Making sure im on the right path.

[SynGreis]

i know when i raise my voice or im getting aggressive. i did not exhibit any of those symptoms.

Dads group referred to me to a local group of dads who went through the same thing as i have. Self rep litigants in family law. Theya ll know the bad and good agents for CAS and for OCL. I just happen to have one of the worst OCL clinician. I had a good 15 fathers say that all of them had an OCL recommendation against them. There was no fathers who had it favoring them from OCL.

There also has been the same biased information with the CAS agent, .....

The same with my "psychiatrist" ..... i saw reports and a rating of this doctor and i am very discouraged.

 

[Rioe]

while im stoned right now and my thoughts are clear.

That right there is the crux of your entire problem.

 

[SynGreis]

stoned is used very generally right now. so dont imply that im "a drug addict" sometimes i get worked up and need to take a breather.

Marijuana has several positive effects and i have yet to experience anything negative. So no reefer madness.

Currently the drug and substance act isnt even in force because of a precedent made that it contradicts the constitution. I also fail to see the relevance of your comment with anything that i talked about.

 

[oink]

^^....Can't believe the poster would say such a thing, talk about a nail in your own coffin.

If you are indeed "stoned" as you so eloquently put it, then I doubt your capability to be around kids.

 

[oink]

im just clean cut and dry, filter in my mouth as in i say it like it is.

Yes...there are many people like this, just look at this forum. However, biting of the tongue also helps at times

 

[SynGreis]

so oink you are making the presumption that just because i consume marijuana which is a natural plant that would render me incapable to care for my child.

That is almost as the same as unable to have custody or see your children because you are on social assistance.

one of the most ignorant comments i seen so far. I love my child, i dont experience "reefer madness" nor have i ever seen anyone have it on marajuana. I know several parents who smoke marijuana, but does that imply they do it in front of the child? No of course not.

Why would i consume marijuana when i am with my child. This act i have done is on my own accord and i will enjoy the benefits of it and receive the consequences(assuming there is any).I will not endanger or do anything with my son and smoke.

Do people smoke around kids, of course they do. Traditional cigarettes is 50x more harmful to a child through second hand smoke.

Do people drink around kids, of course they do. But does that mean they will enter into a drunkin rage? OF course not.

For you to imply that
1. I would smoke around my son
2. I would endanger my son
3. I would force my son to be exposed to smoke either beneficial or detrimental.
4. I often smoke weed/marijuana
5. Marijuana is illegal
6. I am a drug addict

is outrageous, absurd and just completely unreasonable.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

maybe you guys are more gentle trying to get to your way, but considering that she had prenotions on the phone, i wasnt holding my breathe.

i was polite, i was concise i did not deviate at all and i remained on topic. i told her flat out that she is here for me and my child, nothing else.

Maybe for you guys you can bite your lip and not say whats on your mind.

But no, i am not happy, im pissed off that i have to go through all this shit just to see my child. I am not happy with the mother and i do not care what she thinks or has to say until she has factual evidence to substantiate.

The notion that you have to take the higher ground by being calm is not me. I am agitated and frustrated that i have to do this shit just to see my son.

IT fucking pisses me off, its probably that i am more outspoken then other people. When it comes to my son i dont hold back, i make damn sure they know it. IF they think i have an anger management issue then the question remains when did it start and what even caused it.

I am stressed, frustrated and flat out pissed off that i cannot see my son because of her stupid fucking allegations. In order to treat somethign alledgedly you must address the root cause of the issue. I CANNOT SEE MY SON as often as i suppose to be.

I want this shit settled NOW.
I want to move on with my life NOW.

Your anger is clearly showing through here, and if the person interviewing you saw half of that, it will not go well for you.

You realize that you getting angry is what your ex wants. That counts against you as a parent. Mess is right, we teach our kids by the behaviours we exhibit. You can communicate that anger to your child without saying a word.

You have to show others that you are strong enough to rise above the anger and the dissapointment, and continue to work for the best interests of the child.

Yes, you have the right to complain and blow off steam. But not in front of a judge or an OCL rep. That will only help your ex prove her case.

