My story. Well some of it.

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rwm1273

rwm1273

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My ex and I were together for 6 months before we moved to the next level in our relationship. I bought us a house, and made plans to get married. She stopped taking the pill, quit her last year of University at spring break, and got pregnant; all without talking with me. She had a baby girl when I met her, and then we had our son. I thought things were great, and we got married and I adopted her little girl. 30 days later I was served with divorce papers.

In the marriage, we had 3 fights. They amounted to her picking a fight, claiming that I would leave her one day because she was not pretty. When I disagreed, the fight would go other directions, and then she would through stuff at me. When I tried to leave to calm the issues down, she would tell me that "if you leave you will never see the kids again, and then I will go to a shelter and get you arrested." I would stay and try to calm her down, and eventually she would calm down, and then apologize.

The issues about how the separation happened is a very long story, and I won't go into it, but basically it is she makes lies and allegations of abuse, violence, and assault. Problem is she had the roles reversed. But I was the one arrested.

We have had joint custody since separation. I had access, and she got the house, primary residence, the van, spousal support, child support, and I was ordered to pay the mortgage and bills for the house. My income was based on what she told the courts (based on an out dated money exchange because I earned money in a different currency), and was $20K more than I earned. In court my lawyer argued that my income was set too high, and that I was offered work back in Canada, but it was $20K less than what I actually earned, and was $40K less than what my income was imputed to. The judge said I better keep earning the most I can to support my family.

My ex racked up 30K in credit card debt in 10 months of marriage, and cashed in all my savings. Then ran to a woman's shelter and claimed I beat her and a few other really nasty accusations I won't ever go into detail, and she feared for the kids. She got a restraining order, and I got arrested. This was 30 days after I adopted her first child, and she claimed how great and wonderful I was.

Initially I was granted "substantial access to the children of the marriage when I was in Canada". And my parents were granted the first weekend of the month and the third weekend of the month when I was out of town. My ex refused to follow this access, and in fact hid in a woman's shelter again on my first time off in Canada. We were in court again and the judge ordered her to follow the court order, and he specified I was to have the kids every weekday when the kids would normally be in daycare. I did not get access. On my next time in Canada, she again went to a shelter, and again we were back in court where the judge removed the restraining order and told her that she would be sent to jail if she refused to follow the order. I got my first day with the kids in over 6 months. My next time she had the daycare refuse to grant me access, and I again went to court, and this time the judge granted me a "standard police enforcement clause". But the police refused to act on it because they claimed it had no direction for them, and I got no access again. She however tried to have me arrested over it, and luckily I was able to get my lawyer to convince the police over the phone what the problem was, and I was not arrested, but I also did not get my access. Back to court, and this time I got an order that said "anyone preventing me access to my children will be arrested until access is granted". I got access.

At trial the house was ordered to be sold, and I would get any profit after the mortgage and matrimonial debt was paid. She got to remain the primary parent, but my access was specified to be for 21 out of my 24 days I was in Canada on my time off. I was working 56day/28days off rotation in Abu Dhabi. After 4 yrs there, I got a job with a Canadian company, and thought I would be able to return to work close to home, but this was not to be. They had me work in Africa, but I now only worked 6weeks/6 weeks. And got an increase increase in income, but it was still less than what I had been paying in support, but best thing I was paid in CDN $.

After a year and half of trying to get into court into court due to delays from her lawyer, I was able to get more access to the kids, because she pissed the judge off. He actually gave me more access than I had asked for, claiming that she was being unreasonable. Until I got the access changed, she argued that I was not permitted to be in Canada for longer than my 21 days of access, and tried to have me arrested claiming I was breaking the court order. My access was then 11days with me, 4 days with her during my time in Canada.

I have had primary residence of my kids since August 2008. This was after 5 years of slowly working my way up because she always denied me access, continually lied in affidavits about abuse and other issues, and the courts kept punishing her for her behavior. In May 2008 she abandoned the kids at a shelter, and nobody was able to get ahold of her for a week. She went back and got the kids. I had no idea where she or the kids were for over 2 months.

