Pay out verses SS

L

LMum

New member
Back story. Ex served me over a year ago. The claim as to set aside our separation agreement with no other claims. Fast forward to today we have had OCL involvement and it sided in my favor. Child lives with me and sees dad EOW, and 1 dinner a week.

My ex is a spender. Like an addiction. He ruined me financially with all the financial abuse during the marriage. The house was sold and there was little equity left to share. I invested and saved mine. And he spent all of his. I know this cause he told me he bought Mutual Funds with it but his financial statement (a year later) didn't include it. We asked cause I knew about it but they said he didn't have any.

Fast forward to today, he is seeking to amending his pleadings for SS. Now the only reason he has to support getting SS, is the difference in income. He currently lives with his new partner where he doesn't pay rent and little bills (financial statement) and has purchase big ticket items since, vehicles (4 all together but I'm assuming incurring more debt with negative equity). Basically he is living the good life while claiming he's poor and living a very low standard of living. He's said so on the amending pleadings which we seen, just not filed.

So we have made 2 offers now, and he has make one. I think my latest offer is fair. Its the worked out amount of equalization with pay out from my pension. Remember I don't have other assets or cash except the little amount from the house sale. My pension is all I got.

They are now asking for about the same in pension, but a cash payout that equals about half of what I have, and they will not pursue SS.

Its a tough pill to swallow. When we were married I worried about money every day. He spent spent and spent some more. Now then I have positioned myself better, bills are all paid on time, I have no debt except my car and cc's that I use and pay off. And that little bit of savings that I've worked hard to build and keep, my dream is to buy a house.

So long story I know. I'm looking for opinions.

1. Say no - push to trial (maybe) or a better offer. I can prove his not living poor and that he has been lying about a lot of stuff. If it wasn't for the income difference I think I could win
2. Agree to the cash. this literally makes me sick as he will squander my hard earned savings.
3. Counter again, with a smaller cash payout. Like 3/4 of what he his asking for. He desperate for cash now.

One thing to note, the last "offer" from him wasn't technically an offer but a email to my lawyer with the cash payout in exchange to no SS.
 
Married or commonlaw?

If is a choice between pension and ss.
He can't get cash from the pension, it will have to go to a lots and be locked in until he teaches a certain age.
Ss is tax deductible, the lump sum should be less. Get proper releases for as if you go that way.
I don't know if he is entitled to either.
 
pinkHouses said:
Married or commonlaw?

If is a choice between pension and ss.
He can't get cash from the pension, it will have to go to a lots and be locked in until he teaches a certain age.
Ss is tax deductible, the lump sum should be less. Get proper releases for as if you go that way.
I don't know if he is entitled to either.
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Married - 9.5 year

No choice, he gets pension. SS is extra if awarded.
 
Which is the reaction they were hoping for. What does your lawyer say? Is he entitled to SS? Was everything settled in the agreement? Has this change come up since that was signed?

If he’s not entitled, push it to court. A judge can advise in the lead up to trial and if he continues to push, you are more eligible for costs. He will realize quickly if his new partner wants to pay his bills.

The bottom line is, if he’s not entitled, he can’t win. I have a feeling he is simply trying to scare you into paying. Court is only bad for the cost but being extorted is not fair.
 
rockscan said:
Which is the reaction they were hoping for. What does your lawyer say? Is he entitled to SS? Was everything settled in the agreement? Has this change come up since that was signed?
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I'm talking to my lawyer this afternoon.

He released SS in the separation agreement, said he didn't get legal advice officially. He did but on the side (he called a lawyer got free advice over the phone but its not on record). Trust me, everything he does is always on the sketchy side.

If he�s not entitled, push it to court. A judge can advise in the lead up to trial and if he continues to push, you are more eligible for costs. He will realize quickly if his new partner wants to pay his bills.
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He only entitled cause of income difference.

The bottom line is, if he�s not entitled, he can�t win. I have a feeling he is simply trying to scare you into paying. Court is only bad for the cost but being extorted is not fair.
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So tell them to amending pleadings and continue? The payout would most likely be less then the trial cost. That's the kicker right. Do I want to be "right" or do I just want to move on. I'd like both (haha) but hey its not all about me right.

The MAIN THING here is my child is living with me where he should based on OCL. I guess that's worth every penny.
 
rockscan said:
I would wait to see what your lawyer says. Then decide. Making a knee jerk reaction is stupid.
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100 percent agreed.

I was just looking for opinions of you fine folks, before the meeting with my lawyer this afternoon.

And I agree its hard to get an opinion. There's so much more left unsaid here, I'd have to write a book.
 
The numbers are unclear here.
You did the Family Law evaluation of your pension, he benefits from 1/2 of the increase of the pension while you were together, that money plus interest paid by the pension goes into an account he cannot access until age XX that is taxable upon withdrawal.

Not transferring your pension benefits you; almost everyone wants the pension and would gladly give a cash instead. So while he is not entitled to cash may want to give this to him.

It sounds like they also want something on top of that to cover spousal support, if he is entitled. Your lawyer can figure that one out.

