Moved cities with children

K

Kirk2382

New member
Hello, hoping I can receive some advice.

I moved from Toronto to Ottawa with my 3 children in Aug, 2013. I had verbal permission from my husband, nothing in writing. I have now been working for 5 months and the children are settled into their new school. I now want to file for divorce. Can my husband force me to move back with my children?

Again everything was agreed to verbally between him and I.

Thank you.
 
Kirk2382 said:
Hello, hoping I can receive some advice.

I moved from Toronto to Ottawa with my 3 children in Aug, 2013. I had verbal permission from my husband, nothing in writing. I have now been working for 5 months and the children are settled into their new school. I now want to file for divorce. Can my husband force me to move back with my children?

Again everything was agreed to verbally between him and I.
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It's possible, especially as you have no written agreement to protect you. But the longer it goes like this, building status quo, the less likely he is to be able to force you back. The more reasonable you are being about him having access with the children when he is able to, the better too.


This might be a weird question, but is your husband aware that you are separated? Do you have finances divided, an access schedule, custody decided, etc? You calling him your husband instead of your ex-husband makes me wonder about the situation. Does he think that this is temporary, or that he'll soon move to join you, etc? Will a divorce request come as a complete shock to him?
 
Hi and thank you for your reply.

He is my husband and we are not officially separated. I have asked him for a divorce twice but I believe he is in denial. He does believe this is temporary and we will be returning in the summer. He will never move to Ottawa and because of his drinking plus other issues we are not returning, well hopefully not. Amazing after everything that has happened he still thinks I will return. He might need to see actually papers before he realizes reality.
 
Kirk2382 said:
Hi and thank you for your reply.

He is my husband and we are not officially separated. I have asked him for a divorce twice but I believe he is in denial. He does believe this is temporary and we will be returning in the summer. He will never move to Ottawa and because of his drinking plus other issues we are not returning, well hopefully not. Amazing after everything that has happened he still thinks I will return. He might need to see actually papers before he realizes reality.
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If you are living apart, and you both agreed to it, you are separated. I hope you have some documentation that shows the date of separation, you will need that for a divorce and to figure out the property separation etc.
 
The story I told him to justify my move to Ottawa was to care for my elderly Mom, which is true. Now I do not want to return. Yes we are living apart but he is under the assumption is only temporary. Bank accts, etc are still in both names.

Thanks.
 
Have you separated all your finances? Including bank accounts? If this is not done, it could be argued that you are both just working in different cities. It won't make THAT big of difference since it has only been 5 months, as long as you have not had significant savings since then.
 
Kirk2382 said:
The story I told him to justify my move to Ottawa was to care for my elderly Mom, which is true. Now I do not want to return. Yes we are living apart but he is under the assumption is only temporary. Bank accts, etc are still in both names.

Thanks.
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I really hope this is not true... you basically lied to him... your intentions were always to not return, according to your first post, but used the story of caring for your sick mother. While this may or may not be true, you did not have a clear separation date and your bank accounts are still joint.

Has he seen the kids at all?
 
Yes it is true that I had no intention of returning. My mother is sick and we are living with her. Our bank account is still joint. He has made the trip to Ottawa twice since we moved.
 
Kirk2382 said:
Yes it is true that I had no intention of returning. My mother is sick and we are living with her. Our bank account is still joint. He has made the trip to Ottawa twice since we moved.
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I would say then that for all intents and purposes you are not separated.

You aren't making things any easier for anyone by lying about your intentions. You had better come clean, tell him you aren't coming back, separate your financials and start the process.
 
Once I start the process what do you think my chances are of being forced to move back with the kids? I am working and the kids will be in school?
 
If he was smart he would have you in court the day after you tell him that you are not returning.

You could then be ordered to return the children... You could do as you wish.
 
Kirk2382 said:
Obviously I'm not telling you everything about my husband and why we have left him.
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Divorce in Canada is no fault. Therefore the courts don't care why, unless there was domestic abuse involved. I'm sure you have your reasons. But you have lied to him, and he could argue in court that you have been denying him access to the kids because of your lies. A judge may take a very dim view of that.
 
As you have not been forthcoming about your intentions I think that your husband could indeed get an order for you to return the children. While you may think your reasons for moving the children are valid, the court may disagree.

I'm no expert but to move children from their habitual residence, without a written separation, is a serious matter.

I would strongly urge you to seek immediate legal advice.
 
I agree...you were deceitful with your husband and the courts very well could order the children back... that doesn't mean YOU have to move back, but the children may have to. Because you were not forthcoming, have not separated financials and your husband thinks this was temporary, you cannot really say you have been separated since August.

I would strongly suggest you speak to your husband about this and your intentions. If we wants more access to his children you may be in for an eye opener. While it is one thing to make decisions as a couple, you clearly made a unilateral decision to move the children in a deceitful manner.
 
A good friend's sister moved with her children to Northern Ireland. She was convinced the father was a louse and might be sexually molesting the kids. She and the kids were settled in Northern Ireland, kids happy and in new schools etc. Under the Haig agreement, over a year later, she had to move the kids back. Children's passports were seized. Grandparents had to travel from N.Ireland to see the children.
 
You moved under false pretenses. You said one thing, but your intention was to do another. Your husband had no reason not to believe that you were going to return with the children and as such will have strong argument to have the children returned to their familiar residence, being Toronto.

Your unilateral decision to attempt to relocate with the kids was underhanded. Your children deserve to have a meaningful relationship with both parents and your actions have created roadblocks to that.

Unless you are willing to accept accommodating him in many aspects, or unless your STBX falls on his sword, your likelihood of success is very limited.

Your unilateral move under false pretenses is what created this status quo, which for all intents and purposes is a false status quo because your STBX was lied to.

So yes, once your ex is advised that you are not returning, he can motion the courts to return the children to the matrimonial home and for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home.

While we have no info about what kind of person your ex is, your actions are certainly telling of your character.
 
HammerDad said:
You moved under false pretenses. You said one thing, but your intention was to do another. Your husband had no reason not to believe that you were going to return with the children and as such will have strong argument to have the children returned to their familiar residence, being Toronto.

Your unilateral decision to attempt to relocate with the kids was underhanded. Your children deserve to have a meaningful relationship with both parents and your actions have created roadblocks to that.

Unless you are willing to accept accommodating him in many aspects, or unless your STBX falls on his sword, your likelihood of success is very limited.

Your unilateral move under false pretenses is what created this status quo, which for all intents and purposes is a false status quo because your STBX was lied to.

So yes, once your ex is advised that you are not returning, he can motion the courts to return the children to the matrimonial home and for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home.

While we have no info about what kind of person your ex is, your actions are certainly telling of your character.
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This forum needs a "Like" button!
 
To the OP... are you working and supporting the kids? Or are you just using what you need for expenses from the joint bank account?
 
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