Letter from Lawyer - thoughts please

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Kimberley

Kimberley

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A letter arrived today from a lawyer it appears that my ex has retained. It was typed & sent on the 21st based on the letter and I would appreciate some feedback on the content.

*Note: Names have been change to point out the deadbeat*

Dear Fed-up-with-parent-who-won't-act-like-a-parent

RE: child support proceeding

I have been consulted by your former husband Useless Twit with respect to the child support claim you have brought in Ontario Court of Justice. I understand the matter is to be spoken to in court in Town-I-won't-name on Tuesday September 2/08.

I am unable to actually meet with Useless Twit before that time. I will attend in court on September 2/08 and ask the judge for an adjournment to permit me time to do so. I would appreciate your advice as to whether you will consent to this. I can indicate that Useless Twit will be mailing you a cheque for $400.00 towards his child support obligation in the meantime.

Thanking you in advance for your kind cooperation

blah blah
Click to expand...
So, should I even bother to make a response in any way? There isn't much point in trying to fight yet another adjournment since the court is obviously going to give that to him. Also, I submitted the application for both sole custody & child support, but he doesn't even touch on the custody topic. I have not been served with the documents given him to complete when I served him back in July - does it matter that they may not have even filed an answer or the financial?

And oh yeah for the cheque he'll mail when he learns how to do that. Wonder if it will be made from regular rubber, or superball rubber so it bounces higher.

Any info would be appreciated.
 
I did not ask for your spam sanfrasis. You need to go away,l all you have done on this site it spam that link in posts to attempt to appear as though you are not spamming, but you are.
I need an 'add to junk' button on your name
 
AndrewsKim; long time lurker, first time poster.

I feel your pain, I too have an ex that is a deadbeat Dad. His second family comes first, and I have had to resort to welfare. Never in a million years I thought I would accept hand-outs. But he has a second family and a child to support, and has simply forgotten about his kids from our marriage.

Family Law News To Change has been an inspiration to me, and I am trying to support my children on my own, with her advice on this forum, but its so hard. She is such an inspiration

Before, I spill my guts out on this web-site, I need to know if its only for Fathers, trying to get out of paying support???

If so, I will go back to "lurking" status.

Thanks for listening.
 
Join in for certain Tanya, this site is certainly not about fathers avoiding support. In fact, there are a number of fathers on here doing right by their children and fighting with everything they have to be in the lives of their children.
There can be a wealth of information from others that have gone through similar experiences, and even if they have not been through exactly the same thing, most people can generally be supportive and helpful - which helps to diminish your feels of going through it alone.
 
Thank you AndresKim, I was hoping my status of being on welfare because my ex doesnt want to deal with his first family, would go against me on this site.

I am grateful, for any insight.

Thanks again for your support.
 
I am certain that you didn't choose to try to make ends meet on welfare, not that you can realistically make ends meet with that. In my case, I had the ability to get myself a decent job when I re-entered the work force after my 4th child started school, and then while I worked days, I also took classes at night to add to my skills by getting my Microsoft certification. By no means does this mean that I am raking in the cash, because I'm not making anywhere near what someone with my certification makes. I have no 'disposable' income at the end of the month, and I don't even remember the last time I bought myself a piece of clothing. I just sew what I can and if it's beyond repair, I do without until I can justify spending $7 on a new shirt which takes me weeks to stop feeling guilty for buying.
I'm sure that when you though about how life would be growing up, you never thought to yourself 'oh I like I'll have a husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, the white picket fence, and then decide to raise them on welfare & hand outs while the person I married does everything he can to make sure the kids do without'
No sane person (not that I am even claiming to actually be sane) chooses that life for their children. We do the best that we can with what we have, and hope that through it all, your children will grow up knowing that you did the best that you could, that you gave it all that you had, and you did it because you love your children.
 
"I would appreciate your advice as to whether you will consent to this. I can indicate that Useless Twit will be mailing you a cheque for $400.00 towards his child support obligation in the meantime."

I would reply that I need time to make my decision and will let him know after *I* have consulted with duty counsel the morning of court.

Don't be bullied by fancy lawyer letterhead... JMO

And I would tell him that I would be more sympathetic to his cause if the $400 is a certified cheque or money order thank-you-very-mucho.
 
