Overnight access possible motion .

J

JimmyJames

New member
Current schedule ;

Every Saturday 11am - 9pm
Every Monday , Tuesday , Thursday pick up from daycare around 5:30 drop off 8:30 pm .

Child is in daycare from 7am Mon - Friday some days for lesser time than others when mom drops off later or has a day off and goes for only one hour .

Child is reportedly breast fed in evenings and 2-3 hours every night . Pump milk not provided for parenting time nor provided to daycare .

Mom wants Monday's back in exchange for drop offs to occur later (9:15 pm) on Tuesday and Thursday . I'm considering proposing counter every other Sunday 11am-9pm in replace of Monday's .

Child is 14 months old .
 
14 months is still really young to be weaned if they're still breastfeeding at night. and the fact that you said "reportedly" makes me raise an eyebrow...it's really common for the night feed or the dream feed to be the last one to be dropped.

what does the child take when she/he is with you on Sundays? what about daycare? a bottle of formula? why can't mom pump?
 
Currently access is on Saturdays for clarification not Sundays , the proposal I'm considering is in exchange on Mondays the addition of every other Sunday .

Saturday access from 11am-9pm child is provided solid foods and whole milk along with snacks . Reportedly no formula suplimented . Mom reports she does not express enough to pump , daycare provides same as Saturday access on a weekly basis .

Intent is not to wean , overnight would be a slow introduction possibly one night every other weekend or even further split apart .
 
JimmyJames said:
Currently access is on Saturdays for clarification not Sundays , the proposal I'm considering is in exchange on Mondays the addition of every other Sunday .

Saturday access from 11am-9pm child is provided solid foods and whole milk along with snacks . Reportedly no formula suplimented . Mom reports she does not express enough to pump , daycare provides same as Saturday access on a weekly basis .

Intent is not to wean , overnight would be a slow introduction possibly one night every other weekend or even further split apart .
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that sounds completely reasonable. how is the relationship between you and mom? could you just float a trial night.

and yeah- if the child is only nursing at night- mom won't be making enough milk during the day to pump. It's dropping the night feed that is the hardest and usually the last....would it make that much of a difference to wait until totally weaned? is there a plan to wean? maybe if you guys get on the same page about a plan moving forward.
 
We communicate in best interest attend all appointments together log health and routine via baby app make decisions together .

Mom wants to feed until as long as possible , no plans to wean.

I could float a trial night and would plan too though response hasn't been welcoming , I could wait though however I also beleive child will benefit from a limited nightime routine with dad. I'd like best of both worlds for child being respectful of mothers routine as well .
 
I think you're right that child would benefit from seeing dad at night and having a routine with him.

It sounds like you guys could be in the same room/space as each other...how about Mom invites you over during bedtime routine so you can do the bath, get ready for bed, etc...and then she can come in to feed. So baby gets used to having dad do night time routines...same thing can happen in the morning. You get there early and have time with baby first thing in the morning...so that the child gets used to dad putting them to sleep and waking up to dad. Therefore, when they wean completely- it's not as hard a transition for them.


For me, dad and I split when daughter was just 16 months old. Dad had never done nighttime routine, over night wake up, or even morning routines...ever. He tried to push for overnights but even his lawyer shut him down saying that baby has to keep consistent routine.

But if ever we get to a place where we can be in the same room and I feel safe- it's what I would like to do to get our daughter used to having dad do all the things necessary for nightime and morning routines.
 
Is there a court order for access? Are you looking for shared 50/50 custody?

I wouldn't wait too long. Start with 1 overnight per week, plus your short visits on other days, for a few weeks. Then move to 2 overnights for a few weeks. If all is going well, you could easily do a 223 schedule. But it all starts with what you're looking for.
 
StillPaying said:
Is there a court order for access? Are you looking for shared 50/50 custody?

I wouldn't wait too long. Start with 1 overnight per week, plus your short visits on other days, for a few weeks. Then move to 2 overnights for a few weeks. If all is going well, you could easily do a 223 schedule. But it all starts with what you're looking for.
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No court order , case conference came and gone so open for motions . I am looking to be as much a part of my child as possible . 50/50 is ideal though getting there may take trial or continued motions . Increases have been through counsel and have been incredibly expensive as every new increase come with resistance and some allegation .

Issue is case law isn't supporting breast fed overnights without milk from breast , only case law is distinguishable for children of same age that have already had an overnight early on .

For example ;

https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/d...b3Zlcm5pZ2h0IAAAAAAB&resultIndex=1&offset=200
 
iona6656 said:
I think you're right that child would benefit from seeing dad at night and having a routine with him.

It sounds like you guys could be in the same room/space as each other...how about Mom invites you over during bedtime routine so you can do the bath, get ready for bed, etc...and then she can come in to feed. So baby gets used to having dad do night time routines...same thing can happen in the morning. You get there early and have time with baby first thing in the morning...so that the child gets used to dad putting them to sleep and waking up to dad. Therefore, when they wean completely- it's not as hard a transition for them.


For me, dad and I split when daughter was just 16 months old. Dad had never done nighttime routine, over night wake up, or even morning routines...ever. He tried to push for overnights but even his lawyer shut him down saying that baby has to keep consistent routine.

But if ever we get to a place where we can be in the same room and I feel safe- it's what I would like to do to get our daughter used to having dad do all the things necessary for nightime and morning routines.
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I wish it where that simple , mom would not agree . I did establish a nightime routine with him , bath and bed by 8am without issue .

Mom soon enough cried foul and demanded through counsel that I stop this routine as she wants to have her own for her parenting time and put to sleep around 9 .

I ended up backing off and do not bath anymore . The bonding time was very special for the small time it lasted.
 
