My god I need help
- Thread starter Tim Cash
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tugofwar
New member
You are going to have to be alittle more specific to what is it that's happening ( but if you don't want to go into too much detail) but it's probably easier if you just post some basics here and hopefully someone will be able to help and respond to your questions....
And assure you there are many great people here on this forum with amazing advice and help make things easier.
Just remember you are not alone. We are all going thru this and find strength in each other!
And assure you there are many great people here on this forum with amazing advice and help make things easier.
Just remember you are not alone. We are all going thru this and find strength in each other!
thank you
thank you
Well I will try to explain but this is far different then what I have read, First off I am a Father of 2 kids with this woman but only one is "my seed" but love her as my own and have since she was 6 months. We got together very fast and very quickly bought a house together. After falling in love with her daughter and moving in together we ran into money problems in renovating the house and further hurting the issue was an unknown drinking problem on her end. But that is not my issue, my issue is the kids she left with her daughter after 10 months, leaving me to pay for the home on my own. Now 3 yrs later we have had a child together a perfect little boy he is 1 yr old so you can all do the math she left 3 yrs ago and we have a 1 yr old??? I know I know what was I thinking . So what is the problem well its money. I have none as I am paying for a home we purchesed together , and she knows this and the cost of the home is more then i make so i have a roomate to help cover the cost. Now when she is not drunk and mean , she is fine with me and even calls me a good father , but the moment I try to think on my own she starts with threats and with holding the kids from me. saying things that are just insane. I am fearfull when and if we go to court she is just going to get up there and say half truths and bold face lies. I am at this point contemplating death, as I see no light and everything I read comes with a dollar next to it . When did being a good father have a dollar next to it? It makes me sick.
thank you
Well I will try to explain but this is far different then what I have read, First off I am a Father of 2 kids with this woman but only one is "my seed" but love her as my own and have since she was 6 months. We got together very fast and very quickly bought a house together. After falling in love with her daughter and moving in together we ran into money problems in renovating the house and further hurting the issue was an unknown drinking problem on her end. But that is not my issue, my issue is the kids she left with her daughter after 10 months, leaving me to pay for the home on my own. Now 3 yrs later we have had a child together a perfect little boy he is 1 yr old so you can all do the math she left 3 yrs ago and we have a 1 yr old??? I know I know what was I thinking . So what is the problem well its money. I have none as I am paying for a home we purchesed together , and she knows this and the cost of the home is more then i make so i have a roomate to help cover the cost. Now when she is not drunk and mean , she is fine with me and even calls me a good father , but the moment I try to think on my own she starts with threats and with holding the kids from me. saying things that are just insane. I am fearfull when and if we go to court she is just going to get up there and say half truths and bold face lies. I am at this point contemplating death, as I see no light and everything I read comes with a dollar next to it . When did being a good father have a dollar next to it? It makes me sick.
When is the woman going to be held responsible for her actions? When she told me she was with child I suggested we not have it as we are not together and are not in a possition to have another, I would never cange anything now as I love my kids more then life itself , but because im broke Im a deadbeat in her eyes and the worlds , I would Take the kids , in fact would love to have them but from what I can tell from reading posts ...THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN....and why? I can do anything she can do ? I can get day care I can cook , I change bums I give bathes ????? WTF I am a loving father !!!!
now I will say this about her ...other then her drinking problem she is a good mother , BUT her drinking problem had facs at our door 3 yrs ago and played a big role in why she left. I had left for 2-3 hrs to visit a friend and when I came home our 2 yr old daughter was in her crib but the mother was nowhere to be found....after a search of the home and property i had no choice but to call the police as I feared she may have tried to hurt herself and did not think she would ever leave her baby home alone....well after the entire police force was searching for her they found her next door drinking with the neghbor. So the police filed a report with FACS. She has never forgiven me for calling the police , but i truly was in tears thinking she had hurt herself. Now I lied about the truth when we had to meet with FACS and case was closed. I do not want to go to court and bring this up ...BUT I DO WANT MY SON.
We both have money in this house I am paying for , she and the kids need nothing they have everything , she already gets $1400 a month from our daughters ex. I have fatherd her daughter since 6 months , I love her as my own , When are the courts going to see a pattern with SOME women , and when Is a man going to have some say in anything ? Now my question is this should I stop paying for the house and let it go to the bank and then pay support? or should I try and get her to pay half the monthly on the home and pay her support? I dont know what to do , Like I said she will never let me move on .....
