She was awarded Sole Custody, time to appeal...help?

[logicalvelocity]

Why not enroll your daughter in extra curricular activities that occur when she is in care. You do have that option. Although you might not be able to attend, Access to your daughter's progress in said other activities survives.

 

[riverbag]

Why not enroll your daughter in extra curricular activities that occur when she is in care. You do have that option. Although you might not be able to attend, Access to your daughter's progress in said other activities survives.

I can't find any activities that are every second weekend and her Mother won't agree to take her to activities I sign her up for. I had signed her up for activities during my access, but since that has diminished and her Mother won't take her to those activities and plans to sign her up for other activities that I cannot attend...I guess I'm sunk.

 

[lumpy]

I can't find any activities that are every second weekend

We found out that our local indoor soccer league (plays every Saturday) is fine with the kids playing every other weekend. They don't give a break on the costs... but at least we get to put them in a sport.

 

[dadtotheend]

I don't like the fact that I cannot attend activities that are not on my access nights, like for example dance classes, Karate classes etc.

You're kidding me!

Was that put into the order?

What about school concerts? Parent teacher interviews?

 

[riverbag]

Activities

Activities

We found out that our local indoor soccer league (plays every Saturday) is fine with the kids playing every other weekend. They don't give a break on the costs... but at least we get to put them in a sport.

I am keeping her in Karate as they are flexible on her attending as well and she really enjoys it, though they don't give me a break on pricing either. It's my involvement that bothers me and while it does seem selfish, it's what my daughter has been accustomed to and consistency is important at such a young age. I know there are changes coming so I might have to just bite the bullet.

 

[billiechic]

Was it explicitly included in the order that you can't attend classes on Mom's time? That is ridiculous, except in cases of high conflict. You have said there is high conflict, and the order of sole seems to reflect this, but no OCL? I can totally understand your frustration here. I don't understand why you lost the middle of the week overnight either. Did they gve a reason?

 

[riverbag]

Sole Custody

Sole Custody

Was it explicitly included in the order that you can't attend classes on Mom's time? That is ridiculous, except in cases of high conflict. You have said there is high conflict, and the order of sole seems to reflect this, but no OCL? I can totally understand your frustration here. I don't understand why you lost the middle of the week overnight either. Did they gve a reason?

I was explicitly stated I cannot attend events not during my access, it wasn't a high conflict case, we still pick up the children at each others homes, no abuse. The Judge claims the sole custody order is because "I need to respect the privacy of the relationship between the children and their mother and her activities with them". I guess my privacy and my relationship mean nothing...It's an obvious Gender Bias towards the Mother.

 

[logicalvelocity]

I can't find any activities that are every second weekend and her Mother won't agree to take her to activities I sign her up for. I had signed her up for activities during my access, but since that has diminished and her Mother won't take her to those activities and plans to sign her up for other activities that I cannot attend...I guess I'm sunk.

Take her to activities when your child is in your care. Many organizations would accommodate such bi-weekly situations. Request progress reports concerning said activities already in place which they, your child, are already enrolled. Hopefully, the other parent will follow through the previous enrolled commitment and take your child on their time. Doesn't look good if they refuse to co-operate.

Additionally, surely, the other parent will accommodate information requests concerning your child and their health, welfare and education. Again, if the refuse and hinder, doesn't look good.

One good thing is Rubber Stamp access seems to have survived suggesting that you present no harm to your child. I know a few parent's that are shut out of their children's life, completely on untested material.

If the recent ordered regime is not working out to the benefit of your child, and their best interest, one could bring forth a variance under Section 29 of the CLR, but, the heavy onus would rest with the Applicant and their application for change to demonstrate.

 

[billiechic]

Gosh, I am so sorry. Sorry that you wasted your money on a trial and got such an unfair order.

I am thinking you may want to look at counselling on your time. You poor girl might need it.

 

[riverbag]

Take her to activities when your child is in your care. Many organizations would accommodate such bi-weekly situations. Request progress reports concerning said activities already in place which they, your child, are already enrolled. Hopefully, the other parent will follow through the previous enrolled commitment and take your child on their time. Doesn't look good if they refuse to co-operate.

Additionally, surely, the other parent will accommodate information requests concerning your child and their health, welfare and education. Again, if the refuse and hinder, doesn't look good.

One good thing is Rubber Stamp access seems to have survived suggesting that you present no harm to your child. I know a few parent's that are shut out of their children's life, completely on untested material.

If the recent ordered regime is not working out to the benefit of your child, and their best interest, one could bring forth a variance under Section 29 of the CLR, but, the heavy onus would rest with the Applicant and their application for change to demonstrate.

I'm going to continue to be the Father I have been and want to be, so I will work within the order while I submit my appeal. To bring the variance I would need some serious insight into the child life, which the current order restricts and probably some assessment which a NCP cannot get as every counseling office I've contacted will not make an appointment with an NCP. If my appeal fails, I'm pretty much sunk until my Ex makes the mistake that everyone who knows her, myself included expects her to make. I just hope it doesn't cost my children too much before I can prove what I already know.

 

[billiechic]

Looks like you are going to have to have her need for counselling documented and then file a motion to allow counselling. The court CAN do this, they ordered my ex to consent to counselling in a temp order.

You can still take her to the doctor on your time, or she can go to a counsellor at school. If this is affecting her as much as you say it is, then there are ways to get her help without looking like a bad guy (which is how mom is trying to paint you). Your daughter needs to be strong enough to identify that this new schedule is emotionally traumatizing her and express it to someone outside her family (making her sad, or whatever she says to you)

Schools have groups for divorced kids and kids from alcoholic families (Rainbows, Al Anon etc). Just becasue you are NCP doesn't mean you can't brng up your concerns with her teacher and get them on board.

