Life After The Motion

LovingFather32

LovingFather32

New member
As you may be aware, the motion held last week went very well. It took months of sleepless nights preparing, many tears and a boat load of patience.

The judge took his time reading through all of the material and we won the motion (Hate the word "won"). Instead of winning lets just say I can no longer be denied access, I can no longer have OCL report held over my head, I can no longer have secret recordings used against me, my job can no longer be threatened ... the list goes on.

I stuck to the absolute truth from the beginning. Some here doubted that could be possible given what's been done to me. That's exactly the illusion my ex wanted. The allegations were so bad it had to be true.

The canlii on this case will be an exquisite read Im sure (if it makes it there).

NEWS:

Spoke with my lawyer literally seconds ago. She said that LAO lawyer was all of a sudden very settlement focused (i.e - "Well, I guess we can start looking at settlement now"). <--- is what he said.

Judge hasn't finished writing up the order yet but both lawyers know the order and agreed that I'm to pick D3 up at 5:00pm Friday at same meeting spot and drop her off on Monday at 8:00am.

Ex's lawyer said he's talked to ex about this. I've asked that I get a copy of the health card.

So here we go to the next phase .... Will she or wont she show up?

One thing's for sure. I can't wait to see my little girl and go trick or treating. Nothing in this world makes me happier than the thought if seeing her in a few days.

I get to watch Disney movies, read bedtime stories, make eggs in the morning like we used to. Okay .. Ill stop with the gaga stuff. I'm so excited!!
 
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Congratulations on the progress you've made.

You only asked 1 question. I vote that yes, she will show up with your child on Friday.
 
So happy for you. Hope it all goes well. Might want a witness with you to make sure ex does not say you were agressive towards her. But it would need to be someone not family.

The only settlement I would agree to is 50/50 offset CS. Full disclosure of childs address at both parents locations. Communication through Email or one of those communication programs. Also,nail down all holidays. No unenforceable "reasonable" clauses.

Make sure you have a clause about being sick - that still happen etc.

Its been a long road and you have been honest and consistent so in the end it paid off. Now time to get on with your life!
 
I think she will show up...she knows she can only loose custody if she screws this up.
I agree you need someone with you for pickup/drop off. I did this for my son in the beginning until daycare became the place for transition.
You have come a long hard bumpy road and hopefully it gets smoother now for you and your daughter.
 
LovingFather32 said:
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So here we go to the next phase .... Will she or wont she show up?
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I would be prepared, for either way. I hope it goes smoothly for you, but it wouldn't be the first-time that an ex decides not to follow directions from a new motion. (I know, from experience).
 
Beachnana said:
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The only settlement I would agree to is 50/50 offset CS. Full disclosure of childs address at both parents locations. Communication through Email or one of those communication programs. Also,nail down all holidays. No unenforceable "reasonable" clauses...
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Agreed.
The events leading up to all this, so far, show why this is necessary, for your child.
 
Paris:
Agreed. After I spoke with my lawyer this morning .. I now know OP is singing a different tune litigation-wise.

Beach:
Yep. I'll have a witness with me indefinitely.
I do foresee the need for clauses. Forgive me for not giving her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps I'll cease with my predictions and see what this new turn of events brings.

My lawyer instructed me to send an e-mail confirming "exchange spot, date/times". Also that "my lawyer instructed me Im not to talk to her" and that "I just want things to get to be normal for D3".

Of course I CC'd this to my lawyer as well. My autonomic nervous system did a somersault sending that e-mail. I haven't made contact in 9 months out of fear of false allegations.

In terms of 50/50....I'll seek nothing less.
 
"Well, I guess we can start looking at settlement now"

Translation:

"My high stakes, dirty-tricks strategy has completely blown up in my face. I'm going to cut my losses and encourage a settlement, rather than risk my client getting the same EOW anvil that I tried to hang around your neck. Oh, and I'm not likely going to get my certificate extended on this train wreck, so I better wrap this up and move on to my next victim/client"

Very happy for you. Ironically, I don't have my kids for hallowe'en (it's my ex's turn), so I am going to live vicariously through you.
 
LovingFather32 said:
Spoke with my lawyer literally seconds ago. She said that LAO lawyer was all of a sudden very settlement focused (i.e - "Well, I guess we can start looking at settlement now"). <--- is what he said.
Click to expand...

IMO if often takes that route, the opposing side will posture, accuse and make all sorts of wild claims in the hopes that you will back down and agree to their demands. As soon as the possibility of trial is presented - things get real, hence the offers to settle.

Best thing to do is exactly what you have done here, prove their allegations wrong with hard evidence, be reasonable and patient ... expect a positive outcome in front of the judge :) that's all that matters in the end.
 
Haha, settlement.... yeah right - you are going to get offered EoW.