In July 2008 she was not at home 3 times in one week when my daughter was to be dropped off by the bus. She also left my son at his school on another occasion. The schools could not get ahold of her, and her phone went straight to voice mail, and it was full.

The schools both called me, and I was able to get my sister to pick up the kids because I was in Hong Kong at the time. I had also had my daughter's school call me on a few other occasions when I was in Cameroon, because they could not contact the mother. Due to this, they wrote me a letter pointing out the difficulties they had with the mother, and the concerns they had for my children.

With this and my daughter telling me about the problems she had at her mom's, I was able to get our judge to make a change to the access order in September 2008. At court, my ex did not appear, and her lawyer said he had not been able to contact her in over 4 months.

I took a leave of absence from my work so I could sort out the issues, and we were back in court in October 2008, where my ex claimed that she was the best parent for the kids, and that I was unstable, and couldn't keep a job. (I had been remarried for over 3 years at that point, and had been with the same company for 2 years, and previously had been with the a different company for 4 years. The judge ordered that the current access schedule would remain of 11/4days. But despite this, my support was not changed, as we were scheduled to have a hearing on the support issues.

At the support hearing in October 2008 I received a reduction in support, and the judge suggested I make an application for purgery based on her claims, but I would have needed to bring witnesses who were her friends to court, and that would have been a real gong show. Any event the ongoing support issue was adjourned because her lawyer wanted to examine me on my affidavit. He dragged out filing the affidavit from the hearing for over 5 months, telling my lawyer ever few weeks that there were changes he wanted made to wording. MEP kept trying to persue me, and I was on the verge of a default hearing and therefore jail. Despite having the kids.

Because of this MEP still tried to collect 100% support despite they knew I had the kids, and was no longer working. It did not get fixed until I got back into court in November 2009 where the judge chastised her lawyer for not dealing with the support issues, ordered MEP to close the file and this was back dated to September 2008. She also confirmed that I was the primary parent, and made this a final order. She changed the access to 3 weekends a month for the ex and wednsdays after school. Told my ex to grow up, and told her that if she wanted a bi lateral assessment, then she would need to pay for it herself.

Since this order, My ex has made allegations of abuse to CAS, and after 5 months of them in my home, they wrote me a letter contradicting the allegations, and exonerating me and my wife. But we still have huge problems, and work her is very hard to find in my industry, so today I started a new career. I will try it for a month and if it does not work out, then I'll go to Afganistan to work, since I need to catch up on bills, or go bankrupt.
 
No. I thought I loved her mind. She was fun to talk with. Educated, well read.

Now she looks ragged, haggard, and old. Totally let herself go.
 
Ok...knowing a bit of the background excuses some of your bias...we have spent 5 yrs without seeing my stepdaughter in the past...and went through similar issues with FRO...my only point is that not every woman is like your ex, not every mother is out to fry dad...
 
Here is my son's story..."I call my father, he never calls me back. Why do you make me call him, Mom?" "Because he is your father. And it may not seem important to you now, but when you get older, that relationship will be."

His father has never initiated contact...and only sees him after I call or email to say "do you want to see your son?" I have done this for 10 years now. I am not your ex.
 
My ex has tried to prevent me any access she could. I had an order that granted me phone contact 3 times per week. I would call to speak to the kids, but she would not let me talk to the kids. Or she would just not answer the phone. I would call once in theh morning just befor the kids would go to daycare, and then if I did not get a hold of them, I would call once in the afternoon after they would be home from daycare.

