Settled and depressed

S

sshan

New member
I would thank the forum for providing information for people who are new to this system of divorce in Canada.

The truth about this system in Ontario is you need to lose the money and the child relation.

I wish one day like California where they will give 50 / 50 custody of time with the other parent.
 
It's easy to give up and blame the system, and most do, but for those who actually use it - the system is magical. 50/50, return of children, enforcement, equalization... where all your reasonable dreams come true.
 
I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.
 
Settled and depressed

sshan said:
I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.
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And what did the judge say about custody? Parenting time? Mobility? Or was it simply about having to pay your ex? Because your post screams of money not your child. Not to mention both of those things are a given, the judge could have ruled otherwise for custody and parenting time if you had gone to trial.

Don’t blame the system. You gave up on it before getting a full answer. There are a lot of people on here who have spent much more and gained little. They aren’t complaining.
 
sshan said:
I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.
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Child Support doesn't change it is separate from all other costs.
You could have asked for more time with the child and you could have also asked for travel expenses.

It sounds like you didn't ask for the right things.

Did you have a lawyer?

StillPaying said:
It's easy to give up and blame the system, and most do, but for those who actually use it - the system is magical. 50/50, return of children, enforcement, equalization... where all your reasonable dreams come true.
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What a load of unicorn poop; you may call it a rainbow but everyone knows it is poop.
 
sshan said:
I wish one day like California where they will give 50 / 50 custody of time with the other parent.
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50/50 is the default here, that is where cases start unless there is abuse.
Saying and asserting this from the start is what is needed.

I wish there was a government document every lawyer was required to give their clients outlining what the basics are including those basics that work against the lawyers best interests.

You can still get to 50/50 but it is going to take time. Keep asking for more time if that is what you want and work at it. Do all the parenting courses and bond with your child. You will have to move because you allowed your ex to build a base elsewhere and the kid has to go to school.
 
pinkHouses said:
What a load of unicorn poop; you may call it a rainbow but everyone knows it is poop.
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Typical "woe is me" post, blaming everyone else. OP was charged, avoided court, allowed the move, drove for years before asking for discounts, etc. Settled everything, then blames the system.

The system doesn't parent for you. Sit back and ignore the situation and the system will ignore you. Be the reasonable one and you'll find the system is very reasonable as well.
 
StillPaying said:
Typical "woe is me" post, blaming everyone else. OP was charged, avoided court, allowed the move, drove for years before asking for discounts, etc. Settled everything, then blames the system.

The system doesn't parent for you. Sit back and ignore the situation and the system will ignore you. Be the reasonable one and you'll find the system is very reasonable as well.
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And it’s really disingenuous to the “older”/previous members who fought like hell against false accusations, through years of court, against legal aid applicants, had their kids stolen, watched their kids live in unsafe conditions, dealt with CAS and the police etc. to come on here and moan about how things aren’t fair. I have watched many posters on here lose everything to get 50/50 with their kids—including those who didn’t see their kids for years due to lies—and still they didn’t pull this.

The system does suck and there are a lot of people who have lost out but if you are simply depressed because you have to pay your ex and took an easy road out, there isn’t a lot of sympathy.
 
I'm sorry you're feeling down following your settlement. There can be a number of factors that contributed to not coming away with a more favorable outcome, mis-steps in the process or not navigating the process properly (it's definitely not easy), not promoting the relevant information to further a more favorable outcome, and getting overwhelmed by the process and giving in just to finally reach a settlement. Sometimes it's a bit of all of it.

If you're feeling down or depressed, it's definitely a good idea to reach out to your doctor or a counselor to discuss how you're feeling, especially if it's persistent, and look at strategies to help improve how you're feeling. If it's severe, please consider reaching out to your local Crisis centre for someone to speak to.
 
I do agree with you sshan and understand your feelings for Your situation. I feel the same regarding my husband's situation with his ex wife (It's a whammy, what we've experienced over the years.)

My own situation worked out better, my ex and I ended up being more reasonable/cooperative.

So I've got to experience the system on both ends/ different situations.

I hear different co-workers experiences. They are mixed back and forth too. I feel that it really comes down to the ex, whether you are dealing with someone who is reasonable......or someone who is unreasonable, motivated by money--those seem to be the worst and the other person gets screwed pretty bad!
 
The system is reasonable - which means it doesn't automatically believe one party or the other. Made up claims will extend the process, but in the end reasonableness will prevail within the system. Having a difficult ex doesn't change that.