I do not want to get up in court and bad mouth the mother of my children..I see my kids almost every weekend but it always has to be at her house as she feels the home WE bought together is unfit. I just know her and what she is capable of and I am truly worried that when this reaches boiling point then there will be so much damage done that it will be un fixable and I might as well be dead.
In the end I continued this messed up relationship so I could see my kids , as every time I try to move on this happens the threats and the with holding the kids, I am not perfect at all , I have made many mistakes in my life , BUT this is a fact ...I LOVE THE KIDS ...It was easier to comply then resist. thats all i can say , and I was right cuz she is as mean as I have ever seen her.
dadtotheend
New member
You are coming across in a very scary manner. You allude to suicidal thoughts, you are posting seven times in a row, as the thoughts come rambling across your mind it seems.
You should call a crisis hotline.
You should call a crisis hotline.
dadtotheend
New member
Yep, just as you have no idea what everyone here has been through.
Tim, many of us have been through as bad or worse. I have, many posters have, my nephew has been through much worse in his divorce. I'm not saying this to sound mean, I'm saying it because we do understand and when dadtotheend gives you advice I would say to listen.
The courts can't stop people from being what they are. You get a traffic ticket, that won't stop you from speeding next time or parking in the wrong place. The courts can't enforce good sense or ethics or sanity.
You can make your case, but if you can't bring yourself to stand up and tell the truth in court about her, you have nothing to complain about with the courts. You have to focus on what your kids need, and produce the facts to get the courts to support that.
If you can't afford your house, sell it. You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last. You aren't helping yourself by having multiple things stressing you out. Simplify your life, cut down on your problems.
Trying to take full custody away from the other parent is huge and it is ugly. Going for shared custody is reasonable. You can present yourself as an excellent parent with the ways and means to care for your children. If she is that bad a mother, if they are at risk, it is your duty to them to point it out. If she is a decent mother, then go for shared parenting. We can't make that decision for you.
In the state you seem to be in, you will go through hell trying to start any kind of legal proceeding now. Focus on your kids. Make sure you have them at least half the time. Don't let her keep them from you. You have every right to seek joint custody and shared access, 50/50. If she is a threat to them, or neglectful, show it and go for full, but make your decision and make sure you can back it up.
Focus on straightening out your life so you can provide a stable home for your children. Forget about your ex for now. Separate from her, separate your mind from her, your emotions, your finances, your time. Focus on your kids.
The courts can't stop people from being what they are. You get a traffic ticket, that won't stop you from speeding next time or parking in the wrong place. The courts can't enforce good sense or ethics or sanity.
You can make your case, but if you can't bring yourself to stand up and tell the truth in court about her, you have nothing to complain about with the courts. You have to focus on what your kids need, and produce the facts to get the courts to support that.
If you can't afford your house, sell it. You wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last. You aren't helping yourself by having multiple things stressing you out. Simplify your life, cut down on your problems.
Trying to take full custody away from the other parent is huge and it is ugly. Going for shared custody is reasonable. You can present yourself as an excellent parent with the ways and means to care for your children. If she is that bad a mother, if they are at risk, it is your duty to them to point it out. If she is a decent mother, then go for shared parenting. We can't make that decision for you.
In the state you seem to be in, you will go through hell trying to start any kind of legal proceeding now. Focus on your kids. Make sure you have them at least half the time. Don't let her keep them from you. You have every right to seek joint custody and shared access, 50/50. If she is a threat to them, or neglectful, show it and go for full, but make your decision and make sure you can back it up.
Focus on straightening out your life so you can provide a stable home for your children. Forget about your ex for now. Separate from her, separate your mind from her, your emotions, your finances, your time. Focus on your kids.
Thank you, I am here because I dont know what to do, I would sell the house but its not ready for sale, I do however think its time to just dump it and focus on the kids , it will be one less thing she can use and there is no point in keeping it. But I am so worried about her temper and what she will say up there , regardless of weather I am a good father or not. But I guess whatever happens happens and from what I can tell it wont end well for me.
Tim, call your family doctor, make an appointment for asap, go in, say everything you told us with more emphasis on how you feel and a little less on the legal details.