The ex complained to court claiming that I was calling too often, and that I was only permitted to call 3 times per week. The judge had to explain to her that I was permitted to "actually talk to the kids 3 times per week"

When I changed jobs, I was located in the middle of no where in a war zone of Tchad africa. My phone was a pay as you go. I had to have my phone cards flown in, and they were hard to get. It cost over $20 for a 5 minute call. I would call, and she would answer the phone, and I could hear my kids asking if it "was daddy" and she would wait for a few minutes before she would let me talk to the kids. When I finaly got to talk to them, my credit was nearly finished, and I would only get to talk for 30 or 40 seconds.

Then she went to court and complained that when I called I would only talk for 30 seconds. But I had kept a journal for over a year documenting every call I made or tried to make.

She was chastized again. Didn't change her behavior. Still got problems.

But some of the people here think I'm the bad guy.
 
1.Mommy's a real treat

2.Why in heaven's name would you allow yourself to be out of the country when you knew how unreliable Mommy is? Hint -----> work = wrong answer.
 
dadtotheend, re: point #2, no shit! :eek:

I know providing an income is very important but no job is more important than the well being of your kids!
 
rwm1273 said:
My ex and I were together for 6 months before we moved to the next level in our relationship. I bought us a house, and made plans to get married. She stopped taking the pill, quit her last year of University at spring break, and got pregnant; all without talking with me. She had a baby girl when I met her, and then we had our son. I thought things were great, and we got married and I adopted her little girl. 30 days later I was served with divorce papers.

In the marriage, we had 3 fights. They amounted to her picking a fight, claiming that I would leave her one day because she was not pretty. When I disagreed, the fight would go other directions, and then she would through stuff at me. When I tried to leave to calm the issues down, she would tell me that "if you leave you will never see the kids again, and then I will go to a shelter and get you arrested." I would stay and try to calm her down, and eventually she would calm down, and then apologize.

The issues about how the separation happened is a very long story, and I won't go into it, but basically it is she makes lies and allegations of abuse, violence, and assault. Problem is she had the roles reversed. But I was the one arrested.

We have had joint custody since separation. I had access, and she got the house, primary residence, the van, spousal support, child support, and I was ordered to pay the mortgage and bills for the house. My income was based on what she told the courts (based on an out dated money exchange because I earned money in a different currency), and was $20K more than I earned. In court my lawyer argued that my income was set too high, and that I was offered work back in Canada, but it was $20K less than what I actually earned, and was $40K less than what my income was imputed to. The judge said I better keep earning the most I can to support my family.

My ex racked up 30K in credit card debt in 10 months of marriage, and cashed in all my savings. Then ran to a woman's shelter and claimed I beat her and a few other really nasty accusations I won't ever go into detail, and she feared for the kids. She got a restraining order, and I got arrested. This was 30 days after I adopted her first child, and she claimed how great and wonderful I was.

Initially I was granted "substantial access to the children of the marriage when I was in Canada". And my parents were granted the first weekend of the month and the third weekend of the month when I was out of town. My ex refused to follow this access, and in fact hid in a woman's shelter again on my first time off in Canada. We were in court again and the judge ordered her to follow the court order, and he specified I was to have the kids every weekday when the kids would normally be in daycare. I did not get access. On my next time in Canada, she again went to a shelter, and again we were back in court where the judge removed the restraining order and told her that she would be sent to jail if she refused to follow the order. I got my first day with the kids in over 6 months. My next time she had the daycare refuse to grant me access, and I again went to court, and this time the judge granted me a "standard police enforcement clause". But the police refused to act on it because they claimed it had no direction for them, and I got no access again. She however tried to have me arrested over it, and luckily I was able to get my lawyer to convince the police over the phone what the problem was, and I was not arrested, but I also did not get my access. Back to court, and this time I got an order that said "anyone preventing me access to my children will be arrested until access is granted". I got access.

