Medicals (flu shot)

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iceberg

iceberg

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As my ex and I have 50/50 shared child custody, we never had any issues and always agreed on everything. (She wants to move away and that will end up in court probably next spring). Our child is 5.

Here is my question. This year she is so agains chils flu vaccination. Her reasons are not valid, basically she thinks there is immediate and potential harm from it. I consulted with a couple of professionals and they said it is highly recommended that the child gets the flu shot.

We cannot go to court for this matter. Do I have the right to go ahead and give our child the flu shot despite that the ex is against it?

Thanks.
 
I don't believe in the yearly flu shot. They can't possibly fight against all flu viruses and most time they are produced from last years virus. My child is still very young and I would want her little body to be able to fight it naturally. Just my opinion...

Honestly, I think it's just a money grab from drug companies.
 
iceberg said:
Her reasons are not valid, basically she thinks there is immediate and potential harm from it.
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Surely you realize that is an area that has attracted consderable debate. For you to say her reasons are not valid ignores the other side of this argument. Do you not understand that there are two polar views on this issue?
 
Of course health care professionals are going to recommend it. Ice, do you get the shot yearly? Do you know what type of synthetic materials are used in these vaccines?
Im not saying to not do it but do your research and don't just think your ex is doing this because of spite. Honor her opinion. As you said you have been getting along on all other issues. Keep it going that way. See what are your options, do more research before jumping the gun.

Hypothetical question: What if you get the vaccine, and dont tell her. Then she goes ahead and does the same cause she thought differently and doesn't tell you? Flu clinics for example probably wouldn't have up to date who did and who didn't get vaccined.... just a thought....
 
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What was the standard in the past? If he always got the flu shot before then perhaps continue with the same standards and het the shot. If he's never had it before then perhaps forgoe it for this year.

It's a very personal choice and a tough one to make already, much less when they disagree.

We always got them religiously for our whole family every year since the children were old enough to have it. Last year I decided we would skip it, even with the new swine flu going on. This past year is the first time we have not all come down with horrible colds and flu, we've decided against getting it again this year. BUt that's simply our choice and we feel it's right for us, and not neccessarily the right to choice for everyone.
 
The flu shot might be more recommended to certain people, ages and their general health. If a person is healthy and body responds pretty good to fighting these viruses, then let your body do the fighting. But those with weak health conditions should consider it.
I got it one year, it was pretty much mandatory for my health field and was the sickest after it wore off in spring for a whole week!
 
This is such a hot topic and many people have their own opinions on it. Personally, I do not get it for my family. My kids are young and healthy and able to fight off viruses or recover from ones they get. The flu shot was designed for people who already have health issues. IMO, The side effects that can occour from the shots could be tragic, much worse than getting the flu.

You should carefully research this on your own from both sides of the fence before you pursue anything further with the mom.

Is there any agreement yet as to who makes medical decisions?

Good luck!
 
I have 50/50 shared child custody
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This means it has to be agreed upon. However thats not always how it works out. How is there a guaruntee that she just won't go ahead and do it when the child is with her? I do not believe in the yearly flu shots and fortunately for me neither does my ex. But if y ou have one parent that agrees and one parent that doesn't you have no guaruntee the parent that agrees just wont go ahead and do what they feel is important unless you write and or talk to doctor and put something in writing stating that you have 50/50 and you do not agree to the flu shot.
 
look at it this way, you get it for the child and something happens. Are you prepared for the backlash from that??

I do not get the shot and never will. I let my body fight off the viruses
 
Yes, Blink, I see your view. If they, the parent's, cannot come to terms concerning the issue, and by veto, one undermines the other parent, somewhat suggests 50/50 shared custody arrangement is not working out.
 
logicalvelocity said:
Yes, Blink, I see your view. If they, the parent's, cannot come to terms concerning the issue, and by veto, one undermines the other parent, somewhat suggests 50/50 shared custody arrangement is not working out.
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Totally agree. One one starts to do things behind the others back, then all hell breaks loose. You have to be able to trust the other person when it comes to things dealing with the kids.
 
I had to go to court about this. My ex refused, then eventually gave permission 6 weeks later. But it still meant going to court because we could not agreed and he was not considering what was best for our daughter (she needed the H1N1 as she was having surgery)

Not agreeing on vaccines is NOT enought to change custody. Believe me, I know, and my arguments were a lot more than just this one instance. Put your thoughts in writing, send her an email with links to the information. Make sure your decision is clear, but don't act on it unless she agrees.
 