This more comes down to financial planning and what you want to do, forget the lawyer.
The SS number leave that up to your lawyer to handle.
 
He’s basically trying to avoid paying cs. That’s the bottom line. I would bet that his ss ask is the same amount or more as cs monthly.
 
pinkHouses said:
The numbers are unclear here.
You did the Family Law evaluation of your pension, he benefits from 1/2 of the increase of the pension while you were together, that money plus interest paid by the pension goes into an account he cannot access until age XX that is taxable upon withdrawal.

Not transferring your pension benefits you; almost everyone wants the pension and would gladly give a cash instead. So while he is not entitled to cash may want to give this to him.
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Yes he knows this, this is why he wants cash now. He needs to feed his addiction. Pension will be moved into LIRA

I don't have enough cash or means to pay him without using the pension, its in the 6 figures. The cash payout he wants is not even close (5 figures).
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It sounds like they also want something on top of that to cover spousal support, if he is entitled. Your lawyer can figure that one out.
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Agreed

This more comes down to financial planning and what you want to do, forget the lawyer.
The SS number leave that up to your lawyer to handle.
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I've been financial planning since leaving him, that why I'm in a good place now. The cash payout (as little as it is) interferes with my plan.
 
Keeping your pension and having a house is a win win for you

I don't know your finances so I don't know how much a mid 5 figure payout will impact.

You can to work out some broad strokes with your ex so he wins something too.
Option pay the pension money out over time:
-can hurt you qualifying for a mortgage, you are a penny pincher so while you know you can make those numbers the bank doesn't care.
-can benefit you because you keep your pension
-may be tax deductible.

He doesn't get that lump sum but he gains access to money now and it is steady. Make sure there is a release.
 
pinkHouses said:
Keeping your pension and having a house is a win win for you

I don't know your finances so I don't know how much a mid 5 figure payout will impact.

You can to work out some broad strokes with your ex so he wins something too.
Option pay the pension money out over time:
-can hurt you qualifying for a mortgage, you are a penny pincher so while you know you can make those numbers the bank doesn't care.
-can benefit you because you keep your pension
-may be tax deductible.

He doesn't get that lump sum but he gains access to money now and it is steady. Make sure there is a release.
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The pension is gonna get split. As shitty as it is I've come to terms with it. Its just hard to pay a man in any manner (cash or pension) who abused me for years. Especially since my hard earned cash will be spent on nonsense in 3 months. I got abuse and he get rewards. All cause I was the higher earner.

The system is there for a reason I get, but times like this its unfair. I wish there was a way to give a victim impact statement.
 
You need to flip the script on your perception. Yes he may have abused you during the marriage but you are in the process of correcting that. Think of your ex as a malignant tumour that you had surgically removed in time. Apparently a few cancerous spots got missed and that’s what you are cleaning up now.
 
Stillbreathing said:
You need to flip the script on your perception. Yes he may have abused you during the marriage but you are in the process of correcting that. Think of your ex as a malignant tumour that you had surgically removed in time. Apparently a few cancerous spots got missed and that’s what you are cleaning up now.
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Wow what a way to put it, and I like that perspective. And once all those missed spots are gone (pay out) I can move on and live my life.
 
LMum said:
Wow what a way to put it, and I like that perspective. And once all those missed spots are gone (pay out) I can move on and live my life.
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My husband will make a comment sometimes about how much of his life he lost and/or how much money he left on the table. He also complains about the money he has had to spend on lawyers. I remind him he is free of his ex and has a good life. Times were tough and he struggled a lot but at the end of the day he isn’t sharing his life with someone who was eagerly anticipating his death (family history) and treating him badly in the meantime.

You are free of this person after this. It may hurt a bit but in the end, he is some other idiots problem.
 
Agree with the above. Many of us were abused by their ex when they were married and after to. Family Court never ends when you have kids.

Yes, the higher wage earner often gets screwed. More so when the ex wasn't working or can't work.

Just work a solution that is good for you as much of a jerk they were before there may be a little bit of human in them that will let you get on well. If there wasn't they wouldn't be making you offers on the money.

Get your future independent plan off to the best start.
 
Update...

We went back on an offer with a little less on what he asked for, to avoid SS claim. He said no, so we then agreed to the exact numbers he asked for. They again said no and the pleadings have been amended and filed.

So really he's being unreasonable, I was willing to give him what he asked for. And they filed anyhow. I've told my lawyer that the only way I will pay SS now is if a judge orders it.

We have no idea what he wants. He's asked for something, we agreed and they he said still not enough..

I'm just venting, as I will most likely skip off to court. *sigh*
 
blinkandimgone said:
He has to prove entitlement to spousal support. Keep in mind that SS is not tax deductible if you pay a lump sum.
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I wonder if he realizes that but is now trying to drive up her legal bills as a fuck you.

LMum, tell your lawyer to stand down until your next appearance and not do anything until you hear from a judge. I bet your ex is going to wait to hear from a judge and then accept an offer.

And agree with blink—lump sums are not tax deductible. Might as well get the benefit!
 
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