell it out for you.
It is ok to attack, critique, or condemn what someone says. It is not ok to attack the person.
momforever1956 was not attacking you personally. She made a sarcastic remark about your post, your commentary, your apparent level of knowledge, and your presentation. Those are all valid targets for comment.
Saying that you are short and balding is not a personal attack, it would be an observation. If someone were to say that you are a worthless human being because you are short and balding, that would be an attack.
Saying that what you write displays ignorance about a topic is not a personal attack. Saying that you are ignorant would be.
Saying that your postings are vulgar is not a personal attack. Saying that you are a vulgar human being would be.
Are you starting to understand the difference?