looking for advice

[tina1971]

Hello all, its been a while since I have been here but need some advice. My husband and I signed a separation agreement a year ago, he bought out my share of the house and his pension. He couldn't afford it but did it anyway no matter how many people told him. He pays me child support on a split basis as we both have kids one week on and off and I tiny bit of spousal.

This summer my kids wanted to play soccer so signed them up. The agreement says sports he pay 67 and I 33%. I have always done 50/50.He says I have no money. He is off in the summer and agreed to save money on camps he would take them on my week. Before the first week of summer I ask him what is fair to pay him for food and activities he might do for month and say I am not taking them, why would I, I thought I would have to pay child support then. Same no money for hockey camp and equipment.

I told him it stops now you owe me 1/2 the hockey tryout cost and have the mouthguards. He says I only agreed in agreement for house league or C, the agreement doesn't say that. The kids play house and one competitive B this year. The fees are the same and extra ice time costs the same as C. Plus he wasn't paying for tournament costs out of town etc.

I thought I learned here, that the contract implies that the kids activities are too continue like before the separation. Also I am not going crazy but camps this summer and soccer I paid $2k. I will eat this this time. But if I keep track of all the money he doesn't pay, is there any way to get it back going from today. Hockey , skiing at school, tournaments etc or do I just do it for the kids and be poor like him. But when he retires he will have a HUGE pension. If I can do I go to small claims or go through FRO or family law court.

thanks

 

[dinkyface]

Before the first week of summer I ask him what is fair to pay him for food and activities he might do for month and say I am not taking them, why would I, I thought I would have to pay child support then.

You lost me there ...

 

[Mess]

Hello all, its been a while since I have been here but need some advice. My husband and I signed a separation agreement a year ago, he bought out my share of the house and his pension. He couldn't afford it but did it anyway no matter how many people told him. He pays me child support on a split basis as we both have kids one week on and off and I tiny bit of spousal.

Ok, he bought you out by paying you more than he could afford. You knew it was more than he could afford. Now you want to argue about money.

This summer my kids wanted to play soccer so signed them up. The agreement says sports he pay 67 and I 33%. I have always done 50/50.

Why does the agreement say this? His idea, or yours? Is it fair? You have the children 50/50, so all REASONABLE expenses should be split 50/50.

The only expenses that should be split proportionate to income are EXTRAORDINARY expenses. Is the hockey REASONABLE or EXTRAORDINARY? You say the kids did these activities before you split. they sound like the REASONABLE catagory. Why do you think he should pay more?

He says I have no money. He is off in the summer and agreed to save money on camps he would take them on my week.

So you agree that he overpaid you for buying you out of the house and couldn't afford it. He is now caring for the children 100% of the time, and incurring more expense. He is possibly earning less being off work for the summer. He is saving you money for your share of camps.

You want to argue about money.

Before the first week of summer I ask him what is fair to pay him for food and activities he might do for month and say I am not taking them, why would I, I thought I would have to pay child support then.

This makes no sense. Let's try to clear it up.

Ordinarily you don't change child support for 1 month out of the year. It would be fair to reimburse him some of the expenses for the kids for this month. This is something you should work out between you.

Same no money for hockey camp and equipment.

This makes no sense.

I told him it stops now you owe me 1/2 the hockey tryout cost and have the mouthguards. He says I only agreed in agreement for house league or C, the agreement doesn't say that. The kids play house and one competitive B this year. The fees are the same and extra ice time costs the same as C. Plus he wasn't paying for tournament costs out of town etc.

You are talking out of both sides of your mouth here. Either the cost is the same as house league, or it is more. If it is the same, you shouldn't be asking him for more money than before. If it is more, then you shouldn't have signed them up if he didn't agree.

In either case, the children should have a budget for team fees, and a budget for equipment. Don't nickel and dime him for the cost of a mouth guard. Decide what a reasonable budget that you can both afford is in total, and then break down the cost of each league and the equipment.

You and he both have a right to know what the total cost is, and a responsibilty to budget it. You seem to be approaching this on the basis of when each cost comes up, like when you buy a mouthguard. Honestly, that is a recipe for financial disaster. Work out a reasonable budget and work within that budget.

I thought I learned here, that the contract implies

If the agreement "implies" anything, then you have not learned. The agreement should be specific, or it is a bad agreement.

that the kids activities are too continue like before the separation.

Then the cost should be the same, and you shouldn't be nickel and diming for a mouthguard.

Also I am not going crazy but camps this summer and soccer I paid $2k.

You said he took the summer off to save money on camps. Which is it?

I will eat this this time. But if I keep track of all the money he doesn't pay, is there any way to get it back going from today.

Camps are tax deductable. How much is the net cost?

Hockey , skiing at school, tournaments etc or do I just do it for the kids and be poor like him.

