little advice on who should really be paying child support.

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jadedev2009

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Ok here goes i'm new here so bear with me please. I was married for 15 plus years. Have 2 children currently 14 and 10. Got separated in july 2007, moved out in sept 2007, he kept the 5 bedroom house and i moved into a small 2 bedroom apartment. I make 30,000 a year he makes nearly 90,000 a year. By the time i pay the important bills i am lucky if i have 200 left a month ..and that doesn't include buying food (especially when i have the kids everyother weekend) His girl friend moved in, in jan 2008, she has a teen age daughter and she makes nearly 90,000 a year. obviously she shares in the cost of the house and such ( i know the ex he is a bit of a scrooge with money) my current boyfriend moved in, in March 2009 he makes about 30,000 a year. my divorce was final on my bday of sept 2008. The ex proceeded to take me to court and claim 450.00 a month child support from me. He stated he finds it "difficult" to pay for all their needs. Mean while i have photographic proof of a total renovation of the house from top to bottom, a brand new truck, brand new rv trailer as well as a summer plot at a rv campground plus countless vacation trips to the states within in the last two years with just him and his girl friend not the kids once. Even though i may work for a lawyer it is all real estate work. And right now after having to reasses my finances, and continue to watch him spend, (and rarely on the kids) i cannot afford to pay for a lawyer to look over my separation agreement and he knows that and so i had no choice but to sign it. Is that legal? And should i be the one paying? Btw he has by legal definition "sole" custody of the kids as they spend more than 65% of their time with him. That was one of the issues he made me put in the agreement...stating that sole custody.
 
My understanding is limited however if you're ex has sole custody and they reside in his home most of the time and he pays most of the bills then you will have to pay regardless of his or her income - even if he was to win the lottery for millions. The only alternative might be to claim that it would place you into a state of poverty which would have to be proven.
 
To add to that custody can be changed after the fact especially if you're children support the decision. This way if they live with you most of the time he would have to pay CS calculated on his income. At the the end of the day though a person has to do what's best for the children so in the court's eyes they would not want to do anything that would be negative for the children unless they themselves want to leave and be with you more than their dad.
 
I kinda figured that. Just sometimes he does all this money hoarding and likes to rub it in (the new car or the trailer or the renovations) and here i am sometimes going without eating a few days in a row so that i can have food in the apartment for the kids when they visit...or i get phone or other utilities disconnected (gas) just so that he gets his money every month or i have food in the house for when they visit. I tried explaining this to him and his reply is "i'll go to FRO and have them dock 50% of your pay to pay me". Just very frustrating he is living the "high" life style and i'm still paying him and i'm living the poverty line so to speak.:confused:
 
okay you and your boyfriend 60,000 a year combined and you still have trouble paying bills etc??

As for you saying that you oould not afford a lawyer to look at the separation agreement so you had no choice but to sign and now wondering if it is legal is not going to fly. You have/had ever right not to sign it. It is up to you to make sure that you have legal advice. Heck you even work for a lawyer and though it may be specializing in real estate, your boss could have looked it over for you. As far as I know evey lawyer, no matter what they decide to specialize in, has to take the same courses etc to pass the bar exam.

You have to support your kids just like every other NCP.
 
Ok i came here for "helpful" advice not critisism. If you don't have anything nice or helpful how about not answering at all. Divorce/separation and custody issues are hard enough to deal with. Like i tell the ex and now am telling you. Just because i work for a law firm doesn't mean diddle squat. The lawyer i work for charges 250 and hour and custody/support issues take sometimes a long time to deal with. I understand i have to help pay by paying support and i accept that.. but you try going without food for several days, wondering if your going to have enough in the house when your kids visit, or have no heat you know THE ESSENTIALS... being stressed out day in and day out to the point you feel sick to your stomach... then we see how you cope. . I drew up the separation agreement and i signed it... but when conditions drastically change when one actually considers giving up full rights to their children only because they have barely enough money to support themselves let alone two children when they visit then there is something wrong. Yes even with the so called "boyfriend" contributing i still have very little money at the end of the month... i have bills, i've had to have everything i own put into proposal (which is damn close to bankruptcy) Everyone's situation is different so next time before you decide to "chew" someone out for conditions beyond their control put yourself in their shoes, and have a little consideration for what they are feeling not for what is stuck up you.:mad:
 
The best thing I can say is to try to negotiate something with your ex.

