Purchase of Snow Suits in Equal parenting
- Thread starter Brampton33
- Start date
Are you asking me?
They both stopped speaking to him several years ago. Once they hit 18 his ex pulled the “I can’t force them to speak to you” argument and he responded that it was her responsibility to encourage a relationship. He would send her emails too. Initially she would argue the computer wasn’t working, the phone wasn’t working or they had other activities. He reminded her the agreement outlined that she would make them available, provide all technology necessary and facilitate any access. After that he would get an email from her every time he called saying “I advised kid you called and played the vm for them” and then they both went away to school and had cell phones but his ex said they were adults and she had no say. She also pulled the “entitled to their privacy” argument but his lawyer shut that shit down quick. He was sort of on speaking terms with his oldest but then his ex filed a motion claiming he owed more than 80 grand in back support and expenses. (He owed 5 and it was because she refused to update and accept what he was obligated to pay). That led to kid stopping communications because he “wanted to bankrupt their mother”. Even after he won a motion she filed and said to kid he won because what she was doing was illegal, it was “the judge felt sorry for you”. And yes he tried all the “this is between your mother and I” and “please stop getting involved” and “what goes on between your mother and I is not your business” responses. Even saw a therapist to manage his alienation. Problem was mom gave them too much power and was adept at playing the victim and the kids were over 18. Now there is no communication. He reaches out every now and then but when your “kids” are in their mid 20s, are spoiled and self entitled and entirely brainwashed by their mother, it’s a lost cause. I am ok with it because I got sick of watching them abuse him and also have him suck up the abuse because at least they were “in his life”. It is truly heartbreaking to see how kids are used. I saw a meme once that said “I love my kids but hate my ex more”. Totally true!
towards the end of the season- I will use coloured ducktape (if I have it...if not- grey). My kid, luckily, doesn't care. (yet).
My unsolicited advice is to try to learn to deal iwth your anger towards your ex. Your posts fairly drip with resentment towards your ex- and I get that...but also, sometimes it's just easier to let that anger go- especially for the sake of your kid(s).
My ex did really horribly shitty things to me. Which is why he's my ex.
HOWEVER, he's also my daughter's dad. And part of her is him- and will forever be. I don't want her to think I dislike part of her....so I'm working on finding some ways to actually kinda feel some good feelings towards him again.
I mean- this is my schtick...everyone has their own feelings. But kids are smart and intuitive. They will know when you hate their other parent.
And they grow up and get really annoyed that two grown ass adults behaved the way they did towards each other over everything including at an important event 25 years AFTER they split.
Janus
New member
Story time:
I offered to split winter clothing with my ex. She insisted that we each needed to have our own entire winter clothing set.
Fine.
Three years later, it started to snow one day when the kids were with her. She had to send them to school with her precious winter clothes and the kids were coming to my house after. The horror!
She emailed me, saying she forgot the clothes at her parents house. I recommended that she go get the clothes from her parents house.
Then she emails me saying that the kids have asked to wear my winter clothes the next day. I say that her clothes are just fine.
A few hours later she emails me saying that we have to split the cost of winter clothes, so she needs access to mine. I of course have the email from three years earlier where I offered to split and she refused.
The next day she sends the kids with snow clothes that were years old and barely fit. I ended up cutting the snow pants off of my son because it was easier than trying to get them off. I have no idea how the teacher put them on at the school
The lesson here: If a parent is determined to be an asshole, not much you can do to stop them.
I offered to split winter clothing with my ex. She insisted that we each needed to have our own entire winter clothing set.
Fine.
Three years later, it started to snow one day when the kids were with her. She had to send them to school with her precious winter clothes and the kids were coming to my house after. The horror!
She emailed me, saying she forgot the clothes at her parents house. I recommended that she go get the clothes from her parents house.
Then she emails me saying that the kids have asked to wear my winter clothes the next day. I say that her clothes are just fine.
A few hours later she emails me saying that we have to split the cost of winter clothes, so she needs access to mine. I of course have the email from three years earlier where I offered to split and she refused.
The next day she sends the kids with snow clothes that were years old and barely fit. I ended up cutting the snow pants off of my son because it was easier than trying to get them off. I have no idea how the teacher put them on at the school
The lesson here: If a parent is determined to be an asshole, not much you can do to stop them.
Brampton33
New member
My ex has definitely shown her true colours since separation. She claims to love the kids SO much and fought hard in court to try to keep them to herself, however when it comes to expenditures on our kids, she could not be more shamelessly indifferent. She feels she "lost" in court by the judge granting 50/50 and so she has completely detached herself when it comes to anything financial-related.