As for the drug use, be very careful. I don't think personally that it is any worse than alcohol, but if you transition from occasional to frequent user, then I would suggest that you need to find other better ways to deal with your anger and stress.

 

[Nadia]

You need to learn to how to compartmentalize.

When you are at the Dad's group, vent away and talk about how screwed the system is and how the OCL is biased towards fathers, what a rough time fathers have etc. This is the place where you can let that frustration out and it is a safe place to do so. You will not be judged by others who find themselves in similar circumstances.

When you are in court or have a visit from the OCL, you conduct yourself differently. Give some consideration to how you are going to play this. It is not being dishonest but learning to keep your emotions in check. Focus on the end goal, and figure out what you can do or perhaps in your case NOT do to jeopardize that.

I am not sure what you can do to salvage the OCL visit, and there is no point in over-thinking that now. Focus on moving forward and what your options are if the OCL report does not go your way. I have no direct experience of an OCL report but I know they are not always taken into consideration by the Judge. But if it does turn out to be what you expected, what are the other avenues open to you?.

 

[SynGreis]

i have not swear once at ocl.

I just simply conveyed that i did not expect a pleasant response, and that i prefer this matter be settled immediately or expediously for the sake of the child.

I also informed her that by her working at CAS and CAS has been known to not be particularly caring to the father that i would not hold my breathe.

Again, the OCL is to determine the relationship between the child and the parent, not to the parents each other.

I cannot undo the past, but hopefully the OCL can realize my attitude in determining the truth and ascertain it. She maybe possible able to see through my ways of determination to settle this and to move on with my life.

The only thing i can do is to demonstrate my care and love and my ability to parent my child, as that is paramount.

 

[DowntroddenDad]

i have not swear once at ocl.

I just simply conveyed that i did not expect a pleasant response, and that i prefer this matter be settled immediately or expediously for the sake of the child.

I also informed her that by her working at CAS and CAS has been known to not be particularly caring to the father that i would not hold my breathe.

Again, the OCL is to determine the relationship between the child and the parent, not to the parents each other.

I cannot undo the past, but hopefully the OCL can realize my attitude in determining the truth and ascertain it. She maybe possible able to see through my ways of determination to settle this and to move on with my life.

The only thing i can do is to demonstrate my care and love and my ability to parent my child, as that is paramount.

By saying you didn't expect a pleasant response, you started off on a really bad foot. I am sure she would see that as hostile. Not as bad as swearing, but not constructive at all.

You accussed her of being prejudiced and that the CAS was prejudiced, before you even gave her the chance to hear your story.

But you can't undo that now. You can learn from it though.

 

[SynGreis]

i have statistics from their own agency to show the biased statistics.

I did not specifically state that she would be prejudice, i just said that im not holding my breathe.

It is also hard to deny that several fathers who dealt with the same person did not have good recommendations.

 

[good_mom]

got cas reports. a case worker claimed i have substance abuse and was relying on the "evidence" the respondent made. As a result of this they made or proposed a safety plan.

i did a questioning period on the 2 case workers. Sufficient to say they revised their safety plan and corrected the issues. They closed the case as unsubstantiated.

You may want to remove your post about being stoned.....the wrong person may see the above and your comments.

How you feel about your drug use is one thing.

Right now it is not a legal....no matter how great of a father you are is not going to change that!

Yes, I know drinking is legal and some people have issues...now is not the time to put yourself at risk for a stupid joint.

People are trying to help you because they have been through it. You don't want to take it...that's your prerogative.

 

[oink]

so oink you are making the presumption that just because i consume marijuana which is a natural plant that would render me incapable to care for my child. .

Really....did you take Chemistry in school? If I told you alcohol is a drug, you probably would tell me am crazy won't ya? Here is one for you....Coca leaf is a natural plant too, but we all know where the law in most countries stand on Cocaine don't we?

one of the most ignorant comments i seen so far. I love my child, i dont experience "reefer madness" nor have i ever seen anyone have it on marajuana. I know several parents who smoke marijuana, but does that imply they do it in front of the child? No of course not.

Why would i consume marijuana when i am with my child. This act i have done is on my own accord and i will enjoy the benefits of it and receive the consequences(assuming there is any).I will not endanger or do anything with my son and smoke.