Just make sure they know this is about your daughter, and only that. It can't be about the appeal, or it isn't going to help. You need to focus on healing her from this divorce.

 

[logicalvelocity]

Good luck with your Appeal.

 

[riverbag]

Looks like you are going to have to have her need for counselling documented and then file a motion to allow counselling. The court CAN do this, they ordered my ex to consent to counselling in a temp order.

You can still take her to the doctor on your time, or she can go to a counsellor at school. If this is affecting her as much as you say it is, then there are ways to get her help without looking like a bad guy (which is how mom is trying to paint you). Your daughter needs to be strong enough to identify that this new schedule is emotionally traumatizing her and express it to someone outside her family (making her sad, or whatever she says to you)

Schools have groups for divorced kids and kids from alcoholic families (Rainbows, Al Anon etc). Just becasue you are NCP doesn't mean you can't brng up your concerns with her teacher and get them on board.

Just make sure they know this is about your daughter, and only that. It can't be about the appeal, or it isn't going to help. You need to focus on healing her from this divorce.

Thank you for the suggestions and I'll be sure to keep this about the children. Their Mother moved them in with her new boyfriend less than a month after the trial completed. My Daughter has said she can't sleep in the new house and wants to sleep at my place. She still wants to live with "Mommy and Daddy and not Mommy and (New boyfriend)". I am trying to reassure her that after a while things will be ok and that I will always be her Daddy. It's been almost 2 years since the split and she still wants things to be like they were, and the court and Mother keeps changing things. It's frustrating from my end as I've done everything in my power to maintain a consistent lifestyle for my 2 children. Anyway, I'm babbling, I'll stay focused on my children and keep them removed from the appeal.

 

[billiechic]

My daughter asked me again last night if mommy and daddy could get back together. It's been a year and a half. She's ALWAYS going to want us together, since that means she doesn't have to have only 1 of us. This is normal for every child of divorce.

 

[riverbag]

My daughter asked me again last night if mommy and daddy could get back together. It's been a year and a half. She's ALWAYS going to want us together, since that means she doesn't have to have only 1 of us. This is normal for every child of divorce.

I get that, and am working to ensure she knows I am never going away and that both of us love her very much.

 

[Teddie]

"The new order has me seeing them 1 day a week for 2 hrs, every second weekend and 1 5 min call every week.......plus I have no say in how they are raised."

That's BS and I feel bad for you. I have only been going through this stuff for a few months but it pisses me off to see this happen. The common theme seems to be 1) get the other kicked out 2) don't let them see the kids 3) trash their parenting and every aspect of them as a person 4) run their ass into the ground in court costs 5) alienate the kids 6) go for as much support as possible by using status quo to keep their access low and their payments high.

I wish the laws were different but as it stands the law allows the 6 points I list above to be a pretty good method for getting the kids and the money.

My situation turned out better as I settled on 50/50 access, but my ex definitely tried to pull off the same thing.

Best of luck to you.

 

[FamilyBlah]

When I think of all the evidence supporting my claims and the complete lack of evidence supporting my EX's claims, it makes me hopeful.

Then I come here and read about riverbag's posts and that feeling of hope does a complete 180.

Then I think about the ones who ending up taking the brunt of decisions such as this: the kids, and it makes me incredibly sad.

The "BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILDREN" is the ONLY test! Status quo is only one consideration in determining the BIOTC so it should hold some weight in a decision. However, it should not be the dominating factor unless all other considerations are relatively equal and the weight of the status quo should be greatly diminished when the status quo was achieved through lies and manipulation, and actions by the manipulating party that were not in the BIOTC.

 

[riverbag]

Update

Update

I haven't been here in a while as the Court Battle is over but I thought an update would be interesting for those who are still in it. It's been 3.5 years and the children are still living with their Mother. She has moved them 3 times and I have recently been informed that they are moving again. She is leaving her live in boyfriend of 1.5 years and is changing the children's neighborhood, school and daycare provider for the 4th time. My relationship with the children is great and while I would like to see them more, I haven't received any difficulty from their Mom when I pick them up or if they want to call me (I also pay support every month and this is why I believe she fought for the children). Outside of the lack of stability in their lives, the only other issue I have is the way their Mom disregards their health on some occasions (ie doesn't take them to a doctor when their eye is infected, doesn't always administer the medication, doesn't follow up with doctor or professionals, doesn't provide medication when the children come to my place...etc) I am able to work around that by staying involved with the Dr and Professionals and by purchasing second prescriptions when I can. My children know I am there for them and that I will always be there. I continue to provide stability and structure for them when they are with me so in the end, they will have their Father and I will be happy

 

[wretchedotis]

Awesome to hear that you continue to actively take part in their lives.

Don't ever change that! They need their Dad - even if it is only once a month. To be there each and every time without fail is a rock solid foundation they will hold anchor to forever.

The ex moving around an unreasoable amount IS reason to go back to court, should you want to open that can of worms again. Maybe its not enough to do so right at this moment - but a few more years down the road if it continues, perhaps you should consider doing just that.

All the best to you, Riverbag!

 

[riverbag]

The final move without repercussions

The final move without repercussions

I agree that too much moving isn't good for the children but this final move is back to the original neighborhood and the first school for my oldest which has all her friends so I welcome it, but should another move take place within the next 12 months I'll be filing papers. I AM the ONLY stability in their young lives and if she cannot provide a more stable environment for them I will seek changes.

Thanks again for the support everyone,