When someone gets screwed, they were most likely in the wrong and/or agreed to it. Not the system...
 
The system is Not reasonable and Not quick enough.
Yes, you are correct that many people agree--They are told to/pressured to by lawyers and judges at conferences. They cannot financially afford the process, all the unnecessary conferences. I know someone who is on their 4th appearance before a judge $30,000 in right now. Still no trial. Another appearance, really?? How about Trial, just rule on it! $$$$ racking up.
Not everyone has the confidence to self-rep, if that is cheaper.
 
And what did the judge say about custody? Parenting time? Mobility? Or was it simply about having to pay your ex? Because your post screams of money not your child. Not to mention both of those things are a given, the judge could have ruled otherwise for custody and parenting time if you had gone to trial.

Don�t blame the system. You gave up on it before getting a full answer. There are a lot of people on here who have spent much more and gained little. They aren�t complaining.

Ans: If I dont accept the decision I need to bring the matter to court and I have 30 days .- For decision making .

For parenting time : Alternate weekends and summer, winter vacations and PD days .

I gave up because I dont have the money and my ex is legal aid and she is enjoying the govt money .

I spoke to so many lawyers and not a single lawyer is saying there is a chance to bring my son back to my place so I gave up fighting this system and to move on
 
pinkmorganite said:
The system is Not reasonable and Not quick enough.
Yes, you are correct that many people agree--They are told to/pressured to by lawyers and judges at conferences. They cannot financially afford the process, all the unnecessary conferences. I know someone who is on their 4th appearance before a judge $30,000 in right now. Still no trial. Another appearance, really?? How about Trial, just rule on it! $$$$ racking up.
Not everyone has the confidence to self-rep, if that is cheaper.
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Learning "the system" would help alleviate the ignorance. Each appearance - each conference has a specific purpose. 99% will be informal, sit when speaking, speak freely, easy appearances.

I agree it takes time to get to a final decision, but when you see what's at stake - it's understandable aka reasonable. People claiming to spend $10k+ before a cc is not understandable.
 
The system does suck and there are a lot of people who have lost out but if you are simply depressed because you have to pay your ex and took an easy road out, there isn�t a lot of sympathy.

Did I ever mention in any of the posts about not paying my ex - I will always be a visitor to see my son and there will be no bonding how cruel this system is ???? I wished Judge Judy was there I hear always she saying " Fathers are not second class citizens and they have equal rights on the child"
 
sshan said:
And what did the judge say about custody? Parenting time? Mobility? Or was it simply about having to pay your ex? Because your post screams of money not your child. Not to mention both of those things are a given, the judge could have ruled otherwise for custody and parenting time if you had gone to trial.

Don�t blame the system. You gave up on it before getting a full answer. There are a lot of people on here who have spent much more and gained little. They aren�t complaining.

Ans: If I dont accept the decision I need to bring the matter to court and I have 30 days .- For decision making .

For parenting time : Alternate weekends and summer, winter vacations and PD days .

I gave up because I dont have the money and my ex is legal aid and she is enjoying the govt money .

I spoke to so many lawyers and not a single lawyer is saying there is a chance to bring my son back to my place so I gave up fighting this system and to move on
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That doesn’t answer my question. What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? You spoke to lawyers but nothing from the judge? And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations? Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?

There are a few previous posters who went up against a legal aid respondent and won. The certificates run out. It’s not an endless flow of cash.
 
What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? You spoke to lawyers but nothing from the judge? And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations? Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?


What was said by the judge in your appearances about increasing time? It is in the discretion of the mother to decide to give a extra weekend to the father and I 'm putting on with a person who is very unreasonable to the core.



And were their insights the response you gave because you accepted a peace bond for the false accusations?

No . Even my fingerprints are removed from RCMP .

Did they say things would have been different if you had gone to trial and been acquitted? Or were you actually guilty?

The judge was not interested as it was a different court and there is no outstanding case so the judge was not interested.
 
Stop fighting the system and work with it. You allowed the move, so you move as well. Next door if you have to, so you can still be a 50% parent.

What???? she moved without notice and the court took a long time to hear my case and they have established in another city .


Next door if you have to, so you can still be a 50% parent.

This is what lawyers are suggesting and they want the father to move and how cruel is this...pay spousal + child support and go to another city and pay rent and live a life??

That is the reason I see many people dont get married and some losing jobs just to avoid pay support and some flee the country . All this is happening because the system is not fair to the fathers .
 
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