I have prepared a response, and after a re-read I have changed some of the wording at the closing just a tad which does not put me into a 'compromising position' by refusing the offer of $400 - so I changed 'Rather than this individual payment, I would prefer a written agreement for him to pay a regular sum until the matter is settled by the court' to 'In addition to this payment, I would like a written agreement for him to pay a regular sum by either cash, certified cheque, or money order until the matter is settled by the court'
 
That sounds good.
You've clearly indicated by using "cash", "certified" & "money order" that you need guaranteed CS, not the usual rubber type. Mentioning a temporary written agreement is the best thing to ask for since this is how the courts would proceed as well, get something in place temporarily to care for the children and we can hammer out the details later.

Very succinct. Remain child focused, check your feelings towards the ex at the door and think about what is best for the children.
Good luck!

FL
 
Tanya said:
Before, I spill my guts out on this web-site, I need to know if its only for Fathers, trying to get out of paying support???
Click to expand...

I pay my child support every month without a tinge of regret, because I love my kids and they deserve it. It's the spousal I'm trying to get out of, because the ex doesn't ;)
 
Thanks About_Time

My ex doesnt see his kids, for fear they would find out where he lives and the FRO is hot on his tail.

I feel sad, as the kids ask about him all the time and want to see him. It's just that he feels he needs to keep his second family safe without the FRO finding out where they live.

I admit, I do have bad feelings of resentment. Any advice on how to over these feelings would be greatfully appreciated.

I want him to have a great new life with his new wife and son, but also to take responsibility for our kids, not me, I will be fine, but I am finding it hard to support the kids without any help, and have resorted to Welfare. I am hoping to be back on my feet soon, and repay my debt to society, in terms of paying Welfare back. But I think my ex should also help too.
 
So, I have tried responding to the lawyer's letter twice now via fax - I want to make sure he gets it before the court date, thus if I mail it he won't. The fax machine in his office never seems to be on. But I will try again at different hours.
I am also keeping (and making copies) of the failed attempts in case it ever comes down to a 'we never received that' kind of thing.
 
Good for you, this documentation will come in handy when this goes to court.
Document, document, document.

It's so sad, they he cares so much for his second family and has forgotten that his first are still needing him and missing him. So many dad's would do anything to see their kids, and then you get guys that try to hide from them because of monetary issues, nothing to do with the kids, sad, sad indeed.
 
I'd rather live in a cardboard box in the alley than never see my kids. Fathers often get screwed over when it comes to support, but ignoring your children is not an acceptable way to resolve that.

I've also made a personal decision not to have any more kids or be with someone who has them. I know the financial challenges ahead, and I want to make sure I'm providing for mine fully instead of taking on more and splitting my modest earnings amongst many.
 
Ok so I tried 5 times now, and even once (just for the heck of it) to the regular phone number which of course had no answer either. I will try sending from home this afternoon since I have to take a partial day for my oldest son's grade 9 orientation - wow, a kid in high school! Eeeeek!
If not today, then I will attempt again tomorrow from work, and if that fails again, I will mail it & make note that I had attempted to respond without success.

Also - I wonder a few things for those who have been through court proceedings - now I realize that his lawyer will ask for an adjournment, but will I be given an opportunity to say or do anything in relation to the case? I ask because in my letter of response I want a temp agreement in writing that monies will be paid until the court makes a final ruling - so would I be able to ask the judge to order that he pay the $400 he has offered as interim? And - would I be able to make a request at that time for retroactive child support?

Thanks!
 
Ok changed ideas a bit. I write protected my document (yes, I am actually a paid geek so I know what I am doing in that respect), attached it to an email (his email is included on his letterhead), put a delivery & read receipt on the email & typed up a basic response that I had tried numerous times to fax, but that his machine was not answering, thus I was sending the document in email as well as sending one in the mail. I then printed out the email I sent which contained the pertinent info (addies, date & times), plus I printed out the delivery receipt and added that to my collection. When (if) the read receipt arrives, I will print that out as well.

I am doing everything in triplicates whether I need to or not. I have 4 folders I keep. One I marked 'court' which gets 1 copy, one marked 'respondent' with another copy, one that's mine which contains originals (if I filled out a form on a just in case bases) and copies of stuff where the original was submitted (such as the application for custody & support. The 4th one I use to put items in that I need to make copies of or complete, so if the folder is not empty I know that I need to action something A.S.A.P.

Any ideas/help for the questions in my just previous post would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone.
 
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