She was awarded Sole Custody, time to appeal...help?

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It was what was occurring prior to separation. I don't get how giving me less time benefits the children though. My understanding is that the order takes the "best interests of the children" not the best interests of the EX.
 
lumpy said:
If you are doing the right thing, your children will know it when they get older.
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I couldn't possibly agree more.

It was the toughest 2 years, I think, of my life: My ex was absolutely vicious in her attempts to alienate our kids and me. That is not hyperbole: She was VICIOUS.

All my friends and all the professionals I spoke to told me that I was doing the right thing: I refused to engage, I told them that I loved them, and that their Mom loved them. When they asked why Mom was saying "those things" I always explained that Mom is very upset and afraid of losing them. I told them that Mom isn't herself and that she'd be better soon. I took every kick in the nuts that she dealt out and cried myself to sleep every night, thinking that I'd likely never see my goobers again.

This lasted just over 2 years and then, just like everybody told me they would, our kids showed that they were perfectly capable of thinking for themselves. Both live with me now, and their Mom is 3 provinces away, still living in her dark world of hate and anger. I hope that she comes around, for the kids' sake, and the sooner the better.

Yikes, I'm rambling.

My point is that kids ain't stupid. If someone is being nasty they will figure it out for themselves. Messing with kids' minds is one place where I have come to believe that a person reaps what they sow, and evildoing is sure to backfire.

Cheers!

Gary (doin' the Parent Thing, and lovin' it)
 
Thanks Gary

Thanks Gary

Hi Gary,

Happy to hear it worked out for you, my concern here is that her Family hates me too and that they'll all work together and with my limited access in the new order...I'm not so sure that the children will see the truth if they don't see enough of it. I have to believe that if I continue to do what's right for the kids, in the end they'll be ok, even if they're not with me as much as I think they should be. I have a life that I can move on to, I just think the children are better served being with me 50% of the time and I was very confident that I showed that in my evidence, had the judge taken the time and a fair perspective to look at it.
 
riverbag said:
Hi Gary,

Happy to hear it worked out for you, my concern here is that her Family hates me too and that they'll all work together and with my limited access in the new order
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You're in good company, my friend. Her family is bankrolling her lawyer for her latest round of zaniness: She's trying to cost me my house in the belief that if I lose the home the kids will have to move to Saskatchewan with her.

Extended family nastiness backfires too: I paid to fly the kids out to visit her several times, and each time she and her family tried to convince the kids to stay, but instead of stressing possible good reasons, they chose the Dark Side (grin) at each and every opportunity: Your Dad is a Bad Man. He hurt Mommy. He's an evil, naughty boy.... The result? The kids will no longer go to visit. They flat-out refuse to go.

Here's the thing: Parents are, for the better part of kids' young lives, a child's entire universe. One thing that is worse than a child's parents splitting up is being told that one of those parents doesn't love him/her. Beyond being a form of extreme abuse (kicking the kid while (s)he's down, even), it's a devastating rip in the fabric of that child's universe. When that child figures out the Truth, and (s)he will, the backfire is tremendous.

Actions speak louder than words: Love the living snot out of them at every opportunity. Don't play the game and resist the temptation to show them the light: They'll find it all on their own. And when they do, your bond will be indescribably strong.

Alienation: It hurts... it hurts like nothing else has ever hurt. It ain't fair and alienation should be a capital offence. Until it's treated as seriously as it should be, though, it's up to us to fix it.

This isn't some new-age psychobabble bullshit: It's the voice of experience. You only get to do this once: Do it right.

Cheers!

Gary
 
I completely agree Gary, when she plays these games with the kids, she's not only hurting them, she's hurting me and herself, but the cure for all that is love...simply allowing the children to be children without the adult demonization of the other. Just now I got a call from my oldest (6yrs old) asking me if she could come and see me tonight. I said that she could as I would be home but she needed to ask her Mother...her reply, Mommy doesn't know I'm calling you, she doesn't want me to call you and she said I can't go. I reassured her that she would see me on Tuesday and that I loved her. She was crying when she hung up, but I know that she'll be over tomorrow and I can make it better by being the loving Parent I am....It's hard right now, but I'm going to do whatever I can to make her life as normal as I can.
 
riverbag said:
I reassured her that she would see me on Tuesday and that I loved her. She was crying when she hung up, but I know that she'll be over tomorrow and I can make it better by being the loving Parent I am
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PERFECT!!!

Now, on Tuesday, hug her until she can't breathe, never mention this incident, and be happy, Happy, HAPPY!

She'll be happy for it, and that's ALL that matters.

It's all we can do, Bro'

Cheers!

Gary
 
I was just reminder by my Ex that the order starts immediately so I don't get my children for as long as I usually do, this after my oldest called me crying because she doesn't get to stay with me tonight.

Can I file a motion asking for the order to be suspended pending my appeal??
 
Question about openness of the trial record

Question about openness of the trial record

If the trial is completed, is the trial record an "open" document, viewable by the public?? Can I discuss this with a newspaper?? an online website?? There's nothing in the order about keeping it quiet.
 
Occasionally cases are not pubicized because they involve minors, so names would not be released. That isn't necessarily the situation with every divorce but you won't find every case on Canlii for example. The simplest way to check is to go to the courthouse and without identifying yourself, ask for access or copies of the judge's order (the full transcript will require paying the court reporter). Most cases are available to the public.
 
tugofwar said:
I didn't say to retrain one but to see what your options are.
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Sorry, kind of snapped there, yesterday was a difficult day due to visiting with a lawyer and getting the same advice as always....Give Up, you can't win...and then having my children for less time than they deserve due to the order.
 
Question about appeal

Question about appeal

When I appeal, can I refer to anything in my case, or only things presented in my trial. I want to refer to the refusal of the OCL, and a motion for Sole Custody which she lost in January. The OCL refused involvement because we weren't a high conflict case, but if it isn't high conflict, why the Sole Custody order?
 
Dude you were down a road at trial that a very small % of us were at. Your current road is even less travelled.

Be careful about the advice here regarding appeals. It's going to be even less reliable due to our relative inexperience.
 
understood :P

understood :P

dadtotheend said:
Dude you were down a road at trial that a very small % of us were at. Your current road is even less travelled.

Be careful about the advice here regarding appeals. It's going to be even less reliable due to our relative inexperience.
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Completely understood, but after this is done, I should have a wealth of knowledge to pass on.. Perhaps I should document my experiences and give them to your guys.....especially if I am successful ;)
 
riverbag said:
LV, I requested Shared Parenting (2-2-3) as I thought I had enough proof to show that we could communicate when she wanted to, but she just controlled the communication. She shouldn't be able to control communication and then say we can't, that's not correct. She has been asking for Sole all along.
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What sort of access was ordered?
 
logicalvelocity said:
and holidays?
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I get them on Fathers Day, half of the Christmas vacation (equality there??), Easter...etc...standard stuff, I don't like the fact that I cannot attend activities that are not on my access nights, like for example dance classes, Karate classes etc. This was something I ALWAYS did, her Mother was never involved in her activities and I proved that, this only hurts my daughter.
 
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