This many expensive activities will make you both poor, and this does not help the children. You are acting like there is no tomorrow. Your ex disagrees with this expensive lifestyle that is beyond both of your means. Stop and wonder if he may have a point.

But when he retires he will have a HUGE pension. If I can do I go to small claims or go through FRO or family law court.

Instead of spending money on ski trips and more expensive hockey leagues, perhaps you should think of the future and put aside some money for retirement as well. Making yourself poor so that your children can grow up feeling entitled to whatever they wish is not responsible parenting.

thanks

I'm not sure if you'll thank me, but there it is.

 

[tina1971]

I apologize. In the agreement he wanted the kids during the day during summer time as he is off so we put it in that he would take the kids from 8 to 4 on my week and I would pick them up and take them home so he didn't have to pay 1/2 of camp fees. About three days before summer vacation for the kids. I sent an email telling him I would pay for the kids to eat there and pay for some outings he did with them if there was a cost. He wrote back and said I only said I would take them as I thought I wouldn't have to pay child support. So I won't take them

 

[DowntroddenDad]

But when he retires he will have a HUGE pension. If I can do I go to small claims or go through FRO or family law court.

thanks

Huge Pension?

If this is a work related pension,you should have split it at the time of separation. Its rare that a pension will pay out more than the current salary. The most extravagent pensions, like some civil service pensions, pay out about 70% of the best three years earnings. So unless you are talking about RRSPs, which should have already been split, there isn't a huge pension to split.

 

[Mess]

As per her first post, he bought her out of the house and his pension. So she has already received her share of his pension, but is somehow still resentful that he is able to keep what is left.

 

[Tayken]

This many expensive activities will make you both poor, and this does not help the children. You are acting like there is no tomorrow. Your ex disagrees with this expensive lifestyle that is beyond both of your means. Stop and wonder if he may have a point. Instead of spending money on ski trips and more expensive hockey leagues, perhaps you should think of the future and put aside some money for retirement as well. Making yourself poor so that your children can grow up feeling entitled to whatever they wish is not responsible parenting.

I'm not sure if you'll thank me, but there it is.

Well, you said it incredibly well so I will thank-you at least Mess.

Good Luck!
Tayken

 

[mcdreamy]

As per her first post, he bought her out of the house and his pension. So she has already received her share of his pension, but is somehow still resentful that he is able to keep what is left.

poppycock, he's made himself house poor, and he knew it was going to happen - she's been posting concerns about this from the get-go.

Now he has the house (that he knew he couldn't afford), and he's crying boohoo when now expected to pay his proportionate share of s7 pursuant to the terms of their agreement, and for sports that both children were engaged in prior to separation.

He wrote back and said I only said I would take them as I thought I wouldn't have to pay child support. So I won't take them

and this ^^. That's just classic Ahole.

 

[tina1971]

sorry I am not being clear. originally when we were working out numbers with thw lawyers, the plan was to split the pension, i would have it roll over from his work pension into a special rrsp. Then we split the other assets, and worked out support. He was fuming mad about the pension and paying support. I agreed to take less in spousal ( my lawyer but it in the agreement ( 50% less) than both lawyers had agreed on already to get out.that is why the agreement says he pays 67% as at this time his income after tax and support was still greater than mine. I asked that it be put in the agreement the sports the kids already do they would continue so that is why hockey is specified, taking kids, tournaments and money. After I moved out, he decided after talking to friends he wanted to buy out my share of the pension . The transfer hadn't been done as its not a quick process. The buyout and keeping the house ment he had to get a big mortgage which drains him every month. If he would have rolled over the pension. He would have had a comfortable mortgage like I do, and still been in the house and been able to take kids on a nice trip each year( thats why I took less support as he wanted to take them on a nice trip annually and said it would be to expensive with full support).


So his lawyer said you can't afford it, everyone told him. That is why I am upset. He chooses to have a big pension and drive a fancy car when he is retired which is fine, but he says screw the kids as they will be done university when he can retire. If he rolled over the pension with his years he would still have a big pension fully indexed.

Its not about if you knew this or that. The agreement was done based on this and that and he turned it around to make it about himself. So our last fight I told him sell the house and buy a smaller one but wants to look like the big wig

 

[Moolight]

Actually, I would bring up the pension aspect as he actually did a smart move. It is worth having a higher mortgage to keep the pension share.

What is sad is that you had both agreed on the kids activities and should be supporting them.

Hockey, skiing outing from school sound pretty reasonable to me but non-essential. But if you cannot afford them, then there is a choice to make. We can only enjoy what we can afford in life.

Kids can also find summer jobs to contribute to their activities or request their family gift to go towards these costs.

The fact that you absorb the cost of 2k is not worth fighting as it will cost your more money and stress.

 

[tina1971]

mess I will try an answer your questions.The agreement was signed before he decide he wanted to buy out my share of the pension. The house was valued at 400 with a 25k mortgage. After we split the RRSP and bank accounts,( l left the furniture and most stuff in the house for no money as that was the kids home and tried and keep it as normal as possible. Then before the pension transfer was completed he wanted to buy out the pension.

