Pre-SS negotiation tips/advice?

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For those that offered helpful advice thanks.
I realized that whomever told me I could get SS easily was misinformed, sure I could fight entitlement and drag it out in court and maybe end up with $200/wk for a few years, but its not worth it and being bitter about the shit she has put me through doesn't make any sense anymore. Just thinking about court dates, arguing and all that nonsense stresses me out and thats the last thing I need with school, distractions are not an option.
I talked with the ex an hour ago and we agreed to a previously talked about settlement option as neither one of us want to drag this on. We both think its fair and now we can both move on, moving on for me is worth enough money.
 
Evo said:
For those that offered helpful advice thanks.
I realized that whomever told me I could get SS easily was misinformed, sure I could fight entitlement and drag it out in court and maybe end up with $200/wk for a few years, but its not worth it and being bitter about the shit she has put me through doesn't make any sense anymore. Just thinking about court dates, arguing and all that nonsense stresses me out and thats the last thing I need with school, distractions are not an option.
I talked with the ex an hour ago and we agreed to a previously talked about settlement option as neither one of us want to drag this on. We both think its fair and now we can both move on, moving on for me is worth enough money.
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Hey, you're welcome.
 
billm said:
Again, in my case, there was career damage, how it happened is not relevant.

Working and not going to school is not necessarily, and not usually, damaging to ones career.

But either way - she went to school, he helped pay for it and he benefit because she worked after. If the premise is that she owes him the same, where is the benefit for her? If she helps pay for him while he goes to school, then he should pay her back, as she did when she made 50K+ after going to school. So it cancels out. No SS entitlement!

And the OP was focused on 'poor me, I'm going into debt, while my ex is getting fake boobs and a BMW', which is not a valid argument for SS

LF do you think SS is warranted given what has been posted?
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Well putting the boobs and bmw comments aside...yes...if after her schooling and new job the marriage broke down yes. Now lets say as you put it he's benefited from her new job then that maybe a different story. .. but think it would need more than us armchair quarterback's to fully understand what his entitlements are.

I personally believe each should move on from any marriage and deal with your own employment...meaning get a friggin job...for all of the supports in place. I believe it all should be on a "need" basis only. Meaning just because you're entitled to s7 doesn't mean put the child in every sport buy the most expensive clothes or anything that you've normally wouldn't of done if you were together. But unfortunately it is not the system we have in place and as such I believe its severely abused in a lot of cases... a lot of times receipts are not even required....just the dollar values.

So I believe what's good for one is good for both even though it encrouches on the two wrongs don't make a right theory. We are just in the last few years starting to see the male finally being treated the same as a female...and I stress....starting.

I think that comment you've made about being a man is valid to some extent...I am not trying to put you down or beat a dead horse, but as Ive and many other men have been taught that way growing up....to be a man...in many ways...including dv against men. It has only been over the last few years that this stigma has only been releived a little by policing agents and society as a whole.

I also freely admitt I am bias bill as i am sure you and others in here are aware. But being bias doesn't mean my reasonings or others for that matter are not sound. I think we've all got our opinions on how the system works. Its obviously has worked for you and you are happy with that and can maintain a comfortable living....I assume.

Sorry got a little long winded lol.
 
Evo said:
For those that offered helpful advice thanks.
I realized that whomever told me I could get SS easily was misinformed, sure I could fight entitlement and drag it out in court and maybe end up with $200/wk for a few years, but its not worth it and being bitter about the shit she has put me through doesn't make any sense anymore. Just thinking about court dates, arguing and all that nonsense stresses me out and thats the last thing I need with school, distractions are not an option.
I talked with the ex an hour ago and we agreed to a previously talked about settlement option as neither one of us want to drag this on. We both think its fair and now we can both move on, moving on for me is worth enough money.
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Evo, good work. Put something in writing while you both agree, take the settlement (even if imperfect) and make the most of your next stage in life....it's waiting for you!

And BWMs are overrated. :D

FG
 
Very interesting.

My four and a half year marriage was ended by me seven months ago. I averaged 80,000 per year and she averaged 25,000 per year before and through our marriage. She sold her weakly performing businesses and was hoping to go to school or find a different job. She blames me for not moving to Toronto where she may have been able to get a better paying job 45,000. I asked her to stay in our present city where my three children lived, half time with us. She had two children as well and we had none together. She says that she sacrificed for us.

She wants 600 per month for three and a half years, in part because I offered her that when I needed a quick house deal three months into separation. She didn't sign then. Deal dead I said.

I hope that she can take care of herself without my money. I really don't have much left. In my case, I certainly support the idea that I created a better standard of living for both of us while married, but don't feel so compelled now that we are apart.

Her argument: I held her back so I should help her get on her feet.

My argument: My standard of living was lowered, so why should I continue to have it lowered after separation. Haven't I payed enough already?

I also disagree with the opinion that you should man up. Perhaps a bit of help wouldn't hurt, for me toward my wife as well. Hmmm.
 
SanityforHire said:
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Her argument: I held her back so I should help her get on her feet.

My argument: My standard of living was lowered, so why should I continue to have it lowered after separation. Haven't I payed enough already?

...
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Back on her feet? She makes the same as when you met, and it was only a four year marriage - she never fell off her feet.

You shared your greater income with her for four years, now you are done, that deal is over. Also so what if you had moved to Toronto, then your income could have gone down by 20K and the net effect would have been same standard of living for the both of you.

There is no compensation owed to her for what happened in your marriage, in fact, she benefited financially from it. If she is worth 45K in Toronto, your marriage has not effected that. She can move to Toronto now.
 
I agree. I hired a lawyer to help and she encouraged me to pay the bills for the first three months or so and then pay 600 per month to keep negotiations positive. The response to this after my peace bond is finalized? She didn't want to count the money I paid in the fall as spousal support, which was about 5400. So? I stopped paying. It's been two months of no payment, I finally got my stuff under police escort last weekend and I can't talk to her. Perfect.

Now, I figure, I wait her out. If she serves me, I have 30 days to respond and we figure it out then.
 
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