Spousal Support

blinkandimgone

blinkandimgone

Moderator
This is a question for all the SS haters, of which we have a number of here at ODF.

Are there ANY situations that you think SS is reasonable and should be paid?
 
There are always situations which should require such things. However Adults should be adults and making decisions based on the false hope that a marriage works out is insane.

If you are uneducated, get educated. It's not mystery that people need an education these days. There are tons of programs to help people get the education they need.

This whole crap about leading the life you have grown accustomed to is such BS. It's not even logically possible.... Life changes, shit happens, move on and help yourself.

It's like driving a car without insurance. What is your insurance policy for when your marriage crashes. It should not be living off someone else's hard work. People don't NEED to stay home with the kids, it's a conscious decision that is made and if people don't take into account the effect on their future they are just plain stupid.
 
blinkandimgone said:
This is a question for all the SS haters, of which we have a number of here at ODF.

Are there ANY situations that you think SS is reasonable and should be paid?
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Hopefully we don't get sidetracked with posters stating the reasons SS shouldn't be paid as that's not what you asked.
Those threads are a dime a dozen.

If it's part of the pre-nup it should absolutely be paid.
 
firhill said:
Hopefully we don't get sidetracked with posters stating the reasons SS shouldn't be paid as that's not what you asked.
Those threads are a dime a dozen.

If it's part of the pre-nup it should absolutely be paid.
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If it was part of a pre-nup I agree it should be paid. An agreement was made in good faith and it should be kept.

It's hard to give exact examples of when it should be paid because IMO it should be few and far between.

SS again IMO is archaic and possibly served a purpose in the day when men were the bread winner and women were expected to stay home. This should no longer be the case. If we want gender equality we should have gender equality.
 
However Adults should be adults and making decisions based on the false hope that a marriage works out is insane.

If you are uneducated, get educated. It's not mystery that people need an education these days. There are tons of programs to help people get the education they need.
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This is not what the claimants of SS want to hear, and they are probably rolling their eyes right now because they damn well know that you've said here makes sense, but they not willing to accept it.

We all had a chance at education, if you chose not to listen to your teachers and parents, and decided to chase boys instead and get pregnant, that is your own doing.

What is even more pathetic, is those mothers continuing the cycle, by raising their daughters to be future entitlemnt and SS chasers
 
blinkandimgone said:
Further question, what types of criteria would there be for those situations where SS would be appropriate?
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You can't set a criteria in my opinion.

EDIT: It would have to be some catastrophic event that could not have been avoided or planned for which would cause significant hardship to one person. I'm not sure these exist.
 
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Livinthedream said:
If one spouse agreed to stay home and look after the family and had a signed agreement then yes. If not I cant see any other way.
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Damn right...even better, split the mata/pata leave 6 months each, and both parties go back to work. The problem is some people too comfy after taking a year off work, and feel reluctant to go back, then get pregnant again.

On the extreme side, limit the amount of kid(s) you have, so you aren't complaining about daycare fees etc
 
If and when its appropriate, I think it definitely should be time limited to a few years to go retrain, job search etc and then its done.

One example of a time limited entitlement is myself...although I havent asked for it. Ex moved internationally several times to countries where work visas for myself were hard to get. One year here, one year there. We all went together and I in return put my career on hold. It was either that or not have our family together. A couple of years of ss would of been nice after we split.

Not all people are educated equally. Some people have stronger work ethics. So for example a physican who has to pay ss to his housewife ex to maintain her lifestyle is insane. If the housewife wants a physician income she should become a physician. Unfortunately, not everyone has the intellect or work ethic to become so. Simply because you marry "up" doesnt mean you should be able to piggy back until eternity.

My dislike of ss is in relation to the more often than not the payee woman. I think its archaic and degrading. They are adults, different than men yes but no less or no better. They can make just as good a living as a man. Mom's who collect from dad's are truly setting a bad example in the eyes of their daughters. Its moms job to to teach them to become anything they want. They can be strong and fierce. They cant become this if they see a weak woman leaching off of a man.
 
