predicament not sure how to proceed

[tophat]

Keeping this short, ex has sole custody of our disabled child. Ex applied to revenue canada for the disability tax credit and after approved she began contributing a small amount each month. Rewind to the past when we were negotiating offers for spousal support and the final consent order ended up with her accepting my offer to her of which the terms included me paying zero spousal support to her and in in its place I agreed to contribute a hefty chunk monthly to our child's disability fun for a period of ten years. I also set the condition that if she agreed to this option, she would not be able to come after me at anytime in the future for spousal support and upon signing the consent order she ultimately agree to permanently and future claims for SS no matter what might happen. Surprisingly she agreed. The consent order also listed some of our mutual responsibilities. One of the conditions for her was that in thirty days she would provide me with the information and present me with the paperwork to fill out so that I could make my contributions via her existing disability fund. Apparently no two individuals can set up an additional fund for the child and contribute separately to the investment in dependant of the other. It has to be done through her fund ando she was to add me to her existing account. I waited for 6 months for her to get the paper work to me, it didn't happen so I emailed her to inquire about it. She ignored me. I waited another 6 month and emailed her again. This time she told me to set it up myself and she was not going to honour the agreement that she signed off on which clearly stated that the responsibility was on her to make it happen. Now at this point a year had passed and the contribution were sitting in my savings account waiting to be transferred to the disability fund.

Eventually she emailed me and told me they would not allow her to add me to the fund, rules of the bank or revenue canada I guess. So she told me to transfer to her the years worth of contributions and she would then deposit it into our child's disability fun on my behslf. Of course I was really uncomfortable with that because who knows if she would contribute it. She could spend it and then go to the court claiming I haven't paid into the fund. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that. She then told me that another option was for me and her to open a joint account and I could pay in to that monthly and she would them forward on to the fund that only has her name.

So now I am left with the dilemma of not knowing if this was a good idea but concerned that it was not following the consent order. So, here I am asking if anyone has experienced anything similar and if it would be wise to share a joint bank account with a hostile ex. I'm open to it if I am informed that it is a common practice in similar situations. Not sure what to do. Can I easily petition the court on my own with no lawyer to make an ammendment to the consent order so that it states that I will pay the contributions directly to her and she would then contribute it to the fund on my behalf? I don't want another lawyer involved because I am already up to my ears in legal fees from the divorce. Or should I ignore the wording in the consent order and jus go ahead and pay it directly to her. I feel I could be walking into a trap with that.

ok, not so short and to the point. Advice welcomed!!

 

[Rioe]

I'm unfamiliar with disability and funds and tax credits, but it sounds like the child is an adult who is still dependent, so normal CS rules don't apply? And you are trying to make sure that the money benefits the child instead of your ex being able to use it for anything she wants? Or is this just a way to sneak around the tax law by making these payments like SS but not triggering increased income for your ex which would reduce the disability tax benefits?

Is your ex actually unable to work because the child needs that much care? Then it really still would be SS, wouldn't it, and you may as well give her control of it.

Controlling how the ex spends the money is pretty hard for CS situations, so I'm not sure what you could do in this situation either. Is the child capable of managing their own money? Even if you opened a bank account in the child's name, you would run the risk that your ex could convince the child to add her name and make the account join, or manipulate your child into withdrawing the money so the mom could put it somewhere else.

How does the disability fund work? Do some research on it. Is it designed to make sure the money benefits the child and the ex can't withdrawn money for anything else, and that's why you are so obsessed with it? Talk directly to the financial institution that manages the fund and see if you can deposit money directly into it without having your name on it.

Do you think your ex is trying to manipulate the situation so it looks like you reneged on the deal because you aren't depositing the money and she can reopen getting SS in the future?

Personally, I completely agree with you. I would never have a joint bank account with a hostile ex, and would do my best, as you are, to avoid creating any situation where an ex had control of money I was trying to ensure would benefit a disabled child.

Can you open some kind of trust for the child instead? Maybe talk to a lawyer with experience in both divorce and estate planning. When do you expect the child to need this money? Is it for ongoing expenses that would be considered like section 7 stuff, or is it meant to be used years later, when the child is no longer eligible for s7 and doesn't have a custodial parent?

It sounds, though, because your ex agreed to the no SS in the first place, that her primary concern is in fact the support of the child. Or do you think she's malicious enough to have planned to be able to sneak the money out and use it however she liked?

ETA

Okay, I checked your other posts and see that the child is 18, has graduated high school and is high functioning autistic. But is continuing to live with your ex.

Has CS ended, then, and this money is supposed to approximate its continuation? Or is it really designed to help your daughter if she gets her own apartment and her expenses increase? What is her likelihood of continuing education or finding any employment?

Knowing what the money is supposed to be used for will go a long way to finding a setup that will prevent your ex from using it any other way.