Low cost seperation help

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LOL. thanks for the good examples on how a fight can begin::p

I do get the message behind the madness. I know there will be outside and more than likely biased opinions from both of our support teams. I am hopeful that neither she or I will fall into the trap of letting other people pressure us into asking for unrealistic settlements.

I can't say it enough. We will be facing tough economic challenges and the best way is for us to stay out of the lawyers offices as much as we can. We will need guidance and help with the law but if kept to a minumum, our costs will stay down.

I have no illusions that this will be without argument or tough times. Hopefully with the links provided here, we can get some knowledge, get the ball rolling and come out with a deal.

Is a mediator a good way to go? Will they allow us to be guided into our own settlement and dot the I's and cross the T's so that we can bring it to seperate lawyers and sign off? What about Family Law? What exactly is that?

This is all new and quite stressful so if you guys could keep the HELPFUL info coming, that would be great.

As for childcare, their mother's schedule is quite close to their school schedule and we will not require much if any at this point in time. What else applies to Child Tax Credit etc... We are not in a custody battle and are both going to be part o fthe kid's lives. Regardless of what we have for an agreement, I believe she wants me to be a big part of their lives and will not try to minimize my involvement. That said, is there a financial/tax advantage as to who has the kids for certain lengths of time?

cheers
 
dsrtrat said:
Is a mediator a good way to go? Will they allow us to be guided into our own settlement and dot the I's and cross the T's so that we can bring it to seperate lawyers and sign off? What about Family Law? What exactly is that?
Click to expand...

Family Law is the subset of the legal system you are now embroiled in. Divorce and separation and child custody, etc.

Mediation is a wonderful way to go, however it only works with two people who are willing to listen to one another and to make compromises. If one person is uncooperative, the whole thing fails.

A good mediator for your situation is one who has a background in family law as well as mediation qualifications. They will help you draft up a separation agreement. It should cover equalization, spousal support (or lack), child access/custody, and child support. Read elsewhere for tons of details on each of those concepts.

Of course, depending on how well you and your ex are communicating and agreeing, and how much energy you want to devote to research, you could draft up an agreement by yourselves, and then just use the mediator to help you get through the parts where you can't agree.

If you can both keep the best interests of the children in mind, and that both of you have to live autonomously afterwards as a secondary priority, cooperation should be able to get you most of the way. Love your children more than you hate your ex.

Then, once you have an agreement you are both happy with (and it doesn't have to be equal, or fair, just that you both agree to its terms) you each take it to a different lawyer, who will then give you Independent Legal Advice (ILA) which is basically making sure you understand all the legal implications you are proposing to agree to. A good lawyer will give you the lowdown and let you decide if anything needs to change, while a bad lawyer will tinker and insist on changes, and tinker some more and run up the bill. Then all four of you sign it, and voila!

dsrtrat said:
This is all new and quite stressful so if you guys could keep the HELPFUL info coming, that would be great.

As for childcare, their mother's schedule is quite close to their school schedule and we will not require much if any at this point in time. What else applies to Child Tax Credit etc... We are not in a custody battle and are both going to be part o fthe kid's lives. Regardless of what we have for an agreement, I believe she wants me to be a big part of their lives and will not try to minimize my involvement. That said, is there a financial/tax advantage as to who has the kids for certain lengths of time?
Click to expand...

If there is a primary custody parent (>60% of the time) that person claims the Child Tax Credit and other stuff. If there is equal custody (50-50 range), you are supposed to share it.

Oh, and no matter how cooperative things seem now, people are subject to change without notice. Don't just trust that your ex's thinking will remain constant forever - get the deal in writing that you are to both be equally involved.
 
I think Rioe's post ^ has good advice. It sounds like the two of you want to do this as amicably as possible. If you can do that then you will save money and hopefully say adieu with some sort of mutual respect for one another.

I agree about lawyers in that you have to be quite careful on the lawyers you select. Many well-intending couples get along fine until they go for ILA. Lawyers see $$$$ (equity in your home for example) and it sometime motivates them to try to get the two people fighting. ANIMOSITY = BILLABLE HOURS. Beware of lawyers recommending 4-way meetings as they can be expensive, volatile and in the end a total waste of money. If you do decide to participate in a 4-way it might be advisable to set and/or request an agenda. That way everyone is prepared and there are no surprises or ambushes on either party.

Keep talking and listening to each other carefully. What you decide on today will effect your lives for a very, very long time.
 
dsrtrat said:
... is there a financial/tax advantage as to who has the kids for certain lengths of time?
Click to expand...

Well, let's see: assuming you both earn $50K, 2 kids, in Ontario ...

Scenario 1: You have alternate weekends, and Weds overnight
- She claims 'eligible dependent' and CCTB tax credits ($2782+$2520=$5302/yr),
- You pay her $8916/yr CS
- Which results in Her/Your incomes (after CS, taxes): $51500 / $29249

Scenario 2: You have alternate weekends, and Weds+Thurs overnights
- you share 'eligible dependent' and CCTB tax credits ($2355+$1889=$4244/yr each)
- instead of paying CS, you share all expenses - clothing, minor extracurricular, school supplies/costs, etc.
- Which results in Her/Your incomes (after CS, taxes): $41820/$41820
- and $2900 less is going to the taxman

In both cases, you share daycare, major extracurricular, dental/health costs equally.

So, you can see why 50-50 can be such a battle once you have agreed to 35-65.
 
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More like 70k me, 30k her. I am off work due to an injury but my wages are considered "replacement" and not a disability payment for pain and suffering.

According to MySupport calculator and the with Children Forumla, I will owe around 1035/month CS and then our after tax/CS income needs to be divided between 40-46% to her for SS (assuming she is PC). If we go 60/40, things will be adjusted accordingly?

For example, if she is PC nad I get the kids under the 40% mark, she will get 100% of the tax benefits? Is there an adjustment in any of the payments to refelct that or is straight pay up and she gets the tax benefits also?
 
Nother question. I would like to get out of the house sooner than later. I think I know the answer but here goes: I should not leave until we have a signed seperation agreement? Yes?
 
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