I think I know the answer, but I will ask. If it was agreed to split the expenditures and the ex is not repaying their share, can you simply take out their share from the CS payment?
pinkHouses
Banned
No, you can't. You are letting your ex get to you.
Keep your receipts, all of them for the stuff you bought and ask for it in your yearly child support motion.
Stillbreathing
New member
I agree with Pink Houses. You cannot reduce the amount you pay in child support without a court order. The judge is the only one with that power. If you do it you will find yourself in deep trouble and FRO can start enforcement actions against you.
Brampton33
New member
Fair enough. I have been keeping my receipts.
What do you mean by child support motion? Annually we exchange financial info and update child support payments for the next year, and re-calculate our percentage of how we are to pay for s.7 expenditures for the following year. This does not happen in court. We just do it via email. Are you saying I should bring it up the next time we update our finances?
Brampton33
New member
Our Final Order is set up that there should not be any reason to ever go to court to change CS. Unless one of us were to lose our jobs, I guess. Otherwise we just provide updates on our income and adjust the offset CS and s.7 proportion each year.
Your proposal to take the $ off works for outstanding s.7 expenditures, as the court order outlines that these are to be split in accordance to salaries. However, this solution does not work for stuff like winter gear as that does not fall within a s.7 expenditure category.
LovingDad1234
New member
I think Brampton's frustrating is that (from his posts) his ex fought to restrict his access to his kids, claiming that she loved her kids etc... But yet she is not paying her fair share of expenditures that don't fall under s.7. It is typical to see this petty behaviour when a case goes through the court system.
Lets face it, if people are in court, its because they clearly have harsh feelings towards the other and lack of mutual respect. I have friends who caught their spouse cheating. Despite the shock, sorrow and anger towards the other spouse, they needed no arm-twisting to say "my ex-husband is the kids' father and the kids should be allowed to see their dad 50% just like they are 50% with me". No need for court battle where the only winners are the lawyers.
if it's venting. then sure. But if you're going to try to do something about getting 50% of the costs of winter clothes by withholding CS or consider court for it...then you're leaning petty.
This board is a pretty good sounding board/mirror to figure out when you're being petty and spouting nonsense.
Multiple people are saying to Brampton33- arguing over this is petty. Trying to subtract this from CS is nonsense AND will land you in court- costing you more money in the long run.
LovingDad1234
New member
Agreed. Its easy to get worked up when dealing with a difficult ex. Ideally, grown adults who decided to have children together would not need court. They would recognize that the $$ spent on lawyers would be better utilized in an RESP account.
Think of it this way, rather than try to extract a few hundred from ex to contribute to things such as snowsuits, boots, shoes etc.. be happy that your kids are warm. As kids get a little older, they can see for themselves who takes them shopping for needed items and who takes care of them with essentials, etc. Just be patient.
..this is a good line...all the litigation could have gone to RESPs, I am going to use it...
We are working to adjust our support retroactively and impute income:
reasons for not working and why I think there will be something imputted (bear in mind I have kids Friday to Monday morning) in her reply materials:
1. "not attracted to working [in previous field]"...that was verbatim
2. Maybe one day I will work full time, but I do not have a plan to work currently
3. The litigation is stressful and how can I ever work a full time job when I am constantly having to reply to motions or talk to CAS
also elaborated on she can't work because of the child care needs...but does not provide specifics, kids are in school fulltime. Also states that I should work more reasonable hours (I work 40 hours a week)
regarding number 3...I have done 6 motions in 3 years, 5 of which dealt which child related issues/access. She has brought 3 all ex-parte to try and get money.
The point I would make on this last one..maybe if you listened to all the judges who told you to facilitate access..he would not have needed to litigate
We are working to adjust our support retroactively and impute income:
reasons for not working and why I think there will be something imputted (bear in mind I have kids Friday to Monday morning) in her reply materials:
1. "not attracted to working [in previous field]"...that was verbatim
2. Maybe one day I will work full time, but I do not have a plan to work currently
3. The litigation is stressful and how can I ever work a full time job when I am constantly having to reply to motions or talk to CAS
also elaborated on she can't work because of the child care needs...but does not provide specifics, kids are in school fulltime. Also states that I should work more reasonable hours (I work 40 hours a week)
regarding number 3...I have done 6 motions in 3 years, 5 of which dealt which child related issues/access. She has brought 3 all ex-parte to try and get money.
The point I would make on this last one..maybe if you listened to all the judges who told you to facilitate access..he would not have needed to litigate
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