Its moms job to to teach them to become anything they want. They can be strong and fierce. They cant become this if they see a weak woman leaching off of a man.
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Amen to this, especially seeing that it's coming from a female. I can see those mom you speak of now, causing you through the roof.....but I also know that you don't care either :D

You are hurting their feelings woman....be gentle ;)
 
In the case of a very long term MARRIAGE, if the recipient has become ill and literally unable to work then SS may be appropriate. After the dissolution of a relationship NOBODY maintains their previous lifestyle. In the case of a common law relationship, if you do not make a formal commitment with ALL it's attendant rights AND obligations then I think SS is not appropriate.
 
Which brings up another question. Why is SS awarded if the other person does no longer supply you with a product/service? In marriage you don’t essentially pay each other… so why is this awarded in the first place after the fact
 
If is a long term marriage, (which I believe is over 20 years), and a woman hasn't worked, (and her husband by virtue of staying with her has accepted this), then I believe she is entitled for SS. It really doesn't fly when he says, well I didnt agree for her to stay at home, when 29 years of marriage has passed.
Just on a side note, why is it presumed that the Male is paying SS, I personally know of situations when the woman is paying SS, and the same rules apply.
 
oink said:
Amen to this, especially seeing that it's coming from a female. I can see those mom you speak of now, causing you through the roof.....but I also know that you don't care either :D

You are hurting their feelings woman....be gentle ;)
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Why is a Mom's job to teach, isn't it a parents job to set examples for their childrem??? Do you live in the dark ages,, ummm don't answer that, your posts are self-explanatory.
 
momforever1956 said:
If is a long term marriage, (which I believe is over 20 years), and a woman hasn't worked, (and her husband by virtue of staying with her has accepted this), then I believe she is entitled for SS. It really doesn't fly when he says, well I didnt agree for her to stay at home, when 29 years of marriage has passed.
Just on a side note, why is it presumed that the Male is paying SS, I personally know of situations when the woman is paying SS, and the same rules apply.
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True i I know of one also, they should limit SS or eliminate it period.
 
If one person has been out of the workforce for years, it is appropriate to give them support to allow them to retrain or find employment. This should be time limited, I can't see a case for more than 3-4 years as that's enough time to do an entire undergraduate degree if you didn't when you were younger.

For example, my ex has two university degrees, she has 5 years of work experience, she was only out of the work force for 2 years at the end of the six year marriage. I considered it reasonable to allow her one year of support to adjust to her circumstances and find employment and child care.

However, she didn't want to return to work, accused (and still accuses me regularly) that "forcing" her to work hurts our son. To avoid court I gave her the SSAG amount and duration which thankfully has ended now after 3 years.
 
One concern I have is that I get the feeling that SS is awarded regardless of entitlement in the case of 50/50 shared custody to achieve a balancing of income.

I don't agree with this - CS and SS should be separate.

Also, SS should be calculated FIRST, and then CS calculated, not the other way around as it is done. SS should be determined the same whether you have kids or not, and then the CS based on resultant income after SS.
 
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I think SS should only be compensatory and not needs based.

It should be determined using a business like attitude - meaning that one should be compensated for sacrifices for the 'business' including if one was the wind beneath the others wings to help the other's career (directly). The sacrifice or benefit has to continue past the end of the marriage and thus compensation is fair.

The idea that one is entitled to money because of difference income does not work for me - wasn't sharing that higher income during marriage enough??

My only problem with 'business like' compensation for effects that last past the end of the marriage, is what if the higher income earner did the sacrificing and the lower did not? Does that mean that the lower pays the higher? This seems wrong, yet in a business model, it would not. Not sure how to deal with that conflict of thought.

Maybe the solution is that no SS is ever awarded unless there is an explicit agreement between the parties - ie we are all adults and responsible for our own decisions, including sacrificing career. If you quit your job, you need to make an agreement with your spouse about what happens if the marriage ends. Prenups should be required perhaps
 
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