Do people smoke around kids, of course they do. Traditional cigarettes is 50x more harmful to a child through second hand smoke.

Do people drink around kids, of course they do. But does that mean they will enter into a drunkin rage? OF course not..

You can search for my recent post on pregnant mums smoking and parents smoking whilst pushing their kids in strollers...personally, I have zero tolerance for that nonsense.

If you really love your kids though and you want to be with them, don't you think it behoves you to give up the Marijuana? Are things really that bad, that you have to result to smoking that stuff?

You can see how any expert will have a problem with your case, especially if they can't stand drugs either. The whole point here is that, it's hard enough as it is trying to get joint custody when you are squeeky clean, let alone when you are living on the dark side.

My personal case had legs to stand on for many reasons: never done drugs/smoked anything, don't drink, won't be found outside past 10pm, have a damn good job, always been involved (I can tell you delivery doctor's name and how much kid weighed at birth and when kid left hospital)...how many people remember that?

So unless someone came up with some wild accusation, you can see how to anybody looking in, the question will be asked...what is the problem here then for not wanting 50/50 apart from the greed of money?

For you to imply that
1. I would smoke around my son
2. I would endanger my son
3. I would force my son to be exposed to smoke either beneficial or detrimental.
4. I often smoke weed/marijuana
5. Marijuana is illegal
6. I am a drug addict

is outrageous, absurd and just completely unreasonable.

Hey....you have got to ask yourself the question.....how bad do you want it, and what are you willing to do for it?

Oh yes...Marijuana is illegal in most places

 

[DowntroddenDad]

i have statistics from their own agency to show the biased statistics.

I did not specifically state that she would be prejudice, i just said that im not holding my breathe.

It is also hard to deny that several fathers who dealt with the same person did not have good recommendations.

Please understand something very clearly.

If you told 10 people that you weren't holding your breathe about what they thought of you, you would offend ten people, and cause them to think you were pre-judging them. Which you were. That will always always always work against you.

You can think it. You can try to prepare for it. But you prepare for it by being better prepared, and having better positive arguments for your case.

I can guarentee that you saying "you aren't holding your breathe" is one of the most memorable things you said during that discusssion.

I have done a lot of hiring in my life. My peers think I am a pretty good interviewer. This OCL person has no doubt done many more interviews than me. You have to think about the impression you leave with them. If you go in feeling negative, it will show. You have to approach it in the most positive manner. For your sake and for the good of your child.

BTW does your ex know you smoke marijuana? Because that could come back to haunt you, and you need to be prepared. Were I in your position, I would quit, and if pressed offer to take a drug test to show it.

 

[SynGreis]

alcohol is a drug, you probably would tell me am crazy won't ya? Here is one for you....Coca leaf is a natural plant too, but we all know where the law in most countries stand on Cocaine don't we?

cocaine does have medical purposes, unfortunately people misuse and abuse this.

You can search for my recent post on pregnant mums smoking and parents smoking whilst pushing their kids in strollers...personally, I have zero tolerance for that nonsense.

again, are you implying i will do this?

If you really love your kids though and you want to be with them, don't you think it behoves you to give up the Marijuana? Are things really that bad, that you have to result to smoking that stuff?

are you implying i have a drug or substance abuse problem?

You can see how any expert will have a problem with your case, especially if they can't stand drugs either. The whole point here is that, it's hard enough as it is trying to get joint custody when you are squeeky clean, let alone when you are living on the dark side.

yes but its all in the questions. You can look like shit but if you get them to admit there is no danger, then seriously, what do they have you.

My personal case had legs to stand on for many reasons: never done drugs/smoked anything, don't drink, won't be found outside past 10pm, have a damn good job, always been involved (I can tell you delivery doctor's name and how much kid weighed at birth and when kid left hospital)...how many people remember that?

i also have legs to stand, she withheld the truth about the paternity, she lied to it and asked i walked away. she has denied me access without lawful excuse. She was caught lying adn misleading the public in attempts to have a restraining order placed against me. Her and her lawyer was scolded for this. Im clean, punctual, i take care of myself very hygenic, good morals and ethics, solemnly drink, i wanted to be involved but babys mama refused to allow me. She refused to allow me to be there for the birth. Pretty sure i got a good few legs also.