A lot of parents are not ready for 50/50, especially when they're young, and that's ok. It sounds like that's you, when you're consenting to less and finding cases for the other side.

Anything you want, you'll most likely have to go to court and fight for it. You don't need a lawyer, but if you wanted 50% you could get it. If you're ok with day visits or eow, you'll get that too.
 
StillPaying said:
A lot of parents are not ready for 50/50, especially when they're young, and that's ok. It sounds like that's you, when you're consenting to less and finding cases for the other side.

Anything you want, you'll most likely have to go to court and fight for it. You don't need a lawyer, but if you wanted 50% you could get it. If you're ok with day visits or eow, you'll get that too.
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I have not consented to less , I have fought for increase and have obtained it this far . Please see access schedule posted at beginning of thread.

What cases have I found for the other side ?

I'm aware that a court order is important and that's why I'm here to consider my motion for increase in parenting time .
 
Your first interim motion order will be important for paving your way.

Think about what you want and put together a parenting plan to get there. 50/50 is certainly possible now, and not far off from what you have.
 
StillPaying said:
Your first interim motion order will be important for paving your way.

Think about what you want and put together a parenting plan to get there. 50/50 is certainly possible now, and not far off from what you have.
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Agreed though overnights is the tricky part here with evening and nightime feedings and no milk provided .
 
That is your ex's excuse on why you should not be 50/50.

You need your own timeline plan on how to get to 50/50 asap. Whether your ex agrees or not, so you can use pumped milk, formula, solids, whatever you want.
 
JimmyJames said:
Agreed though overnights is the tricky part here with evening and nightime feedings and no milk provided .
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Keep on fighting. Keep on asking for breastmilk. As in, every single time you have the kid. Keep on offering to feed formula. Her refusals will show that she is more interested in custody than best interests of the kid. 14 months is plenty old enough to not be breast fed.


Never consent to anything that does not involve eventual 50-50. Every schedule you provide should have an endpoint of 50-50. Every single one. If you consent to less than 50-50 it will be used against you. If it gets ordered that's fine, just don't consent.
 
StillPaying said:
That is your ex's excuse on why you should not be 50/50.

You need your own timeline plan on how to get to 50/50 asap. Whether your ex agrees or not, so you can use pumped milk, formula, solids, whatever you want.
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I agree that a solid parenting plan is important , though we cannot unilaterally make these choices in co-parenting . All we can do is bring our suggestions in front of a motion .

Consideration and sensitivity towards certain things such as health Canada's breastfeeding recommendations do weigh in on these situations at this age in front of a judge before 2 . Ignorance to these issues will tend to land you in a not so good opinion with a judge . This matter cannot just be bulldozed through unfortunately .

Though I admire your enthusiasm to push for alternative suplimentation , the likelyhood of that being order being made is unrealistic.
 
Janus said:
Keep on fighting. Keep on asking for breastmilk. As in, every single time you have the kid. Keep on offering to feed formula. Her refusals will show that she is more interested in custody than best interests of the kid. 14 months is plenty old enough to not be breast fed.


Never consent to anything that does not involve eventual 50-50. Every schedule you provide should have an endpoint of 50-50. Every single one. If you consent to less than 50-50 it will be used against you. If it gets ordered that's fine, just don't consent.
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That is sound advice in regards to schedule , I beleive you are recommending to not echange Monday's for every other Sunday ?

My proposal before motion would be to keep the every Saturday I have 11 to 9 and keep the Tuesday and Thursday but replace Monday with every other Sunday as I would have more time available with child on Sundays.

I do agree it's arguable that it could be limiting but it also could help ease a few issues as well and show an attempt at a fair schedule was made in response to asking for Monday's back .

That is my thought process . Though I see how it may be flawed in the long run .
 
Janus said it well.

Pretend your ex is 100% agreeable to you having 50/50, then write out that parenting plan to go from what you have now to whatever 50% schedule you want. How would you get there and when? If it were me, it would be now and not at 2 years. Then it would be up to your ex to show why your plan would not work.

As to switching hours now, it's up to you. Are you looking to increase it to 915pm? Just don't go down in time, and like Janus said, every offer should have your plan for eventual 50% access or it'll go against you.
 
Janus;231819 said:
14 months is plenty old enough to not be breast fed.
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says who? You?

World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding up to two years. It is VERY common for breastfeeding to occur up to and past two years. It's comfort for a child. It should be a decision made by BOTH parents- with the child's best interest central.

Don't use this argument- you will incite rage. Janus's comment incites rage. Telling a breastfeeding mom when to stop isn't a great strategy if you want to co-parent.

Focus on the fact that child is able to go long periods without NEEDING breastmilk. He's already doing that when he's at daycare for such a long period of time without breastfeeding.
 
StillPaying said:
Janus said it well.

Pretend your ex is 100% agreeable to you having 50/50, then write out that parenting plan to go from what you have now to whatever 50% schedule you want. How would you get there and when? If it were me, it would be now and not at 2 years. Then it would be up to your ex to show why your plan would not work.

As to switching hours now, it's up to you. Are you looking to increase it to 915pm? Just don't go down in time, and like Janus said, every offer should have your plan for eventual 50% access or it'll go against you.
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That is sound advice in terms of drawing up a plan that would afford overnight access as well as a progressive approach to 50/50 and I agree that it will hold some weight and I do not disagree with you . Convincing a judge that increase access is withheld in bad faith in terms of overnights is a tricky matter , there would have to be substantial evidence in support that breastfeeding was not in best interest though or that a suplimentation should be in replace. Case law supports this . Case law supports that any attempt to argue against breast milk before two years does not work in favour . Implying that a suplimentation should be in replace will likely cast a very bad judgement call on myself and would be viewed as pushing for my wants vs the child's needs . The substantial arguememt should be sensitive to this .
 
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