New, worried, confused...(v.long)

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canadamama said:
I AM afraid to make the call that needs to be made. I know it needs to be made, but it really is the last thing I ever wanted. I think that more than anything what I was looking for here was support to help me find the courage to make the call I should have made a year ago.
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Mama,

An option (although I have NO idea if it's ill-advised - another question best left to a professional) would be to talk to your ex and allow him the opportunity to make the call himself.

It doesn't HAVE to be a case of "ratting him out" which I how I think you feel about this.

It's easy to say this because it ain't me, but were it me and were you to come to me with this concern, an offer, and a threat to follow through if I don't, I would respond "Thank you for this consideration. How do you feel about supervised visitation until I complete a program designed to help me with this, after which we can talk about this again?"

Just thinkin' out loud here...

Cheers!

Gary
 
First, the bottom line is that without reporting this to the authorities, you have no legal bases to keep your children from their Father, regardless of the reason. Even if you can prove that he has been viewing child porn, after working with CAS and other organizations, he will have access to his children regardless of what you say/want. I agree with DTTE, that you need to education your children about inappropriate touch and give them a way to contact you at all times (personal cell phone maybe?). Hopefully they will feel that they can talk to you.

Second, CS/SS is based off court guideline that requires you to also be providing for your children. If he reduces SS/CS payments, he can only do so within the guidelines set out. If he is within the guidelines, he is fulfilling his obligations.

Third, I disagree with the above comments that you should not report this to CAS. This is the only way you can be sure that everything that can be done is being done to protect your children. They will investigate, determine what type of visitation is appropriate and help mandate treatment for your ex.

Finally, as above, custody is about decision making and I believe in your case that joint custody would work, as you are willing/capable of communicating with him openly. There is no reason that custody should not be joint.
 
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You need to seek professional help, Now! He has committed an illegal act, and as much as a child should not be torn from a parent, their safety comes first. This illness is progressive and because there has been no "ACT" to date doesn't mean your children are safe. He obviously has interests that can become very dangerous. Safe is better than sorry.
 
Gary M: When my spouse worked with Brighter Futures on southern Ontario, that is how they handled issues with safety. If there was a need to call CAS, the BF worker would sit with the family while they called and reported the concern. This could be an option, not only to get the professionals involved but to have this guy admit that there may be a problem. Anyway, it was a great suggestion.
 
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