So unless someone came up with some wild accusation, you can see how to anybody looking in, the question will be asked...what is the problem here then for not wanting 50/50 apart from the greed of money?

I whole heartedly agree. I remain confident that i am very capable. This is whjy the mother was making accusations in order to attempt to justify what she has done.

Hey....you have got to ask yourself the question.....how bad do you want it, and what are you willing to do for it?

Oh yes...Marijuana is illegal in most places

its difficult to answer this, but i will do my best. Yes i want to be a part of the childs life in all aspects, but the best interest is still paramount. IF they determined some how that i am unfit to parent and the evidence is irrefutable then i will accept it as truth FOR THE TIME BEING.

But if they are going to base it solely on the fact that i use marijuana to allow myself to cope and be productive, then i must ask, by what relevance do they have in order to use it against me if it by no means affect the child or myself in my performance and and maintenance and care for my child?

Its also worth nothing that half of US and soon canada is removing that type of legislation because they can no longer justify the ban.

 

[SynGreis]

and to add and respond to DTD, i have already prepared and spend a good portion of the day preparing questions and preparing myself for hypothetical questions.

I also review case law and have several duty council to aid me if i need it. I know for certain, that if my act of smoking marijuana does not impair my ability to parent my child and it does not affect them it is admissible evidence or irrelevant.

I have done alot of research and i spend mostly every waking moment preparing for every possible thing i can think of.

 

[SynGreis]

OCL called me just a few moments ago and wishes to apologize about her remarks.

She wishes to start anew as she was dealing with several other issues.

I told her that i did not have high hopes, but remain hopeful that this can be settled and i remained vigilant to defend the right of the child for his father. I informed her that i am willing to give her some of my trust if she is to ascertain what is factual.

She agreed and she informed me that she would like to start fresh, she has no hard feelings and neither do i.

 

[Janus]

I just wanted to pipe in with the following:

A) Marijuana

1) Marijuana is certainly not a terrible drug, at least not compared to other legal substances (ie. alcohol)
2) I think it is just as appropriate to smoke pot around kids as it is to get drunk around children.
3) I think it is just as appropriate to smoke pot with friends when your kids are not around as it is to get drunk with your friends when your kids are not around
4) Western society is crazy and irrational when it comes to marijuana, you will be judged if people find out. Don't let people find out.

B) Filter

1) My toddler does not have a filter. She says what she thinks without considering my feelings or that of other people.
2) I find that kind of cute
3) An adult who does that is an asshole
4) You should not be proud to be an adult who acts like a toddler

C) Inside your head voice

1) Adults think one thing, but say something else. You need to do that.

D) Fairness

1) Family law is not fair, justice is generally not done. To expect otherwise is lunacy.

 

[SynGreis]

Thanks janus, like i said several times i have no intention to do marijuana around my child for any reason

people can interpret however they want, but they cannot say i lied. IF telling the truth is a crime or it hurts feelings, then i am guilty to that fact. Call me an asshole and see how much i care. Ghandi had no filter, he did not bite his tongue, and look at what happened to him, died but left a legacy. Is he a child?

c.1 is the same for ghandi.

d.1 if justice is not done and family law is not fair, then that is lunacy. Justice is done, but not by way of courts. Family law is fair if done correctly.

 

[oink]

I just wanted to pipe in with the following:

A) Marijuana

1) Marijuana is certainly not a terrible drug, at least not compared to other legal substances (ie. alcohol)

B) Filter

1) My toddler does not have a filter. She says what she thinks without considering my feelings or that of other people.
2) I find that kind of cute
.

But bottomline...Marijuana is a drug (you can skin it whichever way you want). If you stood in front of a police station and started smoking it, am sure your arse will be arrested and locked up

Side effects of MARIJUANA....Does it not bother you?

Filter...you might think it's cute that your child has a mouth on them, but the school will beg to differ if the same kid displays that attribute at school, and it reflects on you as a parent.

What is taht saying again....apples don't fall far from the tree?