Need help asap

Status
Not open for further replies.
B

blindsided

New member
Hi, I really pissed him off and he has threatened to come here in the morning kick down door, and throw me and all my stuff out.
He left in May i have been paying mortgage and all bills.
we have no agreement and i havent seen a lawyer yet.
He has never raised a hand to me but iam afraid. i did record phone call.
I want to phone police but im afraid of getting him in trouble if he doesnt come.

Can he come and kick me out hes the one that left in May and i do have the 18 and 19 year old boys living in house with me.

What should i do? Any suggestions?

I dont think i will be sleeping tonight,

Thanks
 
Normally the police would do nothing. But, since you have a threat on tape they would have to act. Call them.
He can't kick you out of the house.
By the way, how did you piss him off?

FN
 
Well when i confronted him in May about his affair he denied,but i do have proof.

Then i phoned him on Dec24 to ask why he took 16 hundred off line of credit,well i was greeted with oh its you what the f do you want. So i asked him if she left her husband for him and he says oh your finally catching on, after 6 months of dening it,

So on phone with me today he said i gave you the house but now that i phoned and ruined his time hes coming here and kicking me out
Said he doesnt care if i phone police that he will have them throw me out

So today i phoned her husband, and he said he had a feeling that it was going on since Jan07, so he knew way before me, so i guess he phoned his wife and then she told my ex and then he phoned me threating me.
 
blindsided

The affair is of no importance to the court. It hasn't been since the days of Trudeau. I can't say I agree with it as I suffered this myself. An unfaithful spouse pays nothing for their betrayal.

Don't dwell on this. You have possession of the house and he can't kick you out. The police or anyone else won't support him.

Call the police and play them the tape.

FN
 
Sorry i meant her husband knew since Jan08.

Isnt it sad that im affraid, that if he doesnt follow through with coming here and trying to kick me out, that if i do phone police that i would get him in trouble.
This is how the whole 22 years have been,i wrong hes right, his way or no way, he was on the most part very good to me but, now im noticing that he intimidates me. Wow that relationship or he wasnt really as great as i thought it was.
But then again after 3 affairs i shouldnt say he was good to me other wise he wouldnt have done it not once or twice but 3 times.

Time for me to realize that i dont deserve to be treated like that.
 
Dear Blindsided

I just read what you wrote and hope I can help in some way.

First. Courts wont look at adultery too much any more unless you have been married and seeking alimony. Which you claim damages suffering.Usually its up to a supreme court to decide on divorce. But claim it as long as you have proof or evidence.

2. As per the rest I would make a complaint against him with police so that it is documented in case something in the near future happens. Of His threat. Plus this document goes on file and can still be used at a later date if need be.

3. As per recording him remember this.. I was at a trial for abuse and verbal threats and the courts refused and could refuse private recordings of the abuser. Due to it wasn't done on public lines.. For example if he left a message on Bell Canada you can and the police request this as evidence due to they will have time and date of call and what number it came from .this is called public service any recordings are and can be used in courts. But if recorded on private machine you have to battle to submit it as evidence. But do play it to police he will get a warning from them.

4. Change all locks on doors. Once someone has left the premises for some time its called abandonment. He left under his own will and left you holding the bag of property.

5. Your children are older so custody really isn't there unless they are in school. You could seek alimony and support for the ones in school. Most support payments end usually when they turn 18.

6. As per throwing you out he can not nor can he enter premises unless accompanied by police to pick up belongings.

7. He now has to go to the courts for house. which most cases you will be entitled to keep. With support payments and alimony. Other way courts settle this matter is to divided property or if he hasn't been making payments from the time he left with proof it going to be contribute to your benefit.

8. But most of all threats have to be looked at serious u just never know some people can take losing everything extremely bad. So Safety first.

9. I would quickly act on also contacting a lawyer for your protection and that separation papers and divorce have been drawing up and claimed.

10. If police have been in contact you can request a peace bond for him not to come near u or home until case and property have been dealt with in the courts. You must go to the crown for this.
 
talk to the police about the threat.

Try not to do things that could provoke him. I sm sure that when you called him and started to mention the other woman you were not all sugar and spice. (not that I would be either) Calling the other womans husband was a not something that would be looked on favourably by your soon to be ex.

Three affairs and you knew about each one?? You let him do that to you because of low self-esteem. Another example of this is that you are afraid to get him into trouble. Lets see, you are becomeing a nervous wreck and you are scared to get him into trouble for threats??

As for the recorded call, if he left it on a answering maching then I think it may be more admissable because he knows he is being recorded. If it was just the two of you talking and he had no idea he was being recorded then it doesn't hold much weight. Just remember one thing, you figured out to record things, he may also. Try to not let him goad you into saying something that may be bad for you later. Do not call him anymore, either use mail or a lawyer. No sense setting yourself up for the verbal abuse.