At trial the house was ordered to be sold, and I would get any profit after the mortgage and matrimonial debt was paid. She got to remain the primary parent, but my access was specified to be for 21 out of my 24 days I was in Canada on my time off. I was working 56day/28days off rotation in Abu Dhabi. After 4 yrs there, I got a job with a Canadian company, and thought I would be able to return to work close to home, but this was not to be. They had me work in Africa, but I now only worked 6weeks/6 weeks. And got an increase increase in income, but it was still less than what I had been paying in support, but best thing I was paid in CDN $.

After a year and half of trying to get into court into court due to delays from her lawyer, I was able to get more access to the kids, because she pissed the judge off. He actually gave me more access than I had asked for, claiming that she was being unreasonable. Until I got the access changed, she argued that I was not permitted to be in Canada for longer than my 21 days of access, and tried to have me arrested claiming I was breaking the court order. My access was then 11days with me, 4 days with her during my time in Canada.

I have had primary residence of my kids since August 2008. This was after 5 years of slowly working my way up because she always denied me access, continually lied in affidavits about abuse and other issues, and the courts kept punishing her for her behavior. In May 2008 she abandoned the kids at a shelter, and nobody was able to get ahold of her for a week. She went back and got the kids. I had no idea where she or the kids were for over 2 months.

In July 2008 she was not at home 3 times in one week when my daughter was to be dropped off by the bus. She also left my son at his school on another occasion. The schools could not get ahold of her, and her phone went straight to voice mail, and it was full.

The schools both called me, and I was able to get my sister to pick up the kids because I was in Hong Kong at the time. I had also had my daughter's school call me on a few other occasions when I was in Cameroon, because they could not contact the mother. Due to this, they wrote me a letter pointing out the difficulties they had with the mother, and the concerns they had for my children.

With this and my daughter telling me about the problems she had at her mom's, I was able to get our judge to make a change to the access order in September 2008. At court, my ex did not appear, and her lawyer said he had not been able to contact her in over 4 months.

I took a leave of absence from my work so I could sort out the issues, and we were back in court in October 2008, where my ex claimed that she was the best parent for the kids, and that I was unstable, and couldn't keep a job. (I had been remarried for over 3 years at that point, and had been with the same company for 2 years, and previously had been with the a different company for 4 years. The judge ordered that the current access schedule would remain of 11/4days. But despite this, my support was not changed, as we were scheduled to have a hearing on the support issues.

At the support hearing in October 2008 I received a reduction in support, and the judge suggested I make an application for purgery based on her claims, but I would have needed to bring witnesses who were her friends to court, and that would have been a real gong show. Any event the ongoing support issue was adjourned because her lawyer wanted to examine me on my affidavit. He dragged out filing the affidavit from the hearing for over 5 months, telling my lawyer ever few weeks that there were changes he wanted made to wording. MEP kept trying to persue me, and I was on the verge of a default hearing and therefore jail. Despite having the kids.

Because of this MEP still tried to collect 100% support despite they knew I had the kids, and was no longer working. It did not get fixed until I got back into court in November 2009 where the judge chastised her lawyer for not dealing with the support issues, ordered MEP to close the file and this was back dated to September 2008. She also confirmed that I was the primary parent, and made this a final order. She changed the access to 3 weekends a month for the ex and wednsdays after school. Told my ex to grow up, and told her that if she wanted a bi lateral assessment, then she would need to pay for it herself.

Since this order, My ex has made allegations of abuse to CAS, and after 5 months of them in my home, they wrote me a letter contradicting the allegations, and exonerating me and my wife. But we still have huge problems, and work her is very hard to find in my industry, so today I started a new career. I will try it for a month and if it does not work out, then I'll go to Afganistan to work, since I need to catch up on bills, or go bankrupt.
Click to expand...

Why do fathers have to go through all of this shit! Really, why is the system so forgiving to moms who do this? I have to say this, if it was a dad doing this, I wonder how long before he'd be in jail?

If it was taken care of by the judge the first time around, and gave you and your children better protection then all of this would be unnecessary. The problem is there is no real punishment for mothers...or fathers for all the good mom's out there...that do this, and it's like anything else, as long as there is nothing deter, then these types of disgusting behaviors will continue to happen.

