Retro-Active CS

[calicodacat]

I was just trying to make sure that you know that you are not the child's father, and that you have absolutely no right to denigrate the father in front of the child. Perhaps you don't say bad things, but your post had an incredible level of disdain for the real father, which makes me believe that you probably insult him quite liberally at home.

I do not ever talk bad about him nor do I about my Ex, I was expressing an opinion on a forum. I disagree, there was not an incredible level of disdain. After the crap he's put her through, the fact I kept it to that, is pretty tame. I love her and yes I feel like she is getting the bad end of the stick and it frustrates me that he doesn't realize the pain he has caused/causing her. But as Rockscan stated she has and will realize this on her own, she doesn't need me to tell her. I am there to Love her and support her.

The child support is only to feed your partner's daughter. It is not to feed you. It is not to feed your partner. It is not to feed the other children. Your total grocery bill is irrelevant.

I would go so far as to say that the $2000 probably covers the entire marginal cost of food for your partner's child for the entire year.

So either you don't have kids or you are just trying to incite some reaction. 2400$ over the period of 2.5 years, doesn't even come close to covering even 25% of the cost of raising a child, grocery or no grocery.

You think he is a terrible father.

His facebook posts saying that he is a good father are annoying you, because you think that deep down you do more for the kid than the real father.

You think that if he is going to post about being a good father but not follow through, that at the very least you are going to hit him for CS.

I agree, you're not trying to bleed him dry. You're just hoping to punish him for having the nerve to pretend to be a good father online.

You believe that paying child support for your child is punishment? You seem to be saying that you think that Mom going to court to for this is some sort of evil thing. You obviously believe that he should be left to his own devices and to decide what amounts of support are ok. That is your opinion. I disagree.

P.S. I showed Mom your posts and she was livid. I on the other hand have seen enough of your posts on here to understand to not take it personally. I am confident in the father I am and certainly don't need your approval. I respect that you have the right to state your opinion and have benefited in the past from your comments and input.

 

[calicodacat]

I can't wait till he gets smacked with the in loco parentis stick. Blended families are statistically almost guaranteed to fail.

Links, this says a good deal about your personality..... You will enjoy saying I told you so when my relationship fails and you are hoping for the sake of being correct that when/if it does she takes advantage of the fact that I was there for her family and takes me to the cleaners. Not sure what else I can add there, kinda blown away by your jadedness.

With the help of this forum and the support of people around me and some patience, I was able to resolve most of the issues at dispute with my Ex out of court. It was not easy and I don't wish it on anybody but your experience is not necessarily the norm and I might add that your attitude might be somehow to blame on how high conflict things were/are. Just my 2 pennies.

 

[arabian]

There is an ignore feature on this forum which I found handy. On the top right-hand corner of your screen click on User CP and go from there.

As with any anonymous forum, you will find people who just simply want to spar and others who genuinely offer some useful information. However, sometimes we are given advice that we don't want to hear.

 

[calicodacat]

I don't feel like anybody said anything that was out of line. It is their opinions and I respect that.

I have received advice on here that I didn't want to hear and it has helped. In this case, Janus made me think about the way I feel and to ensure that it does not reflect on the way I portray this on D7. Good advice, maybe not given in the most constructive way possible but good advice none the less.

Divorce and the aftermaths are difficult times.... So are belnded families for that matter, lots of love but also many more complications. If I can't take someones comments on a forum I think I am in for a rough ride.

 

[Links17]

Links, this says a good deal about your personality..... You will enjoy saying I told you so when my relationship fails and you are hoping for the sake of being correct that when/if it does she takes advantage of the fact that I was there for her family and takes me to the cleaners. Not sure what else I can add there, kinda blown away by your jadedness.

I am not jaded at all. I am just completely realistic about the statistical possibility of blended families surviving + and the family law situation in Canada. I don't blame myself because nobody warned me but anybody who comes on this forum and opens themselves up to one of the family law claim better be prepared to say the following:

"If this woman tomorrow on a whim decides that she is bored and wants to leave me and she will take 50% of my salary for half the duration we were married AND she will take my kids/the kids i love away and I will see them 2 days out of 14 days until she decides to leave the area at which point I will see them less and she will ALIENATE me AND I will pay all their s7 and child support expenses for the next 20 years. "

and then responds to "Do you take this single mother as your reckless liability till boredom makes her part from you?"

with "I do"

Good for you.... (and all the other single mother lovers).

I am all for hooking up with single mothers, but don't live with them and don't talk to their kids.

With the help of this forum and the support of people around me and some patience, I was able to resolve most of the issues at dispute with my Ex out of court. It was not easy and I don't wish it on anybody but your experience is not necessarily the norm and I might add that your attitude might be somehow to blame on how high conflict things were/are. Just my 2 pennies.