You are going through a crisis, you need help. You won't get the help you need on the internet. We can give you some advice but this is beyond that.
And again I speak from experience, I didn't get on an upward spiral until I'd met with my doctor and I could never have dealt with the legal crap if I hadn't sorted myself out.
There's no shame in it, it is very real, and you can't do this alone.
You are going through a crisis, you need help. You won't get the help you need on the internet. We can give you some advice but this is beyond that.
And again I speak from experience, I didn't get on an upward spiral until I'd met with my doctor and I could never have dealt with the legal crap if I hadn't sorted myself out.
There's no shame in it, it is very real, and you can't do this alone.
tugofwar
New member
I agree with Mess. Go talk to your doctor asap. I finally broke down and asked her to refer me to a psychologist and was the best decision I have ever made!!!!!! Seriously. You are in the worst stage right now and things will go up and down. I won't lie but you will in time get stronger and just keep saying
"THIS IS FOR MY CHILDREN!!!" Suicide is just the most SELFISH thing you could do. THINK ABOUT your children, they need you in their lives, to fight for them, really if you go, is it ok for them to just have a half ass mother as you described her.
Don't worry about her, her feelings, how she will react. ITS NOT ABOUT HER ANYMORE and the only way to get help is if you ask for it!
There is light at the end of the tunnel, money is money but you want and need to be mentally fit inorder to do what's best for the children.
"THIS IS FOR MY CHILDREN!!!" Suicide is just the most SELFISH thing you could do. THINK ABOUT your children, they need you in their lives, to fight for them, really if you go, is it ok for them to just have a half ass mother as you described her.
Don't worry about her, her feelings, how she will react. ITS NOT ABOUT HER ANYMORE and the only way to get help is if you ask for it!
There is light at the end of the tunnel, money is money but you want and need to be mentally fit inorder to do what's best for the children.
tugofwar
New member
Then just do it then, be a good father! Im sure your great at it so continue doing what you have to.
My child doesn't have a father that's involved in her life, see's her here and there. What can I do about it?
I have to make sure that my child gets everything she needs from me and not depend on him. I want them to have a relationship but I also need to protect us in case that's not what he wants. Do I think he loves his daughter? Yes somewhere deep down but just isn't able to show it right now.
There are people on here with really bad situations, domestic abuse, drugs, alcohol etc.
So, get your head out your ass and start living for your children.
My child doesn't have a father that's involved in her life, see's her here and there. What can I do about it?
I have to make sure that my child gets everything she needs from me and not depend on him. I want them to have a relationship but I also need to protect us in case that's not what he wants. Do I think he loves his daughter? Yes somewhere deep down but just isn't able to show it right now.
There are people on here with really bad situations, domestic abuse, drugs, alcohol etc.
So, get your head out your ass and start living for your children.
tugofwar
New member
AND STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!!!!! IT"S NOT ABOUT HER ANYMORE!! Grow a backbone, stand up to her regarding the children. FIGHT for what you believe in and in the whole process do and keep thinking about your actions. Don't add fuel to her fire.
Think about all the fun stuff you want to do with the children. Look spring is coming around the corner and the weather is getting nicer.
If your scared of being alone, don't worry I think we all think that way but you need to get strong and you need time to heal. Go out with friends, do things that you enjoy. Go for a walk, exercise, listen to loud music, whatever just to give yourself a break.
Im only 34, have a wonderful daughter and a bright future with her, I couldn't have asked for anything more. No man or relationship is worth the price of my little girl!
I would rather walk down the street holding her little hand and a big smile on my face then to walk and hold hands with a man who doesn't love me anymore...
sorry for the tears...
Think about all the fun stuff you want to do with the children. Look spring is coming around the corner and the weather is getting nicer.
If your scared of being alone, don't worry I think we all think that way but you need to get strong and you need time to heal. Go out with friends, do things that you enjoy. Go for a walk, exercise, listen to loud music, whatever just to give yourself a break.
Im only 34, have a wonderful daughter and a bright future with her, I couldn't have asked for anything more. No man or relationship is worth the price of my little girl!
I would rather walk down the street holding her little hand and a big smile on my face then to walk and hold hands with a man who doesn't love me anymore...
sorry for the tears...
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