Pushed up against a wall...

[dinkyface]

I haven't seen many decisions where a judge has ordered daycare over a relative for care. If there are some please point me at them so I can add them to the pile for my research.

I had a bitter laugh over that one. As NCP father (unemployed, but paying full support based on GENEROUS imputed income), I would have gladly had our child stay with me during the day instead of being in daycare (subsidized spot in same building as mom's then workplace) for 4 days a week. It never came to trial, but my lawyer advised I had little chance of making this happen (this issue first arose when child was less than 1 yr old!). Sets status quo of 50-50 time etc etc etc.

 

[Tayken]

I had a bitter laugh over that one. As NCP father, I would have gladly had our child stay with me during the day instead of being in (subsidized, workplace) daycare for 4 days a week. It never came to trial, but my lawyer advised I had little chance of making this happen (this issue first arose when child was less than 1 yr old!). Sets status quo of 50-50 time etc etc etc.

Bad advice from your solicitor in my opinion. Did the solicitor give you any reason based in case law as to why you should settle for daycare versus you being the provider? What did your solicitor base their opinion of "little chance of making this happen" on?

 

[dorano]

Dismiss that with which you don't agree. Continue to bring nth degree arguments why are right. At the end of this you know your conclusion will be that the kids are better off with you and that he pay full CS. No matter what anyone else says.

I have truly appreciated everyone's honest and constructive opinions and advise. Its a reality check at times, and not always what we want to hear, but it needs to be said and heard. I don't agree that they are better off with me because I am their mom, but because the situation currently calls for them to live with me as their primary caregiver - and note that their father currently agrees with that to the point that he would ok it in his revised seperation agreement submission to me!

But I don't agree that this is a generalisation that applies to everyone. I agree that they are OUR children, and that we both have equal rights to them, and I'm trying to make it as fair as possible while keeping in mind the best interest of the children (IE: not making them wake up at 4am).
I don't even care about receiving CS - I'm willing to waive it as long as we have to pay the large amount of child care expenses and even after, agree to a reduced amount if they are still living primarily with me. I don't agree that diminishing their fathers financial situation is to their benefit at all - I want him to be able to afford a safe and nice place for them to be with him, a safe car to drive etc. And I don't appreciate the assumption that there is something fishy going on or that I'm some control freak looking to just get a payday from my ex while holding on to the kids.

 

[wretchedotis]

Bad advice from your solicitor in my opinion. Did the solicitor give you any reason based in case law as to why you should settle for daycare versus you being the provider? What did your solicitor base their opinion of "little chance of making this happen" on?

You believe that Parental care is more important than the social conditioning availed by child care?

There are many that would present very legitimate arguements to that notion. I am not a student of law, but can assure you from a social development perspective, child care is a sought after arrangement for furthering a childs development. It promotes all the things that people need in life to get along as social animals.

 

[LostFather]

You believe that Parental care is more important than the social conditioning availed by child care?

There are many that would present very legitimate arguements to that notion. I am not a student of law, but can assure you from a social development perspective, child care is a sought after arrangement for furthering a childs development. It promotes all the things that people need in life to get along as social animals.

Agreed. Some parents snub their noses to the notion that a daycare would be a better option or adhoc to their own parental roles. I was one of those parents. But when I've seen first hand the benefits of which (a professional Government monitored) daycare could offer my child. I was humbled and quickly learned that although I know I am a good father I could not offer all that the daycare can provide my son. Social interaction and professionals that are trained and removed from my own biased love for my Child, whereas they take a more professional approach. They've molded him to the child he is today and i am very fortunate that I was able to put aside my own arrogance and ignorance, that parent knows best. Though that maybe true in some cases, I firmly believe that the social and educational values of a credible daycare is paramount to a child's early development. Even if for a few hours a day or a couple days a week. Again as always just my opinion.

 

[dorano]

Update - have a court date in 1 month, well, a case conference I suppose.
He is still not paying support nor a share of daycare expenses.
Does anyone know if the case conference judge will be able to order him to start paying something, anything?!

House is closing tomorrow too, but he's refusing to agree to anything so I'm not getting any of that either.

I'm thinking I should go spend a bit of time at FLIC and they might be able to answer a lot of questions instead of using my lawyer.

 

[Mess]

Don't tell FLIC you have a lawyer already, you'll get more attention.

Case Conference judge may only suggest orders, unless they are proceedural and necessary for the case to continue, like someone hasn't filed their financials. Any other order is called a consent order, you both have to agree.

Most times judges will act stern and come across like you really have to consent to something and many people feel intimidated and will consent to something. I've read a few posts here where someone consented and then regretted. Judges can come across really strong.

You want to get the first Case Conference over with quickly so that you can then file a motion. You can seek a motion order that he pay support and pay your share of the house sale, etc. These are quick and straightforward if it is purely financial and by the book and you have full evidence like his tax assessment for support and documents stateing the selling price of the home.

He will get smeared at a motion for stuff like that, and you can seek that he pay your legal fees.

You generally can't file a motion until the first case conference, so you want to make sure it doesn't get postponed.

You can also ask at the case conference for the judge to send you to mediation if you think it will help, or help save money or keep you from going to trial. However for mediation to work, both parties have to want to settle and be willing to compromise.

 

[dorano]

Don't tell FLIC you have a lawyer already, you'll get more attention.

Case Conference judge may only suggest orders, unless they are proceedural and necessary for the case to continue, like someone hasn't filed their financials. Any other order is called a consent order, you both have to agree.

Most times judges will act stern and come across like you really have to consent to something and many people feel intimidated and will consent to something. I've read a few posts here where someone consented and then regretted. Judges can come across really strong.

You want to get the first Case Conference over with quickly so that you can then file a motion. You can seek a motion order that he pay support and pay your share of the house sale, etc. These are quick and straightforward if it is purely financial and by the book and you have full evidence like his tax assessment for support and documents stateing the selling price of the home.

He will get smeared at a motion for stuff like that, and you can seek that he pay your legal fees.

You generally can't file a motion until the first case conference, so you want to make sure it doesn't get postponed.

You can also ask at the case conference for the judge to send you to mediation if you think it will help, or help save money or keep you from going to trial. However for mediation to work, both parties have to want to settle and be willing to compromise.

Thank you Mess - very good advise.
We've tried mediation, three times. Once at the start, he was good but X backed out immediately because he didn't like what he had to say. Second one was at the court house, didn't work either. Third was after months of lawyers and a stalemate - she was good, very good (anyone need an Ottawa referral let me know!!) and got us a draft seperation agreement, and after he presented it to his lawyer he sent it back to my lawyer and it was workable but then he changed his mind about all the important things (money and custody) and refused to sign or agree to anything - hense why I'm forced to go to court now because I can't continue to survive paying daycare on my own.