The reason for the 67% spllit was when the agreement was signed he was still taking home more money and the lawyers came up with that not he or I. It was was for all extra activities except hockey equipment which was50/50. I have never charged anything but 50/50.

He asked to have it put in the agreement he would take them on my weeks when I worked, we fought over this as I didn't want the kids sitting around in the house all summer, I finally gave in and just before summer vacation I had to find camps. ( going into grade 6 & 8).

The budget for hockey is set around the beginning of the season. The is association costs then the team cost. The association costs are the same but the team cost are a lot more, girls hockey is around 500 and rep hockey is around $1300. Part of the 2k over the summer was the kids needed new equipment. Some was used some was new. I payed. Team tryout fees where 100 for rep or you dont try out. two mouthguards are 50 each. I have boughten the cheaper ones but they don't fit right and get chewed so you need a second. Also payed for children back to school supplies didn't charge him, summer camps didnt' charge him. I charged him $40 for the school fee that parents have to pay. So for the whole summer I charged him $120 dollars and he starts a fight. Everything is in the agreement he signed and he asked for .

I did the finances at home, and if he rolled over the pension 50/50 he has a very managablel mortgage and money for trips and hockey etc.This is always the problem everything is about him. The hockey is expensive but that is all we really do in the winter. There is no ski trips. There are ski days at school 3 or 4 each and they rent skis and boots.Under the agreement he insisted on claiming on child and myself one so I can only write off the camp of one child where he can't write off the other as he pays child support.

What he did was hurt himself and the kids by buying out the pension, which in general is good but not when you make yourself house poor and no more to do anything with the kids for years and years. And tell them he has no money as he pays it to me. All he was thinking about was when he retires he will have a six figure pension but now can't take the kids away for weekend or buy them new school clothes.PS he is off all summer with no loss of pay.

That is why starting with the $120 I am not letting him get away with not paying, if he doesn't want them over the summer like he wanted in the agreement he will pay 67% of the camps, etc. I just don't know what is the best way to fight back if he doesn't want to do it. I have a family member who is a lawyer and would give me a cheaper fee but don't want to go to court if I don't have to . Just don't want to let him get away with it anymore. Other parts of agreement aren't being followed ( not financial) but don't want to get into that right now.

He didn't want to go to court in the beginning so i agreed and took less to get out of house, so I want him to pay his share of at least 50%

 

[NBDad]

The is association costs then the team cost. The association costs are the same but the team cost are a lot more, girls hockey is around 500 and rep hockey is around $1300. Part of the 2k over the summer was the kids needed new equipment. Some was used some was new. I payed.

Hockey isn't an extraordinary expense. It's a reasonable one and ergo covered by CS. The only reason you can get away with it, is the fact you have it written into the agreement.

I have boughten the cheaper ones but they don't fit right and get chewed so you need a second.

OR they can just learn to not chew the freaking things?

Also payed for children back to school supplies

Not extraordinary, is covered by CS.

summer camps didnt' charge him.

Only section 7 IF it was required for you to work and IF there wasn't a cheaper alternative. If the children are over 12 it's not required at all.

I charged him $40 for the school fee that parents have to pay.

He already covers this via his CS. Not a legit charge.

I did the finances at home, and if he rolled over the pension 50/50 he has a very managablel mortgage and money for trips and hockey etc.This is always the problem everything is about him.

Your ex's finances aren't your business. Why do you care how he budgets? Maybe he figured he was going to eat it anyway, he may as well suffer in the short term with the end result of being able to enjoy his retirement.

Under the agreement he insisted on claiming on child and myself one so I can only write off the camp of one child where he can't write off the other as he pays child support.

What is the current access arrangement? Does he have them greater than 40% through the year? The above statement is ONLY valid if he's under 40%. There are ways to word things so he CAN claim one child if they are under shared custody.

buy them new school clothes.

If his access is greater than 40%, this is a legit point. If he's under 40% the clothing is covered by child support.

PS he is off all summer with no loss of pay.

Not relevant.

That is why starting with the $120 I am not letting him get away with not paying

$120 is not worth fighting over, and is covered (or should be) by the CS he pays. The only thing you MIGHT be able to sell are the mouth guards, and for "A" guard / kid at that.

A court motion on average costs 500-1000 of legal fees. So you are potentially going to spend 1000 to recoup 80?

I just don't know what is the best way to fight back if he doesn't want to do it.

Depending on the age of the children, he may be perfectly within his rights to refuse to pay, and you would not be successful in recouping those costs.

 

[Berner_Faith]

Everything that was said above I agree with. Just want to add...someone who is going into grade 8 does not need camps and in fact can watch the one going into grade 6 so the camps are not necessary