Shared residency will only come about by a judge's order.
 
One thing I learned very quickly was to not worry about what could happen. Just be prepared for anything...

You can only control you.

I agree their offer will be exactly what was ordered... You on the other hand want 50/50 which they will not agree too.
 
The stench of child abduction and making allegations to get custody will linger all the way through this matter.

Will Goldilocks make more allegations at some future date....you bet she will.

Goldilocks wants Quebec and old goat....PERIOD

Her worst fear is if LF32's mom moves back into being huge in D3's life.

mediation or settlement is just a position in a SC/TMC to say "we tried".

I'm pissed you never asked for it first to head OP of at the pass.

Here's the first negotiating position....you want 8 months of missed time, back with D3...now that the joke on you is over for the OP. (is that unfair to ask?)

Goldilocks is high conflict, period, you think your going to get police enforcement as part of "settlement from them".

Your lucky LF32 she didn't just run to old goats with D3 and then come back for EOW.....Goldilocks already proved she wants you under a bus. Now you know you need that TOUGH court order for enforcement of it's terms.

It takes many many court appearances for many people to find that out.(years)

Who's the better parent? What's the test?

Stability for Goldilocks is a Action House? or No fixed address? or someday I'll let dad know

Goldilocks ran you down and everyone she could in your extended family,

Shrugged off family reunions, D3's Birthday and Fathers Day. NON ISSUE for her. Is there going to be a turnaround? The past will come up at Trial, and Goldilocks picked her poison.

Why would a judge give sole custody to a parent who doesn't look for a job and content to live on welfare? Child support will just be deducted from welfare.

She doesn't even look for a Job.....because she's in between provinces.

LF32 you have genuine concerns on how Goldilocks behaviour is affecting D3, it's provable now because of the Motion judges seeing through the B.S.

For the child's future well being, Goldilocks needs a 1000 percent turnaround, it will never happen.

She isn't going to "grow up" she just wants to drop D3 off at old goats and go out partying. There's a difference between child custody to do your own thing and child custody being a responsible adult raising a child.

The old goat should write up Goldilocks parenting plan, because Goldilocks can't think of one. (and it's obvious)
 
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MrToronto said:
The stench of child abduction and making allegations to get custody will linger all the way through this matter.
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Yes it will. That's why this is not over. You mention make up time also. God knows I would love this and deserve this. I'm not sure how the courts see that avenue. Does anybody know?
MrToronto said:
mediation or settlement is just a position in a SC/TMC to say "we tried".

I'm pissed you never asked for it first to head OP of at the pass.
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I have 4 or 5 e-mails/letters offering mediation. You trained me well for that. I even gave options of different mediation services and showed my applications filled out. I even mention in e-mails that LAO has "free" mediation svc's that weren't offered to ex.

I called LAO a while back and was told that "DV Victims" don't even have to bat an eyelash at mediation. Thus, after this motion that may bite her in the behind.

OP spoke to my lawyer "on the phone yesterday" about discussing settlement. Nothing on paper yet. I think it would be advantageous to have my lawyer get that mediation letter out today to get the head start.

LF32 said:
You're right. Her instability and incessant desire to shut myself and my family out of D3's life speaks volumes and this is something I'll have to wrestle with for the rest of my life with her.
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WorkingDad's ex wont provide him her address either right now. I wonder if he's still pursuing that. Why are we not allowed to know where our children are staying when they're not with us?

I know WD's smart as hell .. why doesn't he have 9 orders granting him the right to know where she lives? Is it common practice in family law for this to still occur even after the "victim" label has been removed?

MrToronto said:
LF32 you have genuine concerns on how Goldilocks behaviour is affecting D3, it's provable now because of the Motion judges seeing through the B.S.
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I'm extremely concerned. The fact that she can roughly pull D3's arm at an exchange, forcing this little girl to turn her back to her nanny disgusts me. The alienation from my entire family kills me. There's just so much that turns my stomach. turned the judges stomach also.

Why ex didn't go in to this motion with a parenting plan is beyond me. She honestly just thinks she can say:

"hmm .. want to stay on welfare .. hide my residence .. keep D3 away from school and other children for 2 years .. oh yea, D3 has attachment issues and can only be around me .. oh I forgot, she only responds to females.

MrToronto said:
Now you know you need that TOUGH court order for enforcement of it's terms
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Had this discussion with my lawyer and she agrees. But we need to go in there with proof that she needs it. I know I know .. her conduct thus far illustrates this clearly. But she rode on OCL's back to fulfill her own needs then threw OCL away.

I have to let her screw up again. It's bound to happen. I bet ex will play the "D3's sick" card this weekend. The first time she screws up I get an enforcement order. All of her past conduct PLUS a new incident would get it for sure.

