Post secondary expenses payment

L

Lrob

New member
Hello,
I'm curious. My husband's Settlement Conference is coming up and we don't know what the usual way is that people pay their 1/3 or whatever amount of post secondary expenses. We want to be able to pay it directly to the child, since he is the one paying the bills. His mother wants it figured out in a way that would add my husbands 1/3 to her child support payments each year! We are really hoping this isn't the usual way since she won't pass along that money to him.
Does anyone have any knowledge or experience how this is done? We wouldn't mind if we had to pay it directly to the school or landlord, we just don't want her getting anything other than an amount so she can keep her apartment, providing him his bedroom when he comes home for vacations etc..
 
You could request your portion be paid directly to the school or his landlord but if you dont know your portion for the year it may be difficult. If you have a set amount, definitely request it be paid to the school, landlord or the child directly. You could also see about putting it on his student loan. He would have set up a loan with the bank when he got his osap (if in ontario). That way hes not out of school with thousands in debt because of his mother.

If it doesnt end up that way, it will be up to the child to deal with their mother and she WILL be obligated to pay the kid.
 
The sad thing is, in her offer to settle, she says the student loans will be the direct responsibility of the child. She is all about her getting the most money for herself, she doesn't even mention how her percent will be given to the child.
I'm sure her offer won't fly. She flat out rejected my husband's offer of course. She also says that while the child is not in school during May to September, she is to get full child support, which is fine if he is there, but the next few years the son is planning to stay where he is in order to get some work experience in his field. His offer said full support for each month during the summer that the child is living there, she says full support May to September inclusive.
 
If youre going to a settlement conference then your lawyer is hopeful that you can reach a settlement. The offers to settle mean nothing if they are refused. At least until you get to trial, then if the decision is closer to your offer then you can go for costs.

Definitely offer to pay the money directly to the school or landlord. The onus is on her to demonstrate need for cs. You guys are on the right track!
 
They are so far apart, I just don't know how he would think there is a chance of a settlement. She rejected his offer, our lawyer didn't even show us her offer before he emailed her to confirm the date of the settlement offer. (we had agreed to 5 or 6 different dates, she waited 2 weeks to chose one, so the assistant had to find out if it was still available.) He sent her offer to us along with the email he sent her.
 
My partners ex sent an offer that was total bs. She was claiming $30,000 in both current and future expenses. She wanted an estimated amount for school expenses much higher than what is actual, plus cs to 25, plus half cs for kids away, plus estimated s7 above school expenses etc. It was ridiculous. The actual amount owing is $3000 and his future expenses are less than she is claiming. They are very far apart and she earns double his income which makes a lot of what she is claiming questionable. Having the judge with them may help get her to lose this ridiculous attitude. If not, your lawyer can push for a hearing. Just make sure your lawyer knows not to settle for bullshit.
 
It's amazing what these "mothers" can get away with. I don't get it. Your partner's ex is another shining example. Good luck with your conference!
I sure wish I was allowed in the court room for the conferences, then I could give our lawyer a nudge if I thought he was falling for any bs.
Thanks again for all your help!
 
If the settlement conference is in open court, I believe your allowed to attend. Courtrooms are open to the public.


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No, they only let the 2 parents and their lawyers (if any) attend. Judges will usually "close" the court for conferences. Since it is supposed to sort of steer towards mediation if possible, having others in the court room could cause people to be uncomfortable. I have to wait in the hallway or waiting room again. If it goes to trial, then spectators are allowed in.
 
Oops sorry for the misinformation at my Case Conference it was in open court and there were others on different matters in the court room. I have yet to do a Settlement Conference.
 
Lrob said:
It's amazing what these "mothers" can get away with. I don't get it. Your partner's ex is another shining example. Good luck with your conference!
I sure wish I was allowed in the court room for the conferences, then I could give our lawyer a nudge if I thought he was falling for any bs.
Thanks again for all your help!
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Wow. This mother can’t even get what ex agreed to pay for paid. Sorry. I know “this mother” your talking about is by far trying to punish the dad. I am not one of those moms and no one is helping me get anything it seems. So unfair.


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Sorry Mom of 2, I've just re-read what I typed and I can see how it would sound to someone else. I was strictly referring to what my husbands ex wife and Rockscan's partner's ex was doing.

I was a mother that also was on the losing end in my divorce. My 2 boys father was always either laid off or in low paying jobs so I didn't get child support. I could have dragged him through the court process, but I figured if he could barely support himself, there was just no point. I was able to support them and their dad did any favour I asked of him.....house and pet sitting while I was on vacations, drove the kids around, took them to appointments etc. I'd rather of had the child support tho.
 
I'm not sure about that.....since I didn't get it, but I worked a lot of extra hours to pay for hockey, baseball etc. so some support would have been nice.
I guess it depends on how much the custodial parent earns in comparison to what the non custodial parent earns.
 
Lrob said:
I was able to support them and their dad did any favour I asked of him.....house and pet sitting while I was on vacations, drove the kids around, took them to appointments etc. I'd rather of had the child support tho.
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I’m not divorced and my husband pays full support to his ex but I would much rather an involved father than CS... my husband works long hours when his kids are with their mom but he reduces his hours when the kids are with us. As our 8 month old gets older he won’t be working long hours either... I would much rather him be available for his children then him make the maximum money.




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I didn't expect him to make the maximum amount of money. I'd rather he contributed something financially tho. He didn't work extra hours or try to better his situation as I felt I needed to in order to keep food on the table and have the kids in hockey etc. I'm happy that he helped in other ways, but one isn't exclusive to the other.
I find it strange that when I posted the original question, I had 2 great people that offered help and information and 2 that plucked a few words throughout all the posts to turn it around so they could make a negative comment.
 
My father was one of those dads who had the attitude of “Im not paying my ex wife a cent”. Ive said a couple of things to him about our childhood. Living on welfare, struggling to keep a roof over our heads etc. He likes to brush it away as the destiny we were given. I remind him having kids is a responsibility and as much as he hated his wife, he still should have loved his kids. Now he can’t understand why he doesnt have a better relationship with us. There are two kinda of people in family law—those who put their hate first and those who put their kids first.
 
rockscan said:
My father was one of those dads who had the attitude of “Im not paying my ex wife a cent”. Ive said a couple of things to him about our childhood. Living on welfare, struggling to keep a roof over our heads etc. He likes to brush it away as the destiny we were given. I remind him having kids is a responsibility and as much as he hated his wife, he still should have loved his kids. Now he can’t understand why he doesnt have a better relationship with us. There are two kinda of people in family law—those who put their hate first and those who put their kids first.
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it wasnt your choice to be born. You never choose or had anything to do with that "destiny", it was forced on you.
 
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