Losing my mind

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HappyMomma

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OMG I am so sick of my ex's crap.

Last night I receive an email from my ex stating out 2 girls told him that a counselor had been to our house on the weekend and was asking them questions and looking around our house. Apparently, out youngest was 'quite upset'.

This never occurred so I told him that. Then I get another email informing me that he is calling CAS and he'll be keeping them until this is resolved!!!!

ARRRGGGHHHH! Why is he so CRAZY?? I seriously cannot have 2 weeks go by without some insanity from him.

I am so so so so sick of this crap. He takes everything the girls say as gospel. He is completely incapable of realizing that sometimes kids say things that are not true OR just confused. Then he interrogates the hell out of them and they tell him what they think he wants to hear. Then he loses it on me.

When the girls are with us we have a very happy, normal, loving household with no drama. But you wouldn't know it by what he claims.

What the hell do I do about his constant crazy accusations? Isn't there someone who can make him stop???? The worst part is he puts on all the charm when others talk to him (ie: CAS) so no one gets how crazy he is.

I told him would be picking them up tomorrow as per our schedule. Unfortunately, we have 3 years of status quo but no signed agreement yet. *sigh*
 
I'd block the email so he can't email you any more.
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I have to disagree.

I wouldn't block that type of email. I'd be printing it out in triplicate. Its going to come in handy if/when you have a custody assessment and for CAS, if he actually did call them.

Also, when you parent together without an order in place...you need to have communication methods and email is the best one of those.

He has zero right to keep the kids...so I'd simply do what you did. Respond back that you're aware of no such incidence, that you will be picking up the kids as per scheduled as you do not have a court order and he has no right to take or keep the children from you. Then I'd be there to pick them up. The second he "abducts" your children...time for a motion to be filed....and then, you'll need that email.

Just take a deep breath...collect the evidence...keep a calendar and hang in there. The only remedy to this situation is probably going to be a clearly laid out parenting plan....so keep your lawyer moving to get it done.
 
I spoke with my lawyer this morning and it turns out that we DO have a court ordered custody arrangement now since he agreed to the status quo in front of the judge at our case conference. Yeah! So if he tries to keep them I can call the police. I hope it won't come to that as I would hate to traumatize the girls because he's being an idiot.

We are currently on email only communication although he's tried a number of times to go back to verbal communication. I've refused. After 2 years of harassment, hostility, and verbal abuse and then a physical assault I have no intention of EVER communicating with him any other way. I want everything he says to be in an email so he has to show at least SOME control. :) And I have proof of everything he's said.
 
You likely don't have a police-enforced custody/access order. (Or DO you? They are not the norm). You might have to gather up those nutty emails (in triplicate like PH said) and go to the Court House. I know it's tough to put up w/constant bs. That part is over for me, but I know how troubling it can be.

Good Luck CS Angel.
 
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CSAngel said:
I spoke with my lawyer this morning and it turns out that we DO have a court ordered custody arrangement now since he agreed to the status quo in front of the judge at our case conference. Yeah! So if he tries to keep them I can call the police. I hope it won't come to that as I would hate to traumatize the girls because he's being an idiot.

We are currently on email only communication although he's tried a number of times to go back to verbal communication. I've refused. After 2 years of harassment, hostility, and verbal abuse and then a physical assault I have no intention of EVER communicating with him any other way. I want everything he says to be in an email so he has to show at least SOME control. :) And I have proof of everything he's said.
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Hi CS Angel.

You are correct, the access violation would be in contravention of the Criminal Code of Canada section 282.(1). As you do know where your children are and if you have minor children it may not be the best to call the police right away.

My recommendation would be to have your lawyer send a carefully worded letter that should the children not be returned in accordance with the court order that action will be taken.

Your better option than the police is to seek an emergency motion for the immediate return of your children in accordance with the court order.

The police can really upset minor children and it is very scary for them when the police come to any parental home.

With regards to your communications. I highly recommend you move the communications to an 3rd party service like Our Family Wizard. The communications can not be deleted or destroyed and can be produced as solid indisputable evidence in custody and access disputes.

In the event your children are "tayken" you need to confirm their location. You can have the local police contact the other parent and verify their location. The police will not generally file criminal charges on 282.(1) in my experience. Your best bet is to take the matter immediately to the superior court family division.

Talk to your lawyer and depending on the situation your lawyer may feel that the failure to comply with the order (after being warned properly in writing and served through a service provider) your better choice is to take matters to superior court for the enforcement of the existing order/endorsement.

Do not at any time contact the other parent by phone. If necessary have a respected third party like your lawyer, the police or CAS contact the other parent.

Do not report your children as "missing" if you know where they are. The missing children's system is a very important resource to those in need of the services (i.e. Amber Alert) and if you know where your children are it is not the best option as people depend on the system to be for emergency situations.