I agree that an e-mail outlining an offer for mediation, OFW, request for health/welfare (still don't have it -- flu shots?), health card copy, etc needs to get sent out.
 
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ALL things being equal between parents, who gets custody?

I imagine this 'settlement meeting" will be "off the record", when it happens and believe me the OP wants the meeting more than you do.

Not to settle anything but to show a Judge they tried.

(less than 30 days until filing for SC/TMC)

Believe me OP will want meeting after meeting after meeting until they arrive in front of a Judge.

Where did all your preparation time go for the SC/TMC to ask for items for Trial? WASTED IN MEETING (s)

What's the Judge going to hear from both parties "we are working on it", and out the door you go probably to another conference.

During the wait, the new interim access gets solidified and custody will obviously be harder to obtain.

You need something not "off the record at a settlement meeting " but useable in Court that makes you look GOOD.

My answer is a prior letter to LAO scumbag lawyer on "conditions" or subject matter to be covered for the meeting(s). A brief outline that's reasonable to a common sense person (judge) reading it.

1) We would love to have full disclosure before the meeting when can we expect the Affidavit of Doc's.
2) Goldilocks's address prior to meeting or assurances it will be done at meeting.
3) Like to chat about make-up time for 8 months DAD lost due to false allegations
4) Dad will be discussing Health Welfare and Education at the meeting, please bring
5) OFW because of false allegation and hostile parent.
6) I'm sure you'll agree that terms enforceable by the police are required.

...anyways short list

OP won't agree to none of it of course...so why would they bother with "settlement" ....because it's smoke and mirrors and another delay to cause confusion.

SECONDLY

Family Court is a great place to dredge up the past and also forget about it.

Like PRESTO lets settle this today!......this comes out of nowhere and it's music to one parties ears.

Judge doesn't know about 10,000 access request that were ignored....or 10,000 mediation requests...or 10000 health and welfare requests.

All a Judge see's is "settlement failed" and that's all LAO scumbag lawyer wants a Judge to see.

adding "connecting the dot" stuff in letters is advisable:

1) ....we are hopeful your client accepts mediation although it has been rejected 10 previous times.

2)......dialogue is key between parties, your client declined the use of a communication book in the past as an alternative we offer OFW, both subscriber fees paid by us.

...other items to connect the past to the present in a nice way.

Anyways you get the pre-settlement letter as a gift...knowing the LAO scumbag lawyers isn't interested in "settlement"....and if it's worded nicely...a Judge will understand why "no settlement happened"

EX isn't going to move on Custody.....LAO scumbag lawyer is going to use your "good faith" against you,to keep you off your feet....so your not working on your position for Trial.

After the SC/TMC...it's the big show......your either ready for it or your not

SC\TMC is for preparing for Trial. PERIOD
 
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Why is this woman on welfare? Was she a stay at home mom?

Her addy is none of the op's business.

Parallel parenting should be pursued with a high conflict ex. Its obvious working together for the best interests of the child will be out of the question in this case.

op just might get custody here because the ex seems to think that she has dib's on custody. NOT! Both parents have the RIGHT to parent their child.
 
Her address is absolutely his business. He has a right to know where his child is staying. Would you be okay with your children staying with the other parent if you had no idea where that was?
 
Interestingly she's replied to my e-mail.

Talking about the exchange, saying she'll provide a copy of the health card...even asked if she should feed her before the exchange since its at 5:00pm and its a busy Halloween night. Also asked if she could wear the costume that D3 picked out and is excited to wear (of course she can).

She said it's a good idea to communicate through e-mail until "things get settled with D3".

So all of a sudden she wears a halo. Interesting. The "fear" she had of me .. of D3 seeing me .. just evaporates in to the air.

Mr. T may be right .. this is all the judge will look at now in terms of custody arrangements I bet. At this point ex having sole is not even an option to me. Sole custody entails major decision making. Ex has shown her decision making skills in the past 9 months.

Only after thousands of dollars, many tears, a paternal family full of broken hearts and a thunderous motion did she smarten up.

"wantmyfreedom". I agree with Berner here. I'd like to know where my child resides when she's not with me. I do believe I have that right.

As for parallel parenting? It's an option. This new "friendly e-mailing" thing just changed the game a bit I think ... or did it? I don't think the storm's over. Still nasty court dates to go.

Mr. T's correct .. I need to prep hardcore for the SC/TMC.
 
Wow. Beware of " nice" emails amd," Olive branches". They crack and drop you down. Do not let your guard down. Yes, of course she is all about communication she knows she has lost this battle but the war is not yet lost. She will be cutting her losses and going for EOW and midweek access then once she has that she will be a nightmare of excuses and sick child and oh she does not want to go with you. Oh she has dance classes, so forth! Stay your ground and keep her running. Do not let the judge forget she denied you access and has shown she will do so again. You want and deserve 50/50.
 
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