Separation Agreements

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Faust

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Hi everyone. Any help is greatly appreciated...my lawyer is not responding to my emails anymore (I guess my anxiety is getting too annoying wondering what happens next), so I'm thankful I found this site.
I had my lawyer draw up a separation agreement after my wife left me from a marriage of 20 whole months. We're both teachers with no kids (I'd love to meet a marriage of an elementary and a secondary teacher that worked:)). She had a consumer proposal, bad credit, car payments and upgraded her teaching credentials. As soon as she was finished all that, she left. Yes, she has $0 debt. Now I want to move on and she won't sign the agreement which simply states that I keep mine and she keeps hers...oh yea, the house was mine in my name only and that's in the agreement that the house is mine. My lawyer says that since the marriage was so short, it wouldn't be worth going through all the courts and stuff. So why isn't she signing? What could her lawyer be saying to her?
I have heavy...heavy debt and I need to refinance my home to get it under control...but again she won't sign. Looking at the equalisation equation in Ontario family law, do we split the matrimonial home value going into the marriage although it was mine in my name? I'm trying to figure out what she'd be entitled to if she's stupid enough to not sign the agreement and go to court.
 
Well in theory she is not getting anything, although INAL.

However, her lawyer could be telling her all kinds of fairlytales such as that she is entitled to an obscene ("- exactly how obscene? Just profane, or really offensive? - Really offensive.") amount of money, supporting the claims with quick and dirty calculations that ignore all debt and count all assets. Happened to me...

Be patient, patient, patient. It is hard, the feeling that you are not in control of your life is horrible, but really there is not much you can do, other than trying to talk some sense into ex-. Prepare to waste at least 2-3 month.
 
Just a word of advice... every time you email your lawyer that costs you money. Has this lawyer done anything for you? If not, maybe find a new lawyer, but right now that lawyer is sitting back, watching you run up your bill because of your emails.

It is scary how fast lawyer bills can add up. Stay on this forum and learn as much as you can...it will save you a ton of money!

Best of luck to you!
 
Thank you so much for your words of advice. Yes patience is key. This forum is a Godsend.
Blinkandimgone: isn't that automatic 50% equity in the home just an American thing? I thought that's why we have the equalisation equation. The matrimonial home is a part of that equation. It can't be that simple.
 
After a 20 month marriage you could try an Unjust Enrichment argument. No guarentees there.

As to your lawyer, they are doing you a favour not answering random emails, keep in mind they are probably charging you for reading them though. I had to give my lawyer shit once for charging me for reading an email but not answering it.

The best way to handle your lawyer is:
  1. Get a therapist. Don't try to use your lawyer as a therapist.
  2. Read some books. Surviving your Divorce by Cochrane is an excellent start, read this first, from the library if you are short of money.
  3. Make a list of questions you still have AFTER you have read the book. Don't walk around feeling like an expert after reading a book, but you should now know enough to ask specific questions.
  4. Call your lawyer's assistant for as many minor issues or questions as you can. Simple things like "Did that letter get out okay?" is not something you need to get charged $400 an hour for.
  5. Make an appointment through the assistant with your lawyer for a phone consultation. Decide how much time you need and tell her, get a firm time to call. This is an appointment. If the lawyer can't keep it, fire them.
  6. On the phone, have your list of questions. Write down the answers. Don't get sidetracked and waste your time, control the conversation, get a clear understanding of the issues.
Regarding your ex, you should send her a formal offer with a time limit, say 30 days. Then spend the month thinking about other things, go to the gym, out for beers with your friends, see some movies. If she doesn't get back to you in 30 days something is very wrong with this picture. Probably your ex's personality; does she put off filing her taxes too? This is probably a pattern.

If you can't get an answer, don't waste money on your lawyer sending umpteen letters. A letter from your lawyer will probably cost around $100. Send another offer that is LESS generous than the first. In the cover letter, state that you are will to settle more generously if you can have a quick and amicable agreement. State that the more time drags on, the more expense you incur and the less likely you are to be flexible on issues.

If you don't get an answer to that in 30 days, email her personally (try to avoid too much trying to negotiate by email unless she is co-operative) and ask simply what SHE wants to settle, ask her to make an offer. Make the email polite and professional, no emotion, no criticism, no complaint. Point out in a simple and clinical way that if she rejects reasonable offers, you will be forced to take her to court for a settlement and she may have to pay your legal costs. Let her ask her own lawyer what that means. Just state it simply. Don't get into threats and arguments, just make an offer and ask for a reply.

If she just doesn't want to deal it, you can let her walk away, and keep your fingers crossed. If 6 years go by, she cannot file for any equalization of property. It may be that she will just walk away and let it go. If you don't want to remarry there is no hurry. But if you want to settle, you will then have to go to court, there is no way to force her to pay attention to you otherwise.
 
