Hi: I'm currently working back and forth on a separation agreement with STBX. Custody is not established yet. Our child is 11 and lives with me full time. Dad sees her 1 weekend out of 4. I have not been able to find much information on planning for a special needs child in a separation agreement. Does anybody have any advice or information? Thank you.
Special needs child looking for advice
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hadenough
New member
Does he see her one wknd out of 4, for the entire weekend, at his residence, or does he come to yours, and see her? Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? Are there any health care professionals that you deal with re: your daughter's special needs that might be able to offer you some direction. I'm not sure how to search the CanLii (sp?) Law Site - but someone on here could give you info on that - perhaps there's a final order/decision posted on there, that would give you some insight.
staysingle
New member
Can you expand on the nature of your daughters special needs?
She has "global developmental delays" vision, hearing, toileting and mobility issues. Requires Physio/ OT, orthopedic braces, glasses, hearing aid. She is a pleasure with a positive attitude. She attends school, and has an EA in the classroom. Requires approx 3 - 6 appointments per month, 1 - 3 of these would require travel of 1.5 - 4 hours one way. Father has moved away from town, and expects that I should be able to maintain the same level of employment that I had throughout our marriage, even though he is no longer around to share in parenting responsibilities. I'm was basically looking to see if anyone else has had similar circumstances. This seems to be pretty vague as to what can be done.
Tayken
Well-known member
This is a complex task as the medical information, sharing, decision making, etc... difficult.
Some questions (Do not disclose the actual medical condition of your child please)
1. Is it a mental health (ie. Autism) or a physical health condition that surrounds the special needs (i.e. MS, SP, etc...)? (Please don't state the medical condition just if it is mental health related or physical health related.)
2. How involved has the other parent been in the medical treatment of your child? How involved does the other parent want to be? How involved should the other parent be?
3. Is the special need often result in acute care (i.e. hospital visits / emergency visits) often? (Again, don't state the problem of the child just if they do have a condition that requires acute care often.)
4. Are all health care expenses covered by supplemental insurance. If not what % is not covered?
5. Special child care services (nanny, etc...) for the special needs of the child? Do you have a nurse etc who comes to the house to help with the support of the special need?
From this information I can help point you in the right direction towards things that need to be in the SA.
Good Luck!
Tayken
Tayken
Well-known member
They are far and few between. A good solicitor will leverage a malpractice lawyer to help sort out the requirements. (Not that malpractice is the issue here but, they are generally the only solicitors that understand the medical system and can help a Family Law Solicitor generally.)
Good Luck!
Tayken
Tayken
Well-known member
This is complex but, solvable. You are going to need special support though through the health care system which you can get.
I am very sorry to hear that the other parent has abandoned his responsibilities. This happens TOO OFTEN in situations with children with special needs such as the ones you are describing. The system isn't setup to support a parent in your situation like this and 99% of Family Law Judges would not even know where to start really. Just like the lawyers you are bumping into. You need a lawyer with intimate knowledge of the health care system. Hard to find. If you are in the Greater Toronto Area there are only a few who do know.
I will try and put some materials together for you as soon as possible to help.
Good Luck!
Tayken
staysingle
New member
Lawyers and judges do not know "Jack" about special needs children. Go get help in the community from people that know what they are talking about eg. other parents, child pyschologist, family doctor, EA's, school board etc. Stay away from lawyers , they will suck every dime out of your coffers!
Good luck
Good luck
Hi:
1. There is mental and physical issues, however there is no specific disorder.
2. The other parent has always been the secondary care giver. I have done the majority of appointments and all surgical appointments. We live a couple of hours apart now, so he isn't that involved in appointments. Doesn't ask how things are, rarely acknowledges emails when I send information. I was going to ask for sole custody, but don't want to get into an expensive court battle. So not sure if this is wise.
3. We don't seem to be needing acute care any longer, a few years back this was an issue, but currently and in the future I don't see that being an issue.
4. Health care is covered for the most part by a health plan, probably about 15% isn't covered. There will be special extraordinary expenses for some drugs, and equipment that isn't covered.
5. No nursing support is required. We do need specialized babysitters, as there are toileting issues, and safety issues.
Thank you for any help you can provide.
1. There is mental and physical issues, however there is no specific disorder.
2. The other parent has always been the secondary care giver. I have done the majority of appointments and all surgical appointments. We live a couple of hours apart now, so he isn't that involved in appointments. Doesn't ask how things are, rarely acknowledges emails when I send information. I was going to ask for sole custody, but don't want to get into an expensive court battle. So not sure if this is wise.
3. We don't seem to be needing acute care any longer, a few years back this was an issue, but currently and in the future I don't see that being an issue.
4. Health care is covered for the most part by a health plan, probably about 15% isn't covered. There will be special extraordinary expenses for some drugs, and equipment that isn't covered.
5. No nursing support is required. We do need specialized babysitters, as there are toileting issues, and safety issues.
Thank you for any help you can provide.
Tayken
Well-known member
How much time are you spending away from work to deal with these appointments? Consideration can be made for additional support to cover the impact on your income. The courts will consider it but, you need to have a very detailed schedule of appointments and the medical encounters (medical records) to backup the time spent addressing your family situation.
I would put together a detailed schedule (if you don't have one already) of the appointments, with who and dates and times. You will need this evidence to demonstrate the impact to your earning potential for the additional support.
With regards to how medical decisions should be made. They should be made in consultation with the other parent and the medical professional. In the event of a disagreement you should have final say on the treatment but, it should require confirmation with the other parent by the medical professional.
I recommend this because the other parent needs to be responsible and aware as well even if they are not participating. Furthermore, if there is a delay in medical needs of your child you can make the decision without the other parent but, in guidance from the medical professional(s) involved in your child's care.
I will try and give you some clauses in a bit of how this actually is legally worded. It is very complex and rarely seen in agreements or orders.
A clause has to be put in to protect you and the other parent on decisions made in an acute care setting. You don't strike me as a high-conflict person (nor has your description of the other parent, the other parent seems "avoidant" more than conflictual). Basically, you need wording that if there was an acute care situation and your child was with either parent you could make a decision but, in guidance of the opinion of medical professionals treating your child at the time.
The complexity is that you want to clearly identify "acute" versus "long term" care in this situation. Acute care situations require fast decisions and the other parent may not be able to assist (can't contact etc) and you both need to be able to make a decision if the other parent cannot be contacted in a reasonable time.
15% of a large number is a large number. For example if you require a power assisted chair and accessories... 15% of that can be a big number.
Depending on the household income supporting your child's needs you may qualify to work with a variety of different charities who can help fill the gap. (I.e. March of Dimes, etc...) You can always explore these options but, it takes time to get into the fold of these organizations and get the support and help they can provide.
I am assuming that the other parent is going to require this support as well even possibly on a every other weekend access schedule. This is a major and complex S7 expense potentially. So long as the other parent understands this (which I hope they do) then it shouldn't be a challenge to reach agreement on this. Of course any expense incurred would have to be backed by a medical professional and at the level of quality of service recommended by the medical professional.
For example, I have seen a case where a parent went out and purchased a power chair, sought a large sum of money from the other parent to cover the chair but, the medical professional was of the strong opinion that a manual chair was better (and it is cheaper). That is why it is important to insure that you work with the medical professionals and the other parent to understand *why* the expense is being incurred. To be special and extraordinary you should have the support of the medical practitioner for the expense.
Good Luck!
Tayken
I will look into these situations.- Status