If you feel it's that important that the child receive a flu shot, by all means go ahead, BUT be prepared for the backlash afterwards from the child's other parent.
Personally, I don't believe in flu shots. In over 50 years on this planet I have never had any sort of flu nor have I had a flu shot (which only protects against up to three flu varieties, not all of them). Neither of the children I'm mother of (14 years and 9 years) have had flu shots and (so far) neither of them has had flu. They've had all their other shots.
If the child is healthy with a robust immune system, s/he will most likely be perfectly okay without a flu shot. Of course doctors will recommend a flu shot -- it's easy $$$$$. For seniors and those with compromised immune systems and those who deal with the public a lot, then yes, a flu shot is a good idea (but no guarantee that you won't get flu).
 
iceberg said:
I consulted with a couple of professionals and they said it is highly recommended that the child gets the flu shot.

We cannot go to court for this matter. Do I have the right to go ahead and give our child the flu shot despite that the ex is against it?

Thanks.
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For the couple of porfessionals you consulted with, there will be many she can bring forward and loads of documented evidence that it 'can' harm a child... so I'd be careful using the "i consulted with a couple of professionals' as your defense if you immunize your child against her wishes....
...and nothing to do with this forum, but before you take her to be poked, do a little online research (from reliable sourses) first... you may be surprised at what you find out.... and it's one thing to ask a doc what they think, but another to ask if THEIR CHILDREN AND PARENTS get the shot. I asked my family doctor that question, he definately skirted around the answer saying something like, well what i choose should not effect your choice...
Anyway... hard call if you both believe totally opposite things.
I do know that if she has sole custody, then you CAN'T get her immunized. I hope your outcome is one that doesn't upset you too much.
 
Epona said:
In over 50 years on this planet I have never had any sort of flu nor have I had a flu shot (which only protects against up to three flu varieties, not all of them). Neither of the children I'm mother of (14 years and 9 years) have had flu shots and (so far) neither of them has had flu. .
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WOW, Either you are extremely lucky, an extraterrestrial species, or completely wrong about what the "flu" really is. I know I've had a flu before, and it knocked me on my a$$ for 3 weeks!

"fighting off" the flu is not always possible. That's precisely why a flu shot was developed...people actually DIE from the flu every year! The arguments for and against the flu shot are strong on both sides and if one parent is firmly against it (for good reason) then I would NOT go ahead and get it. If you do, you can be sure that they will find the medical arguments against the shot and you are going to look horrible for going against a reasonable opinion. Unless the child has a weakened immune system (or is scheduled for surgery like mine was last year), don't do it without permission.
 
Yep, I have never had any sort of flu so far. I realize it can make people very sick -- my mother had it once and I remember how sick she was with it. My father never had flu, though he succumbed to a horrible progressive neurological disease. My 90 years + maternal grandmother received her one and only flu shot -- within a month she was dead, from pnuemonia.

I realize people die from flu every year. People die every day from any one of a number of causes. Rabies is 100% fatal if early intervention treatment isn't received after exposure, but how many people are vaccinated against rabies? Only those employed in veterinary field.

I agree, when one parent is vehemently against their child(ren) having a flu shot it would be wiser to respect that position and not have the child(ren) vaccinated. Unless the child has a weakened immune system, but a flu shot will not protect a person from all the flu strains making the rounds -- only three types of flu, and it may only mean the person won't be as sick. Flu shots are no guarantee.
 
It is a tough situation. We are a spilt family consisting of my two childrem from a previous relationship and his daughter who we have 50/50 custody of. (there are other children but they do not live with us in that manner so their mothers make the sole choices in these matters).

I also don't believe in flu shots, wanting my body to fight the viruses off and hopefully in turn strengthen my immune system, and the same for our kids.
Until last year with the H1N1. I admit I succumbed to the hype/fear, etc, and my husband, myself, and my two birth children got the vaccine. Our third daughter, who is the one we share with her mom, did not. Even though we felt strongly about it, it was not a choice we could make without her moms approval.
Some things are just going to have people disagree.
Is a flu shot worth the battle it may cause if you go against the childs other parent? I guess that is the big question you have to decide on, if you have tried discussing it to no avail.

Best of luck in making your decision!
 
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