Thank you Mess and everyone else. This is the logic I have been looking for for a few weeks now. I am in therapy and it helps a little. Unfortunately, I do need to move on. The house I bought is pretty big...a little to big to handle on my own. I was hoping to sell it after she signs and get something smaller, but it doesn't look like that should happen.
Mess, you pinpointed my ex to a tee. She puts things off all the time...especially things that are of a formal nature (taxes, renewing licences, formal appointments) . She hides from responsibility. She also suffers from chronic depression (takes two meds for it). The last time we corresponded, she was bunkered at her parents house up north stating she wasn't doing to well. I'm afraid she's going to milk this thing for all its worth.
Thanks for the advice. I go back to the gym, knock back a few, and continue therapy.
As for the lawyer, I had no idea he can charge for emails. He simply stated that he prefers email. I've only paid him for the separation agreement cause that's all he charged me for when I went in. Thanks for the heads up everyone.
 
Irrelevant. As soon as you lived together in the home as a married couple it became the matrimonial home and you are each entitled to 50% of the equity in the home.
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A slight point; it is relevant, because if the house was purchased after marriage then he would have the assets used to purchase the house on the marriage date in a deductible form. The potential for a larger loss arises mainly if the matrimonial home was owned solely by one party on the marriage date and remained the home until separation.

After a 20 month marriage you could try an Unjust Enrichment argument. No guarentees there.
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Agreed, on both accounts.

As for the lawyer, I had no idea he can charge for emails. He simply stated that he prefers email. I've only paid him for the separation agreement cause that's all he charged me for when I went in.
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As a cautionary tale, everything involving a lawyer has a price tag. Occasionally you'll get lawyers who will knock parts of the bill off. Nonetheless, what a lawyer is selling is advice, and the units in which it is sold is time.

To keep legal fees down, try to send your lawyer one big email instead of, say, five small ones - one ten minute read (0.2 hours) is 40% the price of five one minute reads (0.1 x 5 = 0.5 hours).
 
Thank you OrleansLawyer. In other words, I'm going to have a surprise from my lawyer when this is all said and done. I will proceed accordingly.
If I understand your "slight point", I do have potential for loss as I owned the home before we were married in my name alone. On the date of marriage, it was still in my name alone. She left the home 20 months later...one day before I scheduled marriage counselling for us I might add...and I will suffer loss. God bless the system.
 
In your original post you said you have debt and she does not...from my understanding (much like the house) this debt is the responsiblity of her as well and is to be split 50/50 in equalization.
 
Faust said:
If I understand your "slight point", I do have potential for loss as I owned the home before we were married in my name alone. On the date of marriage, it was still in my name alone. She left the home 20 months later...one day before I scheduled marriage counselling for us I might add...and I will suffer loss. God bless the system.
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Yeah, nobody tells you that the marriage contract you are about to sign includes a secret clause that says you are handing over half your house if the marriage fails. Of course, if this was known, people would not likely do anything differently, because who goes into marriage believing theirs is one of the ones that will fail?

Unjust enrichment is the topic you should be researching heavily now. That's where a court can rule that it's unconscionable that an ex from a short duration marriage takes their usual half share of the matrimonial home and other marriage assets. You might be able to argue that she's only entitled to half the increase in value over the duration of the marriage, instead of the whole thing.
 
RJD: The forum does not support giving blatantly bad advice or recommendations of fraudulant activity.
-blinkandimgone
 
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Randomguyjoe:

Not only is that bad advice from a financial disclosure integrity standpoint. Its rather difficult to hide an asset like a house.

Edit: lol..nvm...post was deleted when my screen updated.
 
Unjust enrichment is the topic you should be researching heavily now. That's where a court can rule that it's unconscionable that an ex from a short duration marriage takes their usual half share of the matrimonial home and other marriage assets. You might be able to argue that she's only entitled to half the increase in value over the duration of the marriage, instead of the whole thing.
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This is bang on.

A marriage of less than 5 years can be argued as short term. The specific facts of the marriage determine how much (or little) that affects the equalization.

If she a lawyer, she will be asking for half of the equity and therefore you will want to hire your own.
 
So I've taken everyone's advice and have done a lot of reading...especially concerning the matrimonial home. I'd like to bring this site I found up for discussion (especially the myths about the matrimonial home and the FLA). It's about 1/4 of the way down called "Family Law Myths".

Property : Matrimonial Matters

According to this, since the house is in my name alone, I have to just get her to sign off or give full release of the house. Otherwise her rights are simply to live there or hold me prisoner cause I can't sell it or refinance or anything without her permission.
 
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