I was abused also so I know the damage it does to your self-esteem etc. Get some help, surround yourself with people who actually care and the healing will begin. I know when I was going through it he cut me off from family and friends but when I needed them, they stepped up to the plate and understood that it was him, not me, that was the problem. It takes time but you will make it.

One thing that I am worried about it your two boys. They have seen how their father treated you. I really hope that they realize that the way he treated you is not how they are suppose to treat women. I would hate to see the cycle continue with them. Talk to them and if they need help, get them the help they need.

Be strong and good luck
 
standing on the sidelines said:
talk to the police about the threat.

Try not to do things that could provoke him. I sm sure that when you called him and started to mention the other woman you were not all sugar and spice. (not that I would be either) Calling the other womans husband was a not something that would be looked on favourably by your soon to be ex.

Three affairs and you knew about each one?? You let him do that to you because of low self-esteem. Another example of this is that you are afraid to get him into trouble. Lets see, you are becomeing a nervous wreck and you are scared to get him into trouble for threats??

As for the recorded call, if he left it on a answering maching then I think it may be more admissable because he knows he is being recorded. If it was just the two of you talking and he had no idea he was being recorded then it doesn't hold much weight. Just remember one thing, you figured out to record things, he may also. Try to not let him goad you into saying something that may be bad for you later. Do not call him anymore, either use mail or a lawyer. No sense setting yourself up for the verbal abuse.

I was abused also so I know the damage it does to your self-esteem etc. Get some help, surround yourself with people who actually care and the healing will begin. I know when I was going through it he cut me off from family and friends but when I needed them, they stepped up to the plate and understood that it was him, not me, that was the problem. It takes time but you will make it.

One thing that I am worried about it your two boys. They have seen how their father treated you. I really hope that they realize that the way he treated you is not how they are suppose to treat women. I would hate to see the cycle continue with them. Talk to them and if they need help, get them the help they need.

Be strong and good luck
Click to expand...

No i wont be contacting him again.
Yes very low self esteem if any at all.Yes iam nervous of him,it does bother me that i let him get to me like this,it feels like i cant even stand up for myself. Hes not even living here and it feels like he still has control of everything.that really does bother me,i know i really have to work on that, iam getting more independent that makes me feel good about myself.

Im not to worried about the recording thing because he doesnt let me get a word in edge wise,i just get to answer yes and no. and he usally hangs up on me.

Yes iam also worried about the boys, they are like him in many ways already, they can be moody,and they keep things in.

I did tell my oldest son that he was going to come here and throw me out,and i warned him that i would phone police, he said dont worry that he would tell him to leave.

The older son does have contact with ex, one of the reasons why i think is because he does work with him,he also knows whats going on because ex does have her over there sometimes, and also the three of them do work together,mind you he says he doesnt agree with what his father does, but he is his father.
My 18 year old son doesnt have anything to do with him,ex wonders why he doesnt answer his texts, hmm maybe its because he doesnt even have the guts to call him. But also he is probally pissed that he left without even saying why or anything just left and never came back.
 
Criminal law treats recorded conversation submissions pretty stringently, but it's pretty much wide open with civil law, which is was family law is. You do not need to tell the person that they're being recorded in order for the recordings or transcripts to be admissible.

Call the police. It doesn't matter if he actually goes through with it or not, it's a threat and a danger.
 
Shafted and Piston said:
Criminal law treats recorded conversation submissions pretty stringently, but it's pretty much wide open with civil law, which is was family law is. You do not need to tell the person that they're being recorded in order for the recordings or transcripts to be admissible.

Call the police. It doesn't matter if he actually goes through with it or not, it's a threat and a danger.
Click to expand...

Although I think that you are correct in stating that the courts have stringent laws surrounding recordings, I think that in order for a recording to be admissible in Civil or criminal court all parties MUST be advised of the recording.
Were as in family law this is not so much the case as in FL the best interests of the children prevails and personal privacy does not trump the welfare of a child.
 
Absent a judicial warrant to authorize a recording (i.e. police wiretap), I believe that in Canada only one party in the recorded conversation has to be aware of the recording.
 
FL_Needs_To_Change said:
Although I think that you are correct in stating that the courts have stringent laws surrounding recordings, I think that in order for a recording to be admissible in Civil or criminal court all parties MUST be advised of the recording.
Were as in family law this is not so much the case as in FL the best interests of the children prevails and personal privacy does not trump the welfare of a child.
Click to expand...

Very seldom are all parties aware of the recording, it's just that there are more legal hoops to jump through in criminal law in order to make the recordings admissable.

In civil law there aren't any such restrictions as it's not an indictable issue. Family law is civil law and follows the same rules a civil law. My wife's ex actually bugged her phone, in her house, and the recordings were admissable because it's a civil matter. That was the judge's explanation.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top