$500 a month. No idea where you get thousands a month...?
Spousal support- without children
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$500 a month. No idea where you get thousands a month...?
Rioe
Well-known member
Start from a position that she is not entitled to or in need of SS. Make her defend her position that she is. Based on what you've told us, yours is the stronger position.
If she doesn't cave and pushes for court, you bring up her weird withdrawals from the joint account and suggest that if it goes to court, you will bring those into play and make her pay half of it back.
If that still doesn't make her settle, it will be up to a judge, and you will just have to make a better case than she does.
I do wonder how you were unable to stop her from siphoning money from your joint account all these years. Did you not notice it, question it or take steps to stop it at the time? You might not want to bring this stuff up in court if you get to that point; it's really just a bluff to make her back off of court. A judge will likely say that because you didn't stop it back then, you approved of it, and it is irrelevant now. But hopefully she won't realize that and still be scared off.
And the forum does seem to have gotten awfully insult-hurling heavy the last few months, seemingly instigated by a few posters in particular. Just ignore anything like that and concentrate on the advice you do receive.
Your case in court:
If she doesn't cave and pushes for court, you bring up her weird withdrawals from the joint account and suggest that if it goes to court, you will bring those into play and make her pay half of it back.
If that still doesn't make her settle, it will be up to a judge, and you will just have to make a better case than she does.
I do wonder how you were unable to stop her from siphoning money from your joint account all these years. Did you not notice it, question it or take steps to stop it at the time? You might not want to bring this stuff up in court if you get to that point; it's really just a bluff to make her back off of court. A judge will likely say that because you didn't stop it back then, you approved of it, and it is irrelevant now. But hopefully she won't realize that and still be scared off.
And the forum does seem to have gotten awfully insult-hurling heavy the last few months, seemingly instigated by a few posters in particular. Just ignore anything like that and concentrate on the advice you do receive.
Your case in court:
- She has a secure job, making good money, making 40% of the household income, and had it throughout the marriage. She was not financially disadvantaged by the marriage.
- Your job is not as secure, and is threatened by your declining health, and you made 60% of the household income in a good year. The proportions were even more close during a bad year.
When we met I had NO credit. When I went in to get a loan to try to get credit at my wife's suggestion the bank manager asked how I had so many fancy cars. I said I bought them with cash. She acted like it was weird. I had always saved up money to buy what I wanted, never borrowed for anything.
I didn't do our banking, but many things threw alarm bells up over the years, and I tried to deal with those issues each time they arose.
Four years ago was a major wakeup call for me, she was spending money like water. When we sold our house (LONNNGGG story) I insisted we have separate bank accounts feeding a joint bank account. My friends were ADAMANT I separate our banking, one friend was our banker for a few years. I did, I separated our banking and contributed to a "joint account". First time I had ANY spending money in years and years.
I didn't notice new money troubles until I injured my foot and was laid up. I was bored and looked at our online banking.
Our "property tax account" was being used for anything and everything, and we were in arrears in our taxes. Many times there was "transfer to Visa#...." in the records. She doesn't HAVE a Visa.
I looked into the joint account, much of the same.
I went to her with it, she gave me excuses galore. Two weeks before she moved out she told me she had to pay a family member 500 a month to try to "pay off a loan". I asked what loan?
I figure bank records will show the money OUT, and there will be NO records of any money coming IN. Ever.
I didn't do our banking, but many things threw alarm bells up over the years, and I tried to deal with those issues each time they arose.
Four years ago was a major wakeup call for me, she was spending money like water. When we sold our house (LONNNGGG story) I insisted we have separate bank accounts feeding a joint bank account. My friends were ADAMANT I separate our banking, one friend was our banker for a few years. I did, I separated our banking and contributed to a "joint account". First time I had ANY spending money in years and years.
I didn't notice new money troubles until I injured my foot and was laid up. I was bored and looked at our online banking.
Our "property tax account" was being used for anything and everything, and we were in arrears in our taxes. Many times there was "transfer to Visa#...." in the records. She doesn't HAVE a Visa.I looked into the joint account, much of the same.
I went to her with it, she gave me excuses galore. Two weeks before she moved out she told me she had to pay a family member 500 a month to try to "pay off a loan". I asked what loan?
I figure bank records will show the money OUT, and there will be NO records of any money coming IN. Ever.
arabian
New member
Rioe I agree with you. Carnut admits in his thread that his very own banker asked if there was perhaps a gambling problem, so I am certainly not alone in wondering this.
Carnut thank you for giving us more detail.
As sad as your situation is you have to start by accepting some responsibility for the financial situation you are in. Your 500,000.00 mortgage likely has your name on it along with your wife's name. No big surprise to you as these mortgages just don't appear out of no-where.
Perhaps you should think about and discuss with your wife, the possibility of serious financial counselling. Your money problems are not going to disappear with the marriage. If anything, things get harder. It will do the two of you no good to go on with your lives blaming each other.
I would recommend that financial counselling be a prerequisite of any talk of SS.
Carnut thank you for giving us more detail.
As sad as your situation is you have to start by accepting some responsibility for the financial situation you are in. Your 500,000.00 mortgage likely has your name on it along with your wife's name. No big surprise to you as these mortgages just don't appear out of no-where.
Perhaps you should think about and discuss with your wife, the possibility of serious financial counselling. Your money problems are not going to disappear with the marriage. If anything, things get harder. It will do the two of you no good to go on with your lives blaming each other.
I would recommend that financial counselling be a prerequisite of any talk of SS.
arabian
New member
This is your own quote about how much money she moved
This is your own quote about how much money she moved
You asked where we got the idea that she took more than 500.00/month - from your own quote on this thread.
This is your own quote about how much money she moved
No, in fact quite the opposite imo.
My bank manager pulled our bank records, she has been pulling LARGE amounts of money out for years and stashing it away. I asked her about it and she said she was "repaying a loan" to a family member. We never borrowed any money from any family members. She was stashing over 500 a month towards the end, month after month. I know there is something in the divorce act about "willfully or wrecklessly" disposing of money, and that it can also be figured into things.
She has taken LARGE amounts of money over the years. Not hundred. Not a few thousand.
If things go amicably I probably won't even raise the issue to be honest, but she has a voracious taste for money, and if she goes for everything she possibly can, as I think she will, I want to be prepared in a legal sense.
I would rather have spent hundreds of thousands on marriage counselling truth be told, but I don't get to decide things.....
You asked where we got the idea that she took more than 500.00/month - from your own quote on this thread.
Once again, your response baffles me.
My wife has NEVER "blamed me" for the unaccountable expenditures. She has a spending problem so massive I have no idea where the money goes. She goes on trips to Mexico, Florida etc. She buys whatever she wants, clothes, jewlery, etc. It still baffles me how much money she spends.
I do NOT think she gambles. I do NOT think she does drugs of any kind. I think she either blows money like crazy or she stashes it away. maybe both.
The "big mortgage" is because we just moved to a more expensive house. I didn't want to move, she insisted, and I told her it was more than we could afford but she insisted. I didn't want to move. She was adamant.
I do however remember signing for the mortgage, it never "appeared out of nowhere". Not sure why you write that stuff, not going to guess.
My wife has NO intention of getting financial counselling. She has interest in getting whatever she can of financial value from me, but that is about it.
I would have gone to marriage counselling if she would have participated in ANY type of counselling. She wouldn't, and won't.
You've misread.
It says OVER THE YEARS. It means OVER THE YEARS. It's not hundreds, it's not thousands, it's more than tens of thousands.
What I write is fairly straightforward so I think, yet you constantly reply in odd ways.
I feel you have an agenda.
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