He has full custody, therefor he is entitled to whatever is states in the charts for child support. He also is entitled to all government programs and tax credits.

You said you were married for 15 years, that means you should be entitled to roughly 7 years of spousal support. I am not overly familiar with this, and it's not set in stone, so you could research this.

If you signed it the agreement while stressed and did not have separate legal advice, you could contest it. You could get legal aid to help you as well.

But, you will have to decide where to spend your money, make priorities.

I make less then the two of you make currently. I kept the house when my ex moved out, and I'm living alone in it. It meant cancelling the newspaper, cutting cable to just basics and using lots of coupons. But, it's possible, and I'm still very happy with my life.

Good luck
 
I agree with posters that you should be paying CS based on your income.

You wrote up the agreement and signed it - you are responsible to live up to the agreement you signed.

I am not sure why you went with sole custody - that is not a financial issue, but a parenting issue. You can still have shared custody but only have the children every other weekend.

Usually spousal support is warrented. Is there spousal support in your agreement? If not, why?
 
I am paying based on my income level. The only frustration i have is why should i go without eating or essential utilities just to pay him 450 a month when he clearly has absolutely no problem supporting them on his own. Where as i'm frustrated trying to scrimp and save. no phone, no internet. no heat, (tks god its summer) and barely enough to eat hmm and he cares not just as long as he has his cash in his hand... sorry just frustrated thats all.

Spousal support i (stupidly enough) agreed not to ask for any, but like most women i wanted out and clearly wasn't thinking when it came to that. I didn't have the money then to afford a lawyer. But is there a possiblity of asking for it now i don't know. He is a very money power person. I mean when i had to account for every stick of gum or pop i drank or ate (yes seriously true) that was extreme. And if i ask for support he will drag me thru the courts and emotionally/mentally and financially i can't afford that. He can be a very spiteful person when he wants to be. He was absolutely adamant and did his research to... by legal definition if children reside with him more than 65% of the time it is considered sole custody and he wouldn't sign the agreement till it state so. Plus that is their main residence, where they go to school etc. Honestly have them live in a 5 bedroom house or share a bedroom in a small two bedroom apartment, i kinda didn't have a choice. Hardship for the kids or let them stay where they would be comfortable. Anyway thanks for the replies
 
It sounds like the separation agreement you signed is unconscionable (grossly unfair). That, and the fact that you did not have independent legal advice means agreement would not hold up in court. I believe you would be awarded SS.



FN
 
was the separation agreement filed in court? I think you did both yourself and the kids a disservice when you signed that document. He is bullying you, I see no reason why he has to have the kids more than 50% of the time. Joint sounds like it would have been the reasonable thing. Just because he has the money does NOT mean he is the better parent, esp if he was controlling you. Money isn't everything, and those kids know it.


You really need to speak to a lawyer. Check with legal aid. Some lawyers will give you some free time.

Has anyone asked the 2 older kids what they want? They are old enough to have some say.
 
I understood that a seperation agreement is not legally binding.

From what I have read ...... your marriage would be considered long term and therefore you would be entitled to SS based on the disparity in incomes. I think in reality he would actually have to pay you a smaller portion offset by your portion of CS. I would definitely seek out a lawyer and get some good advice. It would be worth it.

As well I would search the forum for spousal support and google spousal support guidelines and do some reading. Perhaps by reading this information yourself and ex could hammer out something that is fair and considers the needs of the children.

Good luck.
 
It makes no difference how much your respective new partners make or don't make. Child support is only calculated on the income of the two parents. As non-custodial parent, you are the only one obligated to pay child support. I suggest you look at the federal guidelines for child support. Sorry.
 
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