Maybe. However, I've been right too many times in court that I know my judgement and my perception are sound. At one point I was worried I was at fault for the divorce etc... but after everything I am pretty sure I am solid. Thanks for worrying though!

On the flip side your "intrusiveness" into your ex-wife's relationship with her ex-husband would be easily considered to be controlling behavior. I understand your perspective but the post modern solution to the problem you are having would be to just leave, not to tell her/help what to do.

 

[Tayken]

I showed Mom your posts and she was livid.

It is always better if the person who actually has the problem do the posting. The "my partner" or "my son/daughter" has this problem never seems to help anyone.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[Janus]

So either you don't have kids or you are just trying to incite some reaction. 2400$ over the period of 2.5 years, doesn't even come close to covering even 25% of the cost of raising a child, grocery or no grocery.

I agree. However, you said that the $2000 would just cover groceries for the one kid for 2-3 months. You are changing your comparison now to something more reasonable.

That said, thinking of my food bill, the extra cost per kid for me is probably something in the order of $2000 per year. The bigger your family of course, the smaller the extra cost for food for an extra child. In theory, the CS guidelines sorta even take this into account.

You believe that paying child support for your child is punishment?

I said you were punishing the father, not that the paying of CS was intrinsically punishment. You can swear to holy bleeding jesus for a week that you are trying to get the money for the sake of the kid, but I haven't been drinking that brand of kool-aid.

P.S. I showed Mom your posts and she was livid.

She can come here and tell me herself. Her username could be "Calicodashykitty".

But I'll bite, why was she livid?

I will point something out though. If I claimed that the mother's hands were made of green cheese she probably would not have been insulted. That is because such an allegation would be clearly ridiculous. To be insulted, there has to be some fear that my statements are correct.

I on the other hand have seen enough of your posts on here to understand to not take it personally.

That's no fun. Bring the mother to the forum. I prefer people who are easily offended.

 

[Tayken]

I will point something out though. If I claimed that the mother's hands were made of green cheese she probably would not have been insulted. That is because such an allegation would be clearly ridiculous. To be insulted, there has to be some fear that my statements are correct.

I agree. I also remind everyone that the moon is made of BBQ spareribs and yes I would eat it if it was and I would have seconds!

 

[stripes]

I will point something out though. If I claimed that the mother's hands were made of green cheese she probably would not have been insulted. That is because such an allegation would be clearly ridiculous. To be insulted, there has to be some fear that my statements are correct.

Purely for the sake of argument, I don't think there has to be a fear that the statement might be correct. I think there has to be a perception that insult or disparagement was intended by the person speaking/writing. If someone called me a butthead, I would be insulted even though I am sure that I am not a butthead, because I would infer that the intention of the remark was to disparage me, which would make me angry at the person calling me a butthead.

 

[calicodacat]

The simple tone of somebody's message, be it true or false can make something insulting. There is no need for fear at all.

Getting back on point....
If a case was made to impute income could the defendant use his past criminal history as a reason of underemployment. I read the Drygala decision and my opinion is no it isn't but looking for your thoughts? What about mental illness, would one be required to prove that they are following a regular routine of therapy?

 

[rockscan]

You need to do some research on imputing income. Its not something that you can just say "he could make 30 g a year". There are a number of factors a judge has to consider including education level, previous pattern of employment, current opportunities, health concerns, criminal records etc. Most of the time (and I could be wrong here but this is my understanding of the research Ive done) imputing income is mainly due to purposeful unemployment. People who refuse to work to pay child support. If this guy has so many issues in his life that he cant earn enough then you have a steep climb. If hes just being an ass and refuses to work or works under the table then you may be a bit more successful. But its all a crap shoot.

And again, your partner needs to decide if its worth going after. If youre already struggling financially, wasting time and money on a no win legal battle would deplete you further.

You may want to get some legal advice on your chances before making a move.

 

[calicodacat]

She has decided to file the necessary papers for support, problem is, no income, no support. ATM he has moved in with his in-laws and plans to do work around the house for the next few months. He is employable, there is no doubt about it, can he keep a job is the question and seeing he works in construction it is mostly under the table.

 

[Berner_Faith]

What has his employment history been the past few years? What is his education level? At most if he has no marketable skills or education, you could hope for minimum wage of $24,000, so around $200 a month, Is this worth fighting over? Maybe, maybe not. Problem is, even if he is imputed a wage, you can't get blood from a stone, so if he isn't working then you're no further ahead.

If Dad works construction, chances are he is laid off now due to winter. Just a lot of factors to consider if you are already struggling financially. Your partner would have to take time off work to file paperwork and appear, which is going to have an impact on your finances, your partner is going to have to pay costs for the application, unlikely they will be recouped, which will impact your financial situation.