If you allow crooks to rob banks...then they'll rob banks...put them in jail and maybe they'll think twice. You'll never stop everyone, but it will certainly take out the majority.
 
dadtotheend said:
1.Mommy's a real treat

2.Why in heaven's name would you allow yourself to be out of the country when you knew how unreliable Mommy is? Hint -----> work = wrong answer.
Click to expand...
It has been a while since I looked at this thread, and felt I should reply.

I did not know my ex would be as unreliable as she was. One of the problems of not having any communication, and compounded by a slow and unreliable court system that lets the crap continue. Also the school at the time refused to communicate with me other than to give me a copy of the school report cards. After the problems started, they started to call me, and they helped me get custody.

I had my income imputed. One of our judges stated that I should continue to earn what I was so that I could support my family; this was when I proposed I take a local job, but with a reduction in income. I had no choice but to work were I could earn what my income had been imputed to, or risk loosing my license, and passport. One missed support payment, and MEP starts enthusiastic collection action. High child support is one of the downfalls of earning a good living.

I do know what is important in life. I am now here trying to make a meager living just so I can be a father to my kids now that I have custody of them. But you tell me how can I keep up defending myself in court when I don't earn enough here to support my family yet alone my legal problems? And to add more problems to the situation the family law problems have caused immigration problems for my current wife.


I hate Canada. The family laws suck, it is cold and expensive, and men get treated like shit. Is this what I served in our military for?
 
There is a lot more to this country than family law and weather. If you are that unhappy with our country, I too question your military service. I don't want people protecting our country who don't have faith in the basic beleifs we stand for, nevermind the fact that they actually think it is better anywhere else.
 
I said I served my country. Not I serve my country. Read next time.

Have any of you ever been anywhere else? Lived there? I have and would rather be elsewhere. It is not just because of family law problems, or weather. How about the long line ups for health care services, high taxes, or high cost of living? How about religious freedom?

Billiechic you mentioned our countries basic beliefs. How do you feel about how schools can't celebrate christmas or easter? Our politically correct society has cheapened the deaths of those who have died fighting for god and country. How about our great Human rights commissions that punish priests for saying that homosexuality is against the bible, yet lets muslims make death threats? This is not the Canada I grew up in, and defended in uniform, but it is the Canada of now.

I had more religious freedom living in a muslim country than I do in Canada. I had better basic health care in a third world country than I have here.(I do know that Canada has a good health care system, but not for day to day stuff. But it is very expensive and fundamentally flawed in how it is administered)

I have been let down by our country. How is it fair that some illegal immigrant is able to get a residency permit faster than my wife?

And yes I will leave this country, and grow bananas and mangos and live happily ever after. I would not be able to afford to do this in Canada since there won't be any CPP when I retire, and my ex has destroyed all my savings in our divorce.
 
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Why don't you shut your mouth?

Nobody wants to hear your longwinded bullshit rebuttals anymore.

Get the hell out of Dodge jackass. And fuck you very much.
 
See you can't come up with anything to say so you resort to insults.

Makes me think that you were beat up as a kid in school so now you are being the bully here.

If you don't like what I right don't read it, and don't respond. It is only you and your parrots that don't like what I say. Just like a true bully being followed by other people with no self esteem.
 
rwm1273 said:
See you can't come up with anything to say so you resort to insults.

Makes me think that you were beat up as a kid in school so now you are being the bully here.

If you don't like what I right don't read it, and don't respond. It is only you and your parrots that don't like what I say. Just like a true bully being followed by other people with no self esteem.
Click to expand...

Umm excuse me but just because I agree with some stuff DTTE says doesn't make me a parrot or have no self esteem. I do not always agree with him but for the most part feel like he is on the mark. As for insults I think you have thrown a few of them around yourself as this post proves.
 
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