Unless your children are at risk of emotional and/or physical and/or maltreatment the best thing you can do is locate them. Verify their location and take things to the superior court ASAP for non compliance to the order.

I can't stress how well you have handled the conflict that you have shared with everyone. The removal of children without consent in contravention is a recognized form of child and intimate partner abuse. To many qualified and well read professionals in the mental health profession the absconding of children is a form of psychological abuse.

Do not fall for the trap the high-conflict parent is trying to create for you. Keep your head as you always have and use the system in an appropriate way and you will get much better and longer-lasting solutions to your problems.

There are requirements to constitute "abduction" by a parent. If the other parent notifies you of the children's location it wipes "abduction" charges clear. The police will tell you to file a motion in family court.

Hopefully, the highly conflicted parent you are dealing with acts with their right brain and not their left brain in the matter and does the right thing... Follows the court order.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
Tayken said:
Hi CS Angel.

You are correct, the access violation would be in contravention of the Criminal Code of Canada section 282.(1). As you do know where your children are and if you have minor children it may not be the best to call the police right away.

My recommendation would be to have your lawyer send a carefully worded letter that should the children not be returned in accordance with the court order that action will be taken.

Your better option than the police is to seek an emergency motion for the immediate return of your children in accordance with the court order.

The police can really upset minor children and it is very scary for them when the police come to any parental home.

With regards to your communications. I highly recommend you move the communications to an 3rd party service like Our Family Wizard. The communications can not be deleted or destroyed and can be produced as solid indisputable evidence in custody and access disputes.

In the event your children are "tayken" you need to confirm their location. You can have the local police contact the other parent and verify their location. The police will not generally file criminal charges on 282.(1) in my experience. Your best bet is to take the matter immediately to the superior court family division.

Talk to your lawyer and depending on the situation your lawyer may feel that the failure to comply with the order (after being warned properly in writing and served through a service provider) your better choice is to take matters to superior court for the enforcement of the existing order/endorsement.

Do not at any time contact the other parent by phone. If necessary have a respected third party like your lawyer, the police or CAS contact the other parent.

Do not report your children as "missing" if you know where they are. The missing children's system is a very important resource to those in need of the services (i.e. Amber Alert) and if you know where your children are it is not the best option as people depend on the system to be for emergency situations.

Unless your children are at risk of emotional and/or physical and/or maltreatment the best thing you can do is locate them. Verify their location and take things to the superior court ASAP for non compliance to the order.

I can't stress how well you have handled the conflict that you have shared with everyone. The removal of children without consent in contravention is a recognized form of child and intimate partner abuse. To many qualified and well read professionals in the mental health profession the absconding of children is a form of psychological abuse.

Do not fall for the trap the high-conflict parent is trying to create for you. Keep your head as you always have and use the system in an appropriate way and you will get much better and longer-lasting solutions to your problems.

There are requirements to constitute "abduction" by a parent. If the other parent notifies you of the children's location it wipes "abduction" charges clear. The police will tell you to file a motion in family court.

Hopefully, the highly conflicted parent you are dealing with acts with their right brain and not their left brain in the matter and does the right thing... Follows the court order.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Tayken - you are so awesome - thank you for the fantastic information. I'm sure it will help many others as well.

As for me - I sent a carefully worded email to my ex reminding him that he does not have the right to make unilateral changes to our access schedule to which he replied I was being a drama queen. The children were where they were supposed to be when I picked them up.
 
What excellent, sound advice from Tayken. You are a god send to many people. We are very fortunate for your advice. I don't have minor children but I thank you for taking the time on this forum to give your advice to those who so desperately need it. Cudos.
 
CSAngel said:
Tayken - you are so awesome - thank you for the fantastic information. I'm sure it will help many others as well.

As for me - I sent a carefully worded email to my ex reminding him that he does not have the right to make unilateral changes to our access schedule to which he replied I was being a drama queen. The children were where they were supposed to be when I picked them up.
Click to expand...

The allegation that you are a "drama queen" if provided to the court would not bode well for the other parent when read by a judge. Personal attacks like this on your character are only done by the other parent to elicit an emotional reaction from you and conflict.

Disregard the comment. Based on what I read from your posts you are a very thoughtful and rational person. You have not posted anything in my opinion that would require such a negative inference against your character like this by anyone, let alone the other parent of your children.

The other parent is just trying to insight conflict with you. You are best to ignore the comment and not address it unless your current agreement (order) has specific elements that address parental communications.

You have provided your position and the other parent has provided there position. Unfortunate that their position is based on an emotional reason which is a personal insult against you.

When writing correspondence to the other parent at any time everyone needs to consider what a judge would think if they read your response. All of your communications through email can and may be used against you in a court proceeding. You are very wise to choose your words wisely when communicating with the other parent.

Good Luck!
Tayken
 
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